Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2012.04.10 Go ahead and laugh, I know that’s a helluva archetype definition. It’s not that generic of course–or I’d need to be immortal to deal with it all–it’s specific to my ‘resistance’ to getting my act together better, ‘allowing’ the Four, not harming myself with problem foods, the whole ball of wax that wraps up to “daily acts of devolution” you might say. This follows on my seeking lately for the answer to, Why did they die for me?
The real archetype I requested was “whatever you think is best, IG” but this based on the what’s wrong with me and why did they die for me ideas.
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IG brought me what I assumed was an archetype, but it was a person I felt, and the instant it was present I felt like she ‘brought me jesus’ and I just completely flipped out. Why I would even think this I don’t know! What a bizarre idea! She has never brought me any religious identity before, not ever. She’s brought me the planets and that’s the closest to anything ‘known’. But it felt like this was just a given the instant it was present.
I refused to see it, I mean I literally would not look at it though he was standing 2 feet in front of me. I ranted about him, at it. I was furious and angry and insisting I don’t want this religious crap and this is the same bogus BS that has imprisoned my people for millennia
Posted by Palyne on 2012.03.25 Maybe the altered state requirement is not a requirement, but a crutch that I have insisted upon as some kind of excuse, fearing analytical overlay even in meditations. … Maybe it is also a bit of a creating a ‘separate’ world that makes it ok, … Is there really no definition in the inner world, it’s anything your mind can wrap around, and that’s ok? … Aeons: It is part of your need to feel in control, although this is not unexpected. Your conscious mind does expect things to be coherent and consistent by its standards. But you have a lot of extra resistance beyond that.
Posted by Palyne on 2012.03.25 I had the impression (this could be wrong) that this was one name of one chakra and yet that it was in two parts because it represented a duality, with the 2nd part being the receptive or feminine element. I hope I didn’t mess that up, it was a subtlety. I said it out loud several times, to ‘feel’ if he/she/they/it would ‘respond’ to that, felt ok with it, and I felt as if there was an answering recognition in that part of my energy body in a way, as if they did. Boy we really need gender words that cover “both” and “neither” in our language.
Posted by Palyne on 2012.03.25 I notice barbershop quartet music somewhere, and I think, that is a rather different time period, is it not?? But then I’m distracted by a sudden seemingly profound thought: in addition to never having ‘modern world’ symbols in these, do you notice how they all ‘hold together with your expectations’? Like this is the old West, so you don’t see something from China in it for example. … It occurs to me there is no law saying something cannot have a similar symbolism. I mean… the whole concept of archetypes, really, is a repeat of symbols, forms and dynamics. Accept this, says the 3rd, so I do. … I’m an Aeon, she says. I just stare at her. You can’t be, I say, having struggled with that and decided. That’s impossible. There are only 12 and they are already accounted for. There are other groupings, she says. No, I insist.
Read the full article at Viru and Mal
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/viru-and-mal/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.11.06 I was able to get my thoughts calmed down a little more quickly tonight. I was about to ask IG if we would be doing something with “that world out there” outside the giant window, when I realized I was somewhere else.
I was standing in a rectangular warehouse-like room. Perhaps 30 feet tall and 40 feet wide and 80 feet long. I was standing near one edge, and it was utterly empty, ‘echoing with silence’, only slightly dusty not much, when something above me made me look up.
A line or wire was stretched from side to side, about 20 feet up, and a young boy about 12 or so was hung up on it, as if it went through the sleeves of his clothing and behind his shoulders, so his arms were outstretched in a slightly messianic pose. He was silent, as if he had been there a long time.
I went up there to him, and before getting him down, I felt as if I should do something… healing, in some way. Before my conscious brain made the decision (a lot of that going on lately), I had put my hand upon his chest and heard myself saying, “Perhaps our Themelians can commune a little.” It felt right, and rushing shook my body with warm shivers down to my knees.
I got him down, and looked at him ‘medically’ in a light-box like an internet light-box for photos except this saw through him energetically. He had a
Read the full article at Warehousing
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/warehousing/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.11.03 It’s been an ongoing challenge, attempting to break free of the simplistic limitations of my meditation format, without simply replacing that model with something else just as limited.
