I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Forgot-it Notes

Things I should have blogged previously, and a health update.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Forgot-it Notes

Notes to Self, 19 June 2012

Having the desire to deal with the three most repressed issues in my life — the alter(s), fiction writing, and music — is so completely amazing I’m awed about it. That this would all hit just as I am starting this ‘liver’ plan and a week off work doesn’t seem like coincidence…. I realized that I was in some spontaneous visual like when they just ‘happen’ without planning.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Notes to Self, 19 June 2012

It Begins.

I turned to the window. I was just beginning to get slightly agog over there being so much detail out there, that my inability to see it clearly didn’t seem like lack of visual but rather like of ability to grasp it all. I pointedly noticed some kind of ship moving across a waterway leaving a wake, and then, sofa to my left, out of my peripheral vision I saw a woman with long black hair sitting in the middle of the sofa. My brain and gut realized it was IG (Inner Guide IV) at the same moment, and I literally did a triple-take in astonishment. I mean literally, my physical head bounced back and forth, it was kinda funny. I realized that even “in my head” I had my jaw hanging open in amazement.

I can — WOW I can almost SEE you!! I nearly squealed, trying to maintain some composure and get a hold of myself, while “looking” (sensing and… whatever these things are!) hungrily at what I could perceive of her. I didn’t really get her face clearly, a fuzzy impression is all. I got most the rest of her though. (I did see her face in a couple intense meds we did long ago.) I sat next to her, turned to her at my left, and just tried to take in as much as I could of her, trying to perceive her as clearly as possible.

But — but IG, I haven’t even been able to feel you or hear you or anything for so long! I whined, and now you’re just –you’re just HERE, like — like oh my god, you’re just here! Just like that! That’s so amazing!

I ‘felt’ inside me the response from the aeonic: you did sense her, no matter your conscious denial. If you truly could not sense her at all you would have been bereft beyond imagining. I’ll take their word on it. They’re probably right.

Occasionally through all this I would sob a bit and tell IG how much I missed her and thank you thank you.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at It Begins.

IG med Dec01

I had the clear idea presented me that if I would commit to, for example, two meditations — they could be relatively brief — per day, letting IG drive whatever the content, every day, that she would be able to make a much larger, more complex and powerful planning, rather than only working on one thing in the once-in-a-great-while that I am not only meditating but giving her the driver’s seat. It was clear that if I really want the degree of scope/power/result I think I want, that I would make this happen, that it could make a really big, exponential difference.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at IG med Dec01

Nero in My Body

When updating tags/categories, I found this draft from December 1, 2010. Thought I’d publish it.

After the Senior introduced me to the consortium for the first time, once I was finally able to work with a couple of them just a little, I had a session with Nero and Inner Guide, inside the Tower with The Four.

July 2006 …the last major visible issue was this really big heavy all-metal knife that was in his back but down toward the lower right side a bit. I worked carefully on getting it out of him without pain, and then decided when I breathed and counted to 3 I would totally “let go of the part of myself that is that knife” and transmute the now-seems-separate energy into gold light at the same time. To my astonishment when I did this, it was a totally body-rocking amazing rush of buzzing energy.

More recently (last year or two) I had this note, from a talk with Nero:

And what do you work with me on again? (I felt myself ‘resisting’ and ‘blocking’ in the lower right of my torso. I can’t explain how/why I felt it there but I knew I wouldn’t be able to “hear” him if he told me. I felt as if he ‘changed tactics’ upon us mutually realizing this.)

I just recently realized how odd that is, that twice, years apart and forgotten, I have specifically seen some ‘issue’ related to him and that specific portion of my body.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Nero in My Body

Archmed: Most Needed Relationship

I tried to make it out for a minute, and then I lost my patience and said, “Oh for goddsakes! Give me REAL light!” and I created a giant high powered flashlight about a foot in diameter and shone it on whatever he was pointing at — which was way closer and larger than I’d realized.

“Holy crap!” I squeaked and jumped back about two feet.

It was a… creature, but it was standing so still it was like a statue. It was humanoid but about 10 feet tall and about 1.5x as wide, proportionally, as we would be. It was super muscular, male. His head was large and slightly squarish. I really have no words to describe him, as I’ve never seen a creature like him, and although I did have a ‘degree’ of visual it wasn’t 100% eyes-visual, more the sense-translated-to-visual (which most things are internally). He was a sort of bronze-ish color all over. He didn’t seem to have any hair, or I didn’t notice it.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: Most Needed Relationship

Archmed: Denied Energies

Having failed to escape the meditation by ‘absence or replacement’, my brain decided my body was just way too sleepy to do any of this. I was literally passing out despite being wide awake previously, this isn’t at all unusual of course — in really hard meds I will literally pass out the instant I hit something problematic, or did until I recently got my brain to agree to kick me out into a memory instead, so I could ‘find myself’ and then come back.

