The Archetype of Sleep Deprivation

Seriously, I really just want to get back to my tarot Disks series meditations, but when something falls in my lap in some respect and I feel like it needs attention, I am TRYING to notice it, acknowledge it, and act on this. I would like to convince my inner/outer/larger/smaller selves that I am paying attention, have a clue, and am worth talking to.

I don’t know how well this is working. Early this morning (or was it last night?) I had this conversation:

Me: Taan? Are you there?

Taan: Yes.

Me: Why do I never see Nero any more?

Taan: Because you choose not to.

I realize “on some level” this is true. I decide it’s ridiculous and unfair and I don’t want it to be true.

Me: That’s not true!

He is silent. I sigh. I suppose I will have to do a meditation on not blocking Nero now for godssakes, do these ever end? I need to like, go live in a cave up a mountain in Tibet to have enough time for all this stuff!

In any case, recently someone — I suspect the Consortium — said to me, “Do a filter-search for the archetype of all the sleep that you’ve missed.”  I would never have thought of making that an archetype or that it might be able to do any good. Actually until just now, it never occurred to me that there might be something deeper to this. I mean, to me, I’m busy so I didn’t sleep enough. So?

But maybe all that sleep I didn’t get was also some amount of… everything from biological cleansing to spiritual interaction, that I didn’t get, as well. And maybe that has the same kind of side effects as anything else you desperately need in your life but don’t get enough of for a long time. Huh. Well so I guess this makes more sense than I thought at first. Anyway, so having actually been told outright to do this, I figured I had to take care of that before I could return to my ongoing Disks series.

***

It’s been harder to get to than a real difficult archetype. At this point I’ll be sleep deprived just trying to do the meditation on sleep deprivation. At one point I looked at IG and said in exasperation, “At this rate, we’ll both be old before this happens, and you’re eternal!”

Keeping my mind from just wandering into other things was ridiculously hard. I did have two spontaneous ideas I thought were very good, in my denial. One was a flash understanding that if I wanted I could use the three figures (senior queen 3rd) as magical characters in a fantasy story. I lost a bunch of it alas. The other was that these color panels I have could be fit on a homemade little cartridge for this full-spectrum light I have. Actually I’d like to tell people about this light color healing thing and my limited experience with the topic, but… another time.

At one point I realized that when I first met IG, her meditations were much… harder. In fact the first two, took two times to get through each, not for passing out or whatever but because I couldn’t figure out WTF I was supposed to be doing, and the solutions both times were offbeat, like I couldn’t believe I ever came up with it even with help. And lately, they’ve been so easy technically, like Mr. Frog in the recent meditation. I wondered, does that mean she gave up on me? I’m so stupid she dumbed it all down for me? I asked her to please challenge me at least a little so I get better at this stuff. Sure maybe the point is working with energy-X but I have other goals too. Getting closer to the 4, and getting more fluent at this work, are two big ones.

I realized that I was in a landscape. It reminded me of some kind of specialized park, and it was nighttime. There was some shape that was slowly spinning that I could barely perceive, but I managed to figure out it was an 8-sided cylinder. There was a metal post set in the ground, and on the top of the post was a shape I could not place, again of that ‘transparent box’ like I’ve gotten in the disks meds and like are actually IN the disks cards for the royalty maybe the queen; this was clearly a high-point gem shape. I could not place the exact shape. Then I noticed there were these other posts, and the top of them was a sphere of light glowing. I thought, “These are spheres of power; the others are spheres of light.” And got merge-rushing through me. I thought, “Maybe the landscape ITSELF is the energy in this case” and got another small merge-rush.

I went far away to where I saw something and found a windowless big building with golden light outside it. The light was lovely, which made me interested in what might be inside it. So I went into it and found that it was dark entirely inside, but it wanted it, it needed light, I could tell. So I pulled windows and skylights into it and called Sun and had light just pour in and I got a merge rush during that.

Wish I knew what happened after that but I passed out. So I’ve written this down, I am SO sleepy, and I’m going to work on continuing here. After this… I think I have the Nero med… and if nothing else throws itself bodily in my path, I am on 6 of Disks.

I’m sick of blogging although I type at nearly the speed I talk. But I know how I forget literally everything.

And I know that this “rush of meditating” is annual if I look at my blog history, with not much in between. I swore to myself next time I was in a ‘high activity period’ for meditation, I would really  push myself to accomplish as much as possible during that.

***

Several more attempts did not result in getting anywhere on this meditation. I think I’ll move it back on the list and come back to it.

P