Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I attempted to do a med on Nero and my body last night but it just didn’t happen. Then I attempted to do one on why Pazyryk asked me why my legs wouldn’t talk to him, and the sudden perception I had when he said that, that I was standing right on the edge of this giant rounded canyon I was afraid of falling into so I stepped back quickly. I didn’t really get that done either, but did pray about it for a bit, I just spaced out in the middle of that is all. This morning I attempted to continue that, though I don’t feel I got anywhere.
Then I talked with IG. I realized for a moment, that the more aware I get, the more I will realize that letting IG drive these efforts is always the ideal meditation decision. I told her I saw this, but that I like the happy delusion that I have some clue WTF is going on which I only get when I say what I want to work on.
I considered asking her to drive a brief med before work, and then thought with some inner whining, but I never have ‘tangibility’ with her meds. Then I ‘remembered’ a zillion meds she has driven that have been the most perceptual/tangible meds I’ve done, and realized that just because SOME of them, I don’t do so well with–probably because it’s stuff I really need and I don’t yet relate well to it–I’ve
Read the full article at IG med Dec01
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/ig-med-dec01/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.29 I intended to do a different meditation. I was talking to IG about Nero and why I thought there was some connection between him and the lower right torso area of my body. I wondered aloud if it’s possible that my body is literally ‘composed of’ my Aeons somehow, as much as my reality might be. Perhaps not so simply as a leg or liver, probably some hideously complex thing of lipids and enzymes and hormones and acids so they are all present in every square inch…
But something about turning my attention to my body must have set me off. From seemingly out of nowhere, I started sobbing helplessly to her about my body and its bizarre ‘survival’ element of staying about the same huge size regardless of what I eat or don’t.
It doesn’t matter to me that this is actually normal. That the best experts in the country support that this is the way it is and people should just accept it and try to be as healthy as they can. That there is no science that says how to fix it. That all the feel-good just-eat-less crap has zero relationship to the severely torqued metabolic processes of anybody who is already huge. It doesn’t matter that allegedly it happens or it doesn’t (losing weight past the 160# I lost already) and nobody knows why.
I’m not dealing with objective reality here, I’m dealing with subjective reality, and the idea that we can modify our reality via
Read the full article at The Why of Fat
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/the-why-of-fat/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.29 
You’ve had my energy ‘open’ as you call it, for a long time, he told me. We’ve worked through a good deal. I realize he’s right. I began to meditate on this more than once and didn’t. It throws me, that you’re just a guy, I say. I’m getting to understand that tarot are each a truly massive, amazing quantity of energy and perspective. To see you as the archetype just a young man in blue jeans is kind of brain crunching.
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.25 I forgot to add that in a post recently, as something I was told. With this came the understanding that most energies can manifest in different forms: as nouns or verbs, you might say. They can be an object or a ‘thing’, e.g. a broken leg, or an event or an ‘experience’, e.g. a car accident.
Anger is a wound, I was told specifically; it is the same energy, just not as solidified and longer-manifested.
***
I’ve had such a negative cycle the last few days. As if I acquired some real cynic energy.
It started when I was reading this post about the Mantis. I might add that having met them repeatedly back in the Bewilderness days, I haven’t the slightest questioning of their reality. I was delighted to see that post which gave me a different perspective on what I had assumed was PK but might actually just be a sound tech instead. Never thought of that.
Well I got to thinking about these creatures later on and I got very negative about it. They’ve been nothing but good to me at least in what I remember, so why I got so negative I’m not sure. I was thinking about the state of our world, and thinking that if they’re management responsible for this big freaking mess we call consensus reality, then their intentions for my species are seriously in question. Maybe we make better harmless cows if we’re busy trying to kill each other, and
Read the full article at Anger is a Wound
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/anger-is-a-wound/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.11 This is the 2nd of 5 items I felt IG wanted me to get through.
There are ‘relationships’ with energies/entities I feel impact my own evolution. I want to work on whatever IG feels will further my most-effective, most-divine relationships of greatest current effect.
I asked for Nero to join me again. I just wanted to hug on him. I’ve missed him.
I asked IG who I should have join me for this. She said, You are capable of doing this on your own.
I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted an archetype with me too. I insisted, but who would be good for me to have?
There was a pause, and then she said, ‘Responsibility’, and he was there with me.
