I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

~~~
Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.
~~~

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne


In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe


Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne



Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'


The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"


Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.




Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


ABOUT ME


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne


When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

The gods of Tarot

Part of the Tarot Disks image I made for my wall. The Thoth Tarot is © to the OTO.

Part of the Tarot Disks image I made for my wall. The Thoth Tarot is © to the OTO.

I’ve thought much more often of the ‘group of guides’ IG brought me when I finished the disks archetype series, now that I have that art framed on my wall. I greet them daily and thank them for allowing me to become ‘aware’ of them.

At random times I discover the back of my brain is musing along with them. They ‘hang around’, not just literally but figuratively, and I think most of my interaction with them is below the level of my awareness. I just sometimes realize it’s going on.

As a reminder, I don’t “do” tarot or have any interest in divination with it — for me it is merely “archetypal” — nametag labels.

So I’m no expert on Tarot at all. I’m not even sure what to call my relationship to this, but I claim complete ignorance about the official topic. Every time I read something on it I get more confused, not less. The only thing I consider “real for me” is the insights I have with and related to them as archetypes.

*

Disks helped me understand better the recent meditation where I met 8 becoming 9 and had a momentary realization — instant, brief, and nearly overwhelming even at that — of the Truth that “every number is infinite.”

There was so much ‘within’ ‘8’ that my mind nearly imploded at the vastness and depth and expansion and innumerability of it. I barely mentioned it in the blog post, partly because it was so brief, partly because it was peripheral to the meditation I was actually working on, but mostly because it was so big that it took days to “roll out inside me” so I absorbed more of what the moment of experience/insight contained. I got more of it later.

Disks have also helped me understand that while the Tarot divides the universe into a few categories (suits), the suits divide that category into a few more categories, each being a card for us. A card is not a singular thing but a singular category — like a number, it’s huge, containing an infinite amount of awareness.

But it’s — well, the Tarot identities are Aeons. The cards literally span ‘the universe’ of awareness. This keeps coming back to me in pieces now and then like to try and get it through to my tiny little brain.

Each tarot card (identity-label) is, as 3 of Cups told me, an Aeon. Vastly… bigger than I realized.

The suits as category-groups are actually ‘The Aeons of the Aeons.’

Sort of… MegaAeons you might say.

And so are numbers.

Each of them are equally infinite; what we think of numbers aren’t just Aeons, as I thought when I met them; they are each an Aeon of Aeons, containing a whole universe of Aeons inside themselves.

*

I know, you’re probably thinking, “What difference could this possibly make? Isn’t this just a bunch of confusing labels? Who cares?”

Well, in one way it doesn’t matter what “scope” a given card has I suppose…

But in another way, it’s just a sort of insight — one that has meaning to me — that you could focus on a single card and literally, study it for your entire life in a monastery and never be to the whole of it.

It’s a profound realization there aren’t many words for.

I didn’t understand that until now and I think even now, I’m only getting a tiny bare fraction of it.

I didn’t understand the profundity of every single card as a stand-alone facet-of-universe-as-identity. Heck I didn’t even really understand that for the whole of the deck, never mind a single card.

Aeons of the Universe are gods. Little-g.

The deck as a whole is everything. Each suit is an Aeon of Aeons, and each card is utterly, mind-blowingly, impossibly vast and powerful, a genuine Aeon of the Universe — now I finally sort of understand the greater meaning behind what 3 of Cups was saying, was meaning, when she told me that.

*

I started out with Tarot meditations being “a little symbol-archetype” that I figure our people made up at some point and find convenient or entertaining.

I moved through thinking it was a lot more than that, and realizing it was something powerfully ‘through’ us and yet also beyond our ken.

And I’ve just kept moving through, until I’ve gotten to the point now of thinking that the whole of it is more than our brains can grasp, even a single card of it is.

The only appropriate approach to a tarot identity is respectful, humble awe.

I’m a shallow idiot who knows nothing about them, but fortunately the ‘interface archetypes’ of them seem willing to talk with me anyway.

