I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

~~~
Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.
~~~

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne


In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe


Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne



Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'


The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"


Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.




Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


ABOUT ME


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne


When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Aeon Round, Weaving

I was going to call my friend and go to sleep when I thought, well I should do an Aeon Round first. I grabbed my beads and made myself comfortable. Ithikah, I said, how about you help me here. What could I do that would be novel and neat?

He had this idea about ‘sewing’ the energy of me into each Aeon or vice-versa but no matter how I went about that I had this sort of feeling like ‘something punctured’ so that just didn’t work. We thought of other ideas and discarded them. We came back to the first and looked at alternatives, strings, etc. when I said, hey wait! IG used to “weave me” with RV targets when I was doing archetype-RV. Basically she would ‘unwind us’ into a string that she ‘wove’ with the other from the feet up until we were ‘merged’. I would keep that until after feedback and then she would “de-weave” us.

That’s how experiences like the one with the target of Ganymede (more sentient than I am, it turns out) happened, because I was still ‘merged’ with it when I was getting feedback, so G’s opinion on our opinion on what G was like was suddenly apparent, as if it were viewing or in rapport with me, and it all took off from there.That weaving was definitely in line with the ‘threads’ concept Ithikah had so we both loved the idea, and IG was clearly game to help out. She did it from a foot below our feet up to a foot above the crown. (Again, those chakras!)

Ithikah helped me write a sort of meditative prayer/mantra that I said as she did each weaving; I’m not clear on ‘how’ he contributed only that I opened to that and felt he did.  I sort of timed this to the feel of IG weaving me, so in some cases if it felt like it was taking longer for a certain Aeon or a certain part of the body, I just paused until it reached the right point, so the thinking of it was relaxed and custom to the experience.

May {foot below feet} our essences be woven {feet} together
Inseparable {shins} and beautiful {knees}
Infinite {thighs} and eternal {pelvis}
May {2nd} our strength be joined {solar plexus, then heart}
May {throat} our patterns {3rd eye} be merged
May our {crown} source be blended {foot above crown}
We are one. Amen.

When it was done I said, “Ok, let’s go straight through it together!”

I got this half-feeling, kinda like I was standing on the edge of a huge canyon of stone. Spontaneously, grinning, I threw my head back (literally) and inside my head, I yelled, Ithikaaaaaaaaaaah! like some native shamanic call to a god on a powerful night, imagining it echoing all around me, and while I was doing this, until I let go of the vowel, I got all kinds of body-rushing. That was nice.

But then, when we walked through the weave, I was kind of put out because I felt no none nada zero zip merge at all with him. Yet then when we were done, I realized that kind of bizarrely, I really felt the weave. My body felt… slightly thicker or something. Well, I told myself, it’s something, I guess. Moving on now!

So I went through this with each Aeon, stopping to jot down in my notebook any sense of rushing or where I felt any sudden-sensories in my body. But it was the same for every one of them: a varying degree of “rush” during my “call to them” and then not a single thing through the weaving, but then the oddest sense that they really were physically woven with me after. The funny thing was that this got stronger after each, as if I were literally thicker with each that was added.

By the time I finished L’Anna I had figured out a way to analogy-articulate the offbeat feeling: you know how if you put on many layers of clothing, like if you were backpacking or in snow or something, and when you get everything on, you feel like you can barely move from all the thick layers of stuff? Well it felt like that except from the inside instead of on the outside. Like I was getting so thick I couldn’t hardly move, as if I would be clumsy if I tried.

I imagined us literally nose-to-nose while I said the mantra, super close, and that my ‘perspective’ shifted ‘into’ the merged-thread-Being as soon as it passed my forehead, and that we were there in that new body “together” as it hit the crown.

They did have a few points that differed. Bolehren, I felt my top left scalp after the weave.

Hot Amanakhaton, I suddenly ‘realized’ that my calling them out-loud-in-my-head was magick; it was like this “switch” back and forth several times between my call to him and a memory I had of a magickal ritual I was in eons ago, where I was bellowing Babalonnnnnnnnn! (My note above about the call and the canyon, I had the canyon, but not the realization until later about the god-call.)