You just aren’t the same without the quills and fangs anymore, I sighed to him, but then gave him a laughing hug. He stood behind me.
IG gave me a landscape. It was mostly dark. I felt around and sensed ‘something’ to my right, so I went over to it. There was something there I couldn’t see. Someone, as if a projection of me, was shining light on it, but it was this tiny pen-light, which only revealed these little strips at a time, and it was impossible to tell what it was.
I tried to make it out for a minute, and then I lost my patience and said, “Oh for goddsakes! Give me REAL light!” and I created a giant high powered flashlight about
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.11 Archmed on the first of five I feel like IG wants me to address. This one was:
There are ‘energies’ I am not allowing myself to consciously recognize and address. I want to work on what IG considers my most powerful and/or problematic points of denial.
It should be no surprise that my primary problem in this one was denial. Spacing out, intrusive thoughts, forgetting everything short of my own name. Fortunately I had a notebook in front of me so when I wandered home I could look at it, and return.
There was a lot more going on in this med than I’ve ever had though, in terms of my own self-discipline and determination. I’m shocked, but in a good way, at the seemingly mysterious appearance of a backbone. I haven’t seen that in a good 15 years.
Normally when I get real avoidance-sleepy in a med, I sleep. When I am uncomfortable, I get comfortable. This explains why I often spend more time sleeping than meditating. It’s as if I just haven’t had the gumption to fight it. Eons ago, I wasn’t that way, but sure have been the last few years.
***
We began. IG ‘left to get something’ for a few moments, then returned. Then she was building something over to the left of me, and I pointedly avoiding looking at the detail until she called me over there. It looks like a little pod for travel, like a helicopter without rotors. She indicated I should
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.11 I don’t really know if my session with IG the other day has had some specific effect on me. But there are a few significant differences I’m perceiving that make me think that somehow, all her gold-light ‘writing into me’ is having some side effects.
Not the least of which was 24 hours of the oddest all-over neck ache I think I’ve ever had, from my head to my upper back, in every direction, so it’s not just like when you sleep on something wrong. That’s usually just the neck and usually more more in one direction/side than another. I wouldn’t consider it related to her except for the timing, and the odd feel of it, and except that she spent the majority of her time on my head and neck.
When I sat down to meditate this evening I was intending to do the 9 of Disks. I don’t think Bo and I even got near it frankly so it’s still on the to-do list. But the minute I got comfortable, I felt there were more important things. I had no idea what, but I felt if I just started writing they would pour out.
I got my notebook and pen and asked what those things were and they arrived fairly intuitively.
There were five meditations to do before continuing the standards:
There are ‘energies’ I am not allowing myself to consciously recognize and address. I want to work on what IG considers my most powerful and/or problematic points
Read the full article at Better Ideas
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/better-ideas/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.08 I was going to do an archmed last night. Earlier, I’d done the focus on chakras I mentioned a couple posts ago, and I was feeling good.
Maybe my heart chakra was getting jiggy with me, because in a suffusion of affection, I realized that the thing I most wanted to work through, in the whole world, was “whatever is best for Inner Guide.” My beautiful angelic guide. Whatever makes me best able to be good for her, give her the most fun and growth and every possible good thing. I felt such love for her.
And yes, my common reaction to that was present: what if I love her too much and that means she has to leave me and move on, as other IG’s have done when we apparently reached a point like that?
But this time, finally, I cared more for her than for me apparently, because I was willing to bring that on as long as it was what was best for her, even though I felt such breathless grief at the mere thought.
Then I called Senior and the Queen and asked them to please translate that into a request appropriate for her reality and asked her to use their translation as my official request.
I don’t know what I expected but I thought it’d be an archetype or environ of some kind. Instead, she put the heel of her hand on my forehead, and then wrapped her fingers up so the tips were on
Read the full article at Serving I.G.
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/serving-i-g/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.07 I slept poorly. Tossed and turned. I had one of those dreams it seems like you can’t find your way out of, and you wake up, or half wake up, but you just keep falling back into it. By morning you feel exhausted from it.
