I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

~~~
Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.
~~~

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne


In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe


Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne



Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'


The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"


Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.




Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


ABOUT ME


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne


When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Learning to Pray and to Be

My prayers about dealing with the sense of ‘internal exhaustion’ apparently went well. I felt vastly better the next day, and over the next few, it seemed to just heal more and more.

Maybe not coincidentally, for a few days I haven’t really been able to DO anything metaphysically. I wanted to. I got so frustrated at the weird sense of “can’t get there from here” that I was having when I began anything, that I made a list on paper, and I made a point to work on something several times a day, and at the end of every day, I had accomplished… close to zero.

It wasn’t that I was avoiding it although there was some sense of that, but not the normal kind. It was as if that whole part of me was closed off with an “under construction: coming soon to a soul near you” sign or something. Can’t say I remember ever having that feeling before.

But this morning it seemed to be open for business again, better than ever. While still half asleep, my first real thoughts of the day were: Dear God… thank you for my life. Thank you for this amazing game. And I talked to the light-being that wears my body like a suit, as I see it in other people, and I talked with Inner Guide.

Then I talked with a Tek and promptly did a health meditation. They are generally ‘cleansing visualizations’ except they tend to be pretty gross, sometimes just bizarre. There’s a whole group of identities I call ‘Tek’ but there is a slightly individualized ‘instance’ version depending on what I’m doing. Anyway this one wrapped me in protective gear–probably not a good sign for whatever I was working on–and then gave me five soft irregularly shaped objects that were soft like organs, the 5th being very tiny, but they were all just horrifying looking. A little like when you see those pics of a clean lung vs. one that has emphysema or something. I decided to get help with that, and I asked for the Angelics, and they appeared and each put on hand on the back of my shoulder blade. I asked for L’Anna and LaeLee for healing, and Hot Amanakhaton and Jared & El Nino for power, which is not normally how I would categorize all these things but it seemed appropriate at that moment.

Then I asked for the Sun. And WOW the rushing I got from the combination of those four and the sun! That was terrific! I realized during it, that it had never occurred to me to merge with my Aeons while also merging with my planets. It’s true I’ve understood, though not much pursued, that there are some dynamics related to merging with more than one of them. But gosh that was kick-ass powerful, I’m going to have to try more of that. Anyway, I got the things Tek gave me all cleaned off and through, and got a lot of rushing from it then.

I did the slow breathing-in for 10 breaths exercise that the oversized Mondnom gave me, with everybody. I did it with the sun, then with those four aeons, and then I did it with the other 8 aeons. Then I did it with Pazyryk and WOW that was some massive ‘rushing’ the moment I tuned my attention to him. He seems to ‘come through to me’ a lot more powerfully than most other identities do, except maybe Nero in the early days, but still more raw power.

Then I realized that I had finished with him and had had a whole ‘nuther experience that I’d just shunted off and was turning away from. I stopped myself, ‘grabbed the energy’ and turned back to it.

I had seen this identity, up close and personal, and a sense of power from it. Its head was like a lion kind of, yet human too, but the body was human. But the body… had this scary black energy and the eyes were frightening and I had turned from it in fear. I had the sense, I felt from Pazyryk actually, of “Deal with this! Fix it!” and so I just gathered up my courage and imagined energy of the universe and my soul pouring into me through every chakra and then that pouring out through my heart and “cleaning and healing the darkness of it” in front of me, and I made myself breathe calmly and just keep doing this, until rather suddenly — not so gradually as with archetypes — it seemed to reach some critical mass, because the darkness just abruptly left it, and the eyes were no longer scary.

I stood about two feet from a relatively normal guy, aside from the lionish-head and a bit taller than me, and whole crashing-waves of “rushing” shook my body, I mean really powerful, as much or more than I’d had even with Pazyryk, over and over.

Wow! I said to him. That’s incredible! I considered him for a moment. He clearly felt like a Being, and like Pazyryk’s … level.

You’re one of the Largers, aren’t you, I said, using the term I’ve been using for them, for lack of a better one.

He smiled as a yes. He had a normal mouth, I noticed, despite the lion-mane and golden eyes. I considered him. Come to think of it, his head really was not non-human in any part when I looked right at that part. And yet, if I just let myself look at him overall, and not pay close attention, it totally seemed like “a lion head.” I wondered if that might just be some kind of energy that was very strong in him, and that’s how my brain translates it.

