I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Life, and in the background, the energy of Cups

Thinking about the possibility of meeting 3rd this year — a superstition, though no different than any other belief I have that is based on ‘inner experience’ — I’ve been truly desperate to get my body to lose some edema. It regained what it lost and is horribly resistant, unless I am hard-keto, to losing it at all.

I’ve wanted to get my psychology and spirit to better “allow.” And to get through the Cups meditations in the Tarot (which, of the four suits, is the one most related both to fluid and to ‘allowing’ etc.).

My perception of the suits changes over time as certain elements are clearer in me. Currently I am thinking of cups, disks, swords and wands as allowing, holding, projecting and enfolding. (The latter because King’s magic is all based on the I AM.)  Notice the first two are polarities, as are the second two, when you think of them this way; and the first and last, and middle two. The relationships of the four are always two yin/yang which combined are a greater yin/yang.

There were some things I was experiencing during the Princess of Cups energy that I don’t think I got to my blog. I want to add them just so I don’t forget. I trust that someday, my journey to somewhere, will give me insight when I know better.

April 8, 2017 nighttime dream

In a dream, precisely 20,666 of ‘my’ people, an army, are waiting for our battle. I’ve had other dreams with this number and with the same genre (army) recently.

April 14, 2017 early afternoon

I was semi-day/dreaming. I was having a conversation with someone. We were sharing what future thing we projected as a great moment of happiness. I explained that my dream was to be half-asleep in a big hammock, comfortable and healthy, with nowhere I needed to go, nothing I needed to do, and the weather is lovely and it’s warm but a gentle breeze. Maybe I’m wearing white. And I’m just rocking ever so slightly in the breeze, and blissful. Then there was some realization that perhaps others might have goals like doing something, being something or someone, yet my ideal future moment was to be lying around doing nothing. Then I felt that this is because I have never been able to fully “let go” like inner folks keep telling me I need to do. That I have never truly felt like it was ok to hand over the burden and not worry about someone else keeping my life, job, income, child, life etc. afloat. And that my moment of future happiness was really a way of looking for a time when I would finally have achieved that ability to relax.

April 14, 2017 evening

I had planned in advance to take a shower and for once just take my time and enjoy it. I imagined just standing in the warm spray. It occurred to me that I make everything in my life a job or chore: something to work hard on and get through quickly. Even personal stuff when there is no time demand, like a shower. Later, when it was time to shower, I could not recall those thoughts, nor could I think of any good reason why I needed to shower again, so I didn’t. Later, I realized that was part of the same energy, and an insight of its own: like it never occurred to me that maybe I should or could shower for no reason than because it feels nice.

April 15, 2017 afternoon

I had felt lousy (sick) all day. In my head, were suggestions I should take some of the medicine I’d gotten for the kid. I said no, I don’t want to stress my liver with drugs, especially if it is fighting off the illness. Then another suggestion that argued that, and I responded again. This went on in the back of my head for awhile until finally, with exasperation in the tone: “So there is no condition under which you are willing to allow yourself to feel ok. You have to suffer.” And I argued, “Well it’s not that! It’s just –” and then I stopped myself and said, “Oh. IS it that? Am I being obtuse??” and I felt like I was. Like when someone clearly has a problem with something, and makes all these lame excuses for why they can’t deal with it. And it did sort of go with the ‘pattern’ of things I am ‘suddenly realizing’ that amount to, me not allowing myself to be relaxed, be happy, do things for pleasure, “allow myself” all that. So I took the stupid medicine. And I did feel significantly better.

April 18, 2017

As soon as I had begun the Princess of Cups energy, not the official meditation but I had taken the card out and begun talking with her, I began having various spontaneous daydreams. It must have been running into all the darkest energy related to her or something. I’ve noticed with some other difficult cards I will get what amounts to violence or angry things. But with her, they were all about the issue of my being a woman. Each one was enmeshed with what I remembered, but would be a whole combination of memory and dreamish about the topic at large. I recalled childbirth and every bad thing about it. I recalled what hell raising a child alone had often been. I recalled how women are pretty well inferior to men physically, I mean as a ‘generality’ of course, long list of reasons. And by the end of this string of dreamish miseries I was uncertain why any soul would ever choose to be born female at all, unless the carrying a child thing was solely enough to be worth all the rest. Then I kind of came back up to alertness, and realization of all that came before. I felt accepting myself was part of this energy that needed dealing with.

Early May, 2017

I’m on the Prince of Cups now. His energy is open. I did a brief kind of rudimentary elements walkthrough with him and some talk but nothing big and official yet.

I had this idea that I think is a really great idea. I’m asking as a prayer:

Help me allow learning and personal change for every experience I’ve ever had in my whole life, sleeping or waking. Anything I missed, any opportunity to learn or grow I did not accept or allow or fully then, allow it now. Let personal change, positive change, take me now, and take advantage of all that experience that is mine for the learning. Help me to allow myself change. Help me to allow myself vulnerability. Help me to maximize a lifetime of experience.