When I got to Jared and El Nino (e-n is the horse), I had been asking each Aeon with a grin, “Are you ready?” before the call, and when I did this, El Nino goes, “Ready as we’ll ever be.” I stopped abruptly and said, “Hey! You talked to me! Wow! That’s the first time!!” He didn’t say anything else. When I did the call, response from Jared was only minor, but from El Nino it was huge, and I held the last vowel as long as I could as energy just rushed through me like crazy.

When I got to Calme, whom I call Auk Sham also, I asked her which name I should ‘call’ with and she said the latter, with a ‘feel’ that I might as well because I couldn’t pronounce what she’d given me as a name worth a damn anyway, heh! So I did the call to Auk Sham (bird-friend), and felt the rushing with her, like the others, on the call, but it was kinda interesting that intuitively I called twice short instead of once long and it sounded more like a bird-caw than anything. I had this sudden recall of a great dream I had where me and my friend J “went to the land of the coffee-colored people” and stood at the bottom of a cliff and he “cawed” upward and a huge human-bird flew down and got us.

Then I had a new sense, like both from outside me and inside me at the same time. I was a much smaller woman, with red hair and fair skin, yet I was also looking closely at myself and I was noticing how different the bones of my face were, when I realized Calme was telling me something: that this was “the woman in my genetic lineage who had been given the gift of the Sidhe,” that my last IG had passed on to me. I don’t know how she ‘found’ her but she seemed completely in the know with her, and I wondered if it was because she had that Gaelic feel herself, obviously.

I had the sense it was a little bit of “a gift from her to me” to show me her, and to ‘feel me her’, and I was kind of fascinated with that. No idea if she was of the Scot or the Northern Irish as I’ve lots of both of those in me and they’re all Northern Celts. (You’d never know it, since in person I look at worst ‘generic’ and at best slightly spanish or mexican if I’ve a tan, mostly a side-effect from the Cherokee I suspect.)

I had this flash then of this old woman’s face, angry and accusing, and then another old woman but different, and back to the first. I “understood” that these were village neighbors of this woman in her later life, and they were horrible to her and had been a real plague to her in many ways, the first in particular, really dark and vitriolic toward her, psychically, not just physically/socially (although these are not really separate, I suddenly understood).

Then I shifted slightly more to the outer-perspective of myself and I said, “You cannot bother her HERE, this is MY world!” and I imagined my large hand the size of their body just grabbing them, dissolving them mostly and pushing them brusquely and completely out of my reality so she would be safe from them.

Then I realized I had not yet done the “weaving” with Calme — I’d been so distracted by all the rest! — and so I began that, and as it ended I again had felt nothing during but felt really “woven and thicker” when it was done.

Then I suddenly got this HUGE paranoia: my back door was open! Well yes, only briefly and the back door to the garage was firmly locked, but the door between kitchen and garage was open about 6 inches to give the garage kitties a little bit of time to run around the house and get some soft warmth and love for a couple hours. I wondered if I should get up and close it and then another part of me I thought was Nero said, “But why? What is it that feels worrisome about it?” and I responded, “Well –” and then abruptly I realized I had no good reason.

So what was the reason it had come up at all, I wondered?

Then I saw it: it was the energy of those women. By recognizing this dark energy and ‘pushing it outside’ I had created an energy dynamic where I now felt a sense of ‘dark threat from the outside’. It occurred to me then that maybe a lot of physical and political paranoia is actually a side-effect of how people deal with energy.

I suppose if I were more evolved I would have done an archmed with it right then, to help HER, or I would have asked IG to give me dreamlings to process it, but I didn’t really think of it until later and at that point I moved on.

[Later thought #1: would working on the archs of another aspect of you have the same effects that working on the archs of someone else does?? The seeming ‘transfer’ of energy/issues to oneself, taking it on? Or can we assume that if someone is a part of you, you already have their energy/issues? ]

[Later thought #2: does a genetic line transfer energy/issues? Are me and my 3 siblings all holding the energy our mom was?]