If I am in the right state of mind, and I say right to mean the one I should be in but usually am not, I am almost agog from the power and divine grace of the ‘identity’ I am in rapport with. Some entity further-explaining things I’ve run into before, a little, why every card is a ‘dynamic,’ and why I was shown previously that every element (like nutritional or table-of-elements) is a ‘quality,’ and why the Thoth 3-of-Disks symbol with its “unsaturated” color and “transparent pyramidal almost-form” is amazingly insightful, and why what we call Works (like it’s a board game piece with a label on it), is a certain bandwidth spanning the entire universe.

And as such, it is all over — it winks out at us from within the manifestation of our reality, physically and in events and relationships and situations. Change the relationship with this one group of energy, this one card — the archetype that is our interface with it — and a “shift” fundamentally happens that pulls at the tapestry strings of your entire reality, that changes the geometry of our relationship with everything else.

The Tarot, as it turns out, is so amazing, so powerful, so beautiful, so divine, that it’s only our ignorant chutzpah that allows us to get to know it in the first place. If we knew what we were getting into, if we understood the power of what we’re playing with, we’d be too overwhelmed to go anywhere near it. We succeed due to our ignorance — we’re too stupid to be terrified by the potential like we probably should be, because we don’t yet have the developed-capacity to perceive it for even a fraction of what it truly is.

And divine grace being what it is, it recognizes itself in us, recognizes our limits without bias against us for that, and is willing to explore the interface between us, to live through us with more awareness — because that is what it is for an archetype meditation result, is our allowing more of what we truly are already, to become better aware of being both. And if we’re lucky, we learn something – about ourselves, about the universe, and all because we were silly enough to think that we were learning something about a card.

Kind of adorable, from a slightly angelic perspective. We’re like kittens who are so incredibly cute and stupid and clumsy that we offer no end of loving-entertainment to those of the angelic realm looking on.

*

I’m gradually understanding more of the “underlying” importance of the structure we call Tarot.

See, I thought that it was just an old system, I know there are variations.

But I’m coming to understand that this system has in fact survived despite, actually, the complete destruction of cultures that knew it, despite persecution of people with interest in it, regardless of a degree of variance with it — which is truly trivial it turns out, in the larger span of things — for reasons that have nothing to do with our people, or our culture.

I’ve had the ‘shared insight’ that this has existed in many, many cultures we have no knowledge of, in forms both similar and variant, and it’s all the same thing.

This “pattern design” if you want to call Tarot that, was not “invented by” man; it was “revealed to” man.

To the degree he was able to grasp it in any case. That is why it doesn’t go away, it has some form in so many cultures, pretty much the moment their cultural tech makes them capable of making a representation for it that doesn’t take a decade to carve out of stone. And stone cultures have it in variant forms, they just have different symbols.

Like The Christ, it is something which Is; human beings attempt to translate their tiny exposure to the underlying pattern of energy, and we come up with a symbol that we’re able to relate to, wrap our hearts and our heads around, and communicate about to others.

We limit something with the power of the universe to the size and depth of a postage stamp, by thinking we understand it at all. Which is ok, this is who and where we are, and we learn and grow from it.

What we can come to understand is the tiny mote of its reflection within us. That is the ‘interface’ which becomes the ‘identity’ which is, depending on the day, sitting on my bed narrating something about why Works is specific to the functional energy that supports and IS the constructive, productive, destructive, formations — both energetically and physically — of man, not of God, which it had mentioned in my first meditation with it, and ‘corrected’ my understanding, following a poem I wrote that misapplied that concept.

(Not that God and all Its ‘gradient’ identities down to our level do not “live through us” of course — at some level, everything is, technically, merely part of God — but there are different ways of understanding the Nature Of A Thing, and some are more specific to ‘our species’ here vs. ‘the divine energy’ anywhere.)

The pattern of Tarot is taking ‘the universe of energy’ and dividing it up into four elements.

