Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2011.10.23 A year ago I had a dream. I blogged about it here, in a post called Mercenary.
It had three ‘new’ things for me, in it.
The first was the clear understanding that the dream was a total fabrication of my imagination… but that it was absolutely true to the energy of something that, separately, was completely real. Why I just couldn’t dream whatever really happened I don’t know, but in terms of energy, geometry, whatever, the dream was true to the original. The second was that it was something I felt I got from a Larger (Rahleon): that he had looked into himself, of which I am a tiny part, and his greater insight had sort of “unlocked” this bound-up energy within me. (Now in my perfect world, he would have just FIXED IT and been done with it, heh.) The third was that I understood this was so powerful, so important, that it was having a profound, life-wide effect on me, similarly to the energy I worked out with Jared & El Nino, which miraculously cured what I felt had been my biggest psychological problem all my life (extensive chronic ‘artificial guilt’ as Seth called it).
So, anything THAT big a deal, boy I should meditate on that immediately and work through it! Right?
Riiiiiiiiight. I mentioned I had the dream a YEAR ago.
I couldn’t go near it. I’ve thought of it probably 200 times. I’ve thought yeah, man, I really need to meditate on
Posted by Palyne on 2011.06.19 There are times when I put a lot of effort into meditating and I still have no idea what it means. This is the first real meditation I’ve done in longer than I can remember. With the oddest result.
This morning I was doing something in my head–not important or intentional–when a shape vaguely like a closed umbrella with a top point “intruded” into my head by coming from the upper right and slamming down deep into the ground in front of me, puncturing the earth, accompanied by a sudden, loud, beautiful “chord” of music.
It sounded like the ‘chord.wav’ on a computer that alerts you, except different, but it was clear this was how it was being used, as a hey-look-at-this ‘alert chord’. It was such a lovely sound that I spent a moment telling my throat chakra that this was awesome and I’d like to have more sounds like this, if I’m going to get info I’d be happy to have more of it audio.
I’ve often had trouble with audio. When I started meditating, nearly 20 years ago, I could see my guides in a half-sensed way, and see their mouths moving, but I couldn’t hear them. Drove me nuts.
Later when I got into intentional psi work, one of the side-effects of too much doing it was a big increase in the amount of “spontaneous noise” as if I overlapped with other realities and they were ‘bleeding through’. It ranged from specific things (literally conversations about
Posted by Palyne on 2011.02.28 One of the phenomena of the Largers as I call them (as I have no idea what they really are, except that I am part of what composes them, the way the Consortium (12 Aeons) are part of what composes me), is that after I have met each of them, I’ve had an amping up of sexual energy that is unbelievable. I mean really. I could tell you and you wouldn’t believe me. It’s that incredible, embarrassing, inconvenient, and even a little bit scary, not in a bad way, just in that “kundalini is so powerful that some part of your body gets its potential and has some healthy concern” way. It passes in around 3-4 days.
I have made up their names, as apparently I am incompetent as grasping them when they provide it to me. The four Largers so far are Dominon, Pazyryk, and Rahleon, and I don’t know what to call the fourth yet, partly because I don’t feel like I got enough info about him/her/it to come up with something. So I call him the fourth larger right now. Not too creative.
In the normal course of life as sexual energy cycles up and down, over time I’ve developed the habit of (usually) deciding what I want to focus on with that energy; an event, a situation, a prayer, an archetype, whatever. I’ve written about that in more detail before. One of the odd things the last few months, since I met the Largers, is that
Read the full article at Punching Through
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/punching-through/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.02.03 I met the 4th ‘Larger’ as I call them (for lack of a clue on what they really are) recently.
I was in denial. This was clear even during the experience, and from my evasion of blogging about it. That also affected how much it impacted me during the experience, although he did some, and he told me at least three times “you need to breathe more,” and I had the predictable following three days of unbelievable sex drive.
I don’t remember much else now. Because I “couldn’t get around to” writing it down. Of course my working hours are much of that. Feeling a bit despairing about that, and the under-capacity situation at work.
Like the others I have no name for him (though I named them, later — Dominon, Pazyryk and Rahleon), no clue what he does, only that is part of the group that I am part of them, and they are really powerful.
Had a nightmare today that I lost my kid. Like sent her cross country to somewhere, turned out to be the wrong place, couldn’t find her, was very frustrating. She is ill. I am fighting to stay well.
P
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I can’t believe I forgot to blog this. Actually it’s probably a sign, things that affect me the most I sometimes ‘deny’ until I’ve conveniently forgotten them. This qualifies as one of the weirder things in my recent life, although it’s not that big a deal.