[Later thought #3: If we ‘heal’ it do we also heal her and those she got some of it from? At some point in my life I had some esoteric experience that talked about this concept, visiting the sins of the fathers on the descendents is one way I saw it at the time, and the concept that healing anything in myself is healing it in everyone else I share it with.]

When I reached Laelee, the call “felt very musical” somehow, and the big merge was mostly in my legs, knees to hips/low-waist, which I found interesting as it is more common for my merges to be ‘mostly’ (not entirely) in the upper torso. Then I thought about how she said I really couldn’t perceive her energies directly (yet, I assume?) or had no model for them. And I thought about the fact that this zone — hips to knees — is in fact where I carry most my overweight, the maternal family ‘area’ for fat. I wondered if these two things related in some way. That I was so much less integrated with her and unable to deal directly with her energy, and that fat and muscle tension are considered a kind of armoring or protection on some level, and that’s where mine is. It occurred to me that this is actually the strongest part of the body by far, the glutes and various thigh muscles, the longest single bone in femur. So maybe this part of the body has a certain energetic nature that genetically (visiting the sins of the fathers upon the sons) my family is resistant to.

I stopped my philosophy by noticing again how novel and “incredibly thick” I felt by this point. I mean literally I was sitting very still, very comfortable, but it was almost like when you are doing altered state work and your body is going to sleep while your mind is awake except that was not it, the body was just really heavy and still from feel like a ton of bodies, albeit the rest of them more etheric, ‘woven together’ in such a thick macrame it would not be flexible.

At Nedlund, he suggested I make it all ‘sound’ on his — “say the weave” out loud. On his call, I got only a small merge, but then as soon as I closed my mouth I had this HUGE yawn hit me which is a different and usually more intense sign of suddenly absorbing a bunch of energy. (I know and feel this and it has been a given with me for 15 years, but I just realized that for blog readers, I have no good reason I can give you on ‘why’ I believe that.)

After the weave, which made me jot down on my notebook, I feel like an over-stuffed animal! I had some sensory on the left side of the back of my neck.

At Nero, for a minute without being aware of it, I was just stroking the stone that is for him in my necklace, sensually touching every bit of it, and then realized what I was doing. Just as I was about to do his call, I felt this aching and pressure in my left upper arm. I wasn’t sure if this was really from that area, or if like a previous meditation, it was actually the right side but being shifted-via-nervous-system-intervention to the left, to “avoid sparking other issues” on the right (I think there is some… let’s just say defensive-sentience in that area on the right). In any case it seemed like just a pulse or message and then it was gone. I got only a small merge on our call, but had a lot of odd visual shapes, like this tawny colored half-transparent object shaped like a curvy oyster shell except where the ‘ruffling’ happened it was thick and had ‘openings’ like holes. I had the impression of a kind of nature-fossil used as a flute by someone. No idea where that came from.

I considered getting tantric with all this and giving them that energy. I had the hilarious feeling that my body felt so solid and thick, that being flexible enough to get into that position would seem like a lot of work, hahaha! I also felt like I should continue as I usually did, to the Four. So I went to the four and did the same process (sans the call) with them, and it actually felt like that worked fine with them, too, and all three of them at once added to the existing ‘thick’ resulted in the feeling that I could barely move and had no desire to.

I wondered what I should “do” now that I had them all as part of me, but the 3rd of 4 seemed to feel that what I should do was just ‘be’ and just go to sleep and let this soak into me. I felt sleepy then anyway, and I just scooted down and used my remote light switch and passed out very quickly.

I forgot to call my friend. The kid woke me up this morning as I forgot to set my alarm, but it was on time. I still felt “woven.” Not nearly as thick and innerly-so-stuffed-I’m-stiff though, just “still woven.”

I’m glad I decided to do something “novel” for the round since I feel pretty sure it just would have been a quick rosary otherwise.

P

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