I was working industriously, trying to get an autohotkey script set up for something, and noticed the time, 10-something. At midnight, I told myself, I will stop working. Midnight is the magic time when I turn into a pumpkin.

Then a “sponsored thought” (I guess this is what I have to call my aeon-energy-without-specific-identity now) said: “At midnight, visit IG. Noon and midnight, every day. Twice a day, as agreed. The first meeting is tonight.”

Just like that. As if I had agreed or something. As if I hadn’t thought about it and done nothing for, well about precisely 11 months now. How many times have I had some intent to meditate and done nothing? I lose count.

At 5 to midnight I realized the time, and before I could hold a conversation with myself about whether I really wanted to bother, because I was almost through this macro I was building, I found I was closing everything down on my computer except grooveshark which I immediately switched from insipid pop to Narnia theme. By midnight, I turned off my light and sat up straighter and said to myself, “Ok. It begins.”

*

Shapes and textures, colors and shadows, sort of flitted around my head in typical chaos, and I worked hard to “release any filtering,” to allow anything at all, and this shape began to take form about 20 feet in front of me. It was high, taller than me, and had a very odd curvy top horizontal line and was probably about seven feet wide. I went toward it, and realized I was in the top story of a building, maybe a low skyscraper, and the entire wall on the other side of that shape was window floor to ceiling.  The shape was only maybe 6-10 feet from it.

As I walked around it, I realized I had been sensing the back of something in shadow. On the front it was a — whatever some very old fashioned word might be for a sofa. With a back higher than a throne, all the way across, but in this curvy pattern, and the legs were also kind of curvy, and the back very straight and cushioned in velvet like the seat. I haven’t seen anything like that in life but I’ve seen furniture that if several “concepts combined” I suppose could be that.

I turned to the window. I was just beginning to get slightly agog over there being so much detail out there, that my inability to see it clearly didn’t seem like lack of visual but rather like of ability to grasp it all. I pointedly noticed some kind of ship moving across a waterway leaving a wake, and then, sofa to my left, out of my peripheral vision I saw a woman with long black hair sitting in the middle of the sofa. My brain and gut realized it was IG (Inner Guide IV) at the same moment, and I literally did a triple-take in astonishment. I mean literally, my physical head bounced back and forth, it was kinda funny. I realized that even “in my head” I had my jaw hanging open in amazement.

I can — WOW I can almost SEE you!! I nearly squealed, trying to maintain some composure and get a hold of myself, while “looking” (sensing and… whatever these things are!) hungrily at what I could perceive of her. I didn’t really get her face clearly, a fuzzy impression is all. I got most the rest of her though. (I did see her face in a couple  intense meds we did long ago.) I sat next to her, turned to her at my left, and just tried to take in as much as I could of her, trying to perceive her as clearly as possible.

But — but IG, I haven’t even been able to feel you or hear you or anything for so long! I whined, and now you’re just –you’re just HERE, like — like oh my god, you’re just here! Just like that! That’s so amazing!

I ‘felt’ inside me the response from the aeonic: you did sense her, no matter your conscious denial. If you truly could not sense her at all you would have been bereft beyond imagining. I’ll take their word on it. They’re probably right.

Occasionally through all this I would sob a bit and tell IG how much I missed her and thank you thank you.

*

I looked out the window, so near, so huge, like I was almost in that world, and yet safely separate from it where we sat. It seemed like, when I tried to focus, I could pretty much see anything. I had the impression, that was part of the point. That what I was seeing was actually… well, my energy, sort of. Like she could manage it, but that by default, it reflected me. So if I looked for ‘forest’ or ‘city’ or ‘a bridge’, it would promptly morph to my interest. And yet, not rapidly enough to just make me feel like I was intentionally inventing it; there was a lag as if it were all a sort of… water-like reality that I could change with some kind of force of focus, but it wasn’t quite immediate and not as specific as I had in mind, either.

And then Nero was there. Like her, first I saw him without prejudice, and then recognized who he was, second. I nearly started crying. OK I did a little. I told him how I’d missed him so terribly, and just kept trying to “look harder” at him, as if I could hungrily soak up the visual, get more of that, keep the pattern in my head, make it more real to me. I looked at his face, and after a moment it got clearer, and yet I felt that it was not right. I mean it IS how I have seen him, but I could feel there was some of “my overlay/interference” going on. So I … I imagined just feeling inside and “releasing” him to “be what he is” and releasing myself to “see him as he more truly is in this form” and his face shifted some. It was still very similar. But it wasn’t as… dark, and craggy. His hair was neater, his skin was slightly lighter, his nose a bit less aggressive. I wondered if it was that he changed, I changed, or I’d just morphed it up to start with, but I already knew the 3rd would probably to say to questions like that, “There is no difference.”

