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This meditation was recommended to me by some identity inside me. (See ‘Your Worst Enemy’ a couple posts ago.)  A spontaneous, clear suggestion.

Getting around to it was another story.  I fell asleep repeatedly, got distracted, forgot everything in my head and otherwise lost track of what I was doing about the minute I decided I was going to do the meditation.

Then I started getting paranoid.  Maybe I gotta do this because that energy is hurting me or about to and I don’t know it. Or, maybe there is some terrible disease, and working with that would help clear me of it. It was hilarious. I got more paranoid by the day.

Finally, I got to it. I was not as altered state as I wished by any means, but I knew if I let that happen I would be unconscious or distracted. I was half-working at the time and I finally thought you know, there is no reason why I need a whole ritual for this. Every time I make the time for the minor surround ritual of ‘doing it’, something happens to interrupt. So I should just do it, right now, no matter what else I’m doing, no matter what my state of mind. And if that makes it… well, less impactive, less spontaneous, because altered state stuff works so much nicer, well too damn bad. At least I am finally doing it.

My thought previously was, Whaddaya bet. The arch looks just like me, haha. Then Eva commented that also (great minds think alike!) which cracked me up. But it didn’t work out that way.

Before I had IG bring me the focus arch, I brought in my favorite archs to help. Responsiblity, the Angelics, Jupiter, and then a variety of other planets and Sun. I called in Saturn and demanded of His Obnoxious Greenness, you can help! — surely his only value can’t be to kick my ass once every 30 years.

But when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t that IG had brought something to me. I was just in another world entirely.

I didn’t see any structure, machine, creature, or anything else that might be an arch. I stood there for awhile waiting, but nothing happened. Given the landscape, I started to wonder if maybe that was itself the arch. It was … stormy. I don’t mean the lovely grey of a mysterious storm, I mean charcoal and brown, muddy and violent. It was night time or maybe that was just the storm. I couldn’t see much in the distance. I felt as if I were standing near some kind of shallow canyon but it was as flat where I was as it is on my plateau.

I wandered around the environment. It felt as if any minute now, something with teeth was going to leap out and rip me up. I’m paranoid, I thought to myself, and then thought, Well no wonder, considering the archetype! I kept thinking, if I just keep looking, something will happen. You know, the archetype will appear.

Aeonic: Or not. That’s easier, but doesn’t always happen. Maybe you’ll just wander around paranoid and wondering.

I frowned-in-concept at whoever it was. I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend my meditation wandering uselessly around, I told us both.

My Worst Enemy! I bellowed into the storm. Get yer ass over here and talk to me!

And there it was.

Oh. My God. An insanely attractive man. OK now that part was a little surprising. It wasn’t so much his physical looks that were so attractive, although they were lovely. It was a genuine attraction like chemistry. Rage and lust and everything else it seemed, in equal measure. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to F — well you get the idea.

OK, there was the minor detail that he had demon horns on his shoulders, that his eyes kept sliding to black and then glowing red, and that I understood, instinctively, that he wanted to kill me. Darn it, that does tend to make a man a tad less attractive doesn’t it? I was torn between wanting him in a carnal way, and wanting to punch him in the head.

He swung at me when I got too close, and he had nails or claws that raked down my chest. I looked down at myself, a little blood blooming. I guess it’s a good thing I’m so non-altered state, I thought to myself. Since I don’t take it as seriously or feel it much this way.

Aeonic: Actually it’s too bad. Taking it more literally and seriously would be useful.

The enemy stood about 15 feet away from me, staring at me with an arrogant sneer I would so loved to have wiped from his face with violence. I pondered how I could hurt him in return.

Aeonic: That is not the way.

Me: Yeah I know. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a lovely temptation.

Aeonic: Because this is your enemy?

Me: Hello, he wants to kill me. I’d say he qualifies.

Aeonic: Is it him that wants to kill you?

Me: Who else would it be? His mother? Come on.

Aeonic: But you just wanted to do him violence.

