I slept since this happened so I have forgotten much of it. I suspect it’s going to sound even stupider as a result.
I was doing my morning prayers. As I have felt very separated from everything for awhile, this was my, “to whom it may concern” level prayer. I thank God for my life. I thank IG for her awesome self and ask her to please stay involved with guidance and insight with me. And I attempt to bring the Four close in the body-place where we all connect, between the heart and throat chakras. For some time now, this entire series has pretty much no experiential result at all.
This morning it did. I sensed IG. And I really sensed the 3rd, and then all Four of us together. Just yesterday I wrote a post about being in neutral so I had kind of accepted that and was surprised that all the sudden, at least these things were back in me again.
I was sitting ‘with’ the Four. We seemed slightly different. More… active, perhaps. I mention this and the 3rd tells me, We have been, since the _____. My brain tells me this word means “discovery” but I feel that was not the word he used. The word, whatever it was, almost meant something like an agreement of union of two different groups of people; a joint venture, in business, don’t know what it is outside that.
[Discovery]? I say, surprised and even ever so slightly amused-yet-irked. All this time, ‘sitting with’ the Four is like the most boring thing I do, and the moment my attention leaves you guys for awhile, something actually happens?!
He takes me with him to show me. I get during this, not quite in words, that the-Four have developed a working relationship with a group of creatures that are in all our worlds but are not… people. The others join us so we are Four again, and we go into the sky. There is nothing there as far as I can tell but they are saying this is it, this is them, the others. I’m feeling around, and then I run into something. It’s completely invisible and I only feel it a little.
Weird! I say. How can I even tell when it is present? And it ‘enveloped’ us. Everything looked yellow then. As if the air around us had just taken on a yellow tinge. Then it moved, passing us out of it, and the sky returned to its normal clear and blue.
The 3rd began explaining something about this relationship, and these creatures, which I don’t remember now dang it. After some time he stopped, and snapped at me in irritation, STOP FIGHTING IT!
I was about to argue that I had no idea what he was talking about, when the Senior and Queen opened up the awareness in me, and I could perceive it all clearly. I was resisting literally every word he said. I was resisting the creatures. I was resisting the relationship. I was resisting that any of it had any reality at all.
Worse, because I am part of the core of all of them, I was causing a real problem for the 3rd in particular, who is greatly composed of my energy, so if I am seriously screwed up on something, he deals with that too. (As does the larger joined-identity we share.)
I also understood something else: that the reason nothing ever happens when I am with the Four — well for the most part, anyway — is because I REFUSE to let it happen. My disconnecting from everything for a little while actually enabled them to ‘move on’ in ways that were really needed. It’s not that I wasn’t part of them then, I am always, but it’s that my ‘awareness’ was not present enough to be a major pain in the butt about everything, recalcitrant and afraid and stubborn.
I felt kind of… small. Very… human, in the sense of a bipedal-animal/mammal, very limited.
I turned my attention back to the creatures. They were ‘of’ the sky. You could not see them because they were of the same material as ‘it’ was. You could sense them a little bit, if you did it right, but they were so … light, in a way difficult to describe, that it was a great subtlety. If one or more surrounded or encompassed you, it gave a very light yellow tinge, with a ‘brightness’ difficult to describe.
*
I thought back a few months. I saw this! Ry and I had been, coincidentally I thought, then realized from the Four this was not coincidence, we’d been paying a ton of attention to the sky the day before. We’d had a rental car and went driving through the long backroads of the rural farmland that surrounds my town going not quite southwest. We had the radio on. The sky was a perfect rich azure blue, and the clouds were huge super-white puffy things floating through the sky.
We started talking about the sky. I told her of an experience that I had on an airplane once.
It was during 1997 when I was mostly ‘unconscious’ but for dreams, but I took a trip down from Seattle to Los Angeles and just for a day, it seemed, had a tiny bit of my former “awareness” back, what I’d had up to 1995 when things changed in many ways and I could almost physically feel “a thick dark wet blanket of energy” laying right on my crown chakra.
I had gone to the Seattle airport. Sitting in the chairs, I noticed an older couple sitting nearly on the other side of the crowded boarding waiting area. I knew they would sit next to me. No idea how, but I knew. I sat in my seat later, on the plane, and was not surprised when they sat down next to me. I had a window seat, and I was lazily looking out the window as we flew.
You’re beautiful, I told a big bank of clouds in my head, that had a little god-light rays in one part. There were many layers of clouds going down below my vision; we were cruising at high altitude.
Where would humans be without your beauty? I asked. I felt a sense of warm affection in me for everything. OK sure, maybe the sky is inanimate, but I can be just as affectionate about inanimate things, that is about me, not the thing.
I thought about how we used to look for shapes in the clouds when I was a kid. And how I figure it’s just my brain, of course, but it often seemed like they would develop more, the more I was doing it. I closed my eyes and rested for a few minutes.
