I continue to not get to the 8 of Disks meditation.
In line with my groovy sense of mellow lately though, I no longer care very much. :-)
Starting to feel now, that what matters is that I am consistently meditating, touching base with some part of me. That what needs to happen can, then. That there is a larger pattern of growth that will occur somewhat naturally. As if my intellectual obsession with various topics, tarot, etc. for meditation is fine, but that it is not appropriate for me to make this the “only” meditation I am doing.
That there are other things that IG will naturally address, needs to. That there are things based on my meditations that need to be addressed as well.
That every day is a series of flux, of the changes and impressions and energies of the day before, the day after that hasn’t happened yet, the experiences of both. As if I am a ‘moving point of present’ that is as much created from the near future as from the near past.
I have this sense as if… as if some part of my brain, very subtly, is starting to pick up the x-ray impression of “a larger pattern.” And it seems like all my logic about my life, about my meditation, about everything really, has been completely oblivious to this larger pattern. It has influenced me hugely, sometimes been the driving force or direction, but I always thought it was my whim, or chance, that brought about the thoughts and experiences which occur.
I feel that often I have spent periods railing about the injustice of why something I wanted or didn’t want was in place, or trying to accomplish something not working, when if I had understood that bigger pattern, I would have seen what was appropriate, and could have been doing something more rewarding and useful instead.
“Let it be.” The pattern happens naturally. If we genuinely live “in the moment” and we do not artificially “attach” ourselves to the events of reality, it all works out.
I hear myself. Oh puhleeeze, some part of my surface-brain is thinking. The feeling through the rest of me is very… serene, though. Like it doesn’t have feelings from surface events and opinions based upon those but rather, feels from a deeper level, of Truth, and hence knows.
If I weren’t so serene at the moment I would find this part of myself totally annoying.
***
I was talking to IG and I said, that I just didn’t understand the number thing. I mean, why is 8 of disks, that energy? Why not 3 or 9?
How did whatever energy conglomerate it is, come to be associated with 8 of Disks? The disks part seems more reasonable, in that energy has a certain nature, but why the number?
IG, I felt, wanted to share something with me. I said ok, and relaxed. But instead of the normal meditation experience — another world or the archetype bit — she gave me a “transparent cube.” I’ve seen this in more than one meditation. And this (and another shape or two) are in a couple of the royal cards of the disks in Thoth tarot.
But I mean just gave it to me right in front of me. I opened my eyes, and I did have to visualize a little to ‘help’ it seem present without my eyes closed, but it was simply in front of me, like hovering over my lap, not in any ‘other inner world’ or whatever. That was different!!
It was changing, moving through some kind of cycle. It changed at each point. Actually, it seemed more like it was many ‘things’ in series, but between each ‘thing’ there was a transition, but the transition was itself a ‘thing’ too. Each ‘point’ was a geometry. A natural faceted sort that reminded me of the patterns that minerals grow in.
I stopped and pondered the ever-’blooming’, cyclically-changing, seemingly organic and ever-growing — and yet something as much object and math as anything else, in front of me. I realized I had missed a subtlety until now. Although it was moving through these shapes, the transparent box was still somehow present at the same time. As if it ‘was’ every-thing.
I sat with it for a bit and then I suddenly ‘got’ it: the symbol of the transparent cube contains ALL the shapes. All the shapes, are the energy patterns of the numbers.
I don’t know that I can articulate it well now, but then, the point that it was transparent and the point that it was a cube were both critical and obvious to this, and I understood that it “contained all”. I also understood that it had something in common with “one” as a number, and the Ace of the Tarot. It seemed like some parts of me were communicating about it and through it.
The cube = 1, which contains all.
(I got a ‘feeling’ I can’t articulate well, about 0 (zero).)
But 2 is the forms: all are described in 2.
Every ‘dynamic’ is a child of 2.
2 is ‘fixed’.
The ‘odd’ number brings in a not-fixed.
This is chaos and legion but also ‘transition’.
