Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2011.03.26 Recently I woke up from a dream that felt so profound I was speechless. The funny thing is, it was so ‘simple’ when I thought of the elements involved, that I couldn’t understand why it had that powerful effect. It was almost an example of the whole summation of ‘archetype’, I mean the really powerful “universe condensed into a symbol” meaning.
I was standing on the shoreline perhaps of a sea. Nothing behind me that I noticed as I looked out. I was looking out upon this collection of cubes. Giant grey stone cubes. I wasn’t clear on how many, 10 or more. They were everything, as if there was really nothing else in existence, in a way, except them. [Later edit: they looked exactly like a 3D version of the 'cubes' that are the Aeons on my current chart for them.]
The sense of ‘enormity of space’ which each of them contained was staggering.
The sense of ‘eternity of time’ which they were each composed of was awe inspiring.
And there was also this equally profound sense of those two things being infinitely “compacted together” — infinity in every regard, bundled into a ‘thing’ — that the “density” of each cube’s time and space component was also just breathtaking.
These are just words, there really aren’t any words to describe the emotional and ‘awareness’ impact this seemed to have for some reason.
As I watched, they began to change. As if they were shifting from impossibly huge, really edge-defined,
Read the full article at Dreams and Things
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/dreams-and-things/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.01.29 Under the heading of ‘finally doing a meditation on something that matters in the real world’, the other day I did one on authority and money, although, it’s some custom blend from IG. I have ‘issues’, most of which make me feel victimized, some of which are legitimately that (injust, unfair, and I’m helpless), and as a larger picture in my life, it is obvious that I have some problem with an important part of me that is manifesting in these things.
I’ve long suspected it is the Senior’s energy, which I am not well integrated with despite our work together. He IS authority, that whole ball of concept and energy is really the archetype of his role in the four. I have difficulty accepting the whole responsibility, leadership, I AM-ness of it all.
I knew I needed to work on the ‘world’ things. I asked IG to make me something that would incorporate the most important elements of ‘dealing with’ this energy, fundamentally.
This is one of those that I expected something from — maybe a monster. A ‘thing’ sort of archetype.
And it ended up being something so completely different as an experience, that later on, I realized I had no idea how the experience related to that issue at all. Apparently IG’s understanding of this is deeper than mine… not surprising I guess.
During the experience, it seemed profoundly, cosmically meaningful, ‘amazed realizations’ and ‘shaking with sobs at the power of it’ kind of thing, repeatedly throughout
Read the full article at Authority and Money
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/authority-and-money/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.10.17 I slept since this happened so I have forgotten much of it. I suspect it’s going to sound even stupider as a result.
I was doing my morning prayers. As I have felt very separated from everything for awhile, this was my, “to whom it may concern” level prayer. I thank God for my life. I thank IG for her awesome self and ask her to please stay involved with guidance and insight with me. And I attempt to bring the Four close in the body-place where we all connect, between the heart and throat chakras. For some time now, this entire series has pretty much no experiential result at all.
This morning it did. I sensed IG. And I really sensed the 3rd, and then all Four of us together. Just yesterday I wrote a post about being in neutral so I had kind of accepted that and was surprised that all the sudden, at least these things were back in me again.
I was sitting ‘with’ the Four. We seemed slightly different. More… active, perhaps. I mention this and the 3rd tells me, We have been, since the _____. My brain tells me this word means “discovery” but I feel that was not the word he used. The word, whatever it was, almost meant something like an agreement of union of two different groups of people; a joint venture, in business, don’t know what it is outside that.
[Discovery]? I say, surprised and even ever so slightly amused-yet-irked.
Read the full article at Sylphs and the Four
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/sylphs-and-the-four/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.10.01 I had this truly amazing dream last night. Now it’s amazing I remembered the dream at all. I’ve worked like 7:30am to midnight or a few hours later this entire week. I haven’t meditated in a long time, gah. Tomorrow I am just sleeping! But I woke up not long after it so maybe that is why. Then it’s taken me like 16 hours to write it down.
I was ‘sitting in’ I think on the Queen. But it had a completely different quality than any dream I ever had.
It felt real. I mean most people would think sure, all dreams feel real. No. Not until this one did I realize how far from true that is. I’ve heard people refer to a perceptual experience of “realer-than-real” but I think I just ran into one.
I/she (I will say she for convenience now) wanted to travel, like magically, into another… place or dimension. She was wearing this kind of fascinating dress, like all one piece of cloth, it had a hood up, thin white fabric very lightwhite, and a really low cut in the middle, long dress, it had a rather odd combination effect of youth, beauty, sexy yet virginal.