Later, I opened my eyes and looked out the window again, without moving. The clouds had greatly separated now, almost giving the impression of 3D animal crackers or something, legs and tails and a long neck and various other things. I grinned to myself in amusement at how my imagination was doing this, and closed my eyes again.
A bit later I looked out at them some more, and I can’t remember right now what I saw, but I was surprised, and felt this warmth through my chest that made me smile, and think at them in my head, as if I were talking to some group of sky-dolphins or something who were somehow making these cloud pattern, that’s pretty good! I like it!
And then I had the sense of something communicated in return. Close your eyes! With a sort of playful feeling.
Apparently I was in a meditative state at 20,000 feet or whatever it is commercial airplanes fly at, because I didn’t question this, I just closed my eyes, feeling playful as well.
OK! Now you can look! I got. So I opened my eyes, and I leaned forward a bit to get my head fully in the window, and I looked out.
My jaw dropped in speechless awe. I was looking at a castle, seen as you would if you were literally above it, although it was beside me and a little lower. There were walls that went around the main castle proper, those areas open to the sky, and tiny indistinct things moved through as if I could see people living, scurrying around in their daily lives. The top of the walls of the castle were the square-point edges, and there were rounded tall towers at the corners, and flags flying from each tower. Beside it in one direction was a rolling plain leading into hills, and fairly close to it in another direction was a sheer cliff drop-off.
I was just overcome by this huge amusement, this sense of joy and hilarity, and I said to them in my head, “Oh NOW you’re just SHOWING OFF!” It was completely over the top! So incredibly detailed it was impossible. I felt as if there was a ‘they’ involved, and they shared my joy, they LOVED my ‘appreciation and recognition’. And I felt as if my being so high had made it possible for them to do that — it wasn’t millions of people possibly looking on; nobody but some people on one side of an airplane could see it, and I wondered who else might have looked out and thought they were surely hallucinating, which struck me as hilarious.
We continued driving through the countryside, and eventually she said something like, “What a perfect day!” and I joked, “Yeah, someone designed this — except for those TOTALLY FAKE clouds.” She laughed, looking at the idealized “puffy white clouds” floating through the sky out to the right. “They do look fake!” she agreed with a laugh.
“It’s probably someone new to sky-drawing,” I joked. “I bet they’d make lollipop trees, too.” She giggled.
“Oh and look at that one!” she said, pointing in the other direction. “TOTALLY fake!” I laughed in return.
We used the “fake clouds” joke several times over the course of the day, and as we were driving home.
She went outside much later, and I heard her exclaiming, but couldn’t hear what she said. She came back in the house, her eyes wide, waving her arms around to help ‘describe’ it. Mom! The sky is YELLOW! she says in astounded delight. The whole sky! It’s really bright, but there’s just yellow everywhere! I’ve never seen it that color! It’s so amazing!
I went out with her, and I had to agree. That was the weirdest color sky I have ever seen. It seemed like we were in a camera filter or painting. It was so bright.
The only time I’ve ever felt the sky was a color I’d never seen before, was right before a tornado when it was a sort of sickly green that gave me a sense of fear in my gut. But this was neat.
Pretty weird, that’s cool! I said with a smile, then went back to what I was doing. I didn’t think about it again.
*
So as I sat there ‘with’ the Four, I thought about that. That’s the color. That ‘brightness’ that is somehow different than the norm. As if the bright is not coming from the sun itself, but from every mote of air. And the yellow is not an obvious yellow, I mean it IS yellow, but it’s so bright that it’s a little bit subtle, it’s just that the whole surrounding vision being of it makes it seem obvious. The Four seemed to think that this was a whole category of Being, perhaps of the elemental world I mused, one overriding intelligence but many pieces of it.
Why would they have an interest in elementals? They’d never done anything half that interesting in all the time I’ve known them. I mean they’ve been fascinating in many other ways, but aside from the identities our combination creates, which they only showed me recently, they’ve never really had anything to actively “do” with me except in dreams, and again this was usually about our combination, other lives, things like that. Sometimes they show up in my archmeds and help out, true. But this seemed like a whole new category of something.
And it occurred to me that maybe I’d made it impossible for other things to happen before. Maybe I clamped down so hard on what is ‘allowed’ to occur even in my inner reality, that I prevented a great deal of possible experience. Maybe it was no coincidence that if they were going to hook up consciousness with some elemental group, they would choose one of the only ones I’ve actually interacted with before, that I might be less resistant to than other things — although given my huge resistance to this, that seemed a bit unsettling.
I worked on allowing, and opening — and I don’t remember anything after that.
So apparently I allowed the experience… I just didn’t allow myself to remember it.
Drats!
(I had to resist the urge all the way through this post to add something like, “How retarded is that!” Sheesh.)
P
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