I had a dream last night that I think was a result of one of the ‘largers’ as I call them. In it, I had a fairly radically different perspective than normal. It wasn’t weird at all, just completely different.
I was watching people at this one point of time and space. As if … I think “Akashic Record” is the only term for this, as it was so much more than just visual or conceptual. There were a bazillion options but I had already streamlined everything down to what was, in general, one line of probability you might say. Like if you imagine that any event has a zillion probabilities inherent in its rollout, I had chosen or got it down to, in general, a very small set, and so using those as the parameters for what filtered into the view, I was watching the overall time period, and location area, and identity group — I mean the people who were part of all this.
This happened to be an area during warfare. It vaguely reminded me on waking of the WWII era in terms of, it was in big but seemingly old cities, things were machinery based but seemingly not ‘electronically’ based the way things are now. It gave me that feel, that “dusty grey” feel that Europe during that era brings to my mind, probably because my exposure to it is via the grainy b&w photos from books and history class.
I was watching this one period of focus. I don’t remember now how long the time period was, but not a whole human lifetime, perhaps weeks or months. There were some rather major events going on except I was grokking an entire period of time at once, so you understand that when I perceived this, I was like ‘secondarily aware’ that in experiential terms for the people, these things happened in a certain sequence, split apart. But I was aware of everything at once and it had a sort of… ‘summary’ effect. I’m trying to figure out how to better articulate this.
Say that you take a combination of people and events in a certain era and you combine them. The resulting group’d identity, for example, “The Rennaissance,” is more powerful than any of the individual people or events during that period. Well this was a brief period of time which was specifically kind of powerful and interesting.
There were many options within this filter, but I was focusing on a group of soldiers. I had many to choose from, and I evaluated the possibilities. I could be the entire command; 2-300 seemed the larger group there; but no. Personally (in the dream), I knew some others (like friends or associates of mine) were into being “everyone,” but I knew I preferred a smaller selection, to really focus more on the emotional depth of the relationships.
I looked at various individuals, seeing their entire lives as ‘singular a thing’ as I had previously seen the entire situation for that time frame. They had different degrees of power, of quality, of interest. Now awake, I would say that there was a subtle sense of quality, as if, the moral and emotional integrity of an individual kind of made them like… a brighter light, a little more powerful when all their experience was bundled together as a unit. I saw (but already knew) that when people had fierce emotional bonds to one another, there was a great amplifying of energy and interest, and I looked for the patterns of ‘connection’ to find that kind of grouping; there were many of different kinds and strengths.
I scanned, as if ‘sorting by hand’ but in some conceptual way, through these people in this era, looking for those who felt the most interesting to me personally, which would be those who were of the most integrity and the deepest passions, including for each other. I finally found one that I thought was good, and would be interesting to ‘be’ for awhile. I “focused-in” much more closely, which had the curious effect of reducing my objective intelligence and increasing the subjective impressions. I was working with someone more… aware than myself, almost like a version of inner guide in another context, and at that point, I was asking them for input, as I got too close to have the overview they would have.
The group was a few dozen people, but that was rather larger than I had in mind, and as I got closer I could ‘feel’ better the grouping that was pulling me the strongest. I narrowed it down to a group of 8 men. “A unit,” it seemed to be. They were bonded like soulmates and fought together. They lived in a tent of some kind in this military area but I understood that the events which to them, were in the future, were going to change a lot of things, but the focus time-points were getting smaller as I was closer and I was looking at an era closer to the beginning of the larger time-group I’d chosen. I hesitated slightly; should I be all eight? Or just some of them? But the connections were so strong between all of them that I decided yeah, I think I will become all 8 of them.
This is where my memory of the dream ends, but I kind of knew what came next. I would, with the help of my mentor/guide, put myself ‘into’ all those people. Now I had a choice, I could in theory do this from birth to death, but the stuff I was working on right now, my focus was actually just smaller portions of experience, more focused, so this would just be this time-era, perhaps a few months. I would be ‘sitting in on’ all 8 of them, so I would experience what they did, and feel what they felt. As part of this I would be aware of the energy, the relationship dynamics, and so on.
Thinking about it when I awoke, I didn’t feel that the ‘I’ in the dream would be… interfering with anything. It was more like going down a slide for fun than any sense of privacy invasion or possession. It seemed, in a subtle way, that those individuals in their single-bodies were doing the same thing I was doing, they were just doing it one body and long life (or not so long life) at a time. I was more… advanced, you might say, and now I was studying multiples of this, a more complex experience-set, but fundamentally it’s all the same dynamic. I’m not sure though, because on another level, I did feel that there *could* be some… involvement. Like only with permission. Like if one of those people, especially all of them, were really praying for something, that I could be a part of that and help them. But only if they did and even then what I could do was limited; still, helpful.
