Thoth Tarot, Seven of Disks, subtitled “Failure”.
I stared at it for awhile. If I had a clue what the symbols on this card meant it might help, but I don’t. After sitting with it for awhile, I wondered if maybe failure, and the other ‘negative’ cards, are technically energies just as righteous as any other. People learn from failure after all. It is often part of a cycle that resolves. I wondered, if you had a cycle or things, surely there would be at least one point where the energy was just not cohesive enough to succeed at continuing through the top of the cycle, yet was in momentum enough to not simply rest at the bottom.
Maybe this energy on its own doesn’t have any more meaning than we give it; like in music, there are “transition” chords and notes, and it would bother anybody to have ‘stopped’ on that and not ‘resolved’. But that doesn’t make that transition energy any less valid or more ‘bad’ than any other in the world. In fact you could say that everything is equal and it’s merely how we arrange them, and in that case, that particular energy got to play the ‘transition’ energy — not strong enough to push to resolution within that particular structure, but strong enough to provide momentum toward it –maybe next week some different energy would play that part.
When you think about it, many things in our lives that we initially consider failure, we later consider merely a stepping stone to something else that turned out better, or differently. Maybe as a concept it isn’t the energy that fails that is really the focus. I’m having a difficult time articulating this. Say you have a 13-man team and half don’t show up and the others make a big effort but lose the game. They did not succeed; that is failure. But was the “problem” issue there, the energy of the game, or the energy of the team? Seems to me the problem was the lack of sufficient… integrity of the full-team-body which led to the lack of completion of the intent which is, in a nutshell, “failure”. That as a formula it becomes:
{proactive-intent} + {lack-of-sufficient-integrity} = {inability-to-reach-completion}
In English, ‘integrity’ has more than one meaning — both objective and subjective (moral/ethical) — which makes that an interesting formula.
I had this grand idea that maybe I could get through count-them-four of the Disks last night. Yeah right. As if I’m not lucky to get through any ONE. I kept getting lost. It was a miracle I even got to that point; I left out that it took a long time of wandering and re-starting. Once I have merged with an energy it doesn’t seem to have that same ‘avoidance’ issue but until then, actually reaching it and working through till the end is hell. I thought that maybe, like with “Worry”, I was actually experiencing the energy of the card as part of the process, which seemed funny.
IG waved a hand, and three sets of four light-spheres joined me. I had no idea what this was. Later I thought it might be the Aeons. I’ve often perceived them with galaxy-overlays so maybe in some natural form they are orbs of light and they’re just “personalized” with me normally. Why this wasn’t kind of obvious at the time, I don’t know.
I also saw a pattern I didn’t really understand, a geometry that looked kind of like a square grid, except 80% of each side in the middle of it stuck out just a little bit farther than the rest, not quite a cross look, but getting there, like just far enough to clearly not be a square, but not far enough to be a cross, either. I thought about this for awhile, still had no idea what the heck it might mean, and gave up.
Then I fell asleep, woke up, did this repeatedly, getting lost, and finally woke up in the morning and tried again, falling asleep repeatedly, thankfully the snooze on my alarm kept waking me up.
IG must have had pity on me. As I struggled to stay awake, alert, and not mentally wandering, this big sphere or ball came rolling rapidly toward me. I stood offside and watched it roll rapidly past me, and I followed it. Finally, something, after it seemed like forever of getting no info at all. I flew after it, and it went right off the edge of a small cliff. I stopped up on the cliff edge and watched it fall to the ground, hit and split open, and there were a bunch of people in it. I couldn’t see them, I just understood they were there.
I went down to the people and studied them, coming to the realization that the sphere was “one” thing, but the people were “many” things, and that this was LEGION on a small scale, the ‘diversity of intent’.
“Why are you all separated?” I asked them.
“I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of –”
“Bullshit!” interrupted another. “We’re –”
“Because –”
…and then I got nothing else because a bunch of people were all talking at the same time. One thing was obvious: they all had a completely different opinion on — and attitude about — why they were separated.
I stood there staring at them while they argued. What is the point of commonality? I wondered. Where is the energy that brings them together? And then I felt that it was this string or cable, it looked like it was made out of the same stuff the ‘light beings who wear [shorter] humans like suits’ seem to be made of, that super smooth, soft but intense white opaque light. It came from “the center above” — maybe the center of the galaxy, like I imagine when I’m doing my grounding before meditations — but I understood that it was same point of divine for all of them.
The other end of the cable was elsewhere but the bottom was with me. I threaded it through each one, as if I were making a flexible shish-kabob out of them with it, and when I was done, I imagined I put it in the ground and down to the core of earth, and then it pulled tight. They were all then aligned on the string, through their torsos, and they just slid into each other. I got as this happened that this is like the future of my Aeons (perhaps they were charade-ing for me in this), that the ‘awareness’ a level of above brings them into one Being. I also got a very good physical merge-rush, strong enough to surprise me. Then I realized that they were part of me, too, and I merged with the single-entity that had remained, and got another much smaller but still decent rush.
I thanked IG and leaped up to make the kid breakfast before school. If these didn’t take me a hundred tries and sleep and more to finally “get through,” my evening meditations would quit running into my mornings!
Palyne
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