Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.10.18 There are dreams that are incredibly detailed and linear–which I put in a category of their own; and dreams that I believe are precognitive, which also have a category of their own; and dreams I can easily see the physical-venting biological process in, another category; and the there’s dreams that are similar to meditations but less intentional, where I interact with other parts of me; there is also a category of dream that I think is very common in our species, and basically represents a little bit of all those things put together.
These are the ones where the symbolism is the part you read. Houses and vehicles and water and snakes and things like that, map out the structure.
I woke up at 4:30am this morning and was going to meditate, sitting up comfortably. Instead I eventually fell asleep before I had begun.
I dreamed that I was driving down a 12-lane highway. There was a storm so bad it was nearly a hurricane, not so much with the winds but with the water, pouring down on my car. There were hardly any other cars on the grey wet road. I wanted to get somewhere. I was going to an airport to go somewhere. The effect of the water and wind on my driving was making it a little erratic and I worried I would crash, so I moved to the very center of the highway to give myself lots of room for safety.
I thought I was doing
Read the full article at Not Going Anywhere
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.10.07 This early morning’s dream was pretty entertaining. I love it when a dream has something really kinesthetic, something you feel through yourself in a very tangible sense, and it’s something truly different.
I was lying face down when I awoke. Slow to come to awareness. I’d fallen. Hadn’t I? I couldn’t remember what the hell had happened. Last thing I remember . . . I was dying. Was I dead? No. I didn’t feel dead. I actually felt as if I should have that feeling one has a bad morning after getting your ass kicked with fight or alcohol, like you were hit by a freight train in the night. But I didn’t feel bad. Just… sort of empty. Odd.
“He’s awake,” I heard a man’s voice say, somewhere across the room from the way my head was facing. Sonofabitch! It was him. Wasn’t he killing me last time I checked?? I thought I opened my eyes but it was still dark. I squinted and tried again and there we go . . . I was in a room like a large office. I lifted just my head up very slightly, hearing this interesting sound that seemed to come from my neck in a couple places when I did so, and I looked around me. I was lying on something like a long flat couch, the sort that comes in two’s with a corner table over one of them. This one was just one, a solid flat cushion.
“Check him
Posted by Palyne on 2010.10.01 I had this truly amazing dream last night. Now it’s amazing I remembered the dream at all. I’ve worked like 7:30am to midnight or a few hours later this entire week. I haven’t meditated in a long time, gah. Tomorrow I am just sleeping! But I woke up not long after it so maybe that is why. Then it’s taken me like 16 hours to write it down.
I was ‘sitting in’ I think on the Queen. But it had a completely different quality than any dream I ever had.
It felt real. I mean most people would think sure, all dreams feel real. No. Not until this one did I realize how far from true that is. I’ve heard people refer to a perceptual experience of “realer-than-real” but I think I just ran into one.
I/she (I will say she for convenience now) wanted to travel, like magically, into another… place or dimension. She was wearing this kind of fascinating dress, like all one piece of cloth, it had a hood up, thin white fabric very lightwhite, and a really low cut in the middle, long dress, it had a rather odd combination effect of youth, beauty, sexy yet virginal.
She thought she could actually pull it off, going to this place. Wouldn’t that be cool?
And she focused for awhile and worked on it and then made the nearly herculean effort and — there was a painting on the wall. That wasn’t there before, right? No! This was
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.26 I had been watching “universe” videos on youtube before I fell asleep — they give me eye strain and knock me out, but they’re lovely. Actually prior to that I was watching the first episode of “The Event” on hulu.com but about halfway through I thought, you know, this suspense, where is my focus? I felt like at that moment, my focus needed to be on something more positive and more personal. I could finish watching that later. So I shifted to ‘the power of 10′ on youtube and it turns out there have been other videos made with the same name that are not the same as the original video that did that, but they are all kinda cool. Then I watched some galaxy vids and a hubble universe vid and passed out.
Happily, though. I felt peaceful and it was very nice. This morning I found a couple of pics I would love to get in framed photo or poster form. check these out! I was looking, in specific, for pictures of our galaxy and solar system. These are the faves I found:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/0907/devilstower_pacholka_big.jpg
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/0902/MKMilkyWaypan_pacholka_600WPAP.jpg
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap100519.html
http://images.cdn.fotopedia.com/flickr-2818891443-original.jpg
http://www.topnews.in/files/NASA_20.jpg
I had the first lucid dream I’ve had in a long time last night. Although this was nightly–and easily intentional if I chose–as a child, it got suddenly rare around age 18 when I realized it wasn’t normal for everyone else, and has gotten more rare as I have aged.
Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.21 I had a dream last night that I think was a result of one of the ‘largers’ as I call them. In it, I had a fairly radically different perspective than normal. It wasn’t weird at all, just completely different.
I was watching people at this one point of time and space. As if … I think “Akashic Record” is the only term for this, as it was so much more than just visual or conceptual. There were a bazillion options but I had already streamlined everything down to what was, in general, one line of probability you might say. Like if you imagine that any event has a zillion probabilities inherent in its rollout, I had chosen or got it down to, in general, a very small set, and so using those as the parameters for what filtered into the view, I was watching the overall time period, and location area, and identity group — I mean the people who were part of all this.
This happened to be an area during warfare. It vaguely reminded me on waking of the WWII era in terms of, it was in big but seemingly old cities, things were machinery based but seemingly not ‘electronically’ based the way things are now. It gave me that feel, that “dusty grey” feel that Europe during that era brings to my mind, probably because my exposure to it is via the grainy b&w photos from books and history class.
I was watching this one period
Read the full article at MMoRPG Goes Cosmic
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.07 I slept poorly. Tossed and turned. I had one of those dreams it seems like you can’t find your way out of, and you wake up, or half wake up, but you just keep falling back into it. By morning you feel exhausted from it.
In the dream me and some other people, we should have been free, and together, it felt like we were family. But someone, a bad guy, was keeping us prisoner. Each of us had a space in the house or building (which in retrospect felt more like a smallwarehouse, anyway one big open long room), and we were separated by what seemed like “lines of power.” Like lasers except ‘clear’ instead of colored, but you could see them if you got the proper angle on light. They were all vertical but slightly slanted, for some reason. They surrounded each of us like a prison, and we could not escape “our separate spaces.”
There was a little girl there. He released her and had her return to us with some object for each of us that would continue our imprisonment. She seemed happy to do this, and I resented that she was supposed to be on our side, yet seemed in league with the bad guy.
So after I’d been up awhile I thought: wasn’t this what I was thinking of recently? That I need to ‘dive into myself’ with Inner Guide right after I have an abreaction, or in this case a dream, and say,
Read the full article at Lines of Power
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.09.05 dreaming, september 5, 2010
A new movement had arisen. Underground in a sense, though never secret. Then hugely popular. They made their own music and music videos. Much shorter than most ordinary songs often at least the part in video. They said screw the industry and simply started doing their own and sharing, focused on just that. Some was pretty rudimentary. Some was great. I was thinking how awesome my friend and his 3D animation would seem if he got into that.
There are more browns and blacks in this than others, I heard, with the overlay that this was driven in part by an ethnic nature of the collective people, and the rebellion from the crass emptiness of the current standard.
I was so driven-enthused about it. I wanted to DO that, be part of it. I wondered if I would be accepted. I felt it would be ok.
***
A change in the ‘nature’ of things. Now it was ‘in person’ somehow. I sought out the sector of a strange city where all these people seemed to hang out.
You had to hang with them, although it was not official. But you had to just find a place, people, and start being there. They would accept anybody who was ok with it all, but would not accept anybody who tried to be part of it from the outside. It wasn’t something you could be part of from afar.
I went to one area. People were in a
Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.26 I was thinking about how the outer planets were unknown to humans, and then came a time when we ‘hypothesized’ about them (mathematically) and then finally ‘saw’ them. These get incorporated into astrology as they arrive.
Sometimes, certain qualities previously assigned to an in-system planet seem to get ‘transferred’, such as from Mars to Pluto. There was this comment about Uranus:
Uranus stands for the force which seeks to break down the status quo and the old structures which Saturn seeks to preserve. Uranus is an innovator – the carrier of new ideals for the benefit of the collective, the greater good. Uranian ideals are utopian, to the extent that they concern openness and honesty, democracy and equality, and the possibility of humanity raising itself toward perfection.
It made me think: Maybe cosmology has its own form of saints and saviors. Of “energies which embody” in order that they might “create a new geometry with” all the embodied-energies currently in place.
***
Last night I was going to meditate but sudden profound tiredness hit me so suddenly just as I was thinking about it that I fell asleep in a terrible position with the light on. Happened this evening too, briefly. I have not meditated for a few days. Nero suggested I take one night off and it’s just multiplied. I remember the last part of this dream I was having earlier though when I woke up.
I was with a woman who was tall and had long dark hair
Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.22 Miscellany –
I did remember, later this evening, something Nero and I talked about, when I was half asleep.