This is one of those things I call “sharpening the blade” approaches.

Mid-May, 2017

Remote Viewing: Maybe all the tarot, because it is ‘manifest universe’ could in fact help map and inform about any target? Maybe I should work with them?

Could you talk to works (3 of disks) about a target to say, is this your energy (manmade) or is it divine (animal, vegetable, mineral, crystal – earth and galaxys’ nature)?

Like perhaps that could have resolved my old giant squid (biology vs. tech) branch-aol session?

Late-May, 2017

I think maybe I should start regularly asking Mark for “the most productive, constructive, effective thing that would truly ‘evolve’ my development and bring positive change to me.”


So I have been at least somewhat attentive to the inside the last couple of months, it’s just that formal, official meditations for blogging have been few. I’m about to post the Prince of Cups but it’s not even a meditation, I just feel it needs its own post for posterity since there was some direct interaction. Queen and King left, I need to keep moving through these, and then Ace again to wrap the suit.

Then I can finally make another pretty picture, this time of the cups suit, and have it printed large and framed like I did the disks. I often think of them, talk to them, and I’m sure I remember them far better, as a result of having the poster-sized picture.


I have been passively looking for the ring my grandmother gave me probably 30 years ago. She died a few years ago. She told me it was the first real, quality jewelry she had ever owned, and it’s from early last century. But when she took it to a local jewelry store here in Oklahoma to appraise it, they said it was just a fake amythest, and the tiny diamonds around it were real but too tiny to be worth much. I have actually seen and had a lot of amythest jewelry (I once briefly interacted with amythest in a dream. Gemstones: yet another archetype!) and a bit of artificial, but the fake stuff I’ve seen is totally different than the stone in this ring. This ring’s color is never the true-purple I see in most amethyst (although to be fair, that gem like many can be many shades and colors). I’ve looked at fake amethyst jewelry since then, curious, but this is nothing at all like it. Guess they make them differently now.

Alexandrite gemstone from Wikimedia

Alexandrite gemstone from Wikimedia

It’s two different colors depending on the light, it’s either purple (but I’d say slightly redder purple than most amethyst I have in other jewelry) or teal. It’s harder than any natural stone I’ve ever had (though I’ve never worn a diamond). Prior to any comment by me, back in the 90s a friend of mine who grew up with a family jewelry store and knew stones very well, thought it was an Alexandrite and was in love with it, when she saw how it changed under light. Which I didn’t understand — she actually was very knowledgable about gems and jewelry so I couldn’t understand how she could be mistaken — until I just now saw the picture in wiki. Yep! Those are the colors! Though I think my teal is slightly prettier than that one. Unlike that pic, mine has a cut I think they call baguette — a rectangle with like an emerald cut but really only two facets, the main top and one on side. So a far less ‘gradual/blended’ effect in coloring at edge than shown in the pic.

I love the ring as much as if it were really were an Alexandrite, even though it is just a fake amythest from a century ago (when I assume fakes were just done quite poorly compared to now, given it really doesn’t look much like an amythest). Although I don’t care for the setting (for the diamonds, I don’t care for miniscule stones, to me either have them big enough to see decently or forget it) I wouldn’t trade it for anything real, not even a diamond. I’ve often wondered what it could be made out of, to have this strength and this color-change quality because it seems to me even as a fake stone it’s lovely enough to sell just like it is, even today. I mention this because I haven’t been able to find the ring for many years, possibly a decade, and that includes some grief about it because grandma gave it to me, it’s the only thing I have from her, and well, she died a few years ago. And I feel like by chance finding the ring just the last month is part of integrating better with the cups energy, somehow. I know that is superstitious, but oh well. To me, intuitively at least, it seemed synchronously related.


2 comments to Life, and in the background, the energy of Cups

  • Eva

    Just because a jeweler says a stone is fake does not mean it is fake, he might have hoped to buy it at a low price so lied his pants off. There is a lot of used car salesmen types in the jewelry industry. Besides it would be unusual to use real diamonds but a fake amethyst. Amethyst is not an expensive stone really, most of the value is in the hassle of cutting and polishing it. It’s unlikely they would put glass in with real diamonds. But if the jeweler was kind of saying that it was not a real amethyst but in a way that was vague, such a method might work to convince someone a ring was not valuable, while still being able to say he did not lie later if caught because the stone truly is not amethyst and such is ‘fake amethyst.’ In other words, it could well be another type of authentic stone, especially considering I don’t think they had good quality fake color changing stones back then. Jewelry typically made with real diamonds will have a real stone in the center as well. People tend to think all purple stones are amethyst, since amethyst is the only well known purple stone, so not surprised if grandma got confused on that issue either.

    • Thanks. You might be right. (Blog didn’t notify me of comment so I’m seeing this a month later.) I have some fire opals, a few real and a few synthetic (well, real-but-lab-made), those are possibly my favorite gemstones. Although I’m prone to like nice rocks better than most gems (I’m a cheap date, so to speak, ha).

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