Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2011.02.28 One of the phenomena of the Largers as I call them (as I have no idea what they really are, except that I am part of what composes them, the way the Consortium (12 Aeons) are part of what composes me), is that after I have met each of them, I’ve had an amping up of sexual energy that is unbelievable. I mean really. I could tell you and you wouldn’t believe me. It’s that incredible, embarrassing, inconvenient, and even a little bit scary, not in a bad way, just in that “kundalini is so powerful that some part of your body gets its potential and has some healthy concern” way. It passes in around 3-4 days.
I have made up their names, as apparently I am incompetent as grasping them when they provide it to me. The four Largers so far are Dominon, Pazyryk, and Rahleon, and I don’t know what to call the fourth yet, partly because I don’t feel like I got enough info about him/her/it to come up with something. So I call him the fourth larger right now. Not too creative.
In the normal course of life as sexual energy cycles up and down, over time I’ve developed the habit of (usually) deciding what I want to focus on with that energy; an event, a situation, a prayer, an archetype, whatever. I’ve written about that in more detail before. One of the odd things the last few months, since I met the Largers, is that
Read the full article at Punching Through
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/punching-through/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I can’t believe I forgot to blog this. Actually it’s probably a sign, things that affect me the most I sometimes ‘deny’ until I’ve conveniently forgotten them. This qualifies as one of the weirder things in my recent life, although it’s not that big a deal.
I mentioned that since meeting the Largers, my sex drive tripled. At least. At this rate I’m going to single-handedly keep Panasonic in business. I mean seriously, for several days straight, it was pretty much insane. All day. Like nothing really quenched it for more than an hour or two. Damn, if only I were beautiful I could at least be making a profit off this. (Just kidding.)
Anyway, so the other day (weekend) I woke up as if something had woke me up ‘from the inside’. And I felt really… odd. Great. But… different. I realized — just about the time I realized that Pazyryk was “with me” rather strongly — that what I felt was overwhelmed with sexual energy.
Now this might not seem unusual, waking up being such a nice time and all, but it wasn’t like that. It was as if every single cell in my body was feeling sexually aroused. It was frustrating, because aside from that one O So Special part of the body, you really can’t get sensitive pleasure as feedback to any other place! My elbows and some general cells an inch down were as interested as probably my liver was, or whatever. But I was
Read the full article at Waking Up to Pazyryk
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/waking-up-to-pazyryk/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.06.14 So I was talking with IG and I was preparing to have some lovely quality time with myself one morning recently. I told her that I felt there were parts of me that wanted to be more present in me, more integrated, more a part of my life. And I wanted to send the orgasm energy specifically to whatever part of me I most needed to allow in, to bring forth. Maybe this would be an Aeon or part of one, maybe not. I didn’t get any sense of what this might be. It could be an energy that manifests as some abstract quality like being better at keeping my budget or something. I didn’t worry about it. I figure well, IG knows.
My last previous quality time energy transfer was to Marcan, or rather to “our integration” as a process and dynamic, which is probably why my interest in psi has amped up, as that is (at least so he once indicated) one of the main things he will work with me on. So this new idea and the process and the focus on the energy basically funding or aiding the ‘integration’ went ok, and definitely the energy went *somewhere.* I mean, you can tell when this solo tantra stuff works by the rather offbeat change in how things feel of course. I hadn’t a clue where the energy went in this case, but I trusted that given my holding the intent and IG helping me, it found the
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.28 My astrologer friends tell me that having both Venus and Mars in Scorpio has something to do with this, but all I know is, I tend to hold the polarities when it comes to things like love and sex.
I’ve had less sex in my 44 years than most the 17 year olds I know have had already. Never mind the long boring details of why, but as a summary, it mostly involves starting a bit late in life and two ten-year periods of semi-celibacy (one on a vow, one just because I was single and am very conservative so don’t sleep around. “Semi” means I had no sex with others but had no restriction on masturbation.), and a current friend-slash-boyfriend that I only get to see like once a year which is only slightly different than celibacy frankly.
Part of this in all honesty is because I came of age in the AIDS generation. Just as I was truly opening up to the sex idea, the media was filled with the 11-zillion ways you can get something disgusting or fatal from having sex. My terror of this actually happening has prevented a ton of sex I could otherwise have had in my life but really did not want to risk myself with.
Despite having had so little of it with other people, sex is a pretty powerful subject with me. I discovered a long time ago, by spontaneous “anomalous experience,” that some of what I call sex, entities call
Posted by Palyne on 2009.08.22 I feel like I’m just a drifter lately. Not focused. Relaxing, half asleep, floating on the current of life. Not proactive, not even reactive, just sprawled out in weightlessness, freed from the gravity of my normal life. I have so many self-created ‘obligations’ to helping other people, doing free projects online, etc. that for years it has felt like I literally am ‘working’ (paid or not) every minute of the day, and when I wasn’t doing that, I was feeling guilty about not doing it. Lately I haven’t been feeling much of anything about anything. Which sounds depressive, but really it’s just a relief.
I’ve taken up watching shows on hulu.com. I loved the Dresden files. And Firefly. And a variety of other things. I’m generally a SCIFI/FAN/ACTION sort, if that’s a clue to taste. I used to think that no decently intelligent TV shows got made for the most part. It turns out, they do get made. They just don’t last for more than 6-13 episodes is all and I never saw them. Hulu has rescued a lot of great shows from obscurity, leaving fans like me grieving that it was over before we ever even ran into it.
I did a meditation the other night. OK nearly a week ago. IG brought Ray back. It’s a male human guide. (I was thinking maybe the name might be like ray-of-light and might be something unusual, but I guess not.) Of course, despite a meditation and then a dream with
Read the full article at Drifting
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/drifting/
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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