In the dream me and some other people, we should have been free, and together, it felt like we were family. But someone, a bad guy, was keeping us prisoner. Each of us had a space in the house or building (which in retrospect felt more like a smallwarehouse, anyway one big open long room), and we were separated by what seemed like “lines of power.” Like lasers except ‘clear’ instead of colored, but you could see them if you got the proper angle on light. They were all vertical but slightly slanted, for some reason. They surrounded each of us like a prison, and we could not escape “our separate spaces.”
There was a little girl there. He released her and had her return to us with some object for each of us that would continue our imprisonment. She seemed happy to do this, and I resented that she was supposed to be on our side, yet seemed in league with the bad guy.
So after I’d been up awhile I thought: wasn’t this what I was thinking of recently? That I need to ‘dive into myself’ with Inner Guide right after I have an abreaction, or in this case a dream, and say,
Read the full article at Lines of Power
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/lines-of-power/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.04 My state of mind lately has been changing. My reality has been changing a little with it.
First I decided to spend what money I’m supposed to come by in a couple weeks, on something I should, rather than something I’d planned. That’s a good thing. Much more responsible.
Then, a few days ago, I was talking to the Four. How is my kid gonna see the value in inner work, if there are no outer confirmations there’s some point to it all? I asked them. I know I haven’t meditated on say, getting my bathtub, or floor, or water issues fixed, except once maybe, in combination with other things. But I want this to happen and SHE expects it SHOULD if meditation ‘works’. I didn’t realize that until a conversation we had the other day, but suddenly, it had a lot more importance to me that this occur.
I had recently had a talk with my best friend and was telling him I thought one reason this thing I wanted hadn’t happened, was because for some inexplicable reason, I just didn’t care enough. Like the only thing I’ve cared about for awhile, I mean really at the gut level, is my personal evolution. The reality around me has been real, sure, and things sometimes drive me crazy, but I just haven’t had the “ooomph” for anything except “internal experience” and that sense of inner growth.
Well this shift to the focus on my kid, and her plaintively asking me
Read the full article at Gone Native
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/gone-native/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.29 I told IG I wanted to meditate on whatever she thought was best. Then I did a litany of whining. Then it was time to meditate.
I felt as if I were repressing or restraining something and several times had to really make myself relax and allow.
Finally I saw something. I didn’t know what it was. I had the feeling that, like a med I had recently, my brain had distorted it, and I should look away, allow it to change, then look back, and it might be something similar, but would probably be different. So I did that.
When I looked back, there was something to my left that looked like… a 3 or 4 blade rotor of some kind, as if it were sticking out the side of something. (If spinning, it would have moved something sideways, not upward.) I slowly walked around it, finally able to ‘see’ — as the energy was hard for me to get clearly at first — that it was attached to a cube. Around the opposite side, the cube had a doorway in it, and I opened it, then peeked around the edge, and then went in.
I was in a tiny room of what seemed a high-tech one-man vehicle. The rotors seemed a little old fashioned given the tech inside. A big screen in front of me showed the world straight ahead. Screens above and below that showed me the top and bottom views, and to each side the left
Read the full article at In the Depths
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/in-the-depths/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.28 I made a written list of steps up to interaction-point, so I wouldn’t wander so easily in altered state. It looked like this:
CALM. WRITE REQUEST. THE FOUR. THE TWELVE. ROOT TO CORE. SUPERSTRING. CLEANSING BREATHS. LASER RINSE. TO IG. REQUEST. IN THIS WORLD, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! … “ANYTHING” … SHARE GEOMETRY.
I went through the list. It worked well to open my eyes several times to look at it, taming my brain a bit.
Somewhere in the midst of the Aeon round (the twelve), just in front of me and to my right, a stern-faced short-brown-haired older woman in a white nurse’s uniform, comes around a counter/cupboard corner, and puts something down for me. I went to it and couldn’t see it well as if white were in front of it. I finally managed to see the white as a handkerchief, and I pulled that off, to see a tiny cup with two pills, red and blue.
I’ve seen that symbolism before, I told myself, I take the red pill, no doubt! But before I took it, I stopped.
If this were ordinary life, would you just be taking drugs from someone you don’t even know? Why would she give you that? Why would you perceive her as slightly unattractive and stern?
I put it in my pocket to ask IG about later. I would talk with her first.
Then I got to IG and passed out. Well, I had good intentions, anyway!
***
So when I woke
Read the full article at What Makes You Safe
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/what-makes-you-safe/
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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