I mentioned that since meeting the Largers, my sex drive tripled. At least. At this rate I’m going to single-handedly keep Panasonic in business. I mean seriously, for several days straight, it was pretty much insane. All day. Like nothing really quenched it for more than an hour or two. Damn, if only I were beautiful I could at least be making a profit off this. (Just kidding.)
Anyway, so the other day (weekend) I woke up as if something had woke me up ‘from the inside’. And I felt really… odd. Great. But… different. I realized — just about the time I realized that Pazyryk was “with me” rather strongly — that what I felt was overwhelmed with sexual energy.
Now this might not seem unusual, waking up being such a nice time and all, but it wasn’t like that. It was as if every single cell in my body was feeling sexually aroused. It was frustrating, because aside from that one O So Special part of the body, you really can’t get sensitive pleasure as feedback to any other place! My elbows and some general cells an inch down were as interested as probably my liver was, or whatever. But I was
Read the full article at Waking Up to Pazyryk
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/waking-up-to-pazyryk/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I attempted to do a med on Nero and my body last night but it just didn’t happen. Then I attempted to do one on why Pazyryk asked me why my legs wouldn’t talk to him, and the sudden perception I had when he said that, that I was standing right on the edge of this giant rounded canyon I was afraid of falling into so I stepped back quickly. I didn’t really get that done either, but did pray about it for a bit, I just spaced out in the middle of that is all. This morning I attempted to continue that, though I don’t feel I got anywhere.
Then I talked with IG. I realized for a moment, that the more aware I get, the more I will realize that letting IG drive these efforts is always the ideal meditation decision. I told her I saw this, but that I like the happy delusion that I have some clue WTF is going on which I only get when I say what I want to work on.
I considered asking her to drive a brief med before work, and then thought with some inner whining, but I never have ‘tangibility’ with her meds. Then I ‘remembered’ a zillion meds she has driven that have been the most perceptual/tangible meds I’ve done, and realized that just because SOME of them, I don’t do so well with–probably because it’s stuff I really need and I don’t yet relate well to it–I’ve
Read the full article at IG med Dec01
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/ig-med-dec01/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.28 I feel as if most of two months ‘off’ meditating is something I really needed. Like I was ‘overtraining’, spiritually. The arrival of the Largers in me really kicked my ass. I feel so much better now. Like I am ready for a new cycle.
I think I actually dreamed I blogged something that I didn’t, very recently, since I find no trace of it. By the time I realized I had not ‘really’ blogged it, it was too late and I’d forgotten it. That’s kinda funny.
As I was told to simply give them names, I have named the three Largers. Dominon (dahm’-ee-non), Pazyryk (Pa-zsur’-ik), and Rahleon (rah-lee’-on). The first one’s name sounds a little like what I’d come up with originally that I got laughed at for, sort of. And to me has some of the big/dominating element. The second is the name of an ancient people that the aspect of him I see, seems like he could be from. And the third is just a made up word, for the sun and a lion, which is a little of how I perceive him.
My sex drive has pretty much tripled from the time of their arrival. I thought it was some weird phase that would pass but it’s been a couple of months and it hasn’t yet. It’s almost shocking. And since I’m single it’s a little bit frustrating of course. My physical energy in general is slightly higher as well, though not so much that I
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.06 I dreamed ‘symbolic of an aspect’ this morning. This is the first time I have had a dream and ‘known’ for certain that it was not only an aspect but that it was symbolic. Meaning, the dream details were not what really happened; they might be similar perhaps (no telling) but they were instead, something that was an ‘analogy’ to the ‘dynamics’ of it.
Several men were close friends. Long time friends. One of them specialized in stock market-type work, or something similar. He discovered a way to illegally use software to create a substantial effect in pricing. He talked them into joining him on this ‘sure thing’, waxing on about how they could make money, and everyone needed it.
So they were all together, actively investing, and making money hand over fist. He encouraged them to commit more and more, their family’s money, house mortgage, all kinds of things, as if it were a game of poker that took trade. They reluctantly and then excitedly did so, imagining what great things they were doing for their family as a result.
Then, without warning them–because it would have meant a bit less success for his own efforts, and he was without conscience–he ran this hack he had, and caused the whole pricing to crash, him of course selling just the instant before and making a killing, and them losing absolutely everything.
