I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

MMoRPG Goes Cosmic

I had a dream last night that I think was a result of one of the ‘largers’ as I call them.  In it, I had a fairly radically different perspective than normal. It wasn’t weird at all, just completely different.

I was watching people at this one point of time and space. As if … I think “Akashic Record” is the only term for this, as it was so much more than just visual or conceptual. There were a bazillion options but I had already streamlined everything down to what was, in general, one line of probability you might say. Like if you imagine that any event has a zillion probabilities inherent in its rollout, I had chosen or got it down to, in general, a very small set, and so using those as the parameters for what filtered into the view, I was watching the overall time period, and location area, and identity group — I mean the people who were part of all this.

This happened to be an area during warfare. It vaguely reminded me on waking of the WWII era in terms of, it was in big but seemingly old cities, things were machinery based but seemingly not ‘electronically’ based the way things are now. It gave me that feel, that “dusty grey” feel that Europe during that era brings to my mind, probably because my exposure to it is via the grainy b&w photos from books and history class.

I was watching this one period of focus. I don’t remember now how long the time period was, but not a whole human lifetime, perhaps weeks or months. There were some rather major events going on except I was grokking an entire period of time at once, so you understand that when I perceived this, I was like ‘secondarily aware’ that in experiential terms for the people, these things happened in a certain sequence, split apart. But I was aware of everything at once and it had a sort of… ‘summary’ effect. I’m trying to figure out how to better articulate this.

Say that you take a combination of people and events in a certain era and you combine them. The resulting group’d identity, for example, “The Rennaissance,” is more powerful than any of the individual people or events during that period. Well this was a brief period of time which was specifically kind of powerful and interesting.

There were many options within this filter, but I was focusing on a group of soldiers. I had many to choose from, and I evaluated the possibilities. I could be the entire command; 2-300 seemed the larger group there; but no. Personally (in the dream), I knew some others (like friends or associates of mine) were into being “everyone,” but I knew I preferred a smaller selection, to really focus more on the emotional depth of the relationships.

I looked at various individuals, seeing their entire lives as ‘singular a thing’ as I had previously seen the entire situation for that time frame. They had different degrees of power, of quality, of interest. Now awake, I would say that there was a subtle sense of quality, as if, the moral and emotional integrity of an individual kind of made them like… a brighter light, a little more powerful when all their experience was bundled together as a unit. I saw (but already knew) that when people had fierce emotional bonds to one another, there was a great amplifying of energy and interest, and I looked for the patterns of ‘connection’ to find that kind of grouping; there were many of different kinds and strengths.

I scanned, as if ‘sorting by hand’ but in some conceptual way, through these people in this era, looking for those who felt the most interesting to me personally, which would be those who were of the most integrity and the deepest passions, including for each other. I finally found one that I thought was good, and would be interesting to ‘be’ for awhile. I “focused-in” much more closely, which had the curious effect of reducing my objective intelligence and increasing the subjective impressions. I was working with someone more… aware than myself, almost like a version of inner guide in another context, and at that point, I was asking them for input, as I got too close to have the overview they would have.

The group was a few dozen people, but that was rather larger than I had in mind, and as I got closer I could ‘feel’ better the grouping that was pulling me the strongest. I narrowed it down to a group of 8 men. “A unit,” it seemed to be. They were bonded like soulmates and fought together. They lived in a tent of some kind in this military area but I understood that the events which to them, were in the future, were going to change a lot of things, but the focus time-points were getting smaller as I was closer and I was looking at an era closer to the beginning of the larger time-group I’d chosen. I hesitated slightly; should I be all eight? Or just some of them? But the connections were so strong between all of them that I decided yeah, I think I will become all 8 of them.

This is where my memory of the dream ends, but I kind of knew what came next. I would, with the help of my mentor/guide, put myself ‘into’ all those people. Now I had a choice, I could in theory do this from birth to death, but the stuff I was working on right now, my focus was actually just smaller portions of experience, more focused, so this would just be this time-era, perhaps a few months. I would be ‘sitting in on’ all 8 of them, so I would experience what they did, and feel what they felt. As part of this I would be aware of the energy, the relationship dynamics, and so on.

Thinking about it when I awoke, I didn’t feel that the ‘I’ in the dream would be… interfering with anything. It was more like going down a slide for fun than any sense of privacy invasion or possession. It seemed, in a subtle way, that those individuals in their single-bodies were doing the same thing I was doing, they were just doing it one body and long life (or not so long life) at a time. I was more… advanced, you might say, and now I was studying multiples of this, a more complex experience-set, but fundamentally it’s all the same dynamic.  I’m not sure though, because on another level, I did feel that there *could* be some… involvement. Like only with permission. Like if one of those people, especially all of them, were really praying for something, that I could be a part of that and help them. But only if they did and even then what I could do was limited; still, helpful.

