Anger is a Wound

I forgot to add that in a post recently, as something I was told. With this came the understanding that most energies can manifest in different forms: as nouns or verbs, you might say. They can be an object or a ‘thing’, e.g. a broken leg, or an event or an ‘experience’, e.g. a car accident.

Anger is a wound, I was told specifically; it is the same energy, just not as solidified and longer-manifested.

***

I’ve had such a negative cycle the last few days. As if I acquired some real cynic energy.

It started when I was reading this post about the Mantis. I might add that having met them repeatedly back in the Bewilderness days, I haven’t the slightest questioning of their reality. I was delighted to see that post which gave me a different perspective on what I had assumed was PK but might actually just be a sound tech instead. Never thought of that.

Well I got to thinking about these creatures later on and I got very negative about it. They’ve been nothing but good to me at least in what I remember, so why I got so negative I’m not sure. I was thinking about the state of our world, and thinking that if they’re management responsible for this big freaking mess we call consensus reality, then their intentions for my species are seriously in question. Maybe we make better harmless cows if we’re busy trying to kill each other, and chronically sick, than otherwise.

When I woke up the next morning I had that bizarre pain/feeling in my ankle I talked about a few posts ago. It is better now, only a twinge now and then. All the weird pains since. I credit this only perhaps to the recent encounter with the largers, is all, not a big deal. But I’m surprised how cynical some part of my brain is since that time. A lot of really dark thoughts.

After the realization about ‘identity’ a couple posts ago, it really got worse.

First I had the thought that maybe the largers really suck for me. Maybe I am good for nothing but feeding them whatever energy I have. Maybe they don’t give a damn about me personally. Maybe just being exposed to them has exposed me to other energies more powerful than me that are mercenary. Maybe they’re even some species that treats mine badly. Jerks.

Then I realized I’d come up with all this for no reason whatever. I have no reason to suspect that.  I thought about it more and realized that actually my feelings about them and with them are really positive.

Then I had the thought that maybe, oh horror, maybe Senior was a bug.  That horrified me. I begged him never to let me know if so. Then I nearly cried for the not wanting it to be so. Then he reminded me of how much he loved me, and how I felt it during that crucifixion experience, so he could not be that species, that emotion is not part of them. That made me feel better.  I spent awhile with him, asking for help in better absorbing his energy, working with IG to add just a tiny bit of working on that to any other meds I do.

Then I thought that maybe all the Aeons don’t care about me at all. Maybe everything I perceive like that is nothing more than my own custom creation of ‘interface’ in their personality I perceive, but really nobody gives a damn about me, and how pathetic that I would ever think they did, or that we were actually having some kind of relationship. I was feeling pitiful about this when Nero (I think, it was hard to tell) set me more straight and corrected my perception.

There’s more, but these are the major examples. It’s like the darkest, most abysmally cynical ideas come up suddenly as if they are an attack, as if I have opened up some aspect of myself that is really dark and angry and feels unloved.  It doesn’t seem like coincidence that all this has been in play during the same time I was having weird pains, aches, etc.

As if maybe it’s all really the same thing. Maybe we don’t realize that negative thoughts and body aches are actually the same energy at root, just different ways of manifesting.

P