I fought it. It fought back. I fought harder. It fought back harder. Then — astonishing some other half of myself — I literally slapped myself, hard! — three times, yelling out loud, wake up! wake up! wake up! with each, as if the ‘three’ part mattered.

I felt “fiercely determined” and I stomped the ‘resistance’ into suppression and continued.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: Denied Energies

Aeon Round, 01-Sep-2010

Today was my mother’s birthday. She died when she was 37, when I was 9, and most years I try to do something specific on this day. If nothing else, just spend a decent chunk of time thinking about my life. About who I want to be. About what she might have wanted for me. About the advice that she might give me, from wherever she is. Sometimes I try to do something courageous on September 1st. I feel like she would want me to be courageous. I don’t remember a great deal of her, but I do remember that she was often telling me to ask for what I wanted in life. “The worst they can do is say no,” she used to say. I have always had a difficult time asking for anything, or accepting anything. I have gotten better at the latter, I think.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Aeon Round, 01-Sep-2010


Miscellany —

I did remember, later this evening, something Nero and I talked about, when I was half asleep.

He’d said I shouldn’t do any archetype meditations tonight because I needed to ‘process’ stuff. He suggested I get more exercise to help work energies through my body better.

And he brought up keeping a better environment around me. As I think the 3rd did later. Unless I am mixing it all up which as I was a little altered in both, is possible.

I was telling my kid this today (about cleaning) and she acted like this was moron-level obvious. I realized she was right and I joked, “Yes, Saturn has a direct effect on me, and but my bedroom doesn’t matter at all.”

I had a minor daydream about a real nice minimalist environ (I can dream) and a nice relaxed ‘routine’ of schedule and incense and some nice music.

That was the one thing I always admired so much about my prior meditation teacher. She got up before the kids and would straighten the house and then take a shower, and light incense and some jar candles and put on some harp music or something, and then sit down in her comfy chair and meditate quietly until everyone else got up. Something similar at night. And during the day, whenever she had time and no demands on her, she might just sit down and meditate, for one minute or ten or 3 hours.

Despite being a single mom

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Overtraining

Freeing Nero

I’ve been asking IG to challenge me and help me let go of resistance and expectations. I’ve been thinking of it like, I want her to do something interesting and unexpected and then I’ll try to “deal with it.” What I suddenly understood was that what IG ‘builds’ for me, so to speak, she builds out of me. Literally, I “compose” it. So she can’t just do something totally outside my ken and then hope I can perceive it or deal with it, because the thing she “does” is built FROM me. And so if I am resisting, expecting, etc., that basically limits her options. So I’ve been putting a lot of this on her, like I want her to push me and I’ll respond, but it kind of needs to happen the other way around — I need to be more open, give her the raw materials to build with, so she CAN push me.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Freeing Nero

The Archetype of Sleep Deprivation

I don’t know how well this is working. Early this morning (or was it last night?) I had this conversation:

Me: Taan? Are you there?

Taan: Yes.

Me: Why do I never see Nero any more?

Taan: Because you choose not to.

I realize “on some level” this is true. I decide it’s ridiculous and unfair and I don’t want it to be true.

Me: That’s not true!

He is silent. I sigh. I suppose I will have to do a meditation on not blocking Nero now for godssakes, do these ever end? I need to like, go live in a cave up a mountain in Tibet to have enough time for all this stuff!

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at The Archetype of Sleep Deprivation

Gnostic Trivia re: Aeons

I found these quotes.

The term “Aeon” means “self-existent one” or “ever-existing entity.”

I had never heard of that use of the word, when the Consortium/Coalition I initially referred to as “Guides,” that kept introducing themselves — and IG kept forcing that — said they were Aeons. And I didn’t really grok how a ‘measure of time’ could also be the description of them, but they seemed to think that time was part of their definition as well as anything else.

I admit that I’m still sort of astounded that googling the term turned up some ‘ancient gnostic reference’ to the term used to describe some kind of spiritual entity. That seems so validating! Yet still confusing that the detail seems very… ‘off’ from mine. Not like just something else, but like there is some confusion. Maybe it’s me, my insecurity says.

Let alone the story of ‘waking up’ one of the ‘four aeons of light’ who had been hidden away from something called the Archons — the brief description was definitely parallel to my experience with the 3rd of 4; this has to be talking about the same thing. Except I never called the four “Aeons.” Just Elementals of Soul. Er, someone else’s soul, in case that isn’t clear — we are 4 elements of a larger identity. And yet although we seem separate, I am ‘contained’ in the 3rd, and he in the 2nd, and I suppose she in the Senior — we are more like Russian nested

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Gnostic Trivia re: Aeons