She thought she could actually pull it off, going to this place. Wouldn’t that be cool?
And she focused for awhile and worked on it and then made the nearly herculean effort and — there was a painting on the wall. That wasn’t there before, right? No! This was
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.25 I forgot to add that in a post recently, as something I was told. With this came the understanding that most energies can manifest in different forms: as nouns or verbs, you might say. They can be an object or a ‘thing’, e.g. a broken leg, or an event or an ‘experience’, e.g. a car accident.
Anger is a wound, I was told specifically; it is the same energy, just not as solidified and longer-manifested.
***
I’ve had such a negative cycle the last few days. As if I acquired some real cynic energy.
It started when I was reading this post about the Mantis. I might add that having met them repeatedly back in the Bewilderness days, I haven’t the slightest questioning of their reality. I was delighted to see that post which gave me a different perspective on what I had assumed was PK but might actually just be a sound tech instead. Never thought of that.
Well I got to thinking about these creatures later on and I got very negative about it. They’ve been nothing but good to me at least in what I remember, so why I got so negative I’m not sure. I was thinking about the state of our world, and thinking that if they’re management responsible for this big freaking mess we call consensus reality, then their intentions for my species are seriously in question. Maybe we make better harmless cows if we’re busy trying to kill each other, and
Read the full article at Anger is a Wound
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/anger-is-a-wound/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.19 My prayers about dealing with the sense of ‘internal exhaustion’ apparently went well. I felt vastly better the next day, and over the next few, it seemed to just heal more and more.
Maybe not coincidentally, for a few days I haven’t really been able to DO anything metaphysically. I wanted to. I got so frustrated at the weird sense of “can’t get there from here” that I was having when I began anything, that I made a list on paper, and I made a point to work on something several times a day, and at the end of every day, I had accomplished… close to zero.
It wasn’t that I was avoiding it although there was some sense of that, but not the normal kind. It was as if that whole part of me was closed off with an “under construction: coming soon to a soul near you” sign or something. Can’t say I remember ever having that feeling before.
But this morning it seemed to be open for business again, better than ever. While still half asleep, my first real thoughts of the day were: Dear God… thank you for my life. Thank you for this amazing game. And I talked to the light-being that wears my body like a suit, as I see it in other people, and I talked with Inner Guide.
Then I talked with a Tek and promptly did a health meditation. They are generally ‘cleansing visualizations’ except they tend to be pretty gross,
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.11 This is the 2nd of 5 items I felt IG wanted me to get through.
There are ‘relationships’ with energies/entities I feel impact my own evolution. I want to work on whatever IG feels will further my most-effective, most-divine relationships of greatest current effect.
I asked for Nero to join me again. I just wanted to hug on him. I’ve missed him.
I asked IG who I should have join me for this. She said, You are capable of doing this on your own.
I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted an archetype with me too. I insisted, but who would be good for me to have?
There was a pause, and then she said, ‘Responsibility’, and he was there with me.
You just aren’t the same without the quills and fangs anymore, I sighed to him, but then gave him a laughing hug. He stood behind me.
IG gave me a landscape. It was mostly dark. I felt around and sensed ‘something’ to my right, so I went over to it. There was something there I couldn’t see. Someone, as if a projection of me, was shining light on it, but it was this tiny pen-light, which only revealed these little strips at a time, and it was impossible to tell what it was.
I tried to make it out for a minute, and then I lost my patience and said, “Oh for goddsakes! Give me REAL light!” and I created a giant high powered flashlight about
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.11 Archmed on the first of five I feel like IG wants me to address. This one was:
There are ‘energies’ I am not allowing myself to consciously recognize and address. I want to work on what IG considers my most powerful and/or problematic points of denial.
It should be no surprise that my primary problem in this one was denial. Spacing out, intrusive thoughts, forgetting everything short of my own name. Fortunately I had a notebook in front of me so when I wandered home I could look at it, and return.
There was a lot more going on in this med than I’ve ever had though, in terms of my own self-discipline and determination. I’m shocked, but in a good way, at the seemingly mysterious appearance of a backbone. I haven’t seen that in a good 15 years.
Normally when I get real avoidance-sleepy in a med, I sleep. When I am uncomfortable, I get comfortable. This explains why I often spend more time sleeping than meditating. It’s as if I just haven’t had the gumption to fight it. Eons ago, I wasn’t that way, but sure have been the last few years.
