I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

~~~
Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.
~~~

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne


In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe


Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne



Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'


The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"


Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.




Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


ABOUT ME


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne


When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

The Amazing Game; the Tower; Ackrck

Well first I should catch up a little from stuff I haven’t blogged.

Just before my ‘attention’ made a 180 degree turn away from meditative and into the mundania of my daily attention, I had a conversation with ACKRCK. That’s an inner-identity that showed up and talked to me a few times and very clearly spelled his name (more than once) loudly so I would not forget it. I suspected at one point that he was a chakra-identity simply because of how my attention had been going around then.

Well I was sitting here on the sofa with my laptop one evening and very abruptly he just showed up in my head. Inner Guide was there, and IG said it was cool and really him, although I wasn’t in doubt. He said he was the — well, like what my eye said once — the “representational identity” of the collected energy of… my forehead chakra. I said, “But – but – I thought for sure it would be a lower chakra, because the Ajna is not even real open on me, I tend to sense/hear things better than see them,” but apparently he doesn’t have an identity crisis, and the confusion is only mine.

We had a long, like 30 minute back & forth conversation. I did not want to be having it. I felt resistant, resentful, a lot like I did with my Aeons when I first met them. I felt like my logical mind was trying to help me by bellowing, “You’re just making this up!” every 60 seconds whether I needed it or not. I knew I needed to blog it, to record the conversation.

But I was in denial so I put it off. Then the next morning I put it off. And that night. And time passed and I kept putting it off until I had, finally, forgotten basically everything that was said. Then I told myself, “I would blog it, but alas I don’t recall it anymore. But I had every intention of writing it down, really no kidding absolutely yessir.”

***

For the last month or so I have been intentionally modeling this “framing” as NLP might call it. Have you see that show ‘Caprica’? They have this “virtual reality game” and I really love the visuals of it. I have been saying nearly every day: Dear God. Thank you for my role in this AMAZING GAME. Every time I wake up here, it seems so real!!  I know that I can do anything while here and there is tons of potential.

And then I think of my body, whom I renamed Avatar for obvious reasons, as a whole spiritual and physical entity all its own, with whom I am a symbiote, much like a Trill on Star Trek: DS9. And I work on feeling affection and appreciation for it, and wanting to be really good friends with it-me-us.

I had some quality solo tantric time and I suddenly decided to send all that energy to every cell of my body with sparkly gold affection. It was amazing, really calm but sweet and I wondered why I had never thought of that before. I mean how come my body does all the work but then gets none of the energy?

This morning I did a brief touch with the Aeons, first time in eons.

***

Lately, off and on for months actually, I have had this feeling like my job was not going to last. Not a ‘logical’ feeling. Just a weird feeling like I was… metaphysically losing traction with it. I’ve told myself this is imagination.

Sometimes, I have felt it so strongly that I just freak out. NO! I tell the Aeons, IG, and anybody else internal who will listen. No, no! No matter what, not that! Oh my god, oh please, oh please NOT THAT. Look, if probability is infinite then there is no reason why, if you want me to do something else, you can’t bring it TO me and let ME decide — while I still am working. Under NO circumstances do I want my job to end and I hereby officially request that all of you help me KEEP it.

Sometimes, I almost feel as if there is argument about this. Like the energy is moving that way and I’m like, beating against a rolling stone and it’s pointless. But it doesn’t matter. I argue, I rant, inside my head. Yes I’m afraid SO WHAT, I say. I MUST stay employed, oh my god I’m so scared even thinking of the alternative! I do not CARE what my future might be or if it would be better if something changed. I don’t want anything to change! No!

I don’t know where that is coming from. It scares the hell out of me. I mean jesus H, I am 44 years old, very fat, I live in nowhere Oklahoma, I don’t even have a car right now, it’s not like getting another job would be easy, especially in this massive unemployment economy!! I like my job! I love it, I love working from home, I want to keep it!

***

A few nights ago I had the oddest impulse: I felt like meditating. This IS odd. Not only because I haven’t been doing any of that stuff in quite awhile, but because even when I do, I usually meditate because I know I should, or feel impelled, not because I am just feeling calm and nice and it feels like the right thing to do.  This feeling of ‘all is right with the world’ doesn’t happen often in my life. Of course, with a little effort, I managed to ignore that urge.

