The corp I work for does software updates and for small ones we call it ‘patching’. Sometimes there are side effects. Like exposing issues we didn’t see till then. Patch pain keeps us scrambling. I think maybe this same dynamic happens on other levels too.
The ‘Largers’ as I’m calling them (for lack of any more intelligent term to describe them) are like a soul patch, I think. I’ve asked them what the hell is going on with me since I met them. They tell me that if you even slightly increase the amount of overall energy you’re actively connected with, it intensifies everything. As if that is an answer, I thought … then after awhile I decided it was.
This reminds me of a comment I read, something about how when the light of the divine shines through a person, it highlights all patterns… not just the good ones.
I have just been weird for days. I’m sleeping more than seems humanly possible, and outside work that’s almost all I do. I’ve had so much inflammation it’s crazy, body-wide, and I did a lot of trying to figure out what food was causing this but there really wasn’t anything that should have that effect, and certainly not to that degree. And while many of these symptoms are not too unusual for fluctuating hormones or food intake, it just feels different (and isn’t that time).
My body feels completely weird in various ways I have never felt before. Too many ways to describe and it comes and goes. It’s not like anything drastic. Usually it’s just a kind of pain I’ve never had in a place I’ve never had it, and I notice that for awhile, then it goes away.
Sometimes it’s just really, really weird how my brain “interprets” a feeling. For example for a few days I repeatedly felt very clearly — like a no-brainer obvious feeling, no less — that someone had sliced off my right foot at the ankle and then put it back on. It only hurt a little, usually when I went from not using it for awhile to walking on it no matter how gentle, but that faded, and it was never severe. So no big deal really, just slightly achey but almost fully healed. I can’t explain why it felt like that, like it wasn’t any tendon or muscle but something like a solid cut through the inner bone, had been repaired… it just did.
Somewhere in the lab, mad scientist Michael Persinger is laughing maniacally, saying, ‘I know what neuron to push on to make that happen! Mwahahahaha!’
I think I am feeling a little better today. Still not normal, but I do seem to be working through it with time. Aside from a few days ago, and the dream I blogged, I haven’t been able to meditate (again).
I do get spontaneous weirdings though. Like I will realize that I just had an entire conversation with an Aeon or Larger and I basically had the experience, then moved on within seconds, then realized I’d just had it, and have to ‘rewind’ to review what happened or was said. In general, this kind of thing is not unusual. These things happen with incredible speed, is the first thing. And it’s almost like the mind has two tracks: the outer, slow, linear track, and the inner, ultrafast, nonlinear track, and although they do affect each other, they operate mostly independently.
Or I’ll get some unbelievably vivid visual of something completely offbeat. Like I realized I was looking at the side of a man’s face/head really up close and he was turning slowly and there was this small flat silver thing wrapped around his temple and then I was literally, as he turned my perspective continued moving forward, and my vision was passing INTO his head and I could see everything with astounding detail, from the hair follicles to arteries to the ‘mesh’ of skull and more, before I was thinking too much ‘about’ rather than ‘with’ the experience and the visual was suddenly gone. It isn’t the bizarre detail of the visual that makes me go “Hmmn,” third-eye stuff has that, it’s just wondering, why did I see this, who is the guy, is this some random universe experience I stepped into like a puddle, is it something to do with me, or…?
I will never know probably, if past examples are any indicator, so maybe it doesn’t matter.
One of the possible side-effect positives of blogging is that if I go stark raving mad (-der?), maybe there will be a bread crumb trail. My friends will consider, stroking their jaws like Freud, that perhaps all was well until she started posting about topic Z, which should have been seen as a sign that she was losing it.
P
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