The Why of Fat

I intended to do a different meditation. I was talking to IG about Nero and why I thought there was some connection between him and the lower right torso area of my body. I wondered aloud if it’s possible that my body is literally ‘composed of’ my Aeons somehow, as much as my reality might be. Perhaps not so simply as a leg or liver, probably some hideously complex thing of lipids and enzymes and hormones and acids so they are all present in every square inch…

But something about turning my attention to my body must have set me off. From seemingly out of nowhere, I started sobbing helplessly to her about my body and its bizarre ‘survival’ element of staying about the same huge size regardless of what I eat or don’t.

It doesn’t matter to me that this is actually normal. That the best experts in the country support that this is the way it is and people should just accept it and try to be as healthy as they can. That there is no science that says how to fix it. That all the feel-good just-eat-less crap has zero relationship to the severely torqued metabolic processes of anybody who is already huge. It doesn’t matter that allegedly it happens or it doesn’t (losing weight past the 160# I lost already) and nobody knows why.

I’m not dealing with objective reality here, I’m dealing with subjective reality, and the idea that we can modify our reality via magick — causing change in accordance with Will — whatever. Of all the elements screwing up every possible corner of my reality, fat is mine. It affects every single element of my life.

So I asked IG if we could work on the ‘why’ energy: ‘why’ is my body like this?

It wasn’t a regular archmed till a bit into it. It was just a lot of stuff, very confusing. At one point there was something in front of me I could only sense not see and I felt great compassion for it as if it were saying it was sorry and only meant well. And you were only doing what you had to, I whispered to it, and it nodded sadly. And you were protecting us as best you knew how, I whispered, and it nodded with tears. I was altered state, and heard myself and half wondered what I was talking about.

Then more bizarre combinations of visuals occurred which I had a hard time tracking. For example, a flash of something spherical and pink, and then something square and orange, and then a tree at the same time as a deep space image with deep purple halo and then nothing at all.

At one point I realized all at once that I had a pencil in my left hand and I poked myself hard with it and I heard “LEAD” (like the mineral) at the same moment and I had a major abreaction at the hips and my whole body jumped.

I realized that I had just had an interaction and turned from it, so I re-wound my memory and played it again.

A large snake was in the house and we all leaped about avoiding it and staying out of its way. Finally I opened this door so it could go downstairs into the bathroom (who knows why) as if we would be safe from it there, and I went down there with it, but trying to stay up standing on the side of the tub, out of the way, and I shut the door behind me when I left to run back upstairs. So I remembered that, and then I made myself go back down there and talk to it.

It had changed then, and it was oversized and sneeringly intelligent and stood up to face me. I was a little bit afraid of it but I stood my ground.

Me: I am not afraid of you.

It: No? I think you’re terrifffffffiiiiiiiied, it hissed, a hilarious movie-snake exaggeration in the sounds.

Me: Are you a snake or a parasite?

It: Is there a diffffference? He sounded snotty, like he just didn’t want to answer, not serious like he thought they were the same.

Me: YES! I said, irritated.

It: Sssssnake…

I got distracted briefly, partly because I felt like it was verging into cartoon “predictable” and hence I didn’t believe it any more, and then realized I’d lost it. I waited for IG to give me other stuff and nothing seemed to be happening or working out as something to interact with. Finally I thought, well, maybe she gave me something to work with, and as always I decided that since it was a typical ‘symbol’ and somewhat predictable (at least, not surprising in its responses) that it had to be fake. Maybe she isn’t giving me anything else because she already DID and I need to work with what I got.

So I went back down to the bathroom in the cellar and I said, ok fine, come on now, I am going to work with you, so behave. It shifted into this hugely short bloated-fat snake (hilarious, I know), which weighed a ton, and I carried it into a new ‘space’ and put it down.

I visualized the ‘water of life’ pouring down on both of us, and I got a lot of rushing during that, so I did it until the rushing had faded. Then I visualized the sun making us hard and dry and brittle in any place inside or outside that was not ideal. Nothing. Lots of dry but no feelings. Then I visualized the wind blowing all those parts of us away, and I got a bunch of rushing from that as well. I did the chemical-gel cleaning and got nothing from that. I picked it up again and set it on a light table for medical work.

I was looking into the inside of it, as I have done before with archetypes, and I figured there would be lots of stuff, tough stuff, metal or scary or spiky things. But I didn’t see anything except a zipper. Then it looked like it was stuffed, sausage-like, into a snaky coat, and so I grabbed the zipper and unzipped it. It opened up the inside of its body. I thought it was going to be gross–I was literally kind of cringing expecting the worst–but confusingly, it was just…. plastic.

Not rubber or cone-shapes which I often get as ‘non-conductive.’ Just… thin, mostly white, mostly wadded-up, plastic. As if someone had wadded up a zillion of those grocery store bags and stuck it into him, and one ‘roll’ of something like that. I just looked at it for a bit. I was really wrackin’ my brain trying to figure out WTF ‘plastic’ like this would indicate, but aside from environ pollutants (known to create more fat cells as the body stores them, an immune reaction for protection, and my weight can’t be due to THAT much of it), I couldn’t think of anything at all.

Finally I shrugged, and I levitated it all out of him, put it in stasis a few feet away, and went back to his body. I prayed over it, and asked for DNA help to create whatever was the right pattern to grow inside him, until he seemed normal again.

Then I went to the stuff in stasis, and I put my hands over it, and sent lots of energy to just dissolve all that and clean it up, and I got a lot of rushing while I did that part.

Then it left. It was smaller and longer now and first it slithered away, and then it split into 3 snakes, each with stripes, and they played and tumbled over each other a bit as they were sliding away, and the middle one turned around and said, “Thankssssssssss.” to me. A real harry-potter sort of moment.

I can’t decide if the near-cartoon level quality of this makes it a joke, or if the fact that I had several good ‘rushings’ during it–which I have learned to consider one of the primary signs (not the only one) of success in a meditation–should say that it was worth something, though who knows what.

I said to IG, “I could do something else on this. I’m willing, I’m ready.”

She said, “Consistency is more important than quantity.” And I understood she was reminding me that you can’t always just do massive stuff at once, there are many reasons why doing things regularly over time is a big deal.

So I agreed, figuring we would do something on this another time. Perhaps I should put it on daily rotation though I worry I’d get nothing else done.

P