The ‘four elements’ are globally pervasive, throughout time and culture, for the same reason that Tarot is, where descendent info and tech has made it possible for it to be accepted, adapted, evolved, or intuited: they are, of course, holographically and literally, talking about the same patterning of awareness.

*

I used to think that Trumps was another category, such as spirit, a Fifth Element perhaps literally. I now feel this was inaccurate as a perception. I have a deeper understanding now but I’m not even sure where this came from as I haven’t been talking with ‘them’ so to speak.

(Although I consider any card I have ever meditated upon to be, in some part, “more a part of me” than it was before. But I’ve only done a few Trumps. I’ve been talking, and dreaming lately, as far as I know, with the Disks. Well and a few Cups.)

Trumps is not separate from or more divine than the four elements. Somehow the last couple weeks of talking both consciously and unconsciously with the Disks have gotten that through to me, though I don’t remember any specific conversation about this.

Trumps does not span any larger universe than the four elemental suits combined do. They aren’t higher, more divine, more spiritual: they are just more complex because they are more inclusive of more awareness. So I guess you could accurately say they are “more OF the divine” — but that is not to say more divine, because that would require they be something else, something other than what the rest of the suits are, something reaching outside their boundaries you might say. Which they are not.

Trumps represents a different way of dividing up the all-that-is, via one universe as its model, via one solar system as its model, via one planet as its model, via one human as its model, and so on. The elemental suits represent what is manifest ‘for us’ (from our solar system to our bodies and world); Trumps represents a larger-quantity-of-awareness which is just as present in the elemental suits, but not as physically manifest. (I have a sudden sense while typing that ‘the energy of the outer planets is more manifest in Trumps than in the elemental suits’ but I am not sure where that came from. As if I would know an outer from an inner planet energy if it bit me…)

If we truly understood it better, we could apply Tarot in its entirety solely to the health of our feet or something. Seriously. There is a ‘mapping’ to the body actually, I don’t know what it is, I just know that there is. Maybe someday I’ll have interest in that.

Now, the individual element-suits, while spanning the universe of awareness, also however have their own distinct character, and part of that character is the choice of how much, and which, energy inside is selected, and how it is arranged, for its resultant ‘identity and interaction.’

All the cards as identities are fundamentally equal, but experientially different. They are Aeons which means they are “all of” the system they’re Aeonic of, but merely divided by attention-perspective.

*

I find it endlessly amusing:

After so much refusal of religion (to the point of knee-jerk-rejection);

After so much irritation about the whole topic of God — I literally prayed “To Whom It May Concern” for quite some time at one point in my life, because I could feel there WAS a ‘divine element’ that I could connect with, but was hopeless confused about its detail, and pissed off about that confusion in me and in our world;

I’ve gradually got to the point where my ‘psychological construct’ of ‘inner guide’ was realized as The Christ;

where my chakras and organs were realized as ‘representative energy’ of ‘the powers and the glories’;

where the constant dreams and visions and experiences I had of being the Fourth part of Four-in-One turned out to be filled with symbols found in ancient religious writings — vedic, hindu, hebrew, and some of the unique experiences actually reflected in a few of the gnostic writings;

and where the tarot, a game as far as I was concerned — despite Steinbrecher’s interest, I had nothing to do with it for over twenty years, in my shrugging disinterest — were realized as gods.

Little g, because our primary local Deity is of course the Solar deity — as a local form, The Christ, who is son of Terra and Sun — but there are infinitely gradient scales, infinitely larger, toward what we call ‘God,’ they are Sun’s god also, God being something which I’m just assuming is infinite because certainly we can’t count it, in any case.

How does a person set out to do ‘psychological meditations’ and gradually, piece by piece, come to the realization that everything is divine? That everything is aware?

At this point I am more spiritually-inclined than pretty much anybody who isn’t living in a monastery or abby. (Except not very consistently, as everyone inside, and a few outside, keep pointing out to me.)

*

I am growing a “respect for tarot” which is immense, which is a whole spiritual category of its own.

I’m realizing this is not an invented, devolved, haphazard, collection of game pieces made into artworks and cultural trivia. It is our species’s pattern-recognition of the design of our universe, as much as we are capable of translating it.

