I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

~~~
Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.
~~~

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne


In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe


Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne



Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'


The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"


Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.




Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


ABOUT ME


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne


When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Midnight Mass 6-Nov and Merkabah

For three mornings now I have done an Aeon round, a chakra round, briefly touched the Four, then said hello to Mark. I did an actual archmed one morning but didn’t write it down promptly and utterly forgot all of it. I think I may have had some small things but I have forgotten. Clearly this is an energy I’m not balanced with yet if I’m getting that effect again.

Tonight I put on some brainsync (theta “deep meditation”) and went through the rounds with everyone including what I call the ‘power tools,’ the thoughtforms I’ve been given from the interworlds — a golden statuette of Queen, a golden statuette of the Four, a hanging plant (Bloom), a wand, a sword (Sierpienta), a glass-sand (made from lightning) shape representing IG5, and the rose-nebula sphere. My teacher 20 years ago used to get what she called ‘tools’ and she would have to figure out how to use them, with guidance. I have only tried this a few times.

Went into the ‘tunnel of the universe’ through my chest — yep it’s still there despite not paying much attention to it for quite some time, I can’t help but ‘notice’ it sometimes though — and went over to the castle where I anchor with the Four. They were in the throne room so I went and kneeled before senior and told him that I recognize and honor him as King. Then I did this with 2nd and 3rd and even 4th, projected from me. They all put a palm and fingers on the side/top of my head for a bit. I only got a tiny bit of energy sense from it though. Wasn’t sure if I wasn’t accepting, or what.

I went back to the tunnel and Alayaowaeyiia was at the front mouth of it as often is the case and he gave me another “shape” from the outer border, the one the chakras “burned into” me somehow, that fat border that looks blacker-than-black with their vivid gem-colors in the various symbols and shapes around inside it, but feels like all of it and the shapes are somehow part of my flesh now, like a raised scar though not in any bad way. I held it and attempted to allow myself to accept the energy, but I didn’t feel much. I began to hand it back to him and apologize but with a wave of his hand he moved it inside my body and I felt it basically dissolving into me.

Went to Mark, with 3rd at my left and Sun at my right, and sat with him to do a meditation. I didn’t ask for anything, just let him lead. I realized there was a slightly scattered collection of geometric shapes at my feet. They were so pretty, as if they were thick glass and it was the ultimate in transparent and yet very “crystal shiny” at its edges. It had a slightly contradictory visual effect so I think some ajna was involved. The shapes were a bit thick, so flat but a kind of 3-D, and I was looking at one near me that was a rose-quartz (pink) color, and triangle. I noted the pink (heart association) and the triangle (fire association) but I wasn’t sure what the glass might mean. I picked up that piece and looked at it carefully. Nothing came to mind about what to do with it, or why he’d given me this.

I had the feeling I should go through the tools and see what I came up with. So I brought Sierpienta to hand and asked her to help me ‘cut through’ my resistance and any other interference with doing the meditation well, and I had to use more imagination than usual for this but I separated from myself, and used it on myself, and it ‘brought out’ energy I sent to a holding area and asked Tek to take care of. I called the wand and, having no idea what to do with it, finally just said, “Tell me of your nature!” as I swished it into a point at the thick pink glass triangle, and it responded, “Merkabah.” I went, “Oh wow! That was easier than I expected.” Then I realized that although I know the word, I actually have no idea what the word means, so that was not immediately helpful. I did understand, though, that it didn’t mean it was the-whole-thing (whatever the-whole-thing-is), just that it answered literally, that it was part of the ‘nature’ of that-thing-ness. I think it told me something else but I cannot remember.

I called the rose-nebula sphere to me, and it did what it normally does, floated into the small flat but thick shape — which was about 6-8″ wide or so — and filled it with itself, its “nexus” that I know I can go into. I decided to make the triangle large so I could be “in” it and as it enlarged it became a pyramid. (I pondered whether it was 3 or 4 sided. It wasn’t clear to me. Then it seemed kinda like four. I decided it was 4-sided because the color pink is of the heart, as opposed to a 3-sided pyramid, which is at each end of the shape of the kundalini in my gem world.) So I stood inside it, and it was beautiful at that size around me too, and… absolutely nothing happened. Sigh. So I let it go and it sized back down to the object in my hand.

I called the Queen’s statue to hand. I’ve only tried that tool once before. I asked her to show me something that would help me understand. I realized I was suddenly standing on or near a complex multi-colored shape at my feet, and then realized it was a very complex round stained glass window like the amazing sort an old famous church would have. I thought, ok, stained glass — colored glass — yeah that seems obvious I guess. And yeah it’s a window so although it’s colored I can see through it, sure. I wasn’t sure how this wasn’t blindingly obvious (the last meditation I had with her seemed to end the same way).

But she must have helped a little because suddenly I felt something start to change in me, and slowly I started getting it — yeah, it’s a window — a window — I can see through — I can see through this — I — Ohhhhh! I should look through it at whatever I want insight about!

