I was going to do an archmed last night. Earlier, I’d done the focus on chakras I mentioned a couple posts ago, and I was feeling good.
Maybe my heart chakra was getting jiggy with me, because in a suffusion of affection, I realized that the thing I most wanted to work through, in the whole world, was “whatever is best for Inner Guide.” My beautiful angelic guide. Whatever makes me best able to be good for her, give her the most fun and growth and every possible good thing. I felt such love for her.
And yes, my common reaction to that was present: what if I love her too much and that means she has to leave me and move on, as other IG’s have done when we apparently reached a point like that?
But this time, finally, I cared more for her than for me apparently, because I was willing to bring that on as long as it was what was best for her, even though I felt such breathless grief at the mere thought.
Then I called Senior and the Queen and asked them to please translate that into a request appropriate for her reality and asked her to use their translation as my official request.
I don’t know what I expected but I thought it’d be an archetype or environ of some kind. Instead, she put the heel of her hand on my forehead, and then wrapped her fingers up so the tips were on my crown and the whole hand was against my head. She took the fingers of her other hand and did something above my crown chakra, and I could almost ‘see’ it — it looked so odd! — as if there were physical energy and it ‘spiraled upward’ to about 12-18″ above my head.
Then with that hand, she wrote something, in some other language, in gold light, and it was almost solid in a strange way, and then it “soaked into” the part of my head she had written it against. And she just kept doing this.
Writing words in some language, phrases, in a semi-solid gold light and then they would “soak into” me.
When this first started, I thought it might be like an experience where my previous IG transferred me the gift of the Sidhe, a hammered gold metal on a chain with characters which, when he did some gaelic-sounding chant over me, absorbed into me and then multiplied into the zillions and ran all over my body like tiny gold-light creatures for a moment. But it wasn’t like that–actually everything she did felt nearly solid and very still, like it came to rest permanently in the part of me it absorbed into.
She did this for quite a long time all around my head, face, neck, throat, especially around the neck, and then when she reached the bottom of my neck, she changed and began doing these large ‘symbols’ of some kind, all the way down my spine, and something like thin golden beams of light all around my heart, and so on, all the way through my body.
When she was done, I told her that I think her being my first female guide has had many good effects on me, and I had to pull back from sobbing in the depth of my emotion about her and how much I loved her. It was kind of crazy.
I was going to do a regularly meditation then, perhaps 9 of Disks, but as I laid back and wrapped up in my soft warm blanket, I really just wanted to lay about feeling love for her, I didn’t want to do anything else. So I fell asleep that way.
All day, my neck has ached, a little like a muscle strain except it is in every side and direction at once and from shoulders to head and has an oddly “thick” feeling as if the inside of my neck and lower back of head is just … more dense, somehow, physically.
I don’t mind, I assured it this morning; I’m willing to take some ache if that’s the side effect. Chakra development often hurts like hell in my experience, maybe other things have physical side effects also.
I still feel such affection for her. A more heightened sense of her ‘holy’ than I normally focus on.
P
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