It isn’t that we invent; it’s that we discover. Within ourselves, when we think we create it in art, as opposed to with-out ourselves, when we think we find it in science. All-that-is, already exists. Everything… simply… IS. Time and space are part of the perceptual creativity with which we explore the facet which we call Me.

Tarot was not invented, it was discovered. Every new deck, every new art, every new way of organizing it, is a trivia (although powerful for the individual doing it, and anyone who may choose to use that new arrangement of archetypes); in some systems we think they’re ‘organizing animal symbols’ in ancient stone carvings, not realizing this IS their tarot, their symbols, is all; as a larger “Aeonic,” Tarot simply IS.

It doesn’t have to be cards. Whether it is cards or rune-stones is our own art; the fundamental pattern of energy and its possible divisions and groupings is part of a vast, underlying pattern series. The mythological gods fall into this category I might add: our passed-down understandings are lousy, but the underlying pattern of energy is the same; just a different way to divide it.

Our attempts to define Tarot are charming… but limited, and of course, more about us than about the profound universe of awareness which tarot represents. I like cards because they’re portable, condensed, super artistic, and I just feel a growing appreciation for Tarot generally, and Thoth Tarot specifically, that I can’t even put words to. Like they are becoming my friends.

And sure, my friends are little-g-gods, with immense amounts I could learn from them, and enough inherent power to vaporize me as surely as IG’s angelic light could, I suppose. They’re not prejudiced against the poor girl with two brain cells and no spiritual training besides what comes from within. They make me feel like we have an equal right to be who we are. I am so… honored.

*

I think I understand now, sort of by accident as a side effect of the rapport, the dynamic behind the ‘reading’ of the cards, except I see that as the completely wrong word for it.

I still don’t think I’m interested in doing this, but I think I have a new respect for what you might call “a version of it that I think I could relate to.”

I can imagine having a talk, a ‘rapport’ with, card-X “as shaped by its perspective from layout-position-Y,” with the specific inherent question of “as applied to situation-Z and person-Q which I am representing by proxy.”

It wouldn’t be a reading based on a memorization of what they mean or anything on their art.

Reading is totally the wrong word for me, unless one is literally ajna-reading from the interworlds. It implies a visual, logical translation of the surface art or assigned-meaning to a card.

That’s a game.

But I can imagine that it could be an interactive experience, setting up the layout as an inherent archetype meditation — just as I might make a mental tool of a ‘meter’ in a meditation to show me the relationship or change-state between some aspect of me and something in the interworlds.

Card-X showing up in that position is like my meter showing red, or rising higher, or whatever. A layout would be just a structural tool for information, and would help structure the focus parameters of the archetype we’re interacting with.

What would come after is a rapport where, in a perfect world, we ask the gods for insight — and I mean literally —  we ask the card, which represents an Aeon of the Universe, which is a god-little-g — for insight, for understanding, related to whatever question we have in mind.

It’s a form of ‘structured prayer’, part of intuitive friendship with larger chunks of the divine.

I have met a lot of people (in person I mean) who ‘read cards’ and I am pretty sure none of them had this particular concept for it so I’m guessing this is just my unrealistic, “if archetype work were tarot” version of the idea.

I am coming to think that there might be a good reason why I might “go talk to Prudence” (8 of Disks, who in my first archmed with him, was a man in a castle, keeping some kind of accounts in a book, sitting at a table, whom I seduced into making love with me in a room with an open slit window overlooking a cliff by the sea). I think I could understand why eventually one would be familiar with all the identities, the cards the aeons the gods your friends,  and happily use a ‘structured meditation’ like a card layout as a doorway.

But that would make each so-called reading a meditation, and a spiritual experience, in its own way. Not a party game. Not something you read a book about and then implement based on what-that-card-means.

But a doorway to the universe; a doorway to better understanding the depth of your own soul, which is the larger-you within that universe; structured prayer-conversations with the Aeons of the Universe…

A talk with the gods of Tarot.

P

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