I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Growth and Happiness

My best friend says he thinks spiritual seeking and meditating ought to make a person more peaceful or something. That seems reasonable and right to me.

In some respects I feel vastly more grounded, more solid in areas I can only call honor and integrity and recognition for all life, closer to God and ‘divinity’, and other things I don’t even have words for.

On the other hand, I feel pretty regularly like all that I know, all that I am, has just had its ass kicked and its fallen to pieces and I have to reassemble myself again. This has a ‘stress’ response.

And an increase ‘resistance’ response to every other change, even of-mind, no matter how small. Then I feel better but I do more meditating and then it starts over again.

Stress = others perceiving you as unhappy. You are not relaxed, not happy go lucky, not as easy to laughter, not as patient or tolerant.

So they wanna know, if you’re doing all this work on yourself, why don’t you seem happy instead of stressed?

I don’t know. I don’t know how to merge my actual experience, with the idea that personal growth should make us all happier.

I’m tempted to think that Jungian explorers, shamans and the like, on the “personal individuation” path, might have as much constant shattering of identity for larger rebuilds, etc. as anything. It’s not quite the same as sitting around meditating on nothingness.


I’ve known a couple people when I was a teen who were Olympic hopefuls. One of the notable things about them was that while they might have been happy internally–they had their own humor, laughter, appreciation, etc.–to most people around them, they seemed “so serious” all the time. They wouldn’t party, they didn’t kick back, they were so focused, so disciplined, and they didn’t care a lot about anything else. They couldn’t. I mean there is only so much energy/focus a person has and when they put all of it toward something, most of the rest of the world becomes secondary.

People seemed to think that it was so neat that they were doing that stuff at that level, like they’d be rollicking good fun and cool to hang with, but in person they were pretty much no fun at all. If they wanted to be a kayak rower then either you’re a kayak or another rower or you’re a little peripheral to their life.

I’m not comparing myself to olympic hopefuls, only to the aspect that when you really focus on something, pretty much every day, then whatever stress, focus, injury, or side-effects that practice gives you, is going to dominate your life. People who really liked you when you were doing other things may not have so much in common with you now.


This is oddly humorous, but a lot of the improvement in my general sense of well-being the last couple of years, has actually manifested as my being a lot more intolerant of people and stuff around me. Not because I am more distressed by it but because I have much more “sense of self” than I used to; I am less willing to put up with it.

Thing is, I mostly don’t really care how others feel about that. Not because I don’t care about them, because I usually do. But because it is simply not open for question, I know I have the rights, so I don’t ask permission nor forgiveness. It’s my life so what I feel is right for me, is simply the way it will be.  I never was that way before. The last couple years of my development have given me that. My focus has changed. I think it is for the better in a big way. But that’s because my goals have a lot more to do with self-awareness than anything else. To others, who find themselves wanting significant blocks of my time focused on them, I know I seem more callous, more self-centered.

I am. I’m just not sure that’s a bad thing. It took me nearly 45 years to develop the ability to put myself first, mostly anyway. I see it as a feature not a bug. ;-)


Anyway. So as a result of the inner work I do that I blog here, it’s a subtle thing, but I am often rather stressed.

Sometimes that just means a little less patient or resilient. Sometimes it means less tolerance for specific things: for example I have a lot less patience with my own whining lately. I can’t tell you how many paragraphs I have deleted from every blog post, my journal and many emails, because it amounted to whining in my perception. It’s not that it’s not real or fair. It’s simply that I feel that focus is not constructive. I can feel that energies I have adopted — that would mean identities — more of, are part of that.

I seem to have less absorption ability of it with others as well. Coworkers or kid for example. I don’t feel any less compassionate. If anything, moreso perhaps than I used to. I simply feel less inclined to give room to that focus, or to dedicate my time for it. To others I am less caring. To me it’s an unsurprising side-effect of some damn hard internal work, and a “readjustment of priorities” when it comes to personal focus.

So I am working very hard, most the time, on self awareness. On wherever that leads. But I apparently don’t seem peaceful and happy to everyone else.

If we were expecting dedicated meditation to bring on the Kumbaya singing, it hasn’t happened yet.


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