I’ve been meaning to meditate on bugs–never mind why, it was suggested to me internally–for quite a long time now. I keep putting it off. In fact it’s hard to think of anything I seem to have more resistance to (aside from a horrible Knight of Wands med long ago).
I understand that bugs symbolically (and literally, at the energetic level) represent the things we repress, deny, avoid, and reject. I have run into them en masse enough in previous meditations to get that they are kind of like unintegrated energy at the granular level. None of this intellectual understanding helps me deal with it any better.
I get constant reminders. I mean really obvious things. I can be in an area with no visible bugs and one will literally scurry right up to me and LOOK at me. I am not making this up. This has happened enough times that I have given up calling it coincidence. And then I ignore it, and something else occurs.
I lay down in bed, look up and there is a spider literally hovering a few feet above my head. I was supposed to do the med the other day, and I refused to do it, went out to feed the cats, and found an unusually giant male black widow spider floating in their water dish. Not like I’m saying any of these things on their own are a big deal right, but in 10+ years living here it’s a first for each of them, and they all happened together just since this push on me to meditate on the ‘bugs’ topic arrived.
I could almost hear the 3rd bitching at me inside, like what is it going to take, actually being bitten by something??
So today I finally just DID it. And previously when I had begun, I mucked around with various guides and archetypes and so on, but today, I started at the arch level and in about 6 seconds was just doing a massive, I AM cosmology, they are my components, I am pulling massive energy into me and ‘growing them’ (evolution) within me, I am integrating them with my will, and so on. This took about 35 seconds.
I was breathing so hard during this you wouldn’t believe it. The minute I began the med I started having rushing, and when I finally finished the pushing energy focus, I literally just sat panting, blindly staring into space for a bit. It was rather like sudden intense sex or something, I mean in terms of the WOW-effect.
Then I thought gee, if it only takes 40 seconds, does it count? (Remember I’m back to the meditation topic, here. haha.) I mean, does it need to be some long hairy drawn out super detailed meditation? If you can just club it with something — so to speak — is that just as good?
Here’s hoping. I really didn’t feel like there was anything left to do.
P
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