Misc. Chatting, 18-July-2011

I have to give a link and thanks to DigiTarot http://www.digitarot.com/ from which I managed to get images of the Thoth deck scanned quite well and of decent size, to update pages here and prepare for those of the future. I would not normally volunteer if I got an image from some other site, but technically the OTO owns this deck, not any individual. (Not that I intend on asking the OTO, mostly because it would be rude, since I would not be willing to be obedient if the answer were ‘no’.) I could scan my oversized cards, but it’s a big bother so I usually go search on the web for an image (of which there are tons). Unfortunately this limits me to the quality of what’s out there — or the size — which is why some of my tarot archetype meditation posts have had no pics and some have had little ones. Now they are decent. DigiTarot is an interesting instant-reading sort of site. I don’t use Tarot for divination but for those who do it looks like fun.

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I realized with shock earlier that the reason I have not heard about any of my friends’ blogs having new posts is because I put them in my RSS reader which, due to volume, I then quit using entirely. Perhaps there is such a thing as something being too efficient. I feel overwhelmed by it. I’m going to just have to start visiting manually instead, obviously…

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I don’t know what I did to my body, but my back just under my lower shoulder blades all the way across, and my neck from head to shoulder especially on the right, and my lower left torso, are so incredibly sore I could barely move this morning. It’s been a whole day and I’ve done a lot of painful gentle stretching and such. How anyone who moves as little as I do most of the time could hurt themselves is beyond me. Seriously, I sat all day, laid hardly moving on pillows all night, how does this happen?

I considered doing a little meditative inquiry, but that seems easier when it is one pain in one place. I have so much in so many places I feel like I literally just had my ass kicked during the night.

Oh, totally unrelated except in humor I assume but that reminds me: I’ve been waking up with a bloody nose now and then. I haven’t done that since my Bewilderness days I think.

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My work computer died. I’ll be working on a simple loaner for this week which kinda sucks. There is probably some deep meaning behind it but I’m losing the energy it takes to maintain the superstition of synchronicity to that degree.

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I feel as if the “work with IG twice a day, her lead” commitment is just spiraling in, closer and tighter all the time. Today I thought, “Hey, I have time, I could do that.”

And another part of went, “But what if I didn’t later? Or didn’t tomorrow?” and another part said, “What, are you 4? You have control of your own life. You can make time no matter what your schedule, to do a brief meditation or two. Don’t act like whether it happens or not has nothing to do with you!”

You know the funny thing about the Aeons is that they are rarely “personified” now but it’s as if there are still the “perspectives.” It’s simply that it all feels like me. Which it always was in a sense, if they ‘compose’ me, but you know what I mean. I often feel like “I” am simply listening in on a conversation that many other people–who merely all happen to be me–are having.

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It’s summer in the Ozarks. With the heat index, it’s 105-115 daily. I always ask myself in summer why anybody, starting with me, lives here voluntarily. Just getting out to water the garden–when mosquitos are a major hazard in early morning and evening, and the sun/heat the rest of the time–seems like a herculean chore. My friend did it yesterday. Maybe I can pawn it off on the kid tonight. I don’t think she does it very well is the thing. Well I’m starting to wonder if, at nearly age 15, she will ever do anything well–assuming I can get her to do it at all–again…

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I thought I might try something diff with the IG meds. Writing just sort of meta keywords about whatever happened in my little moleskin journal, and not feeling obliged to blog the details. Or maybe only to collect them weekly.

Part of me felt instantly angry when I thought of that, like it wasn’t fair and I was depriving myself of the experience–since I forget so damn promptly, the entire things never mind details.

But another part of me felt like maybe I should focus more on the doing-it and less on the writing-about-it which makes it a much more labor intensive thing. And public thing.

Another part of me is commenting that it is an example of my polarized thinking that I act like it must be one or the other and consistent and that I feel some need to define that ahead of time. Apparently one of those let-it-be go-with-the-flow hippy sorts I am not.

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I am once again going to make yet another major effort to get my work schedule under control. Today a 4th contractor began with my team, plus I have added a couple of outside contractors. Now most of my time is spent working on documentation for training for them, for my own team, new technology tools, and getting my team trained to do the brand new stuff I’ve been personally babysitting for a few months to make sure all went well. I think it could work out ok now.

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My best friend, who is also my ex boyfriend, is now dating someone else. She’s adorable and sounds just great. I’m so happy for him and I’m waiting for some terrible jealousy to kick in. So far it hasn’t. It does seem like it underscores how boring my own life is, though!

Well, back to stuff here.

P