This morning I had this experience which was one of those that didn’t feel like a dream at all. I mean it happened while I was asleep technically, and was visual and symbolic but it just felt like what happened with me before I woke up as opposed to a dream. More like some of what I had in the Bewilderness days. Anyway…
There were many people, as a concept, like me and the whole world. There is other stuff that I find confusing and don’t want to go on about because when I started writing, I felt as if my brain were inventing it on the fly under the surface, and it felt like it was distracting from what mattered. So I’ll just get to the only part which I care about.
I was in a house or structure of some kind (symbol for my body in dreams) and I was standing in the back of it (symbol for what is often hidden). There was an incredibly deep pool or lake right behind it (water is symbol for spirit for me).
I already knew what was coming as somehow I’d heard the prophecy of it. From out of the deep, slowly rising, as if unbothered by the water and not wet either, came a man.
What mattered about him was his eyes. His eyes were the only thing in my universe. His eyes were the deep, intensely rich color of the pool. They just held me. From the moment his head surfaced, I was locked with his eyes as he looked at me, as he rose above the water. I could not think or do anything else. I existed only in his eyes. He rose all the way out of the water, with us locked together in attention all the way.
Once he was completely out, I was brought out of sleep by my kid waking me up, but it wasn’t like I was asleep then awake, it felt differently, more like “moving through the spectrum from one state of mind to another” like a linear gradient, as opposed to being in one state and then changing to a very different another.
Half the ‘doons inside me and outside me have blue eyes. Back in the Bewilderness days, the profusion of blue-eyed white boys in my alien and spiritual life was one of the more confusing and bizarre factors, the way I saw it. My 3rd, he looks rather like that too. Except he doesn’t have the profound effect on me. Oddly it seems like maybe I just have a few different levels of awareness and so maybe I perceive him like different people depending not on him but on my awareness.
I know this one though. He is the man I met in The Angel Game account from January 1994. I thought he was Archangel Michael at the time, although I later I later questioned this.
That may be the same person as the blue eyes of soul (faith, as I called it then) from this account not long later. I questioned their relationship of possibly being the same entity even then.
Nowdays, I believe it was a human manifestation of an Angel, the angel of my soul. I was not able to perceive him ‘directly’ I think, which is why I perceived him more as a person, albeit everything normal vanished the moment I met his eyes, which took the experience out of the realm of anything you’d have with a person.
I wonder if this is due to my focus on pulling the Largers more into me, or due to my recent realization that the reason I had not seen more of my Angel of Soul up close since the accounts above, is because some part of me was resisting that.
That was the thing in the recent shower meditation that made me sob so deeply with the realization, as if for that moment I felt so keenly that every single instant without the awareness of him inside me is like a universe of loneliness.
Although the experience was not extended, and although there were all these confusing background energies and concepts that seemed related to the-end-of-the-world sorts of prophecies and him (which honestly reminds me one of the dreams I had of the 3rd of 4 back in those days, a Highlander-style theme in the account Man of Old).
But it seems like maybe a good thing.
P
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