It didn’t seem relevant that as part of this, the people I was, of those 8 soldiers, would be suffering, terrified, grieving, or dying. Or loving. It was all equal. It was all experience. But the loving seemed like a big deal. That was what gave the others the power. As if it doesn’t mean a lot to just suffer. But if you suffer while having powerful love for something or someone, that creates a whole different energy. Like one is just an edge of charcoal but the other is something crispy-carmelized… a charcoal that is irresistibly delicious.
I had the feeling that there have been people, and groups of people, and events, that have been hugely popular with the people of whom I was one during the dream. For example some event fascinating for its sheer emotional power and relationships, that tons of people ‘sat in on’ as if it were a class everyone wanted to take or that might even be ‘required reading’. So to speak. I think I’m mixing metaphors.
I wondered to myself, later, if there are some people/events in time which had tons of ‘sit ins’ as I don’t know what else to call this, if they literally have access to more … guidance, or what you might considered divine assistance (or we interpret it that way, in any case), than they might have had in the first probability. It’s like every time observer-X joins the identity(s), that creates what you might call a copy, a new instance, a new “probability”, and you gotta wonder, if there are a bazillion observer-X’s joining, say, Joan of Arc or something, if all those probable-selves of Joan do not contribute across the board both to her larger self and in a small way, distribute through all those life-instances. So to speak. Our language doesn’t have the right words for this stuff. What I’m so badly not-saying is, maybe some of the historical people who seemed “larger than life” actually kind of were.
In my ‘own’ dreams I often ‘sit in on’ someone for awhile. Sometimes it is a whole life, usually it is just for a period of time. A few times I have done this WHILE AWAKE and the “physical vividness” of it is just mindblowing then. Literally just BE-ing someone else, 100% completely, for a brief time, although there is a combined awareness of also ‘observing’ and being separate too, but the be-ing is just as real somehow. I haven’t done that while awake for many years, and I’ve only done it a few times, but in dreaming it is not uncommon.
I’d never even thought of this idea before; of being multiple identities at the same time, while also being ‘aware’ of all the interaction between them on energetic levels. That is really a trip. Do you suppose some entities do that?
I really felt on awakening that I had just kind of… shared the perception of one of the largers.
It almost re-states the “game” concept for reality. MMoRPG is an acronym for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game – like World of Warcraft or Second Life.
I realize that this isn’t the first time I’ve had the base concept. I’d just never had it so literally or experientially before.
Back in the Bewilderness era I wrote, about identity, this letter to my friend George. This was during the era when I was literally flipping into ‘alternate probabilities and timelines’ and trying not to lose my mind, trying to understand WTF was going on. This was also after the period where I’d had the rather bizarre experience of realizing that “I” as I knew me wasn’t the I that began in this body. It all related. He’d told me about a couple dreams in his previous letter to me, which is what I’m referring to in response.
OK, so I’ve been looking at existence as “I am here” (X marks the spot). But what if “I” am not here? Say there was a complex net grid of probability from time’s beginning to ending, and it was all stored inside a computer, and you could see the whole thing on the screen, looking like the most complicated 3D spirograph drawing you ever saw. Like Star Trek you could tell the computer, “Enhance sector G1945.2″ and that little section of the screen would be immediately focused upon until all the screen showed was that detail. What if I am not here and “changing realities” or whatever to “move me” to a different “branch” of probability… what if instead, I’ve simply got my consciousness “plugged in” to “all aspects of reality” which already exist, and I’m shifting my attention?
So when I shift realities, it’s not that I (the thing inside the reality) moved to another dimension. It’s not that I take one path so some other “me” pops up in every other decision and a “me” continues on the first path. (I’ve always felt Seth was being simplistic so we could work on understanding and this wasn’t quite the way it sounded.) It’s that there is already every possible identity. The reason my reality is whatever I want is because every identity, in every probability already exists: I jump “hosts” — not “geographies” (different places or times) but “identities” (as different perspectives).
We think we are the identity we jump to, and technically we are. But we could change that identity to what we’ll call a drastically different person — a long armed creature in a swamp, like your dream, for instance — and it’s still us. It’s our identity no matter what the character looks like; the moment we jump into it, it feels like us.
It’s not that I moved from the Railroad to Tennessee Avenue and then to Free Parking. It’s that there was a little Monopoly character piece on every one of those squares already, and I changed which piece I was. I didn’t actually say, “I’m going to move {X} spaces this way.” I said, “I’m going to not pay attention to being this car and instead become the top hat which is {X} distance away.” And when I became the top hat, that was my identity. As far as I knew, I was always the top hat.
