I did a focus med on Ithikah last Tuesday. Bolehren was supposed to be the next evening, Wednesday, but I put her off. It wasn’t until last night that I saw an interesting sort of timing-sync. Now that I see this, I am wondering…
When I do archetype meditations, if I begin a meditation, basically “open up” that energy, and I do not finish it, that energy runs rampant in my life and in my head. On problem issues this really IS a problem. It’s often the thing that forces me to get my act together and get back in and finish the work, because of all the chaos in my life from that energy bouncing all over, and I can track it to ‘that energy’ by the detail. Well I had intended to work with B until pretty much the last minute I had a “denial” attack and wandered off to do anything that wasn’t meditating. So I’m wondering if, by my intent, I essentially had already kind of opened up the process even if I hadn’t got to uttering the words yet.
The day after I was supposed to work with B, I had such a bad day as far as people are concerned. By the end of the day I was convinced “everybody dislikes me!” I just felt so crummy about it. I haven’t felt like that in so many eons I can’t remember. (Not because everybody likes me, mind you, but because I only require a few folks to feel close to that makes me not care about the rest of the world’s opinion.) The next day was different. That feeling was gone, but I spent the entire day spontaneously disliking everybody else. People I adore, even, I found reasons to observe something negative and feel grouchy about it, especially in person. By the time I had gotten to about the 15th thing that bugged me about my housekeeping helper–a true saint–I realized I was completely out of hand with it. It kicked my butt all day. By very late-night and all the next day I spent much of it having actual arguments.
At this point I suddenly realized that in a Sethian model, all of these 3 days were actually based on the same energy. Just different ways of manifesting that energy. Then I remembered that Bolehren told me once that her part with me was focused on “personal relationships.”
On the bright side this inspired me to get my act together and finally DO the focus meditation I had planned with her. OK, only by accident sort of. I think she stepped in and made it happen. I was minding my own business doing the Aeon round which I am overdue for, and I reached her, but somewhere in the middle of the whole 3-4 sentences I say, I got lost in a dreamling.
“A side of white!” I hear, understanding it is a ‘name’. Two small groups of people both seem to represent this name, and they are meeting up together in what seems like an airport boarding terminal. They encounter each other, jealously recognizing the others’ claim on the same name, and they erupt into a physical fight about who should get to keep it. Then it collapsed (the dreamling) and I realized, “Oh, I was just, er, daydreaming I guess, whoops, ok getting back to it now–” and then realized it was a dreamling and that had some kind of meaning and I went back in my head, relived it, then jotted down notes in my little notebook here.
“OK Bolehren,” I say, “I hadn’t planned for this to be the focus med, but it’s true I’ve already realized if one of the Aeons has something to communicate, they sometimes do so within the round. So I’ll relax and you show me whatever you like.” I have to say this was wonderfully spontaneous, I did zero work here, it just fed right in.
I relaxed, eyes closed, and I see a right arm from about the bicep down, being held out in front (as if it’s my own), going up and down with the palm up. The palm is clearly injured in some way and the motion is clearly conveying something like, “Do you SEE this?!” The fingers are straight and palm straight as if the whole hand is unable to be used.
I see a whole series of round disc-shapes. They are standing vertically on the ground, broad side facing me, one behind the other on the ground a couple feet apart, going back to the far side of a big room. (So if I stood just right I would only see the first one, all the others would be hidden behind it.) There is this crazy loud repetitive sound, as if the whole ground is shaking with each one, and it turns out to be some huge monster with giant heavy feet who is lumbering toward me. He has a ‘hammer’ — a gigantic sledgehammer type weapon — and he swings it with each step, and smashes a couple of the disks to bits in one direction, and then the other, as he comes toward me. He reaches me, all of them destroyed.
I say nicely to the huge creature, “Pray with me. I can see you’re really unhappy about something, and you’re slamming your feet into the ground so hard it’s cracking and causing earthquakes! I can help you, I’m sure of it. Can I come close to you without being hurt?” He nods once, and I fly up to him and imagine taking his giant hands in mine, and imagine gold energy coming from my hands and heart chakra into his hands. “Dear God,” I say formally. “Please help relieve and heal my friend here. He is feeling very upset and violent. Please help heal him, or help me heal him, with whatever energy he most needs.” The giant creature shrinks before my eyes as this is going on, and several seconds afterward, until I have between my hands, the hands of a normal man, standing facing me.
“You need to break up this foundation,” he explains to me. “It is not flowing. It is not allowing needed change and flexibility.” I nod agreement and close my eyes to him and imagine that I am totally cracking the ground, the earth, everywhere even where we stand, and it goes out in a wave like movie graphics and literally “breaks up” into tiny fractures everywhere, the ground of the whole land.
“Will that do?” I ask him, and suddenly he is embedded in a wall in front of me facing me, and he throws out his right arm, palm out toward me, and there is this small explosion-like from his palm and I see that he has black charcoal-like burn marks all over his palm and sides of his right hand. I start to tell him I’m so sorry that just happened, when it’s suddenly like I’m racing downward through the ground, following the wall down, which once underground, looks like a thin metal grid of sorts (kinda like those funky metal ‘towers’ that are used for high voltage power lines), and goes way, way deep underground somewhere.
I reach the bottom and I see these are all over the place, sticking up so high, and I understand this is “the power grid” which underlies the whole landscape; and I think to myself this has to relate to his right palm. I notice that everything seems unusually… stuck. Like everything is so hard-welded into place that the slightest motion of the land above actually caused bending or breaking or interference/cutoff of the power running up from this bottom area up to the area above. This has been going on for a long time, obviously, and the whole area is not doing well.
So I imagine that a sort of healing wave of gold light is slowly sweeping the power grid I am standing on, and it is re-creating a new structural connection between the ground where the power originates (some kind of pattern I wasn’t clear on was on the ground) and the grids that stick up and feed it to the surface, giving them a flexible ball and socket joint so they can move all over, and cleaning up the grids up to the surface.
Then I sent the power up to the surface and made it clean out all the ‘connections’ between the feeds (nerves?) and surface and feed power into the shattered ground so that it all became more soft and pliable, loose rich soil instead of hard packed cracked mud. My whole body does a massive surging repeating rush during this which certainly tells me something about that worked.
I felt I was done then, and could move on to the rest of the round. But I came to blog it, got distracted about 101 times, and finally am getting this written down before I forget it.
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