Night before last it came back again. I ignored it. I can’t remember why, later, but I had the urge to look for something while I was sitting in bed, and I leaned over the far side to search the floor and the little rack under my bedside table.  While there, I had the urge to open the bottom drawer on the other side of my big double-layer captain’s bed. I was upside down as I opened the drawer, and I saw this box I used to have and haven’t seen in awhile, it is black, red felt inside, and has a gold stamp imprint of Egyptian stuff on the top.

Curious, I opened it up, and there was my oversized deck of Thoth Tarot. I had to assume that my housekeeping helper found those and put them there, as the last time I saw them (months ago) they were somewhere else. But it struck me as so curious and interesting and I knew immediately that some part of me wanted to meditate on something tarot. At that moment, I again had that “everything is as it should be” feeling that also comes with a feeling of sort of … not quite predestination, but some kind of dharma, nothing by chance impression.

Now given the last Tarot archetype meditation I did (Knight of Wands) kicked my ass hard and took six months to get through, this is not really something I would or should look forward to. But it “felt peaceful and right”. Peace, I might add, is not an emotion I feel a lot of, so it’s a novelty.

I took the cards out of the box and (upside down to me) sorted through them with my hands. I felt that if I just slowly shuffled through, I would get the ‘feeling’ that one of them was the one for me to work on. I was just starting to cynically grin at myself when I really FELT like this would WORK. Not just like a ‘light’ feeling. A really *strong* feeling that one of those cards was the ‘right’ one. And I could feel instantly that it was probably about 13% of the way through the deck from the left as I was holding them. I closed my eyes and felt through them, back, no over, then no too far, then no the one next to it, and that was it.

I turned it over. It’s a card called The Tower.  I don’t know what this is or means, but I noticed it had a lot of the same colors as the Knight of Wands did.

I was going to look up the meaning but that would require getting up and going back to the living room where my computer was so I just settled myself in bed and went through quite a long preparatory process for meditation, where I gradually called in just about everybody. And then fell asleep.

I forgot about it yesterday.

Then yesterday evening, I was winding down, and usually I ‘push myself’ whether with house stuff or computer stuff until I am literally passing out sitting up. But last night I felt like, “Ok. It is time to meditate now.” I wanted to. Wow go figure. It felt “right”. So I went to bed early and got myself all situated sitting up and did some more prep work. And then fell asleep.  Heh!

This morning when I finally woke up (it took several alarm snoozes first), I felt like meditating. I had time before work, so I sat down in my glider-rocker and put on my soft robe and doubled my wonderful thick microfleece blanket around me and just “felt like one with myself.”

It’s the kind of meditation I did *constantly* during my “Bewilderness” era. I would simply ‘sit’, as if I were bringing all the parts of me together cohesively, as if I were ‘being with myself’, and I called it being “in the center.” So I did that for awhile before anything else today, and it was such a great way to start my day!

I still don’t know what it means. Hang on I’m going to go look it up…

Oh for godssakes!   It figures. Here’s some quotes from Wiki about it:

This card follows immediately after The Devil in all Tarots that contain it, and is considered an ill omen.

but wait, it gets better:

Description and symbolism: A tower has just been hit by lightning and is aflame. The top of the tower is crumbling and falling to the ground beneath. In some decks, two figures fall from the top of the tower; in others, the people themselves are on the ground in flames or are themselves hit by the lightning. Sometimes they are simply onlookers to the fire.

and

Some frequent keywords used by card readers are:
* Chaos —– Sudden change —– Impact —– Hard times
* Crisis —– Revelation —– Disruption —– Realizing the truth
* Disillusion —– Crash —– Burst —– Uncomfortable experience
* Downfall —– Ruin —– Ego blow —– Explosive transformation