Me: Well — well — well only because he felt that way about me first.

I suddenly felt like a whining 7 year old. Dammit. I hate it when that happens.

Me: So you’re saying what, that if I’m all polly and hey Mr. Demon Worst Enemy let’s share rainbows, he’ll just go for it?

Aeonic: No, he would probably kill you.

Me: AHA! You see? Even you agree. Whatever parts of me you are. Never mind, “it’s supposed to be seamless,” it doesn’t matter, yada yada, I know. Forget it.

Aeonic: You were given the key not long ago.

I spontaneously remembered. Writing this, I’ve sort of half-forgotten. But I think it was in an archmed. From the Queen. Maybe the Tower arch. Something about, the solution to someone working against you is not to take on the same energy and fight back. It is to cure the darkness that causes their motive. Or something. I forget.

Me: so it’s love your enemy, is that it.

Aeonic: That’s a bit simplified.

Me: well say something useful already. How do I cure the darkness that causes his motive, or whatever?

Aeonic: first you have to recognize that darkness for what it is.

Me: how do I do that?

Aeonic: you recognize him for what he is.

Me: uh…. my enemy? I thought we’d established that?

Aeonic: he is only your enemy if you choose to provide him that role.

Me: You just said he would kill me. HE. Would kill ME. So I think what I want really has no part of it.

Aeonic: it has the part you give it.

Me: You’re not making sense to me. There’s this dude. He is my enemy — I mean HE chooses that, no matter I choose. He wants to kill me. This all seems pretty simple to me. So I can either kick his ass, which sounds like an interesting idea by the way [I was still feeling powerful emotion about him despite my altered state], or I can be all love and light and hope that enough Rain-Of-Love and so on will somehow change him into something else, like other archetypes. I see him. What am I not recognizing? By the way, why do I feel simultaneously such attraction and repelling-violence?

Aeonic: the same reason he does. You are bound by the energy he carries.

Me: why should I be bound by it? It’s his problem.

Aeonic: It’s your energy. He’s carrying it for you. He is, in a way, a good friend, on a soul-level, or he wouldn’t be doing that.

Me. {….. silence ….}

Aeonic: you did not choose to release the energy, but you did not choose to carry it. You project it, so someone else agrees to carry it for you.

Me: uh huh. So…. you’re saying that… when he carries that energy, he is… he is changed by it. Like it joins and alters his identity. Makes him a demon at least to me. Instead of whatever he might be without that energy.

Aeonic: good.

I started getting a clue about the point he was getting around to, too damn slowly.

Me: So you’re saying that I need to see who he is separate from that energy, I need to recognize what is him, and what is energy that is a projection of me.

Aeonic: good.

Me: And then what?  Are you implying that I will have to take this energy, because it’s mine, and then release it, or…?  So in a way it’s not that I’m healing him. It’s that I’m releasing him from the energy which is mine, and then I am healing myself.

I rolled my eyes. This just seemed… well predictable, now that I thought about it.

I focused on the archetype. I closed my eyes and asked myself to feel inside me and help create a visual that would separate him from ‘the energy he carried’.  It seemed to take a little while, and then it started coming into view. Oddly, the him-separate looked a little like the souls/angels in the grocery store that day. Like a sort of solid but soft but pure light.

The back of my neck (in my regular body) had this sudden ‘rush’ all the way through it, as if my brain stem was involved in this, and something about recognizing the soul apart from the energy felt literally like an archetype merge except weirdly localized to just that part of my body.

I had this associative overlay then… I suddenly felt that this said something about healing. That in order to be the kind of healer the masters have been, you have to be able to reach your soul out and see the soul you are working with, as distinct from all the energy that they are carrying.

The energy was dark and violent and there was a lot of it. As I sat attempting to gain rapport with the ‘soul’ part of him instead, I began to realize that all that negative energy… it was an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title… it was an identity. That got my attention.

I started to feel that the idea that people have ‘attachments’ — like energies or entities sort of stuck to them or in them — was quite literal. That there is no difference between a collection of negative energy and an identity; all collections of energy are an identity if you look at the collection as one.

