They called it supersonic, but there was a little more to it. It did, however, have to do with breaking the sound barrier with little more than your body. We had the technology, which amounted to a very strapped in person on a circular track, although it turned out it required a ‘turning’ as well, so it had to become a torus before this was found. I’m not clear on the technology part of it so this is probably not wholly right but it was something like, the person’s brain — perhaps even their crown chakra given it was exposed to the motion/wind — was ‘pushed’ into what amounted to ‘a parallel world in another frequency’.

Now at first, this didn’t go well. First of all, the initial appearance in the other world was a mess, weird and frightening and sort of staccato, which generally caused anyone present in that world, when it happened, to freak out and do something that at best sent our people ‘back here’ — a little mentally messed up sometimes — or actually killed them.

Secondly, the initial shift into that world was freaking confusing for the ‘pilot’ so to speak, and it literally was as if everything were upside down and backward and sideways, a kaleidoscope of total chaos. During this they were usually here–or dominantly so…–at the same time, but you know, kind of freaking out and completely unable to function because instead of perceiving linear reality here, they were perceiving a ‘blender’ of reality there–so what usually happened was someone dragging their ass into a white cell and drugging them so they’d quit freaking out, which had the effect of re-grounding them ‘here’, although it didn’t do much for their mental health.

But eventually, I don’t know how, someone figured it out. We had to do it as a torus not just as a circle. We had to make sure the ‘place’ that was ‘parallel’ in that reality did not have people there who would perceive and injure or kill the incoming. We had to accept that the brain was going to be major screwed up in the person for awhile and just keep them safe and preferably not fed, until they adjusted.

And when they adjusted, they were gone. See, it was like a ‘beat pattern’ as I called it in the Rainbow of Soul; the physics concept. It ‘forced’ the brain into basically perceiving a bit, a beat, shifted. And the brain, it turned out, when it was really hard-wired shifted like that–not just a meditation here, but forced by the effect of the speed and motion combined (and there might have been something else but I don’t recall)–could ‘adapt’ to that pattern. Once the brain figured it out, it was so immersed, so experiential, so “there” to the brain, that this was the final thing: once that happened, you were ‘there’. But getting the brain there, and then not messing with the person until their brain had the time to shift, was the important part.

It reminded me mildly of those “magic eye” pictures. Except like the whole world was chaos around you until your brain “found the pattern” and then it could resolve.

Oh. But it wasn’t forever.  At least so far. We hadn’t been doing this for very long, so likely there’s much we didn’t know, but it appeared that after some period of time the mind would actually revert to the beat-pattern it had known all its life. Some things might have sparked it, like certain high sounds in particular. But the coming back was not like the going there. It was more sudden and the period of confusion between — dimensions, you might call it — was vastly shorter.

I was both watching and participating in this little drama, like most ‘regular’ dreams (the linear dreams are nearly always wholly participative, no movie-watching). There was a small group of people who were basically a little bit like soldiers. I think some had been, but it was more like a ‘transparent’ agency as they call them, a small group of people funded privately or through non-aware channels doing something that’d probably never get approved by anybody. One guy, he was the first person who had finally got through this. Who had managed to hang on and get the brain-shift, and have everything clear for him. It was some time later when I was stepping into the observance.

He was determined to go back. So were a couple others, a man and a woman. It wasn’t just that it was un-friggin-believable, this whole other world that wasn’t ours, although that might have been enough to make it fascinating. I can’t remember what the reason was. I think they had some of our people. They’d found some way to prevent the shift-back and we needed to find them and save them. I can’t recall exactly why he/we were so determined to return.

That world was a near level of technology to ours, but there were exceptions. Huge exceptions. Starting with plastic. I mean like clear, soft, Ziploc bag type plastic. They had it, but only barely, only a few rudimentary early forms, and it was so expensive as to be only government-level ownership. Their ‘intelligence’ people or military had somehow figured out our people coming across. They were nearly as blown away by it as we were frankly.

But when they realized we came from a world where technology was more advanced in several ways–and at this point, we could only guess at most of those ways, as could they–they were totally ‘on’ us. They wanted to catch and hold us, except another group in their world that wanted to kill us. So any time our people ‘got’ there, until they shifted back, they were in constant danger of being caught by one or the other group on the other side. We didn’t know which was the worse fate.

The brain got much better at this with practice. Do it a few times, cleanly, all the way into the ‘reversion’, and after that, it wasn’t the hell on transition, it didn’t take a lot of time and although things were still initially a little staccato, and upside down and/or backward, the people who did this learned fast to simply ‘deal with that’ until the brain wrapped itself around the new energy signature or beat pattern and made it all make sense again. At the time I tuned into, we were relatively ‘adapted’.

There is a part I don’t recall, that happened after the torus-speed thing that got us there. I only remember that some of my going was because of one man who was going, who functioned as our leader; I was loyal to him and I probably would have torus’d into a pit of fire if he really needed my support, so that was that. There was some emotional component, I don’t mean like romance I mean just like leader-loyalty.

We were standing in the upper story of a building reviewing some plans together, our tiny group. It was like a seedy hotel room, except I had come to understand that most of what they had in that world, it translated as ‘slightly seedy’ to me, just due to a difference in tech and development between our worlds. It felt like if you find yourself at some built in the 1950s slightly rundown hotel. The place, the neighborhood, everything. That’s just where they were is all. We had a contact who was helping us there, a woman who was in some role of leadership I can’t recall, not a big role, not like government, more like community. She had arranged for us to meet with someone that evening.

