Indivisible Reality

A long time ago I was reading something by Alan Watts (his writings were on Zen).  He was attempting to explain how everything OUTside you is just as much a part of you and INside you as your body parts. I just couldn’t get it.

Yeah, intellectually I know what he was trying to get across. But no, I could not grok how that tree over there is just as much a part of me as my liver.

Recently on an archmed on Authority and Money (that turned out so cosmic I have no clear idea how it relates), instead of an archetype, I perceived:

…the entire thing was like a big visual ‘noise’ pattern as you’d say in graphics, and maybe 10-20% of that pattern glowed a little to show its nature as the problem.

The part that immediately got my notice is that it wasn’t just around me. It went through me. It was like the whole landscape and me, my body, were all part of the same energy, and that pattern was everywhere.

The problem is an equal part of me, I thought in some surprise. It’s not a cohesive energy, a ‘thing’, it is part of the pattern of everything.

I was idly, in the back of my head kind of, thinking about this last weekend.

Then my thoughts shifted and I was having some unintentional half-dream/daydream where I heard myself telling someone, “Yeah, man, I destroyed my metabolism when I was in my early 20′s, and now I’m screwed!”

And my “perspective” suddenly radically shifted. As if everything stayed the same but I was jerked out to some completely different vantage point way above and to the left or something (figuratively).

And suddenly I said (out loud!!), but it was like some other aspect of me talking (OMG I just realized–it’s almost like I was half-channeling! That I felt like I went ‘slightly out of body’ while someone ‘else’ sat in. Not full trance channeling, still ‘me’ just another ‘aspect’ of me):

Oh that’s just retarded! That’s totally stupid! The body heals itself, DUH. How many times have you seen that, told Ry that? People can drink poison and recover. If the body survives the “acute” stage of anything, it CAN recover, given time and raw materials it needs.

The body is a self-healing mechanism. Acting like something done in the past determines what is possible in the future is a weird, limited belief system. As if! As if you are “helpless” and it’s “pointless” and there’s no solution! That’s just RETARDED!

Well I guess now we know it was that aspect of me that says ‘retarded’ all the time…

I didn’t know where to go with that. If it CAN heal, the best researchers in the world don’t yet know how and neither do I. So I moved on to other thoughts and forgot about it.

Some time later, a sudden memory ‘fell into me’, of a past experience:

A ‘voice of understanding’ said to me, the solution to a problem is always lying dormant within the problem itself. The energies are not separable.

… The dynamic of the solution-shift had almost a physical feeling built into it, when it became, or grew, or “birthed” its own solution. Like something inside it all sort of “inverted and then bloomed.” There was an oddly geometric and internally-kinesthetic feeling inside me. Then I saw: of course my body feels it; because all energy including that problem is part of me, if it’s part of my reality.

… The point of it was that solutions are not found in “the topography of situational energy” but in the core. This has a translation: The solution is seldom found in the ‘logical’ part of the situation, the surface “presented-problem” as one would say in therapy, and that’s why some problems, as the saying goes, are such a tangle of hopelessness that we have no sword but laughter. They seem hopeless because their solution is not something logic can address. If it could, it probably wouldn’t have become that terrible a snarl to begin with.

You have to meditate on the whole thing together, to begin. “Let it be” inside you for awhile. While you do this, some part of you figures out the pattern of energy, just like how your eyes-brain subconsciously find the visual pattern in those 3-D magic-eye pictures. Accept everything. You have to, because the answer is always in the key of the problem and if you’re rejecting the problem, like you can’t even let yourself be honest about its existence and reality, then you’re not giving yourself the full energy pattern to work with.

OK, so you’ve got it all inside you and some part of you is mapping out the whole situation, and the problem inherent, which in a truer energetic-sense is more like an impossible tangle-ball of what used to be a fine gold chain, and less like whatever surface-situational thing we think is the problem.

Then you have to “grok” — truly have faith, believe, understand, accept — that the answer IS actually inside there. It is a pattern within the pattern. A hidden picture, except it is energy that feels like it is inside your torso. You haven’t seen it yet consciously maybe but you have to totally trust that it IS there.

The solution is creatively compiled *from* the problem+situation, so it cannot fail to be there, because there’s lots of energy and always enough to creatively compile a solution.

This is not about THIS problem, whatever it might be,  it’s about ALL problems, no matter what they are.

I wondered why that sudden memory had arrived, then shrugged, and I was about to relax maybe into a nap when my “attention was arrested” by the thought:

If the root of every problem holds the key to the solution, does the root of my being fat hold an answer to it?

Some part of me made me write it down on a laptop note and then I let go of it and relaxed again. Then the memory from an hour or more before dived back into me, like the idea was a living thing, a fleet creature leaping gracefully over a fence around me, and right into the deep pool of my inner thoughts.

It was like the whole landscape and me, my body, were all part of the same energy, and that pattern was everywhere.

And I had this ‘gut sense perception’, similar to the meditation noted above but more at the gut-level than visual, where I realized that the energy that makes up everything is everywhere.  It seemed like my body was a blend, but so was the world around me, and we looked almost the same from a distance except a difference in shade-hue. If it weren’t for that difference I would have blended right in. This got my attention a little and I pursued that line of thought. Analogy-time!

Are my fat thighs reflected in my reality?

They must be. Somehow.

Is my lack of a vehicle reflected in my body?

It must be. Somehow.

I pondered.  What else do I lack?

I lack the money I want. I have enough for raw need–barely–but nothing more and am often in crisis.

I lack a man to love. I have friends but not the deep-soul of romantic love and sex I hunger for.

I wondered if I could analogy those things into my body. If “merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream!” how would I “interpret this dream symbol?”

My lack of vehicle… fundamental, motive ‘power’, motion, ability to maneuver in the world . . . reflects the muscle strength, and exercise, that I lack.

My lack of a man… reflects a lack of ‘self-love’, lack of taking good care of oneself, lack of sex (seems like that point rather overlaps with both sides of the analogy frankly….)

Well ok so maybe I can analogy my reality issues into my body. What about my body’s issues into my reality?

My environment is over-cluttered and often messy. No matter how much money for housekeeping help I spend, no matter the efforts I make, the useful storage things I buy, the ‘parsing’ I do to get rid of stuff, it’s like some energy that just keeps recreating its own pattern, and I am stuffed-full cluttered and messy in my living space.

For awhile I just kind of sat there in the feeling of having grokked something very fundamental.

Then kind of out of left field I thought: I should meditate on the energy of my ‘resistance to spiritual evolution.’

That one wouldn’t be fun I bet.

P