And although I felt I’d hit on an epiphany, I still might have doubted myself, except I immediately got a whole bunch of “rushing” especially in my butt/hips/thighs, which suddenly reminded me that this is the energy area that was released on me when I did the elements on the tarot card Queen of Disks. So — that was how to use it. I had the sense I could probably look ‘at’ anything — something conceptual for example, didn’t need to be anything manifest in a specific form.

But I had to use the bathroom. Mark helped me wrap everything up, took the shape for me and I said I’d be back. I pondered at length whether I could go eat something, I wanted to, but felt I’d be interrupting the meditation. Finally I realized I was going in circles with my “sense of should” in both directions and just said, “Mark, can I eat?” and he said yes, so I went and got food. Decided to eat and blog and then maybe I’d do better with not forgetting and the focus on whatever is next.

**

I looked up Merkabah when I finished typing the above. I’ve heard that, I thought it was some new age thing. What it means depends on who you ask apparently. In Hebrew, “…derived from the consonantal root r-k-b with the general meaning ‘to ride’.” Means ‘Chariot’ in Hebrew, some say throne+chariot and imply a less mundane and more divine meaning for it. Most refer to this: “…when left untranslated, in English the Hebrew term merkabah (Hebrew: מֶרְכַּב, מרכבה, and מִרְכֶּבֶת) relates to the throne-chariot of God in prophetic visions. It is most closely associated with the vision in Ezekiel chapter 1 of the four-wheeled vehicle driven by four hayyot (“living creatures”), each of which has four wings and the four faces of a man, lion, ox, and eagle.”

A non-Hebrew source says it is “…the divine light vehicle allegedly used by ascended masters to connect with and reach those in tune with the higher realms. Mer means Light. Ka means Spirit. Ba means Body.” Another thing said: {it} “was thus a kind of ‘mystic way’ leading up to the final goal of the soul. (…) more precisely, it was the mystic ‘instrument,’ the vehicle by which one was carried direct into the ‘halls’ of the unseen. It was the aim of the mystic to be a ‘Merkabah-rider,’ so that he might be enabled, while still in the trammels of the flesh, to” {see or reach the higher realms}. And one tidbit from a source I am skeptical about claimed it was “entirely geometric in nature.”

I didn’t realize that word had anything to do with the four creatures or Ezekiel. Actually I’m glad I didn’t consciously know this or I think I would have totally invalidated it telling me that, assuming it was “too much imagination, due to expectation.”

Of course even though that obviously has some relationship to the symbolism I constantly get with the Four, still, I don’t really know how this will relate to me (living as a muggle in nowhere Oklahoma) but ok sure, why not. I’ll let Mark drive. I just want to spend more time with him and get back to meditating.

Most the search engine images for that word that I found, use a double or triple tetrahedron ‘as if’ that is the assumed shape, though I saw nothing from the writings to imply any shape at all (unless you count Ezekiel’s vision which doesn’t really have one like that).

Back to meditating now.

**

3rd and Sun with me again, Mark sent us to a patio at the top of a castle-like building that looked over a city that was on the edge of the sea. There was a “telescope” set up there, although it was pointed a bit at the sky like over the horizon, but instead of being a long tubular thing, it was just a holder for the rose glass triangle shape.

I was to walk the few steps to it, and look out it, and see what I saw.

But I couldn’t get near it. I passed out, I got distracted, over. And over. And over. And over. And I woke up and started all over again and still never even got more than a step toward it before the energy just knocked my butt out again.

I woke up, took my medicine, fell back asleep, woke up again, and will be continuing. Since I will do this of course but I guess it’s one of those more challenging things.

…And fell asleep, eventually, again. Not even one step closer. We’ll see if Mark takes me to it again tonight, or if we do something else.

**

So I had MM w/Mark again and was letting him decide if or when we’d continue that. I sat and waited and he didn’t start anything with me though he was present. Eventually I put myself into the area with the shape-scope, a comfortable chair awaiting his instruction. Which never came. Eventually I was almost in an empty-mind meditation.

Finally I just decided to try it again on my own, without his directive, and felt nothing. I walked up to it, looked through it, nothing, like it was a piece of glass with no energy at all. I sat back down for awhile. Eventually I fell asleep.

I don’t know what’s going on with that. But I’m determined to spend a little time with my inner friends, the interworlds, day and night consistently. So I decided I shouldn’t attach to it, I should just accept maybe it wasn’t the time and let it be, and Mark will get me back there, or a sense of impelling on my part, when it’s appropriate.

**

Had a dream that I can’t remember except I felt it was telling me I really needed to eat carrots. Which for some reason in the dream were the size of swords almost. I’m not really fond of carrots so I’ll have to think about how I could get some of those down me. Wednesday when shopping happens next.

**

Monday night we didn’t do the triangle thing so… maybe another time. Did something else will post separately. Never did post the previous thing need to finish writing out on “presence” which was a cool experience.

P

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