But as we were talking about it, I had a psychic flash. Oh that was another thing–psi was no more common there, than here, but there was an increased tendency for ‘some’ people doing this travel to really amp-up the incidence of it. I theorized it was a survival skill but who knows. Anyway, someone in our group said, “Nothing would get done without her.” We all admired her, she had been unusually understanding and helpful. And then I saw clearly this note she had secretly sent to someone, that read, “Send 6 or it won’t get done.” And I understood the context that it meant, they must send 6 soldiers to the meeting to catch or kill us… and I realized she was our enemy and the whole thing was a set up.

And then I woke up. Apparently my dreams weren’t any happier today than the rest of my reality!

P

He was the Prince of Wands, I understood that. I didn’t get the context, in the dream. I wasn’t lucid. Even if I were, I don’t think I would have remembered that in my two simultaneous series of Tarot archmeds, he is actually next on the Wands list (working down from Knight) — I might only have remembered that I am on the Ten of Disks (‘Wealth’) working up. I had seen the cards a few days before, but had not done anything.

He wore a suit. He was very powerful, a magician with great force of will, and a temper to match.

They were immortals. They had existed before Time and would exist after Time. But there weren’t that many left. Their eternal feuding, no matter its duration, no matter their immortal nature, did not keep them from being taken from identity-existence. Not if you did it right, which someone occasionally did. Occasionally is a whole lot when you have all of eternity to work with. Their numbers had thinned until only a handful remained.

He and the woman were in battle. They wrestled in energy and then wrestled in person. She stole his wand, and it took him several centuries to get it back. He stole something of hers and she came to challenge him regularly for it. They battled again. To the death, they pretended. He trapped her in a space she couldn’t escape. She surrounded herself with something impenetrable by force or fire. He removed all the oxygen from her space, and it began to vacuum, her energy pulling around her like a fabric.

But nothing else happened and when she struggled out of that, she saw that he was gone. He would let her live to try and kill him another day. Or he would be back for her. And they would battle.

But nobody would die, I realized, as if it were the most important realization in the entire universe.

Because there is no worse curse, no more horrifying fate, no sorrow so deep, as being alone.

Really, really alone. For eternity.

They had come to realize that. All of them, those which remained. They protected each other now, at the same time they pretended to battle. Their enemies were their most precious resource. The flowers of life that made their own life worth living. That brought novelty and interaction. Without the others, they would be alone. A fate worse than any death.

So the games went on. He would steal something of hers. She would break something of his. They would meet again and pretend their war, as a form of love.

***

I don’t know what that means. The tarot symbol was clear in the personality. I still don’t know what that means to me.

***

My best friend has made me swear to use the Procyon light-sound machine daily for awhile. I owe a day so I have to do two sessions tonight. What I like about it is mostly that after a brief time it shuts up my brain. That doesn’t happen very often. Reminds me a little of  Zazen.

Or ‘Transcendental Meditation’ or TM as I called it eons ago, after paying to ‘train’ in the ‘not a religion’ practice that in context with its community  is such a cult it makes the Moonies look like a casual social group. The practice was nice but just not proactive enough for me, though once in awhile I do an ordinary version of it just to relax.

Anyway, doing anything at all that is good for me is a little novel, as I’ve been in this I’ll-save-the-Queen workaholic daze since last December.

Recently I was thinking about how my life has changed since then and I thought, I’m so weary and almost numb all the time lately, when another part of me burst in with, you’re stoned! — and the realization that I was ‘self-medicating’ with work to a degree. I don’t know why. I was so happy for things in Dec. and now I guess I have to look at this as self-created, even the parts obviously outside me, on level of affected-reality.

Recently in some call with my Director, I don’t know why, but I got this wave of just intense sadness. It occurred to me that I have spent most of my adult life looking for someone worth being loyal to.  And that maybe that was not him.  Maybe he just wasn’t really up to that.  Most people aren’t.

I feel like on some level, I’ve been looking for someone with the kind of integrity as a person, the character, that is strong enough to demand loyalty and dedication, sweet enough to truly appreciate it, and vulnerable enough to need it.

I should probably sublimate this Virgo times four need into a romantic relationship, but first I’d have to have one. In addition to that also seeming unlikely for eternity at the moment, I also wouldn’t have time, at this point. I remember this meditation where I was shown how time is something we weave out of ourselves, in a way. I wonder what part of me is so lacking that time is constantly an issue for me.

***

I’ve had a couple of dreams with the blue eyes of soul as I once called him — with the Angel of self, whatever it is one calls it. There are two ways to encounter this energy. Either it is the focus of the dream, and the instant I meet his eyes, I am just completely consumed with it, with his eyes. Or it is not the focus, but during the dream I will turn to someone who is right next to me, and the instant I looked into their eyes, I feel such love in me, as if it is blooming with such intensity within my heart chakra that I am ‘falling in love’ to the extreme degree at that instant… there aren’t any words for it.

I asked myself in the shower today why I can’t put more focus into wishing for more of that. Every time I have even really thought seriously about him I find myself in wracking sobs of the degree of how terrible it is to be without him. Maybe that is why I didn’t get more of him through these years since I first met him, after the so-called Abyss experience, just for the side effects, wanting to avoid the pain of any lack of him. Easier to not think of it. But if you get what you focus upon, I want to add that to my focus.

I am taking the weekend off. I have had precisely one weekend off since last early December. And pretty much no nights or holidays either. So this is a big deal. I have things I would like to do and nearly all of them tie into meditation or The Four in some way.

P