I then had the sense that our ‘evolution’ as an allegedly intelligent society had actually hurt us in this way. That in the old days people could look at negative energy and say, “That’s a demon,” and cast it out, and as much as we tend to think they were all morons, that actually worked a good deal of the time or, obviously, they probably would have quit doing it. I had the idea that we’ve been educated by Hollywood, not reality, about that.

And the ability to “personalize” that negative energy, which also meant to recognize its boundaries or scope — basically define its identity — actually allowed the consciousness of the people involved to intentionally “deal with it” far better than we do. I had the humorous sense that if I were to translate this into geometric terms, that assigning it an identity was the equivalent of making it all cohesive so it stayed together and then attaching a handle to it so you could grab it.

I thought of a book I read about about negative energy once and the author had managed to make everything, even a mole on your body, into an ‘attachment’ that was a ‘negative energy’ and so on. I recall having peals of laughter during parts of the book, though in fairness I found other parts interesting. I thought to myself that this perspective probably worked fine for the author, but that it was just a perspective; it was just his.

Well, yeah. Sure. But all of life is just perspective, right. I can see things as a vibrating cohesive collection of energy or I can see it as “Jane” or “my couch” or whatever that collection of energy might be “from this perspective.”

Then I thought of personalization as I call it. Didn’t that affect this subject. Well sure. Just like people can’t talk to God worth a damn when they perceive that energy as some ineffable intangible generic field of energy — something with no center, no identity, no handle — well, they can’t talk to so-called demons like that, either. If you don’t personalize energy, whether it’s archetypes or deities or a energy causing an illness or pain, it’s pretty difficult to have a conversation with it, or cast it out, or whatever.

I had this sudden insight that this was actually playing out in analogy in our world. The political enemy that is not any specific group of people by race or nation or uniform, a confusingly generic collection of particles intermingling with everything else. We keep trying to find a perspective that will let us consolidate that into an ‘identity’ so we can ‘target’ it. Instead it’s just kind of everywhere and nowhere.  I thought: cancer of the body-politic. It is metastasizing.

Me: Well yea but… I’ve always felt like ‘recognizing’ negative energy as an ‘identity’ in some way validated it or made it stronger.

Aeonic: That can be accurate. Your attention in that manner can help consolidate energy into functioning as an identity. Some, though, are already doing so. In which case your refusal to recognize this only means you cannot address what you will not recognize. This kind of energy can have significant effects.

Me: But honestly, when I hear people talking about negative entities, demons, whatever, I usually think they’re kind of nutcases. It’s not that I don’t think such things can exist, because I guess at some level I do. It’s just that it is usually so apparent with such people that they are part of any such thing that is present in their life.

Aeonic: You are all part of everything that is present in your lives. You are more attuned to recognizing it in this case, in others, because it supports your desire to avoid this subject as a whole.

Me: What subject? Demons or something?

Aeonic: Anything negative, particularly anything negative that you are allowing in yourself.

Me: But if I don’t believe in it, and belief systems drive reality, then … then it shouldn’t really affect me, right?

Aeonic: If you truly believed differently, it would have certain — what you might call ‘protective’ effects. However, your belief in this area is not the genuine belief that structures reality. It is more of a surface story designed by ignorance and denial.

Me: Thanks for the diplomacy, criminy.

I thought for awhile.

Me: So are you suggesting that I should “reframe” all negative energy as an entity? I should go around ranting about demons or something? This is so NOT going to happen.

Aeonic: The original point was that an individual’s identity, combined with new energy, becomes a new identity. In order to find the individual, to release them from that energy, you need to learn to feel them, see them, recognize them as an identity without that energy.The divisibility and grouping of energy is yours to decide, and your relationship with it will depend on how you frame it. Sometimes if you wish to ‘deal with’ that energy, you have to recognize that it is not an abstract, any more than people or trees or political groups are.

