What Makes You Safe

I made a written list of steps up to interaction-point, so I wouldn’t wander so easily in altered state. It looked like this:

CALM. WRITE REQUEST.
THE FOUR.
THE TWELVE.
ROOT TO CORE.
SUPERSTRING.
CLEANSING BREATHS.
LASER RINSE.
TO IG.
REQUEST.
IN THIS WORLD, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!
… “ANYTHING” …
SHARE GEOMETRY.

I went through the list. It worked well to open my eyes several times to look at it, taming my brain a bit.

Somewhere in the midst of the Aeon round (the twelve), just in front of me and to my right, a stern-faced short-brown-haired older woman in a white nurse’s uniform, comes around a counter/cupboard corner, and puts something down for me. I went to it and couldn’t see it well as if white were in front of it. I finally managed to see the white as a handkerchief, and I pulled that off, to see a tiny cup with two pills, red and blue.

I’ve seen that symbolism before, I told myself, I take the red pill, no doubt! But before I took it, I stopped.

If this were ordinary life, would you just be taking drugs from someone you don’t even know? Why would she give you that? Why would you perceive her as slightly unattractive and stern?

I put it in my pocket to ask IG about later. I would talk with her first.

Then I got to IG and passed out. Well, I had good intentions, anyway!

***

So when I woke up, I got my act together and sat down to try it again. I need to get through Six of Disks, sheesh!

I showed IG the pills. She didn’t say anything but I got an “understanding” as soon as I did.

What is the belief system that says things must be extreme and crazy or boring and normal?  Is there no way to get insight from the normal things in life? Is there no way to experience growth and education without chaos involved? Why must it be either/or?

I saw that this had some relationship to the ‘paradigms’ that I place on my meditations with IG. Part of expectations, you could say. There is an entire spectrum of possibility. Yet for me I had been kind of dividing experience into two categories like that. Recently I have had more ‘insight during the normal times’. It is part of opening up, to releasing the framework of ‘duality’ in this regard. It doesn’t have to be “Bewilderness” so that your whole reality falls apart.

I had the feeling that manifestation, that ‘nurse and the pills’ mini-movie, was part of me that is threatened by this lack of boundaries. That is trying to close it down. Not just to saying, that experience must be ‘extreme’ in order to growth/educational. But also, as a subtle implication, that things-extreme are more reasonable to defend oneself from, just due to their nature. So then one ends up with not much geared to growth and education at all — because it’s required to come in the doorway of chaos, and that door is barred closed in self defense because of the chaos.

I don’t want or need such things anymore, I told IG, and tossed them away, and she vanished them.

***

I found myself in a new place, and I took the form of a geometry. I could feel angles and points. Not very well, but somewhat. I moved, rather than walked, down a road I was on.

Coming toward me on the road was something or someone else. It also was in the form of a geometry. I stopped moving, and it did too. I wondered, how do I know what it is like? Is it a threat to me? Could it hurt me? Will it hurt me? I realized that being in a different form than my normal one made me feel a little less secure. As if I didn’t know my limits in this other form. Or the limits of other things in that form.

Does it matter that it is larger than me? I asked all the ‘myself’ inside me. I felt myself ‘scale’ up and down, larger than it, smaller than it. That was an answer, which was no. Size is just another… quality, it is not about inherent power. It can be used as a symbol to indicate power but on its own merits the two things are not necessarily related.

How do I recognize power or threat in things unfamiliar to me? I asked.  I kept trying to think up ways to measure or compare and not doing too well. I thought this was hard and maybe I should ask IG, and then I thought, no, dang it, I keep asking her to make things more challenging, to help me learn more and get better at this, and then the minute something is challenging, I’m going to whine about it and ask for help?  No. At that point I would have stood there and bled before asking for help, haha.

I asked it to take human form. It looked like a relatively normal guy. I had the sense that, had it been threatening, that my mind would have given me symbols that I recognize — claws, size, sharp teeth, scales, glowing eyes, something — to indicate elements of its nature to me. So one answer is, to see if something can be brought into a symbol format I recognize.

Then, I thought, wouldn’t communication help? Might I perceive more of its nature if we were interacting?  So I started talking to it, and it was very agreeable, and we ended up ‘merging our geometries’, which was a small rush.

***

I found myself in another place, and things ‘dropped from the sky all around me’ and they were creatures, sort of beast-monsters, walking around me. Stand still, some part of me said. They did not seem to notice me, but I had the feeling they would if I moved or made any noise.

How do I know if they are a threat to me, if I can’t talk to them, to ask them to shift form — I had the clear feeling this would not happen – or to interact? I asked myself. There must be a way.

Memories of Biogram Therapy and NLP hit me at the same time, as if parts of me were throwing these at me like footballs. Design a filter-search to focus on the energy in question, biogram footballs told me (thank you Richard Johnson). Design a mental tool to view and then modify the status of anything inside you, NLP footballs told me (thank you Richard Bandler).

I thought about what might work. I realized, as I began to create something, that there are always TWO questions you have about anybody else you encounter, energetically. The first question is, CAN they hurt me? The second question is, WILL they hurt me?

In other words, a super powerful entity that is kind, is not the same as an even moderately powerful entity that is badly aspected to you. (Badly aspected! I’ve been reading too much astrology!  But maybe that is what it is, you know? A bad angle; a bad geometry.)  And it is not such a big deal if something is poorly disposed toward you if it is less powerful and cannot hurt you anyway. Not that you might not have to deal with it, just that it’s not something to worry about being threatened by.

On the other hand, these things aren’t in polarities, I realized. It’s not like you can just ask your mind to give you a red light or green light depending on the intent and the inherent power. It needs to be a spectrum.