I pointed out to him the picture to my left wall in my room where I sat, that my best friend got me, it is Michael Parkes “Water” picture and the whole waterfall off the edge surrounded by stone is so much like the meditation “Finding Nero.”

I looked out the window at some motion near the ground, and a creature looked up at me. It reminded me just vaguely of that creature in the most recent Star Trek movie, that lived with Scotty on that remote outpost. Except larger and the face was much rougher and more ‘faceted’ (hmmn. My Saturn arch was ‘faceted’ when I met it at age 30. I wonder what that symbol means). (“Unintegrated energies, although these can be powerfully good, as well,” says the crew inside me.)

I sat back and looked at IG. I was taking every excuse to look at her again, as if I was afraid — ok I admit I WAS afraid –that she would just vanish any second, and I’d be left talking to myself about how it was all just my imagination (“of course”). “What the heck is that?!” I asked her. I think she thought at me, “A guide,” although that might have come from the crew. I wondered about that, as it promptly scaled the sheer side of the building, up to the point where it was on the other side of the window, and then was standing with us.

I was trying to keep my stomach still and be calm, because I felt sort of easily excitable. “And… and what do you work with me on?” I asked him (it seemed him) politely. “You’ve already figured it out,” he said calmly, as I felt it become “more” conscious inside me. “Instinctual things, habitual, ritual, things, and natively programmed instincts.” I remembered something I was reading recently but I can’t remember where, that was talking about how much of our ‘junk dna’ might be what amounts to ‘instinct’ we have no other storage-locker to assign those things to yet in science. Then I realized that he looked… vaguely reptilian, more like lizardish slightly, because that’s what we might call the “old” brain in our science, and I realized that was (last I heard) associated at least with ritual things — marching bands, beats, the collective.

I can’t remember how he left, I forget. Actually what I’m writing here is all over the place compared to how it really happened. Linear time kinda got scrambled in my head a little.

*

A variety of people appeared near the window in the room with us, which I thought were some of the aeons, but I didn’t notice after that because with them came this small creature about the size of a small to medium terrier dog, but it was a perfectly formed elephant. It walked toward me and then literally sat down and looked at me.

“Is this a guide too?” I asked IG, and she nodded slightly. Well that’s… that’s kind of cool actually. A tiny elephant. Or maybe size makes no diff and that’s just what worked here, I thought to myself. I think I did. At this point I seemed overlapping enough with the aeons to not be 100% sure who was thinking what, except the confused parts–that was all me, alas.

“So… are you an elephant in some other probability?” I asked it.

“We are all everything in some other probability,” it replied (unhelpfully, I thought).

“So… your energy, it… it translates as that to me, like El Nino’s does the horse, and Calme’s does the fairy,” I speculated. It seemed to agree but just sat there looking steadily up at me from the right. I didn’t know what to say to it. It occurred to me that I’m probably going to perceive small elephant stuff a little different from now on.

I don’t know how the people and it disappeared either, I don’t remember.

At some point in here I realized that IG was perhaps making a point to be sure I understood that her work with me has no limits and is just as likely to involve other things I work on and with sometimes separate from her, as things we normally do together.

*

My teen knocked on my bedroom door. She asked if she could ‘borrow’ my half gallon jug of water I drink from, a plastic container. “You won’t give it back,” I said suspiciously with humor, “So… no.” She admits this is true, but then says, “Can I just have a drink?”  ”Of course,” I say, “Leave the light off. I’m meditating.” She opens the spout and takes a drink and just then, this loud crack sounds, and as I turn on the light I see water just gushing out of the thing all over my wood floor. We both yelp, and I half-yell at her that she’s broken yet another one of these things, but she insists she did nothing but take a drink and the bottom basically just cracked and half fell off. I think she’s right. We were both just mystified at how this happened. I tell her to get a towel and mop it up, and hurry up, and she has interrupted the first really good meditation I’ve had in eons, and so on. She finally gets it mopped up and she leaves me in the dark again, as I am thinking to myself with some annoyed humor that either way, now I don’t have any damn water.

I re-grounded and grabbed IG’s hand, sitting beside her, searching for every mote of  sense-of-almost-sight I had of her, to reassure myself I still had her. I thought perhaps I should just be calm and quiet and sit with her, and look out on the world, but as I did that, I felt the sort of… pushing inside me. What does the event which just occurred mean? I realized IG was reminding me: the world in my ‘reality’ is as much ‘the world of me’ as the world outside that window. Suddenly my perception changed like 180 degrees and I saw the event as an intentional intrusion, an agreed-upon thing between parts of me and her that we aren’t consciously aware of, and the entire sequence of having meaning.

