Your Worst Enemy

Many days ago I was minding my own business, working, not thinking too intensely about anything, when I had the sudden communication that I should do an archetype meditation on “My Worst Enemy.” It was so sudden and out of the blue and clear that it was obviously someone internal telling me that.

I’m not sure I have a worst enemy in this life. I have a tiny few people over the course of my life that I’ve seriously disliked, usually for reasons good enough to justify homicide. But even in the closest-to-current time instances, I always eventually come to understand that while their behavior may seem evil, it’s really just that they are very sick.

In the past I have temporarily cared enough about some subjects to feel strongly about someone involved (like RV or hypnosis), only to realize the were sick as well — but I have lost even that. I simply don’t feel enough for that to matter anymore.

I still have people I love, but I’ve lost the gumption for anybody to hate.

I forgot about it.

It came back again in the same way, powerfully and out of the blue, as a reminder. But I forgot about it.

It came back again the same way, this time with the added thought, “Maybe some other part of you desperately needs this, and it is something you can do for them.” Like the issue might not be THIS life, but some other identity, reality, life, Aeon, whatever. That seemed an interesting idea, and then altruism and helpfulness and healer was involved, and I decided I’d do so. But then I forgot about it.

It returned… a couple times, at least. Literally I am being harrassed about this!

Last night I decided I would take a break from work while I was still decently awake, and I would do an Aeon round, sorely overdue, and the meditation. But I only got fractionally through the Aeon round before falling asleep. Which wiped out the work schedule I had planned, dang it.

This morning I woke up at a decent hour and decided to continue where I left off. I got a bit more through the Aeons… and fell asleep. I woke up, determined to continue, and finally made it all the way through the Aeons, at which point I again fell asleep. Good grief! Talk about denial.

I woke up from a long multipart dream, a boring one, you know, typical dreamish stuff from life. I still want to do that meditation and finally I am ready to start collecting archetypes (Jupiter already joined me the moment I thought about it a week ago) to help, as I suspect a med on that topic might be … challenging. But then my denial kept saying, “Well you should blog up to this part and then you can blog the rest afterward.” Which I find unnecessary and another excuse. But to remove that excuse I’m doing it.

I realize now that when I say, “my worst enemy” or any other archetype, I am working with something huge, a composite of energy that is so much more than just some situation in my life. All of the me that is my Aeons, and my many existences, anything with which I “share” energy-source, could be involved in that “My” criteria. It doesn’t have to be limited to this tiny reality I spend my waking time in. That seems like a big deal to realize.

Because really, even if it had some name attached, that wouldn’t matter to this dynamic. You could think of our identities like the multi-faced or multi-armed visages from history. Even though many may be involved, in different ways, the source — the barrell of the kaleidascope — is the same energy, or close enough. Maybe that tunnel of pieces is turned a bit differently for a different pattern-result in each identity, but it’s still all the same energy for the most part, the same components. What affects one would have to affect the others.

So if you’re healing yourself, it’d be impossible to avoid healing other parts of you too, which may be far worse off. In fact maybe the anchoring energy is actually from their life, not yours, but you’re both experiencing it because you share that energy. Someone has to heal it, and it doesn’t matter who as long as it gets dealt with.

Maybe the identity which is the primary anchor for that problem-pattern is the least equipped to heal it because they are so enmeshed in the situation, so it almost has to be someone else.

And maybe, curiously, it’s actually harder to project or conceptualize into a clear model in order to deal with it at all, in any identity which doesn’t have some reasonably ‘manifest’ version of that energy, at some point in their life anyway. Some amorpheous blob of energy with weird side effects in reality, is not the same as a clear situational problem.

I guess it had not until now occurred to me that all problems, and all healing, is soul-wide. It’s all of the me’s. I had thought of problems this way a little I guess, when vaguely understanding that Nero had worked through a lot of stuff to get to his level of awareness, but he kinda had to work through the rest of us to continue that, help us on our own path, because we are inextricably wound up together and he can only go so far before all the rest of the larger group gets clearer too.

I remember when my last IG gave me that gift and I met the woman in my genetic lineage who’d been the original recipient. She had this terrible enemy that was clear even in the meditation. Maybe the work will also help her in some fashion. (I went to get the link to this meditation. But oddly it isn’t what I thought. I remember meeting her, and describing what she looked like, and the looming threat in her life, and all kinds of things. And yet the link with that brief IG-experience has zero about her. I don’t know if that is in something else, or it’s in my head but never got written down!) (Later edit: See category Celt-Girl-of-Sidhe.)

Totally offbeat thought: Is “soul retrieval” kind of like a “defrag” of the larger self? Find all those pieces all over and broken chains and bring them back and make them as succinctly gathered with the rest of themself and the rest of everyone else that is active information, as possible. Defrag seems like a good visualization form.

Well, off to meditate. Hopefully.

P