***
We began. IG ‘left to get something’ for a few moments, then returned. Then she was building something over to the left of me, and I pointedly avoiding looking at the detail until she called me over there. It looks like a little pod for travel, like a helicopter without rotors. She indicated I should
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.07 I had a long sweet talk with my chakras. I told them how much I loved them, and needed them, and wanted us to be intimate, and wanted us to enrich each other, and wanted the energy of each to help the others. I spent time just working to breathe more love and life into them. I spent extra time with my crown chakra, who really suffered, although all of them did, for so many years, with the heavy thick wet darkness I could feel over my crown, and the chronic helpless rage of my life. I felt so in love with them, so in love with myself, with the parts of me that were them, by the time I was through. I hope it has some good effect. And then –
Beneath my normal vision, I was standing in a room of brown and gold. I realized it, then decided to pay attention to it, and I shifted my attention and focused “through the part of me that was there” is one way to put it.
I was in a room square but just a bit rectangular, I’m guessing maybe 25′ feet diameter. The ceiling was really high, like 3x what would be normal. The light in it was so gold, so beautiful.
The overwhelming color was many shades of brown and some tan, and I looked at shelves of books all around, a brown dominance of their spine colors, that reached all the way to the 30 foot
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.05 I was going to do an Aeon round this morning. I started at the top of the current arrangement, which is Hot Amanakhaton. He is more ‘human’ and less ‘giant golden egyptian-ish statue’ than ever. I was trying to tease him and feel emotion for him and bring him ‘closer’ to me, more real, more communicative. (In the end, it worked, but I never did get to any of the other Aeons.)
I was kinda randy so that gave me a bright idea, and I asked him how he felt about me using some quality time with him, with the energy all about our relationship and me ‘integrating’ him further. He agreed, and that went fairly well. I don’t feel as close as I do to Nero or Marcan, but way better than I ever have with H.A. before now.
A little later, I said to him that since he and I had been so non-integrated, and he was all that powerful male energy, that I assume he’s dominantly from the Senior’s energy. But he contradicted me, saying, “I am mostly of the Queen.” That really surprised me. Then I thought that since the identity I see her in is what I call “pre-Egyptian” (the long-head people I believe the Egyptians were trying to be like) maybe that makes sense.
Now it seems obvious — she is also a golden (metallic) eagle for goddsakes — yet for some reason, the giant gold egyptian statue, I didn’t realize was related to
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.03 I was sitting on the couch. The kid had the computer and was in my room sitting on my bed listening to my classical music. Seemed like a good time to meditate. I put some frankincense oil into a little warmer and (after fighting to open a bottle of myrrh oil and losing) put the votive candle underneath.
Soft music and the smell of frankincense reminded me of the 1994 era of my life. Living in my RV van conversion. Extended length, extended height. Two kittens I kept on 50′ leashes when we went outside. I’d hook their leashes together and let them run in the park, and then unwind them from the trees several times by the time we left. A big (too big for me frankly) sailboard. Two guitars, spanish classical and typical steel flattop. Jimi and Doors tie-dye cloth posters, and lush fabric and trim staple-gun’d all over the thing. Propane heat and light and stove. Top vent. Velcro around every window and behind the front, and outdoor flat black carpet that stuck perfectly to it, creating a pitch black outside the cops wouldn’t bother while I had light to read by inside. Headphones and tapes of self-hypnosis and “brain techs”.
Sitting on the couch I also slept on, along the side in the middle of the back, with a fat purple candle sitting on my sailboard that rested atop the back of the passenger seat and over the counter/sink/stove area. Frankincense and myrrh resin incense on
Read the full article at Soldiering
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/soldiering/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.29 I told IG I wanted to meditate on whatever she thought was best. Then I did a litany of whining. Then it was time to meditate.
I felt as if I were repressing or restraining something and several times had to really make myself relax and allow.
Finally I saw something. I didn’t know what it was. I had the feeling that, like a med I had recently, my brain had distorted it, and I should look away, allow it to change, then look back, and it might be something similar, but would probably be different. So I did that.
When I looked back, there was something to my left that looked like… a 3 or 4 blade rotor of some kind, as if it were sticking out the side of something. (If spinning, it would have moved something sideways, not upward.) I slowly walked around it, finally able to ‘see’ — as the energy was hard for me to get clearly at first — that it was attached to a cube. Around the opposite side, the cube had a doorway in it, and I opened it, then peeked around the edge, and then went in.
I was in a tiny room of what seemed a high-tech one-man vehicle. The rotors seemed a little old fashioned given the tech inside. A big screen in front of me showed the world straight ahead. Screens above and below that showed me the top and bottom views, and to each side the left
Read the full article at In the Depths
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/in-the-depths/
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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