I work to “let go” of some assumptions, only to find myself lost, because I don’t have any assumptions.
I’ve had cause to see, for example, that my Steinbrecher model was workable, a good start, but humorously limited and simple. So much so, that there aren’t any words for how much so. I wanted to let go of that.
I’ve had cause to see that certain assumptions I carried were interfering with what IG could do with me. For example that I expected everything to be a surprise in some “novel” fashion. If anything were to come through as something obviously symbolic, it wouldn’t be surprising and novel, and I would reject it. Since this work is all about symbolic, that has been a problem.
Or, it just had to be “cool.” Dragon symbol: ok. Fairy symbol: not ok. Sheesh.
I’ve had another “sponsored insight” as I call them, about this. I was attempting to meditate on Princess of Wands Tarot (still not successfully). I was carefully keeping out all ‘structure’, attempting to ‘allow anything’ even though I have no idea what anything might BE.
Currently, due to my 11 months of mostly ignoring this topic, I can’t perceive IG at all. I’m working in the dark but I assume she is there, and it’s only my obliviousness.
So I was waiting,
Read the full article at Filtering
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/filtering/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.09.05 
I had the realization that (a) he is really very powerful, he is a huge chunk of energy of the universe — a collection of energy assigned a title — and (b) that he is everywhere in me already. I mean that’s a given but most of the time I feel separated from the archs as if I need to ‘do’ something to resolve what amount to my resistances or whatever. … I had a realization during this: he lives through me. That simultaneous to MY life experience, HE as an identity was having a certain life experience that was based on the conglomerate of all the parts of me and my reality that were him…
Read the full article at Tarot Prince of Disks
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/thoth-tarot-prince-of-disks/
Posted by Palyne on 2011.07.16 
There was such an ‘organic’ element of all the metal that was literally “sewn into her.” It wasn’t just like weapons or something had punctured her. It was like something dark and insidious had grown into and through her. It was not “of” her–it had not become her or changed her–it had merely imprisoned her in such a terrible way. For some reason, the perception that the “black iron vines” were functioning like an organic creature instead of just an inert thing, added a degree of slightly nauseating horror to it difficult to describe.
Posted by Palyne on 2011.07.16
I walked around the side of her studying her, wondering if perhaps her being some earth-of-earth symbol might make me already integrated with her and so maybe there wasn’t really anything that needed doing to work with the energy, maybe it was already ok with me. “You seem like you’re ok,” I said to her as I continued around the side and into the alcove itself. “You –” And then I saw it. Why she was so still. Out of the ground of the plateau in the alcove had grown these thick heavy vines that were instead made of black iron. They had grown up and literally into her. She was chained to the ground, to the chair.
Posted by Palyne on 2011.07.16 
I felt as if I had something on my upper chest, in the area where The Four connect with me, between the heart and throat chakras. … I was affectionate during it, and talking with him, as I had before I’d left the previous med. I had an idea that making this tantric would be a good end but alas, I was neither in the mood nor the situation for that. I merged with him and then with the landscape and I got some decent rushing from that. But I actually got the most rushing while I was working on his legs, especially when I was focusing-in “with emotional impelling” to the degree I could summon. The more you really want the healing and the merge the better it goes at that moment, generally. IG seemed to think it went ok.
Posted by Palyne on 2011.07.13
Shriveled and broken and more that I couldn’t make sense of. I couldn’t even see the legs and feet really, just a sense of a complete disaster there. … I was thinking how it isn’t a surprise the legs are so affected in an arch, probably the only surprise is this symbol didn’t occur earlier. But then some other part of me said that this related to El Nino, to the fact that I had to go rescue Jared’s horse who had been immobilized in a big boulder. Maybe the power beneath, motive, transport, strength… the symbols seem clear though they are a bit abstracted.
Posted by Palyne on 2011.07.12 
So then this thing ‘grew’ in the now-forest-clearing environment, an elevated round pavilion but very small, and a chair right in the middle of it. The chair was trying to find a pattern and every time I felt we had one and that would be it, the top would insist on becoming larger and rounder until eventually what we had was something a little like a ‘casual throne’ but the ‘back’ of the chair was like a 12 foot diameter circle.
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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