Miscellany –
I did remember, later this evening, something Nero and I talked about, when I was half asleep.
He’d said I shouldn’t do any archetype meditations tonight because I needed to ‘process’ stuff. He suggested I get more exercise to help work energies through my body better.
And he brought up keeping a better environment around me. As I think the 3rd did later. Unless I am mixing it all up which as I was a little altered in both, is possible.
I was telling my kid this today (about cleaning) and she acted like this was moron-level obvious. I realized she was right and I joked, “Yes, Saturn has a direct effect on me, and but my bedroom doesn’t matter at all.”
I had a minor daydream about a real nice minimalist environ (I can dream) and a nice relaxed ‘routine’ of schedule and incense and some nice music.
That was the one thing I always admired so much about my prior meditation teacher. She got up before the kids and would straighten the house and then take a shower, and light incense and some jar candles and put on some harp music or something, and then sit down in her comfy chair and meditate quietly until everyone else got up. Something similar at night. And during the day, whenever she had time and no demands on her, she might just sit down and meditate, for one minute or ten or 3 hours.
Despite being a single mom to two kids, with hobbies and classes and school and piano lessons and so on, somehow, she maintained that center of tranquility, not to mention her house looked better on a bad day than mine usually does on a good day. There were beautiful, colorful things all over. Her whole house was infused with a feeling of casual-holiness is the only way I can put it. After awhile, merely walking into that environ instantly put you in state.
I daydream of being that neat, that organized, that centered, that focused, and that tranquil.
***
I was blissfully asleep to the sound of my best friend’s voice (and silence) on the phone earlier but my bleeping kid woke me up. I need to sleep but I’m too awake. Grrr. I would like to meditate now. This would be a perfect time for the 6 of Disks! “Success” But if I do that, I guess that is directly ignoring Nero’s advice. After making a big-ass deal about reconnecting with him, Icould spend the next day or so NOT following it. That doesn’t seem like a good sign. So I will put it off. Maybe it’s like weight lifting, where you can overtrain, who knows?
I wonder if a Tek med counts? God knows I need a whole lot more time with the Teks, working on my body/ energy body/ etc. It seems like that might be a venting rather than an additional stressing. Hmmn. It might be ok but I feel like I’m doing some kind of sin-of-omission or looking for a loophole to ignore him, and that seems wrong. I guess I’ll just do an Aeon round, sit with the Four a bit, and go back to sleep if possible. Although there is nothing like a good archmed, preferably on something hard, to put me to sleep in seconds.
***
I miss music. I don’t have any unless my work computer is near and open at the moment. I’d like to get some kind of real cheap MP3 player. If it took a headphone jack that was standard 1/16, I could use the small speakers I have. Some covered-ear headphones wouldn’t hurt either. Yes I know, I’m like making the desire to mellow out for spiritual reasons into a consumer thing. But I think music is a big part of environment.
When I really think about how little time in minutes it would take me to pray a few times a day, keep the environment nicer, I wonder what is wrong with me that I am so inconsistent with this.
***
I forgot to mention that nightly for at least 2 of the last 3 or more, I’ve had impressive nightmares. They don’t stick with me and they seem like just a small detail of a much vaster night of energy work. I do remember pieces of the one from last night though.
First, it was military. Some group on my side was actually on the other. One of my men was caught and was right near a plane a few hundred yards from me and they blew up the plane with something like a shoulder-launched missile, and the explosion caught him on fire (and worse). He was screaming. The realism and horrible sound of this screaming actually stuck with me for awhile even after I’d forgotten all the rest of the dream. As if it carried much more than mere sound. (A throat-chakra effect, I think.)
Later, I was with my daughter and the bad guys were coming to kill me. I knew I was doomed. I was frantically trying to get her to leave so she would not be killed too, and she was being stubborn. On one hand I was furious and yelling at her to go away immediately and leave me, but on the other hand, the level of pure rage I felt that my last precious instants with the human I love most in the universe had to be screaming angrily at her, was indescribable.
Finally, just before the mob showed up to kill me, a woman who was of the bad guys did. She took my daughter and I understood that she was not going to hurt her, that she had compassion for the situation and knew I would die but was getting her out of the way of it. I guess these are just venting some energies… I don’t know if they have deep meaning or not.
On reflection this felt like stuff with the Four. I know when I first met the 3rd I was often with him in ‘challenging’ situations, environmental and social.
My best friend says I’m always working on the junk I have problems with and I should do a lot more ‘positive’ meditations and not always something that is “challenging”. I suppose he’s right.
I’ve noticed that sometimes certain energies seem to lead to nightmares until they are closed or vented. But I figure the most difficult energies would likely be the ones that make me abruptly pass out in meditation, in avoidance, so working them out in the dream state is probably a good thing. I guess I can’t get away there!
P
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