It didn’t seem relevant that as part of this, the people I was, of those 8 soldiers, would be suffering, terrified, grieving, or dying. Or loving. It was all equal. It was all experience. But the loving seemed like a big deal. That was what gave the others the power. As if it doesn’t mean a lot to just suffer. But if you suffer while having powerful love for something or someone, that creates a whole different energy. Like one is just an edge of charcoal but the other is something crispy-carmelized… a charcoal that is irresistibly delicious.

I had the feeling that there have been people, and groups of people, and events, that have been hugely popular with the people of whom I was one during the dream. For example some event fascinating for its sheer emotional power and relationships, that tons of people ‘sat in on’ as if it were a class everyone wanted to take or that might even be ‘required reading’. So to speak. I think I’m mixing metaphors.

I wondered to myself, later, if there are some people/events in time which had tons of ‘sit ins’ as I don’t know what else to call this, if they literally have access to more … guidance, or what you might considered divine assistance (or we interpret it that way, in any case), than they might have had in the first probability. It’s like every time observer-X joins the identity(s), that creates what you might call a copy, a new instance, a new “probability”, and you gotta wonder, if there are a bazillion observer-X’s joining, say, Joan of Arc or something, if all those probable-selves of Joan do not contribute across the board both to her larger self and in a small way, distribute through all those life-instances. So to speak. Our language doesn’t have the right words for this stuff. What I’m so badly not-saying is, maybe some of the historical people who seemed “larger than life” actually kind of were.

In my ‘own’ dreams I often ‘sit in on’ someone for awhile. Sometimes it is a whole life, usually it is just for a period of time. A few times I have done this WHILE AWAKE and the “physical vividness” of it is just mindblowing then. Literally just BE-ing someone else, 100% completely, for a brief time, although there is a combined awareness of also ‘observing’ and being separate too, but the be-ing is just as real somehow. I haven’t done that while awake for many years, and I’ve only done it a few times, but in dreaming it is not uncommon.

I’d never even thought of this idea before; of being multiple identities at the same time, while also being ‘aware’ of all the interaction between them on energetic levels. That is really a trip. Do you suppose some entities do that?

I really felt on awakening that I had just kind of… shared the perception of one of the largers.

It almost re-states the “game” concept for reality. MMoRPG is an acronym for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game – like World of Warcraft or Second Life.

I realize that this isn’t the first time I’ve had the base concept. I’d just never had it so literally or experientially before.

Back in the Bewilderness era I wrote, about identity, this letter to my friend George. This was during the era when I was literally flipping into ‘alternate probabilities and timelines’ and trying not to lose my mind, trying to understand WTF was going on. This was also after the period where I’d had the rather bizarre experience of realizing that “I” as I knew me wasn’t the I that began in this body. It all related. He’d told me about a couple dreams in his previous letter to me, which is what I’m referring to in response.

OK, so I’ve been looking at existence as “I am here” (X marks the spot). But what if “I” am not here? Say there was a complex net grid of probability from time’s beginning to ending, and it was all stored inside a computer, and you could see the whole thing on the screen, looking like the most complicated 3D spirograph drawing you ever saw. Like Star Trek you could tell the computer, “Enhance sector G1945.2” and that little section of the screen would be immediately focused upon until all the screen showed was that detail. What if I am not here and “changing realities” or whatever to “move me” to a different “branch” of probability… what if instead, I’ve simply got my consciousness “plugged in” to “all aspects of reality” which already exist, and I’m shifting my attention?

So when I shift realities, it’s not that I (the thing inside the reality) moved to another dimension. It’s not that I take one path so some other “me” pops up in every other decision and a “me” continues on the first path. (I’ve always felt Seth was being simplistic so we could work on understanding and this wasn’t quite the way it sounded.) It’s that there is already every possible identity. The reason my reality is whatever I want is because every identity, in every probability already exists: I jump “hosts” — not “geographies” (different places or times) but “identities” (as different perspectives).

We think we are the identity we jump to, and technically we are. But we could change that identity to what we’ll call a drastically different person — a long armed creature in a swamp, like your dream, for instance — and it’s still us. It’s our identity no matter what the character looks like; the moment we jump into it, it feels like us.

It’s not that I moved from the Railroad to Tennessee Avenue and then to Free Parking. It’s that there was a little Monopoly character piece on every one of those squares already, and I changed which piece I was. I didn’t actually say, “I’m going to move {X} spaces this way.” I said, “I’m going to not pay attention to being this car and instead become the top hat which is {X} distance away.” And when I became the top hat, that was my identity. As far as I knew, I was always the top hat.