and

Many differing meanings are attributed to the card:
* To some, it symbolizes failure, ruin and catastrophe.
* To others, the Tower represents the paradigms constructed by the ego, the sum total of all schema that the mind constructs to understand the universe. The Tower is struck by lightning when reality does not conform to expectation.
* Epiphanies, transcendental states of consciousness, and Kundalini experiences may result.
* The Tower further symbolizes that moment in trance in which the mind actually changes the direction of the force of attention from alpha condition (pointed mindward) to theta condition (pointed imaginal stageward). A Theta condition (especially in waking versions of theta states) is that moment when information coming into the ego-mind overwhelms external or sensory stimuli, resulting in what might otherwise be called a “vision” or “hallucination.”
* Each card in the Major Arcana is a related to the previous ones. After the self bondage of The Devil, life is self correcting. Either the querents must make changes in their own lives, or the changes will be made for them.
* The querent may be holding on to false ideas or pretenses; a new approach to thinking about the problem is needed. The querent is advised to think outside the box. The querent is warned that truth may not oblige schema. It may be time for the querent to re-examine belief structures, ideologies, and paradigms they hold to. The card may also point toward seeking education or higher knowledge.
* Others believe that the Tower represents dualism, and the smashing of dualism into its component parts, in preparation for renewal that does not come from reified, entrenched concepts. The Ivory Tower as a parallel image comes to mind, with all its good parts and its bad parts.

Crap. I was much more cheerful until I read this. WHY would I need this card? Oh god, I hope it doesn’t relate to my job. I’m far more ok with my entire soul being rendered in the dark than I am the slightest threat to my job.

***

Hopefully tonight I will get to stay awake. I really wasn’t trying to stay awake the last two nights. It actually “felt right” that I should spend a bunch of time focusing on gathering my inner-world contacts and grounding and chakra stuff and more, and then go ahead and let it go for awhile. Tonight is night 3 so maybe the basics are covered and I can start the archmed.

I don’t know if my Four and ‘The Tower’ as we call it are related to this card or not. (I mean, there are a lot of towers in the world, and in symbolism.)

P

2 comments to The Amazing Game; the Tower; Ackrck

  • KMG

    An ill omen? Bullshit! The Tower is an ill omen only from the perspective of someone who cannot accept that something mediocre or bad must go away to make room for something wonderful. The Tower came up a lot for me when I was first getting involved with my husband. It meant ending my seven-year long-term relationship, and for him, it meant a divorce. Scary as hell, lots of stupid drama and tears and worry. And absolute magic that still takes my breath away after eight years. The Tower card was saying to us both, “Hey, you know this cozy life that’s not so bad but not really getting you where you want to be? You want to chuck it and get something GREAT? It might be stressful at first while you’re still figuring things out, but trust me–afterwards you won’t believe that you ever tolerated such a mediocre life. Things are going to be earth-shakingly divine.”

    Unless, of course, someone feeds you fear-filled interpretations of doom and gloom (stupid Wiki!). Then you’re terrified and your constant worry just complicates things, creating blocks and pain.

    Dave, who is an experienced Tarot card reader, says, “Sure, the Tower follows the Devil. The Tower breaks up the Devil energy and gets it out of your life.”

    I say, $#@! Wiki. Something amazing is coming your way–you just have to get through the spring cleaning.

  • PJ

    Thanks for that far more cheerful interpretation (and thank Dave!). Or, well — it’s almost what I call a “saturn” interpretation (oddly as that’s the bizarre effect the arch had — see next post coming soon) — that something akin to divine will or core-energy is asserting itself and all the “structures in the way”, be they habits, beliefs or situations, just get steamrolled over and shattered or smashed to make way for the energy that is the unstoppable, the divine or the destiny or whatever you want to call it. My BMF/BF is going through a saturn return right now which is predictably kicking his ass and changing his life (as it did mine). Ever since the first time I met my archetype of Saturn at age 29 (huge green geometrically-faceted dripping monster) (nope, no issues there at all! :-)) I’ve associated that color (which later showed up slightly more vivid as the green on the ‘X-Files’ logo) and that “effect” (True Will steamrolling through and you either get flattened or get on and ride the wave) with Saturn, no matter why it might be happening…

    Spring cleaning. Greaaaaaaaaat. Things always get worse before they get better when you clean well. Maybe the reason I had such a radical shift to total-home-grounding-focus was somewhat to prepare me for the chaos that might come next.

    Well so far I can’t do it. I’m having a med with Avatar (my body) first tonight to see if we can work out some mental tools to keep me from passing out. I don’t really mean sleep although that is the effect. I mean sometimes I literally just “click out” the instant I run into some energy in a med and that seems to be happening with this one; I have to work it out so I can face it and deal with it.

    It helps to have a less frightening concept for the archetype, so thank you. :-)

    Palyne

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