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The Vision of the Crowning and the Cloak of Gold There was this blonde man, who as it turns out, was me. I don't mean he was symbolically me, or 'male energy' of me, or anything like that. I mean I literally shared his perception because we are really one, but we are still separate identities as well. I saw him as "another aspect of me." As if his consciousness is combined with mine but his... perception is slightly... larger. Because he's smarter, I mean, a slightly higher order of species. A separate individual than me in the physical, though, even though we could share our perception at times. (He reminded me, in a moment of lucidity, very much of a young Rutger Hauer, that actor in the movie Ladyhawke. Rutger wasn't meant in the literal sense I knew, the guy just looked a bit like he did when he was young, except with even bluer eyes (rather intensely blue), they seemed large and slightly slanted, and he had a bit longer white-blonde hair -- but otherwise, they were so much alike they could be brothers.) He (who was I) was attempting to "free himself" and "claim his power." Many small birds of various sizes were around, most looked like blackbirds. They were everywhere. A huge black human-crow, about my size, stood next to me as a guide and narrated the entire dream. The man was on a stage. I was in both places simultaneously, and my attention to one point of view, mine or his, moved back and forth. He was dressed in a manner like royalty, the old fashioned kind with a cloak, and he stood on the stage facing some small group of people I could not see, and made a formal "petition" to them. (They were invisible to me, but I knew they were there. I was disturbed by not being able to see them; I took it personally that they were invisible, like it wasn't their inherent state but rather was their comment on my deserving or ability to see them. But I finally ignored that subtlety, and turned my attention back to watching the man-me from my own eyes.) His petition wasn't merely a request, it was a demand; not in an angry sense but in a knightly-sense, an "honor" approach of strength. Finally I could sense the other people on the stage, the leaders, more clearly; one of them came out to the blonde-me, and it was as if he suddenly became visible to me when he did. The blonde-me kneeled, and this other fellow put a heavy (crown?) on his/my/our head. Then everything just... blew up! There was this incredible, amazing fire, it burned through everything, it was like a lightning, blinding flash of the most bright imaginable purple and all the birds simply "were" no longer. It passed through me like a shock wave. In stunned surprise, recovering from the explosion speechlessly, I found we (me and the large crow-man) were standing in an empty area. I was a bit blank from the shock of the fire, but I was concerned about the little birds. Where did they go? I finally asked the human-crow next to me. He said that they gave themselves for this: that what they live for, what they work for, is that one moment of fiery glory when a person "comes into Being." I realized suddenly that he meant they had all died at that moment -- to make it possible. I was disturbed by that, but awed with the whole situation. The vision was filled with birds of various kinds, and with these masks of gold, often held on a stick like those masks in the old ballrooms; with boats on the water, and people in them; there were people in these shiny colored cloaks who seemed like "ancient royalty." Their boats would pass mine, and they would hold a gold mask up to their face to view me through, and sometimes hand me a mask like theirs to use. Sometimes the masks would hang in the air, and at one point somebody replaced my cloak with a golden cloak so bright I couldn't look at it without having to cover my eyes. A woman who was also a golden metallic (but living) bird was looking for me once, I remember that, as I was standing on the bank of the river. She found me and tried to give me jewelry, all gold with these huge gold pendants at the end of chains, all were some great gift and recognition. But I noted that the symbols were on chains, and I thought to myself, Chains equals prisoner, right, this is important, and I knew that this many would be constrictive for me, too heavy for me to fly easily or stay above the water easily, and so I only took a few. Off and on there were all these beings who were somehow part bird and part human. I loved the dream! I felt that whatever I was supposed to do there worked. I feel more relaxed today than I have in so long, like I've finally gotten enough sleep, for the first time in eons. Could that blonde man really be me also? I felt it so completely that it still feels... literal. Could that be what I look like in that "realm?" Could it be true that our "consciousness" exists on many levels? Or perhaps I'm just becoming more aware of literally being my dream characters? Boy if all my dreams were this intense there'd be no point in spending any time awake. *** I later wrote in my journal: There's something I realized as a result of that encounter with the blonde-me. This is hard to explain, but seems to fit into it all for some reason, and I feel it's really important that I understand this, that it relates to all the odd things going on in my life. The realization goes something like this: All acceptance is by faith. Not blind faith as "trust," but faith as an absolute commitment, and when you make the latter, you realize it is the former. I feel as if I've made a specific commitment. When I made it, I didn't know the path, or where it led, or anything. I knew only that I would do whatever it took, wherever I was, whatever the conditions, regardless of anything else in the universe. There's a certain point where, when you know you're going to do something no matter what, the how and why and when simply become... irrelevant. When you get right down to it, you either commit or not: there are no "conditional" commitments. Which is why it becomes faith: you quit worrying about, or even thinking about, the ways and means (or even the goal) *** That was the beginning of what has been a continuing relationship. I have come to believe that the blonde man really is me, or rather, a "literal identity" (real person) which I have the ability to sometimes "tune into" because we are "different outer manifestations springing from the same inner source." I don't have much data except my occasional experiences with him. I don't know why, and I don't know how. All I know is that through my experience, I have finally concluded that there is a larger "perception" than the one I currently have, and it includes a number of separate identities (I mean physical people, not multiple identities in one body), one of which is "me" and one of which is "him" (and there are others). We affect each other; draw from the same pool of "being," but are different personalities, in manifestation. Like different color-bands in a rainbow; all from the same light, but different manifestations. Sometimes we would become aware of each other is all. *** This is the second of four visions that were part of experiences preceeding what I refer to as a 'calling' that led me to an occult group called the OTO. |