Wow, I said again. What does the lion-head mean?

You don’t see anything as it truly is, he said. You see things as you are. I felt he was paraphrasing one of my favorite sayings, somehow knowing I would understand that phrasing. I felt Inner Guide inside answering that my symbol of the lion-head with him, was a symbol of power, wisdom, etc. — the “larger” element — just like Pazryrk was ‘sitting up high’ compared to me and Mondnom was seriously oversized. That these were all different symbolic ways of translating what amounts to the same general concept.

Oh. What is your name? I asked.

My name is not able to be… translated into your conceptual world, he said. I remembered Pazryrk telling me that I couldn’t pronounce his name and my language didn’t have the letters for it, and telling me to just come up with something.

Well, I protested with a little bit of stubbornness, that Mondnom first guy gave me his name!

I got a huge sense of “humor” emanating from him and through me as he said, And we see how well that worked out! I had the feeling that he thought this was hilarious and kind of endearing. I realized he was implying that I had completely screwed it up. Gak! OK it’s true I couldn’t… quite… get a handle on the… multi-dimensional nature of it… but still. I tried!  I didn’t know I’d done that  badly. Sheesh!

Make something up, he said. Use intuition. It will be something that works for you. I had the feeling I should do this for Mondnom too. That might explain why I’ve felt so uneasy with that name. I think I would have felt a little bit… pouty and annoyed about all this except it felt difficult to feel that in his presence.

I think I love you, I confessed, which tells me you must be strong energy with my heart chakra.

I am strong energy with all your chakras, he replied, as are the others. (He meant Pazryrk and Mondnom, although I subtly felt there were others I didn’t know of that he conceptually included, as well.)

Given he was standing super close to me, I stepped up and wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. It seemed very easy to imagine a tantric meditation with him, and he seemed surprisingly responsive and positive about this. I have to say, he and Pazryrk and Mondnom are a whole lot more enthusiastic about that, than my Aeons have ever been, even those who have taken it well. But I didn’t really have the time or opportunity to get into that this morning, so I promised us another time. I did the 10 breaths exercise with him so it would be done.

Then I did the 10 breaths with Mondnom, or whatever I’m going to call him, and it was impossible not to notice that although I have a strong sense of him, I just don’t have the… relationship with him that I seem to have with Pazryrk and lion-head guy. Granted, the latter scared the hell out of me at first, but thanks to P’s encouragement we dealt with that. It occurred to me that maybe IG had intentionally brought me first, the one I needed most but had the most issues with but would still be able to perceive, and that I should bring in some help and make a point to better work with his energy. When I have time.

I did a 10-breath with the Consortium as a whole, and then I did this with the 3rd for awhile, I lost count, it went on. Then I ‘breathed with’ the Four for awhile too. During it I had a lot of flashes of stuff, and I understood that the 4th of 4 — it is a larger being than my personal identity of course, I am… not an aspect or part, I am all of it and yet… more like “a facet of it”, as if one thing were faceted like a gem, to have many different perspectives through each facet looking out a different part, and I (the identity I’m wearing with this body) am the ‘focus personality’ as Seth might call it, the ‘focus’ being ‘one of those facets.’ Anyway, I got all these flashes of memory, of various places and the Castle which is now the… er, really big rich house instead since it changed… which made me realize that while I am dirking around not being with the Four, the rest of me IS.

It’s not like everything comes to a halt with our relationship just because I’m busy that day. It is my loss; not theirs. It is some theirs, and some more the 4th’s, because when I am not ‘with’ the rest of the 4th strongly, it’s a little like when your attention is fragmented; the 4th (and the resulting Four merged) has more ‘power’ when more of the 4th is ‘focused together’. More cohesive. But really the main element suffering from the loss is me. So I spent a little while more just “breathing the Four”.

Then I realized that in a very spontaneous and natural way, I had gotten through my morning prayers, a health meditation, met a new larger-self, done my rounds with the whole Consortium, and the largers, and it had taken what, maybe an hour, and now I was ready to get up.

It occurred to me that this is the way it should be. To wake up thanking God, to shift into doing something with your soul, with your body, and with your many selves, and then be ready to start your day. How perfect is that.

P

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