I thought about that. I thought, if I had not seen the clear cube that was also the mineral/gem-like geometries, going through that series, I would not have been able to understand this.
I thought about how some numbers rest ‘within’ other numbers and can combine to ‘be’ other numbers. And some can’t. Like primes.
They do not co-exist, I got. You can only pay attention to being one or the other.
A feeling came through my body, and although I was sitting down I let myself move to it somewhat. My shoulders and arms and hands and head would move to a certain shape, and then transition out into a different shape, in a gentle rhythm. I felt as if my body, my arms in particular, were following planes and edges, as if modeling shapes or parts of them.
You are dancing the forms, I got.
Today, I feel the transparency relates to nothingness and spirit and the cube relates to somethingness and form and that the two interacting create the base geometries which make up our universe, our reality. This is geometry; this is numbers. Geometry is the root, I don’t mean the math class I mean the actual energy shape. Numbers are our abstract label for that energy shape even when we don’t understand that’s what they are. Even when we don’t understand why the nature of 3 is different than the nature of 8.
What we call mathematics, is the dance of the forms and how they combine, un-combine, and become each other. Or don’t. Or transition.
I decided that I had gotten all my brain was up to at the moment and I invited it (the transparent cube which was cycling through geometric forms) to “become inside me” and merged with it. Nice rush. Not huge, but it was ok.
***
I “sat with that” for awhile, a sort of meditation. I had a question I could not bring to words, but apparently something understood.
Every number longs for that which follows.
Every number longs for that which precedes.
The “longing” of anything, is as much its definition, as its compiled energy, which is “the transition” between that which precedes and that which follows.
I sat with that for awhile. There was a lot going on in me but I can’t put most of it into words. I had another question I couldn’t articulate, related to my resistance to the 8 of Disks meditation, my resistance to the Aeons and more.
We are most threatened by the energy/number which follows where we are (paused/paying attention), because it is the transition between ‘us’ and ‘other’.
I was finally able to articulate a clear question. “What is 8?” I asked. I was thinking of ‘Prudence’ and wondering how it became those energies. I have no idea how the answer I got relates to that. It didn’t even seem to address it, far as I can see.
The wings. The flight that leads to (9) freedom.
It is also the dynamic of (?) — I missed the number, didn’t understand it.
“How can it be that?” I heard myself ask — clearly, some other part of me heard it (perhaps ‘Fourth of Four’ which is more than just-me). Then I saw/felt/sensed a single thing, a ONE which was the opposite and yet child of NONE, and this divided into two, and then this divided but grew into four, which then became 8, and I realized I was seeing the growth of the cells of an embryo, which was overlaid with the growth of a geometry of the forming universe.
I got a little lost, mentally, then, and brought myself back to attention, and said again, “Tell me more about 8.” and I relaxed and waited.
I got this sense, then, and I attempted to translate and articulate it as it happened. “Um, Jealousy?” I said as question just as my right leg abreacted, jerking suddenly in muscle spasm and the energy was gone.
“IG,” I said, “I feel like this is how it should be done, on the fly like this: Now, while I’m having this experience, work me through that energy that my body just shunted off the line of the nervous system and hence away from my brain.”
I was looking close-up at dry ground. Dirt and rocks and pebbles. Cracks ran through the soil in a fractal line. It was irregular and looked a little like the shape of lightning.
I didn’t know what that meant. As I told IG that, I had the sudden memory of this one element in a movie: of a knife with poison (toward the end of the movie Gladiator).
At first I dismissed that and began to ‘relax’ and wait for info but then I realized I need to quit assuming these sudden memories of a symbol or dynamic are daydreaming, they are not, they are IG (or whomever) using the database components in my head to talk to me. So the symbol I now needed to work with, I realized, was the poisoned knife.
“Tell me about the symbol of the poison,” I said, and relaxed.
Every geometry has its own family.
Humans are not compatible with everything.
Quite a filtered percentage, actually.
Geometries innately incompatible, we call things of poison.
In healing, and in giving energy to archetypes, we are giving it … transition-keys.