I thought about it. I walked through one ‘symbolic meaning’-set, only to realize there was another, and another. I felt IG was telling me that there will always be many-meanings in anything. I set myself, determined: “OK, help me to perceive the meaning of that event which is most… um… congruent with the work I am doing right here, right now.” And then I saw like the 6th different ‘meaning path’ through it, which was completely different than the others, although oddly much more simple and obvious. Rather than looking at it about water, or messes, or her and I, it just framed it like:

When it is time for an energy to depart, let it go. If you don’t, it will merely make a mess all over your reality.

This seemed profound. Then I wondered what it related to.

Then I got a fear it might relate to my job, which for unknown reasons I often feel is ‘transitioning’ out even though I can’t even imagine such a thing. I started crying, and begged IG no, no, please, I don’t want to let go of my job, please, if there’s something else I need to do I am open to it but please, bring it to me WHILE I still have this work, make it a sufficient income, please I’m so scared, I’m so tired of working all the time but I’m so scared, I know it might reduce the probability options, but I feel sure that anything else that is ready for me should be able to present while I have this so I can transition without the terror and possible nightmare of hardship in the middle, oh please… I finally collected myself. I thought maybe if there was more, I wouldn’t get it because I was so emotional about that.

*

The Third visited. I did the same intense looking at him, as I did IG and Nero. His face was not clear, and I could feel I was forcing patterns onto it when it started to become so, so I let that recede. I started slightly sobbing, then apologizing as I feel he wants me to be courageous and strong. I told him that on one hand I feel as if he disapproves of me, but on the other I have felt that he loves me more deeply than I can even grasp. I don’t remember what else we talked about, but I held onto him awhile before he left.

*

The Sun visited. I didn’t get him so nearly-visually but felt the sense of awe I do when he is very close, though it is not as powerful as the kneel-in-honor awe that the senior and queen give me. I ended up going on about my great honor to exist because of his glory, which sounds ridiculous now but when you are in that energy that is almost all I can think of, is the awesome delight of it. I think I’m beginning to understand why in old religious writings there is often said to be all these angels waxing on about the glory of God or whatever.

Anyway, so I asked him to help me better-awaken, clean up, heal, and encourage all my chakras, body-wide, especially the main ones, and to help me develop an actual relationship with them if possible. I could actually feel him working on my crown, and I worked on focusing on that, allowing it, and offering prayers, requests, permissions, defense overrides, and anything else that might help the cause. I spaced out a few times and brought myself back to what we were doing. At one point, before I realized we were there as when I’d spaced out we were near the throat, I said something like, “And I’d like to meet what the 3rd called the Themelians –”

and as I said the word, I saw one. Him? Her? It? An? A Themelian. Now how these come across as creatures/people rather than ‘a vortex of energy’ I don’t know but I’m guessing we are just vortexes of energy from some other perspective as well. Anyway, it was so beautiful. It was not human, but humanoid. It was colorful. As if all of its skin was woven with the most glorious, richly hued tattoes except it was natural, “living color” literally the color itself was alive as part of it, and as it looked at me I realized both amazed and sad that my brain would not be able to “hold the pattern” of it, because it was so novel to me. I will have to hope to see it many more times before my mind can hold it. I talked to him briefly and I think I said the normal positive things you’d expect but I can’t remember now.

*

When I first went into the med my brain was all over. The aeons were scolding me. It took me awhile to get it settled down enough.

Somewhere in there, IG … “said” is usually the wrong word with her, with rare exceptions, but essentially I understood she was telling me: at least this. Even if I cannot do an official or full meditation, at least put myself right there, with her, holding her hand, breathing together, sitting together, looking out on the landscape of me larger self.

I do recall saying more than once that I was worried I was maxxing out on novelty and wanted to be sure I could remember enough to write it down, or I would forget something.

I asked her if we should continue, although I had already begun to leave as I just felt it was time. She felt we had done enough for the day, just as an introductory time together. I thought about what a PERFECT ‘sacred space’ is the room which can be any level, has the safety of a wall, yet the landscape of infinity (I forgot to mention that at various times we sat there and she showed me diff stuff), that I know I will be ‘in’ at times.

I feel so grateful. I have prayed every day to be more disciplined, to be more worthy of what being more disciplined would bring, and I feel like finally, some part of me I’m delighted to have back in charge, just took the helm and made the decision and brought me back to Inner Guide.

P