So how do you really know that you, whoever ‘you’ are, were the same last week? How do you know you weren’t actually an elderly housewife in Kansas, or a street urchin in India?

What if when you change perspectives, at any given time, you become them — in other words, you inherit all the history of that identity — you become an identity at a certain time/space X/Y and when you do, it is YOU.

Say you could flash to alternate lives that are extremely “unrelated.” When you had the dream about the car you didn’t think about (or even know about consciously) the Being in the swamp. But when you were the Being in the swamp, you were that identity, including all the history that went to make you that identity. Regardless of the fact that you just switched into attention on it 10 seconds ago, you were that identity the moment you did. Fully.

If something bizarre had happened and you’d gotten trapped in that swamp dream instead of being able to “jump identities” like trains back into this one, you would still be that Being. You would know your own history, you would not doubt that this identity was who you always were. It wouldn’t matter that you had just changed to that identity the moment you began the dream. It would still be YOU.

Whatever I call “me” may be “sitting in on” this identity, but I may have just got here Tuesday. I remember being me for all time and writing you before because when I chose this identity, I got all the history (and forgot all the other identities’ history). But this identity could be a… character anybody could choose, and then direct while inside it, like a character in a video game.

I don’t have all the details yet but I feel that’s a novel way to look at things. You know where I got the identity ideas? From that “walk in” terror I went through. The most disconcerting thing was realizing that I (whoever that is) had “walked into an identity” and taken that history so that I assumed — and still felt emotionally if not conceptually — that identity was mine. And I felt such incredible grief as I have never known, because I had come to love this identity and the things I’ve attached to it (like my mother) and suddenly knew it wasn’t really mine, or didn’t begin so. Like it’s all some big damned joke, like in that movie Blade Runner, where the scientist’s daughter discovers she’s really just a machine and her sweet memories of childhood are just a genetic implant.

I think to some degree, we define ourselves by what and who we are not. In any identity, we feel we are not any identity other (by inference), so we feel secure: we have a safe little box that’s made just for us. Those box parameters are defined as much by what is safely outside the box. When I realized that this identity was not “always” mine, or perhaps even mine any more than anybody else’s who might have chosen it like some kind of library book, I suddenly felt like I had no anchor identity. It wasn’t simply that I lost my comfort with the “one” identity because I was another, like some walk ins say… it was that I lost my comfort with the boundaries of all identities.

Some part of me thinks that if this identity wasn’t me, then no other identity would be any more “real” or “me” than this one is. But other people who go through this upheaval (it was the most shocking realization I’ll likely ever have) need a specific identity so badly that they grab onto this “Mother Ship cosmic alien” stuff so fast my head spins. (Well, not literally. I know you’re expecting that exorcist stuff from me any moment.)

Or, they could be right. I still can’t figure out whether or not that “Nothingness” 3-stage experience is related to it or not.

It occurs to me that this is why most people evolve more ‘slowly’. The shock to the system of realizing certain things suddenly is almost more than one can bear. I’m courageous and I want to learn and grow, but I don’t know that I ever want to learn anything that fast again.

Anyway, the identity thoughts are fun, I might go with them for awhile.

(from Bewilderness, Chapter 8)

Funny that I just quoted that near-last paragraph in a previous post. You know, it seems kind of bizarre to me that the same stuff I was working through mentally, in Spring 1994 is back with me in Fall 2010. I’ve had so many ‘connections’ to the BW period just in the last month that I’m starting to wonder if there is some obscure astrological thing that just cycled out and is cycling back in. And yet the way I get it now is so different.

I was a confused victim during Bewilderness, though trying not to be. I didn’t know why crap was happening to me or what it meant. I am only half-confused now, but I’m an explorer not a victim for sure, which makes quite the difference. I did try to think of myself that way back then–one of the only reasons I am still sane, was trying to view things as interesting and adventure, rather than just weird or terrifying. Writing my friends George and Lynn made all the difference… they were both very intelligent and helped me feel some connection to sanity. And finding Seth (Jane Roberts) of course, without whom I might have ended up in a straightjacket. He gave me words and concepts and suddenly it wasn’t insanity, it was evolution. I am still hugely grateful to them.

It’s kind of like the same vertical line of energy, but at a higher point on an upward spiral that cycles through it, if that makes sense.  Like maybe I will go through all these concepts again and again, but each time, I’ll have some more wholistic understanding.

I still haven’t come up with names for the other two Largers yet.  I guess I feel like I’d like to know them a little better first.

It’s about time for work. It’s just another day!


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