The number of us which follows, and leads, where it is focused; we use its natural desire to help effect change.
We do not really change it.
We tempt it with the longing to change itself.
When it changes to shapes compatible, that part, we can merge.
I got something more related to incompatibility and dealing with this, but I could not articulate it well trying to write it down, so I scribbled it out and dropped it.
“Tell me about the symbol of the knife,” I said.
You really cannot change any-thing.
I sensed the knife was a symbol of ‘do-ing’, or ‘force-ing’, of one thing (person holding) making another thing (person receiving) against its will.
You can merely example, tempt, share your own passion-for-transition, as inspiration.
“Resonance” is inspiration.
I thought maybe that would explain why a great deal of effort in mental intent does not seem to have the power, in meditations, of even a small dose of genuine ‘wanting’ — emotional, sexual, whatever. Maybe the reality is that what changes a Thing, including a ‘relationship’ — which I just realized, is “the transition” between me and another thing, and another thing and me, and that transition is its own identity, just like the numbers of ‘transition’ are — is not our will, but Its will.
So maybe it is not about my ability to mentally ‘do’ something to it but rather, my ability to inspire, encourage it, so it changes itself. So it wants to be “with” me.
I am not fixing it; I am seducing it.
Huh. Well that’s a novel way of looking at it I guess.
Maybe that’s why in order to really ‘force’ change I have to become-aware-that-I-AM something and hence it is me and hence MY will rules. Because I can’t change something from outside it. Maybe that was indirectly, the lesson from Senior’s sharing I AM moments with me on occasion, I just never got it before.
There was something else I cannot recall unfortunately… I ‘interacted’ awhile more and then fell asleep.
And… still did not get to the 8 of Disks meditation… although I do feel I got something useful out of the time anyway, even though the above text is really only about 40% of it, and difficult to articulate ‘with accuracy’ anyway.
Sounds kinda woo-woo from the outside, I realize. I don’t know why I dreamed about astronomical stuff or why I ask a question and get geometry in answer. I’m guessing normal people get normal info.
***
Edited to add: In re-reading this I had a realization.
I am a ‘transition’, because I live in time.
I am always the transition point between yesterday and tomorrow.
The cycles of time which as a side effect we ‘see’ in everything from astrology to palmistry, mean that we are always at the point of transition between one geometry and another.
We think of ourselves as if we are static “things” with a world that changes around us. We constantly fight to BE static, to resist change. But really, we ARE the very “embodiment of change” in fact. Every instant our body is in motion and change in a zillion tiny ways, digesting and aging and cleaning and more. There is only such thing as ‘the present’ in a very loose form; all else (and everything, truly) is the past or the future; what precedes and what follows.
We define ourselves in such a way, culturally mentally, that our true nature, the very definition of what we are — catalysts and adaptive chameleons, creatures changing the way fire changes constantly — makes us feel threatened and frightened. We find it immensely difficult to live in the present, to be that adaptive creature, we have entire religious practices and self-help books dedicated to helping people wrap their brain around this practice of ‘living in the now’. Because our focus clings frantically to the past, or to a life ’20 minutes into the future’ as the old Max Headroom slogan said.
Geez now that I think about it, our ENTIRE culture is utterly geared to us as static creatures. A whole myriad of ways this is evidenced flashes by me. From the diamond rings of forever to the photographs of the past. And I think this is a bigger deal than it seems, not just because we might be denying and avoiding our nature, but because this mindset to a degree traps us in some ways. Would a person who truly lived in the present, be so profoundly harmed, ongoing by the events of the past, as most people are? No.
And the irony is that most good does not travel with us; we experience it in joy and we move forward; but evil marks us and wants to live on which it can ONLY do if we cling to a static definition of Self, and to the past. It makes us so much more vulnerable. And I recall Seth insisting ‘the point of power is in the NOW’ and that all our attention to other points of times simply… my words not his… shifted the energy of our attention away from the focus where it had the most power to creatively manage our lives.
P
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