He’d said I shouldn’t do any archetype meditations tonight because I needed to ‘process’ stuff. He suggested I get more exercise to help work energies through my body better.
And he brought up keeping a better environment around me. As I think the 3rd did later. Unless I am mixing it all up which as I was a little altered in both, is possible.
I was telling my kid this today (about cleaning) and she acted like this was moron-level obvious. I realized she was right and I joked, “Yes, Saturn has a direct effect on me, and but my bedroom doesn’t matter at all.”
I had a minor daydream about a real nice minimalist environ (I can dream) and a nice relaxed ‘routine’ of schedule and incense and some nice music.
That was the one thing I always admired so much about my prior meditation teacher. She got up before the kids and would straighten the house and then take a shower, and light incense and some jar candles and put on some harp music or something, and then sit down in her comfy chair and meditate quietly until everyone else got up. Something similar at night. And during the day, whenever she had time and no demands on her, she might just sit down and meditate, for one minute or ten or 3 hours.
Despite being a single mom
Read the full article at Overtraining
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.19 I found this in draft mode from 12/23/2009. Thought I would publish it even though it just makes me sound like a retard.
draft was:
I have repeatedly been encountering something in both dream and meditative not-sleep states and instantly forgetting it. Geez it bugs me when that happens. It means that I am not ok with it. Usually the first thing that helps me start getting enough brain-handle on something is to give it a label or name. Even if it’s not accurate, it still puts it in the logical-mind category, which ties into some kind of existing belief system or at least association. It’s a foothold, of sorts. I never remember these moments except when I am abruptly realizing I have just ‘forgotten something’ which is the same thing I have forgotten repeatedly.
I’ve been spontaneously thinking more about nature devas lately for some reason.
Maybe it relates. Because early this morning, for just an instant, I realized the thing I was observing, with some level of my mind, was the thing I’ve forgotten innumerable times, and just before my brain “closed down and shut it out”, someone in my head yelled, SPRITES! – as their label. That’s what they are, the things I keep perceiving and closing down. I mean they yelled it at me quickly like to make sure I heard it!
Now I know why I had the odd niggling Deja Vu recently during that movie Avatar in 3D. (You MUST go see that —
Read the full article at Sprites
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.11 The morning of the 10th of July I wrote down these notes on my dream:
eagles and bats they were both repeating symbols in my dream I noticed this in the dream that I was seeing these symbols repeating in my reality Eagles were everywhere in so many forms and I felt bats were the dark side symbol actually the same energy lesser but still there rather like a number reversed and I knew I needed to meditate on eagles, and to a lesser degree, bats, to work out this energy
It was August 5 when I finally did the ‘Universe’ tarot meditation though I’d been messing around for awhile. I raved a bit about how I felt the symbolism of the card touched the Four, in part because of the 4 symbols of which the highest was a man and the next a golden eagle, which the Queen has appeared to me as (and bright gold is often involved with her appearances). I didn’t really think about the Eagle ref and the dream.
I was reading today, I have begun a brief review (speed reading google refs) on Vedic literature, looking for refs to The Four, to conjoined identities, or to the 12 Aeons. I found interesting:
These four signs (lion, bull, man, eagle) have held a place of honor from time immemorial. We find them mentioned in perfect sequence in the Rig Veda, and later in certain books of the Bible… [...] The point to note, however, is
Read the full article at Eagles and Bats
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.08.10 I hadn’t titled this post and my auto-permalinker made it “696″. Probably just the number of posts (good god! really? ok maybe it’s something else), but I’ve been reading about numbers for two days, so this worked fine for me, and I decided it was destiny I title the post that way. ;-)
Just teasing. I don’t believe in destiny. Unless it’s the “to eventually reconcile with one’s highest self” idea.
But I’ve been having a lot of synchronicity lately, in my thoughts and then reality giving me feedback. So I figure if I simply assign it meaning, I can then figure out what that is. Talk about creating your own reality…
In ref to my ranting yesterday about all the dead intellectualism reigning over the shell-game I found when googling about QBL topics, I saw this today: Reynold Blight wrote (in the foreword to Manly P. Hall’s “The Lost Keys of Freemasonry”):
Creeds, rituals, poems are parables and symbols. The ignorant take them literally and build for themselves prison houses of words and with bitter speech and bitterer taunt denounce those who will not join them in the dungeon.
I like it. That’s my official take on the “official” occult for the day. The fact that it came from an occultist, in a cult, writing a book about the occult, only adds to the irony.
***
My topic of interest for the moment: Cymatics. This is the study of the geometry that sound creates in form.
I was OBSESSED
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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