I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV


I’m broken.

I never realized it until today. Christmas day, of all days.

I feel like I’ve been living with a stranger most my life and I never realized it until now. Like me and the stranger agreed on some unspoken level to let each other alone. I would be the functional one on the surface, and I would pretend she didn’t exist. And she would be the lunatic chained with rage and grief and enough PTSD for several soldiers, under the surface. Her scope and territory growing over time, as more that I couldn’t deal with, but she could, had to get handed off.

And we’d work together to create a wall around her, stone by stone, until it was solid enough to protect her from my world, and enough to protect my world and me from her, and then together we could speak the invisibility spell for it. And nobody could ever get through it, get to me, get to her, because that wall wasn’t there to be found. Hence, she wasn’t there to be found. And I had it all in hand. Because anybody could see I was fine. Move on, nothing else to see here.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Broken

Accidental Religion: Meditation Paradigms

Maybe the altered state requirement is not a requirement, but a crutch that I have insisted upon as some kind of excuse, fearing analytical overlay even in meditations. … Maybe it is also a bit of a creating a ‘separate’ world that makes it ok, … Is there really no definition in the inner world, it’s anything your mind can wrap around, and that’s ok? … Aeons: It is part of your need to feel in control, although this is not unexpected. Your conscious mind does expect things to be coherent and consistent by its standards. But you have a lot of extra resistance beyond that.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Accidental Religion: Meditation Paradigms

Indivisible Reality

Then kind of out of left field I thought: I should meditate on the energy of my ‘resistance to spiritual evolution.’

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Indivisible Reality

Slower Suicide

I was meandering through the house initially, lost in thought.

I was thinking about a post on chocolate (my super-tiny private forum) where I’d basically–to paraphrase and sum up–said that my problem eating decently is the biggest real problem I have. Being supersized and not young anymore it’s a serious health issue, and it affects my psychology as much or more than my body.

When I really ponder the overall issue, I see that while there are a few things specific to my size, most things boil down more to the effects that eating poorly or just not eating well “enough” (particularly enough protein for my large body size) have on me.

Part of me observed that I’ve been eating gluten and not even bothering with gluten-ease. I can barely breathe from the asthma response.

Another part agreed with the ‘tone’ of that, and pointed out that I haven’t been taking any supplements, with or without food issues. And that even if I wanted to eat poorly that’s no reason not to take supplements given malnutrition is likely at the heart of a lot of my metabolic problems.

The first part said that was a lot like how I could work out even a little, no matter how I was eating, if I wanted to bother.

I interrupted all this with, “So, really, the problem is fundamental self-destructive behavior.”

Sudden silence.

The beliefs you think are hidden are never really hidden, a different aspect said clearly in a wiser-one way.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Slower Suicide

Authority and Money

This is one of those that I expected something from — maybe a monster. A ‘thing’ sort of archetype.

And it ended up being something so completely different as an experience, that later on, I realized I had no idea how the experience related to that issue at all. Apparently IG’s understanding of this is deeper than mine… not surprising I guess.

During the experience, it seemed profoundly, cosmically meaningful, ‘amazed realizations’ and ‘shaking with sobs at the power of it’ kind of thing, repeatedly throughout it.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Authority and Money

Brothers in the Darkness

I had planned to do work with IG on ‘her directive’ when I woke up, but I had just last night re-read a dream that I worked on, in this blog, and realized that if I had symbols right there for me, I should work with them promptly, and that should be a given in my mornings. That’s why I wake up early if possible, so I have time before getting up for work. That way also, if IG had something she wanted me to work on, she could give me the symbols, less-impeded by my conscious attention, in dream form.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Brothers in the Darkness

Serving I.G.

I was going to do an archmed last night. Earlier, I’d done the focus on chakras I mentioned a couple posts ago, and I was feeling good.

Maybe my heart chakra was getting jiggy with me, because in a suffusion of affection, I realized that the thing I most wanted to work through, in the whole world, was “whatever is best for Inner Guide.” My beautiful angelic guide. Whatever makes me best able to be good for her, give her the most fun and growth and every possible good thing. I felt such love for her.

And yes, my common reaction to that was present: what if I love her too much and that means she has to leave me and move on, as other IG’s have done when we apparently reached a point like that?

But this time, finally, I cared more for her than for me apparently, because I was willing to bring that on as long as it was what was best for her, even though I felt such breathless grief at the mere thought.

Then I called Senior and the Queen and asked them to please translate that into a request appropriate for her reality and asked her to use their translation as my official request.

I don’t know what I expected but I thought it’d be an archetype or environ of some kind. Instead, she put the heel of her hand on my forehead, and then wrapped her fingers up so the tips were on

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Serving I.G.

Daily Tidbits of Time and Psi

I had a long sweet talk with my chakras. I told them how much I loved them, and needed them, and wanted us to be intimate, and wanted us to enrich each other, and wanted the energy of each to help the others. I spent time just working to breathe more love and life into them. I spent extra time with my crown chakra, who really suffered, although all of them did, for so many years, with the heavy thick wet darkness I could feel over my crown, and the chronic helpless rage of my life. I felt so in love with them, so in love with myself, with the parts of me that were them, by the time I was through. I hope it has some good effect. And then —

Beneath my normal vision, I was standing in a room of brown and gold. I realized it, then decided to pay attention to it, and I shifted my attention and focused “through the part of me that was there” is one way to put it.