So finally, for each of the many creatures around me, I created two tall thin clear energy tubes next to each other. If it were physical, they would have been about 1/4 inch in diameter, about four feet tall, right next to each other with only about an inch airspace between, made of something clear, and about as far from me as my hand if I put my left arm out to the side. They are “meters,” similar to a thermometer, or a music equalizer panel light.

On the left, the meter is black and white. Black at the bottom. The black rises. Up to midpoint, the ‘relationship of our geometry’ is not significantly problematic enough to be harmful. As it nears the middle it gets problematic. If it is anywhere past the middle, it will be aggressive toward me; the higher on the scale, the moreso.

On the right, the meter is red and white. Red at the bottom. The red rises. At midpoint, the ‘comparative intensity and coherency of our power’ is equal. Below that, I have more; above that, and they have more. I could feel here that inherent power (intensity) and power you actually have a handle on using (coherency) are two different things. I could feel that I had a decent chunk of the former and not much of the latter.

I did an instant-creation of these ‘meters’ for each creature and I ran the meters into and out of existence past me very quickly. Only one was a threat. The black was a about 20% of the way over the middle. It was one that was some distance from me to the right. I thought, “remove the others” and all but him vanished. He turned toward me and instantly I flashed into a ‘defense’ mode:

I was sitting in the middle of a pyramid made from four laser-light-red triangles and in the open part of each of them, spinning counter-clockwise, was another red triangle. I remembered where this came from — a meditation long ago, where I’d spontaneously done this then, too, and understood that this is more than just shapes, that this is actually a sort of… not a creature but… somewhere in between, some actual thoughtform that exists apart from me and is ancient and is more powerful than just the shapes would make it appear. I had the feeling the first time this happened that from the outside it looks like I’m just surrounded by fire.

It occurred to me that I can’t just walk around surrounded by a flaming pyramid all the time. There has to be a way to deal with things that are powerful and may be harmful to me, I thought.

Maybe I should make a point to interact with it to try and share energy, I thought.

If this was the real world and it was some killer who was dangerous would you feel you needed to interact with it? some part of me thought.

Well… no! I said.

Why would you operate differently in this inner world than in the outer world? some part of me asked.

I didn’t have an answer for that. I can see that there is actually a lot of sense to this. I mean oddly enough, all the basic measures of common sense and defense that I employ in my daily life, for some reason go out the window in the inner world.  Then I ‘understood’, from IG, that I was still working on the stuff from earlier, that this is actually related, the same energetic issue: because I have separated my belief system into the extremes, where esoteria is one end of the spectrum and normal life is the other, I have also separated my modeling that way.

I have always had esoteric work be so far from “mundania” that all the good and useful operational skills from mundania were not helpful to me, because I considered them another world with different rules.  Someone says, “Here’s a red pill” and I go “Yeah! I’m courageous so I’ll take this!” when really the question I should be asking is, “Who the hell are you, why would you give this to me, and why should I ‘take unto myself’ energy I don’t know from some entity I don’t know under circumstances I don’t understand?”  I would ask such things in my ‘mundane’ life.

Because I was introduced to ‘inner work’ under the care of Inner Guide, I have considered everything ‘inside’ to be ‘safe’ for me. My previous IG, upon leaving me, made a point to teach me something of this, telling me the only things most likely to hurt me ARE a part of myself, and just because something is technically part of me doesn’t mean we’re in alignment, or that it isn’t powerful enough to do me damage, or that it isn’t even outright hostile to me. He taught me you don’t just reach into something when you can’t see, you don’t just walk into something if you can’t see, you have to be responsible for yourself, you have to be aware. I guess this is some of the same ideas, and I haven’t paid too much attention.

I still had the situation of the creature though. I couldn’t sit in my flaming pyramid all day. I looked again at its meter. This is my symbol for it, I said, so this must represent, either its energy, or… or the ‘relationship’ of its energy and my energy. Can I actually cause change to the symbol, and in doing so, cause change to the creature? Thoughtform-voodoo, essentially, but for healing?

This made me wonder. Is this an invasion of privacy? Am I altering “the geometry of who they are” as a creature? Do I have that right?

How do you feel about that in regular life? someone inside me asked.  I considered.

I consider it totally my right. I know some people go on about permission to heal and all that. I think that’s ridiculous. I consider if anything falls in front of me, that energy has chosen to interact with me. And in my opinion “all things long to evolve”. Aside from which, anything in MY attention sphere makes it part of MY reality and, if the symbol suggests problems, I feel it’s literally my duty to fix it, not in a bad ‘should’ way, but in an honored, ‘opportunity for sharing divine energy’ way. If I’m an ER doctor and I find someone bleeding on my doorstep, I’m not going to dick around about whether they’ve signed in triplicate and can talk to me reasonably about it before I help them.

So, no. I don’t consider it an invasion of privacy–I believe in psi, in their psi, so as far as I’m concerned, our mere interaction already says they have chosen to invite me–and the “geometry of who they are” is divine; healing them helps them better find it. If they didn’t want to be healed they wouldn’t be in my reality.

So I asked for the Angelics, who appeared and each put a hand on the back of my shoulder blades, and I sent loving cleansing energy at the ‘symbol’ — at the meter, the mental tool, which ‘represented’ their intent and their power — just toward the ‘intent’ meter. “Cleansing” it instantly began reducing the level of the black in the meter. When it got down to about 1/4 of the way, far below center, I let it be. The creature wandered off, disinterested in me.

I remembered The Private Oracle telling me that everything, everything, is a ‘trade’. That every energy I work with gets something from me as I get something from them. I suddenly wondered what the Angelics (the ‘archetype’ of Angels – not actual angels, but related) get from me.

***

Then I asked for the Six of Disks as an archetype.  I’ll write that up separately.

P