Me: And… this helps me how, I mean, not to be unkind, this is all interesting and all, but what’s the point?

Aeonic: There are several. The point you are looking for is this: when you perceive something as an enemy, you personalize it. Then, you can interact with it and, ideally, accept and heal that energy. As long as you are unwilling to consider a given energy as adversarial to you, you do not recognize the negative effects it may be having in your reality.

Me: So… lemme think. So like, let’s say that my buddy John has knee pain. You think if he were to intentionally, perceptually structure “knee pain” — just the pain, not the knee — as a sort of… identity that he could meditate with, negotiate with, concentrate on sending healing energy to, that sort of thing — that this might be more… constructive or effective than simply thinking of the energy as some abstract field of misfortune which, among other things, made his knees hurt?

Aeonic: In most cases, yes.

Me: OK here’s what is confusing me. I swear when this meditation got going, I was thinking that maybe the point was learning that when I think someone is my enemy, they are really not, they are actually a pure soul and the enemy-energy is separate, and not part of them. But now it seems like you’re telling me to recognize that enemy-energy.

Aeonic: Recognize the energy; do not confuse it with what you might call the souls that share your reality.

Me: I get confused about people as a projection of me vs. people as their own… identity. Actually now that I think of it, that’s just as much an issue for the archetypal world. But it’s confusing in the real world, for sure.

Aeonic: Your language does not support the structures that would better allow understanding.

Me: ok so let’s say that I learn to differentiate between ‘the souls’ that share my reality and “the energy they carry which is a projection from me”. What then?

Aeonic: You recognize more of yourself in others, then; that is part of the point of “projection”, is to see things more clearly, and give yourself a chance to interact with it.

Me: So humorously, we’re back where I started. In a way, my enemies ARE ‘me’. Because without that energy that I am projecting, that they are carrying, they would just be… people.

Aeonic: that works.

I turned my attention back to the archetype. On the bright side, the talking and thinking seemed to have worked all on their own, because all the demon-like qualities had vanished, I had no sense that he wanted to do me all possible harm, and he was a normal, nice looking guy.

On the down side, well, I had not only lost my desire to punch him in the head, but I’d just lost my carnal attracted desire for him, period, also.

Now that was disturbing.

Me: What does that mean? That if I’m ever attracted to someone, it’s because they’re my enemy??

Aeonic: No, it means that the identities you interact with in your world, you all carry energy for each other. It’s not always negative.

Me: And what if I don’t project energy of a certain kind, so they aren’t carrying it?

Aeonic: Then either you have integrated it, and that energy is now clear and aligned with your larger more singular intent, or you carry it yourself.

Me: Oh. So… that’s like… chronic pain, or a disease, or a phobia, a neurosis. Maybe how it manifests says something about the nature of the energy.

Aeonic: Yes, but it’s not always negative energy; it is often positive.

I had the understanding inside me that if you carried an energy you had not fully integrated, it would be what attracted you, what fed you and yet also sometimes drove you crazy. Like music, for some people. Or a given desire to be the perfect wife. Or whatever. That when we actually really want to explore something, we actually keep it a little bit separate from us, so we can “interact” with it. For I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of union. That when we had truly integrated something we lost our attraction to it. We lost our attachment to it, literally and figuratively.

I did all the typical healing things on ‘the energy’ that was separate from his true nature and part of my projection. I discovered that if I simply “looked for that” in him, I could actually see/sense it just as clearly as you can hooks and stuff in psi healing work. I finally got through it, and then I went up to the guy and hugged him, tentatively and then strongly. He was “just a guy.”  I felt like I needed to merge in some way but nothing felt right at that moment.

A few days later I was finally having some quality time with myself which was seriously overdue, and decided to bring that archetype, the guy who was left, back and just give him all that energy. That was nice and again I had a strong twinge all through the back half of my neck.

In the end, much of this felt as much like a ‘lesson’ as an ordinary archetype meditation. I don’t know if that’s doing it without much altered state in place, or some avoidance on my part, or what.

P