I was in a room square but just a bit rectangular, I’m guessing maybe 25′ feet diameter. The ceiling was really high, like 3x what would be normal. The light in it was so gold, so beautiful.

The overwhelming color was many shades of brown and some tan, and I looked at shelves of books all around, a brown dominance of their spine colors, that reached all the way to the 30 foot

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Daily Tidbits of Time and Psi

Gone Native

My state of mind lately has been changing. My reality has been changing a little with it.

First I decided to spend what money I’m supposed to come by in a couple weeks, on something I should, rather than something I’d planned. That’s a good thing. Much more responsible.

Then, a few days ago, I was talking to the Four. How is my kid gonna see the value in inner work, if there are no outer confirmations there’s some point to it all? I asked them. I know I haven’t meditated on say, getting my bathtub, or floor, or water issues fixed, except once maybe, in combination with other things. But I want this to happen and SHE expects it SHOULD if meditation ‘works’. I didn’t realize that until a conversation we had the other day, but suddenly, it had a lot more importance to me that this occur.

I had recently had a talk with my best friend and was telling him I thought one reason this thing I wanted hadn’t happened, was because for some inexplicable reason, I just didn’t care enough. Like the only thing I’ve cared about for awhile, I mean really at the gut level, is my personal evolution. The reality around me has been real, sure, and things sometimes drive me crazy, but I just haven’t had the “ooomph” for anything except “internal experience” and that sense of inner growth.

Well this shift to the focus on my kid, and her plaintively asking me

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Gone Native

Archmed: Tools…Dream Bigger

I worked 7:30am to after midnight yesterday. So, having given up the only working computer to the grumpy kid, I was too tired to do anything but sit and stare into space for awhile. It might have been an accidental form of meditation, because after sitting there for some unknown period of time thinking about nothing in particular, I had a thought pass through me that got my attention:

“If I had 8 hours to cut down a tree, I’d spend the first 4 sharpening my axe.”

Then I drifted back into mindlessness for awhile, until another thought was strong enough to get my attention. It was a memory from a recent movie where the people are in a dream and able to create some of the elements of it. One is shooting at bad guys and the other says, “You need to learn to dream bigger!” as he ‘manifests’ a bigger gun and blows up the whole target area. Even during the movie that made me go Hmmn.

So the thought that came up, with the ‘underlay’ of the memory, was:

“Dream bigger.”

I sat there mindless for a little while more, while the back of my brain played chess with this apparently, and then when it decided how to apply it to my life in some way, it handed me the final package to think about:

“So I meditate on thing X or thing Y. But why do I not meditate on the power of my meditations?

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: Tools…Dream Bigger

IG and the Lost

I have never felt so clueless and out of my depth as I did in a recent meditation with Inner Guide. She was the greatest, of course, as always. But I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do.

Following on the recent insight about my belief systems drastically scaling down our potential together, I relaxed and told her I wanted to do “whatever she wanted”. Which I did assume at the least was not whatever we were doing before (mostly, archetype meditations). I worked on various visualizations and concept of relaxing and opening and letting go, and prayed to a small pantheon of deities for help in the matter.

I find that the less I know what to expect, the more my mind tries desperately to work out some rational expectation, or a scale model of probability options. Kind of explains why doubleblind remote viewing can be such a bother, working to accept impressions but working to not let the mind ‘build anything’ out of it, any expectations or assumptions. Which it does, no matter what. The mind hates those kinds of voids. Altered states often help simply because the lizard-brain seems to be more relaxed. Of course then you’re too stupid to even ask about the obvious.

You spend half the time working against your mind’s desire to leap into assumption while trying to work with your mind ‘allowing and accepting’ even the most subtle and nebulous of impressions while trying to be open to emotional,

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at IG and the Lost

Tarot The Tower, Take 1

Thoth Tarot Trumps XVI The Tower

I felt scared. I don’t know why for sure. I mean, something about the Aeons and the Four thinking this was important, and Nero & Co. making sure I was ready and such, just suddenly was frightening. Why do I never think this stuff can hurt me? I wondered to myself. If it can help, it could hurt. Maybe sometimes there is a level of working with stuff where, if you really screw it up, it has some kind of consequences. I mean it doesn’t make sense to believe that a good med can totally change your body, life, and whole reality, but a bad med would just not matter at all. … I was getting the impression of visual via another route, via a kinesthetic like sense. It was very surreal. It had a shape and a twist in it that was just… it was just wrong, in that saturn-green-weird sort of way, I don’t mean wrong like evil, no I mean like, some geometry that is just not native to the dimension it’s being viewed within. … I thought about telling it hello, and saying the usual — “Welcome. I honor you. Thank you for talking with it.” But by the time I was halfway through that thought and the instant I began to imagine saying it — I went unconscious.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Tarot The Tower, Take 1