They were so devastated that one by one, each of them picked up their own gun and shot themselves
Read the full article at Mercenary
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/mercenary/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.24 The corp I work for does software updates and for small ones we call it ‘patching’. Sometimes there are side effects. Like exposing issues we didn’t see till then. Patch pain keeps us scrambling. I think maybe this same dynamic happens on other levels too.
The ‘Largers’ as I’m calling them (for lack of any more intelligent term to describe them) are like a soul patch, I think. I’ve asked them what the hell is going on with me since I met them. They tell me that if you even slightly increase the amount of overall energy you’re actively connected with, it intensifies everything. As if that is an answer, I thought … then after awhile I decided it was.
This reminds me of a comment I read, something about how when the light of the divine shines through a person, it highlights all patterns… not just the good ones.
I have just been weird for days. I’m sleeping more than seems humanly possible, and outside work that’s almost all I do. I’ve had so much inflammation it’s crazy, body-wide, and I did a lot of trying to figure out what food was causing this but there really wasn’t anything that should have that effect, and certainly not to that degree. And while many of these symptoms are not too unusual for fluctuating hormones or food intake, it just feels different (and isn’t that time).
My body feels completely weird in various ways I have never felt before. Too many
Read the full article at Patch Pain
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/patch-pain/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.21 I had a dream last night that I think was a result of one of the ‘largers’ as I call them. In it, I had a fairly radically different perspective than normal. It wasn’t weird at all, just completely different.
I was watching people at this one point of time and space. As if … I think “Akashic Record” is the only term for this, as it was so much more than just visual or conceptual. There were a bazillion options but I had already streamlined everything down to what was, in general, one line of probability you might say. Like if you imagine that any event has a zillion probabilities inherent in its rollout, I had chosen or got it down to, in general, a very small set, and so using those as the parameters for what filtered into the view, I was watching the overall time period, and location area, and identity group — I mean the people who were part of all this.
This happened to be an area during warfare. It vaguely reminded me on waking of the WWII era in terms of, it was in big but seemingly old cities, things were machinery based but seemingly not ‘electronically’ based the way things are now. It gave me that feel, that “dusty grey” feel that Europe during that era brings to my mind, probably because my exposure to it is via the grainy b&w photos from books and history class.
I was watching this one period
Read the full article at MMoRPG Goes Cosmic
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/mmorpg-goes-cosmic/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.19 My prayers about dealing with the sense of ‘internal exhaustion’ apparently went well. I felt vastly better the next day, and over the next few, it seemed to just heal more and more.
Maybe not coincidentally, for a few days I haven’t really been able to DO anything metaphysically. I wanted to. I got so frustrated at the weird sense of “can’t get there from here” that I was having when I began anything, that I made a list on paper, and I made a point to work on something several times a day, and at the end of every day, I had accomplished… close to zero.
It wasn’t that I was avoiding it although there was some sense of that, but not the normal kind. It was as if that whole part of me was closed off with an “under construction: coming soon to a soul near you” sign or something. Can’t say I remember ever having that feeling before.
But this morning it seemed to be open for business again, better than ever. While still half asleep, my first real thoughts of the day were: Dear God… thank you for my life. Thank you for this amazing game. And I talked to the light-being that wears my body like a suit, as I see it in other people, and I talked with Inner Guide.
Then I talked with a Tek and promptly did a health meditation. They are generally ‘cleansing visualizations’ except they tend to be pretty gross,
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.16 When I once perceived ‘via’ IG in tiny part briefly, I got very clearly that she is “of the Angelic realm”. And while I have no idea what her relationship is with me in terms of some boring Urantia- or Talmud- style heirarchy of X begat Y, it seemed reasonable to me that maybe she is my higher self in some fashion. And maybe she is, who knows.
But then again… maybe that is WAY higher. Or of some different nature.
After this morning’s meditation, I’m thinking that maybe some… ‘more complex’ selves come through just as normally as the… um, ‘composing’ selves of Aeons do.
If the Consortium composes me and they are Aeons, what would I call those whom I am part of the composition of, in turn? I have no idea.
I remembered my recent 2 meditations with finding and restoring Nero. I remembered this lovely framed poster I got from my best friend for my birthday, one of Michael Parkes’s beautiful art works, which I’d never seen large enough or close enough to realize that at the edge is a contained waterfall, similar to the symbolism from those meds.
I recalled that during a med, I had the sudden realization: I am the Aeon to my higher selves, and they are trying to reach me, as I am trying to reach Nero. Or something that translated to that.
***
I had the feeling that the big guy-creature I recently was introduced to by IG, MondnoM (that
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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