I can’t believe I forgot to blog this. Actually it’s probably a sign, things that affect me the most I sometimes ‘deny’ until I’ve conveniently forgotten them. This qualifies as one of the weirder things in my recent life, although it’s not that big a deal.
I mentioned that since meeting the Largers, my sex drive tripled. At least. At this rate I’m going to single-handedly keep Panasonic in business. I mean seriously, for several days straight, it was pretty much insane. All day. Like nothing really quenched it for more than an hour or two. Damn, if only I were beautiful I could at least be making a profit off this. (Just kidding.)
Anyway, so the other day (weekend) I woke up as if something had woke me up ‘from the inside’. And I felt really… odd. Great. But… different. I realized — Â just about the time I realized that Pazyryk was “with me” rather strongly — that what I felt was overwhelmed with sexual energy.
Now this might not seem unusual, waking up being such a nice time and all, but it wasn’t like that. It was as if every single cell in my body was feeling sexually aroused. It was frustrating, because aside from that one O So Special part of the body, you really can’t get sensitive pleasure as feedback to any other place! My elbows and some general cells an inch down were as interested as probably my liver was, or whatever. But I was unable to DO anything to quench their longing so to speak. It was both glorious and terrible as a result.
This went on for quite awhile. At some point during it I decided that it wasn’t, for him at least, probably sexual at all. For all I know, he was doing some meditation where he sent little gold boxes of energy into my chakras or something, from his perspective. From mine, whatever energy he was sharing, just happened to have that body-wide effect.
It was about an hour of literally moaning about in bliss, no touch, before I finally did something more serious about it — and it was a lot more difficult to bring about a peak, because it was as if it wasn’t really centered in the loins at all, until I forced it there — and for the first time in many days, after that, I had no issue with it the entire rest of the day. Felt just fine.
I still don’t really understand what the Largers are for sure, or why they have such an effect, or how many there might be, but one thing is sure, when they really WANT to focus on me — as they have all done in the brief encounters I’ve had with them so far — I *really* feel it, hear it, see it, whatever. As if they are like my Aeons on-Steroids-of-the-Spirit or something.
So later that morning, I thought that might be an ideal time to do an Aeon round, and introduce my Largers to… er, my smallers, you might say — well anyway, to my Aeons, which seem to ‘compose me’, so it almost seems like I am somewhere between those two. One by one I formally introduced each Aeon to Pazyryk and asked him to help me integrate better with them, so I could integrate better with him, and me and the Aeon merged, and then I imagined (I had to imagine it, he wasn’t helping) Pazyryk to join the merge as well. Then after a few moments of positive energy, I just left them there together to do whatever they wished, and told the Aeon to tell me when they were done.
Various of them took various lengths until they said something. Taan the longest. But Taan is also, he said, the energies of both my body and how others and myself perceive my body, and Pazyryk is the guy who asked me ‘why my legs wouldn’t talk to him’, so maybe it relates somehow to that–I brought that up when I introduced them.
But, I didn’t feel anything at all. Ok well I did feel that sense of… being “denser” in a way, with the merges. But I had no rushing at all, no visuals or experiences or kinesthetics that I can recall. I was left wondering if it did the slightest thing at all. Who knows.
During the round though, I’ve found that I feel such intense love for all the Aeons. I felt such joy that Jared and El Nino and I nearly group-tackled and merged into each other and rolled around like a puppy or something in delight. Every one of them I love dearly, although I feel a lot less connected to Nedlund and Laelee. I’ve spent many days now being incredibly affectionate about nearly everybody I even focus my attention on. Even people I’m not normally too fond of. Like I just feel love and humor and faith and acceptance and a variety of good things, across the board, when I focus. I suppose that is a good thing.
P