So how do you really know that you, whoever ‘you’ are, were the same last week? How do you know you weren’t actually an elderly housewife in Kansas, or a street urchin in India?
What if when you change perspectives, at any given time, you become them — in other words, you inherit all the history of that identity — you become an identity at a certain time/space X/Y and when you do, it is YOU.
Say you could flash to alternate lives that are extremely “unrelated.” When you had the dream about the car you didn’t think about (or even know about consciously) the Being in the swamp. But when you were the Being in the swamp, you were that identity, including all the history that went to make you that identity. Regardless of the fact that you just switched into attention on it 10 seconds ago, you were that identity the moment you did. Fully.
If something bizarre had happened and you’d gotten trapped in that swamp dream instead of being able to “jump identities” like trains back into this one, you would still be that Being. You would know your own history, you would not doubt that this identity was who you always were. It wouldn’t matter that you had just changed to that identity the moment you began the dream. It would still be YOU.
Whatever I call “me” may be “sitting in on” this identity, but I may have just got here Tuesday. I remember being me for all time and writing you before because when I chose this identity, I got all the history (and forgot all the other identities’ history). But this identity could be a… character anybody could choose, and then direct while inside it, like a character in a video game.
I don’t have all the details yet but I feel that’s a novel way to look at things. You know where I got the identity ideas? From that “walk in” terror I went through. The most disconcerting thing was realizing that I (whoever that is) had “walked into an identity” and taken that history so that I assumed — and still felt emotionally if not conceptually — that identity was mine. And I felt such incredible grief as I have never known, because I had come to love this identity and the things I’ve attached to it (like my mother) and suddenly knew it wasn’t really mine, or didn’t begin so. Like it’s all some big damned joke, like in that movie Blade Runner, where the scientist’s daughter discovers she’s really just a machine and her sweet memories of childhood are just a genetic implant.
I think to some degree, we define ourselves by what and who we are not. In any identity, we feel we are not any identity other (by inference), so we feel secure: we have a safe little box that’s made just for us. Those box parameters are defined as much by what is safely outside the box. When I realized that this identity was not “always” mine, or perhaps even mine any more than anybody else’s who might have chosen it like some kind of library book, I suddenly felt like I had no anchor identity. It wasn’t simply that I lost my comfort with the “one” identity because I was another, like some walk ins say… it was that I lost my comfort with the boundaries of all identities.
Some part of me thinks that if this identity wasn’t me, then no other identity would be any more “real” or “me” than this one is. But other people who go through this upheaval (it was the most shocking realization I’ll likely ever have) need a specific identity so badly that they grab onto this “Mother Ship cosmic alien” stuff so fast my head spins. (Well, not literally. I know you’re expecting that exorcist stuff from me any moment.)
Or, they could be right. I still can’t figure out whether or not that “Nothingness” 3-stage experience is related to it or not.
It occurs to me that this is why most people evolve more ‘slowly’. The shock to the system of realizing certain things suddenly is almost more than one can bear. I’m courageous and I want to learn and grow, but I don’t know that I ever want to learn anything that fast again.
Anyway, the identity thoughts are fun, I might go with them for awhile.
(from Bewilderness, Chapter 8)
Funny that I just quoted that near-last paragraph in a previous post. You know, it seems kind of bizarre to me that the same stuff I was working through mentally, in Spring 1994 is back with me in Fall 2010. I’ve had so many ‘connections’ to the BW period just in the last month that I’m starting to wonder if there is some obscure astrological thing that just cycled out and is cycling back in. And yet the way I get it now is so different.
I was a confused victim during Bewilderness, though trying not to be. I didn’t know why crap was happening to me or what it meant. I am only half-confused now, but I’m an explorer not a victim for sure, which makes quite the difference. I did try to think of myself that way back then–one of the only reasons I am still sane, was trying to view things as interesting and adventure, rather than just weird or terrifying. Writing my friends George and Lynn made all the difference… they were both very intelligent and helped me feel some connection to sanity. And finding Seth (Jane Roberts) of course, without whom I might have ended up in a straightjacket. He gave me words and concepts and suddenly it wasn’t insanity, it was evolution. I am still hugely grateful to them.
It’s kind of like the same vertical line of energy, but at a higher point on an upward spiral that cycles through it, if that makes sense. Like maybe I will go through all these concepts again and again, but each time, I’ll have some more wholistic understanding.
I still haven’t come up with names for the other two Largers yet. I guess I feel like I’d like to know them a little better first.
It’s about time for work. It’s just another day!
P
Recent Comments