I had a nice day. I kept thinking to myself, how can I not be happy? How can I keep from singing? The Four are WITH me!
I would briefly remember just the outline of the Crucifixion experience and the soul-shaking grief of it, even years later, even today if I dare reread that post about it no less… and then consider how now, I feel as if we are all connected, sensed physically right between my heart and my throat, and the very idea that I am on a path of knowing them better and feeling them more and having more of that energy just seems so wonderful.
Ry and I had a good day. We had to give the rental car back today and we went for a drive on back roads just to listen to the radio loudly and drive. Everything was so green, the sky so blue, the cows in the fields so perfect, and we talked about how it was so clear we were in the dream-game and weren’t those like the fakest perfect-clouds you ever saw? hahaha.
I kept thinking about the Four, and relaxing in the feel of them, in the feeling of assurance that they were with me, and wondering how any trivia of daily life could upset me if I kept my focus with them instead of on trivia.
Later, it was time to move on.
Four of Disks. “Power” in Thoth Tarot.
Thoth Tarot 4 of Disks Power
Time to move on in my Disks series — which is now the whole Thoth Tarot series — since anything worth doing, is worth overdoing, apparently. I spent some time with the card, contemplating it, then sketching it with my pen just to make sure I was really paying attention. I sketch so badly, the energy-identity ought to show up just to defend its honor.
I asked IG to take me through whatever was the richest, most thorough interaction with it, which may or may not have anything to do with my normal archmed process — I am trying to wean myself off expectations and the meditation hokey pokey here — and I relaxed and ‘allowed’.
Which makes this process, curiously, a little more like the ‘focus med’ I did with Ithikah and Bolehren, or like a freeform remote viewing session. Except that I’m working under the guidance of my current Inner Guide. Generally, I just ‘let impressions come to me’, it’s simply that these may be a lot more fleshed out and ongoing-interactive than RV normally is for me.
My understanding from others in the past is that this is probably a bit more like what most magickians do when they ‘meditate’ on something, minus the ‘Inner Guide’ element, minus some of my experience that sets unspoken parameters, and plus certain expectations about the card, astrology, and more — but it’s hard to be sure what’s in someone else’s head.
The data points were usually 10-60 seconds apart in this one. So when I say, “then…” it means I sat quietly for a bit before that.
***
I had been sitting awhile before I realized that this one tiny loop of a song had been playing incessantly in my head. Once I finally realized it, and realized what it said and then the name of the song, the audio vanished, so it felt like that was some kind of message. The line is a repeating phrase, “Light of the love that I found…” from a song called “Fool in the Rain” by Led Zeppelin. That struck me as interesting and I wondered about the band, known for its occultism (they are OTO apparently) and wondered if ‘Fool in the Rain’ meant something more than I’d realized.
I sat a bit more and heard, “The first [...] symbol of abstraction.” I think I missed a word there.
I was suddenly reminded of ACKRCK and his feminine, as if they were ‘there’, and my closed-eyes were filled with that cobalt blue that the ajna chakra gives you. I felt affectionate about them. I suddenly remembered, as if it mattered, ‘pushing out’ the feminine from my body when I had sensed her. It was so odd to me that she was not at the forehead level, but was bizarrely through my body, like if you imagine someone standing straight ‘in’ you but then they are turned at an angle so the top of her comes out around my lower throat and the bottom of her below my knee. Now, writing this, I’m thinking, what kind of idiot actually tries to get rid of a chakra’s mate? I even knew it was ok, and IG even spoke up to confirm she was part of ACKRCK. But at the time you know I was having a real issue with the concept of chakras as identities, an idea that seemed lovely when it was intellectual and freaked me out when it seemed to be real and in ME. I felt warm and sweet though, today, and I told them I would meet with them and we would resolve these things. Later. I know, I keep telling them that and then not doing it…
A bit later, I decided there was just way too darn much sound in my head. Noise but without any specific, for the most part. There was a very mild chaos in my head. There is overstimulation in that part of the body, someone inside of me responded, and I felt this was an analogy to a previous explanation about this happening with the forehead chakra except this was the throat chakra. Just then I had a pulsing ache, just momentarily, in the top of my left forearm. How this relates I have no idea.
Then I had a ‘concept’ unfold in me: Do a filter-search for the archetype of all the sleep that you’ve missed. Now there’s something novel. Since I have like 20 years of sleep deprivation, that oughtta be a fun one!
Then my memory built me a picture, as if put the components together rapidly but in shuffling series, not all at once: a castle impression, then just a tiny piece, and stone, and square, and it’s floating in the sky, and a little girl, and a harlequin, and a round hoop, and a tightrope — and I realized the picture it was showing me was from one of my favorite artists, Michael Parkes, a rather famous one, except the picture as I was seeing it was not quite his picture, it was like… like another reality version of it, or like that one with a few elements of at least one other similar one that had a ballerina walking around a larger hoop, but clearly the same energy.
I thought, Whoa, holy cats, is his stuff occult symbolism? Does that MEAN something, it’s not just offbeat and pretty? Wow!
Maybe the reptile is the kundalini; note it is carrying fire. Maybe the girl is also a fool, the childlike elements. I have seen critters that have small wings on their head, or are human but for funky heads like that, so I find it fascinating he paints a lot of those. I might add that I found Michael’s stuff in 1993 when I first began having experiences with the Four — I’m sure this is sheer coincidence — and wrote to his publisher in some other country I forget asking how to get something of his — later he got huge in the USA (or I just didn’t know he was already, not sure which) but at the time it wasn’t so available, his art. It’s possible it influences what I perceive but it’s also possible that he is simply working in some of the way rather offbeat worlds that I am, I suppose.
As I sat quietly, I suddenly saw what I thought at first was a shield, a thick round shape, but it rolled and then stopped and I saw it was a shield-sized coin, thick with an open square in the middle like the ancient sorts.
Then I was seized by a longing, and I asked IG to please make it so that everything I do from now on, every breathe I take, every meditation, everything, has at least some degree of work toward my better-integration with The Four. As if nothing could be more important in my universe than getting closer to them. It occurred to me that in doing so, I might be getting closer to my Blue Eyes of Soul as I called him, and that thought was so inspiring I wondered why I had not worked a lot more fervently toward the Four already.
I sat for a bit, then realized something had just happened in my head, hit rewind and re-watched. I’m in a laundromat standing by a counter and there is a baby in a bassinette, a little basket. A woman has pushed this toward me and then turned away, and I understand that it is now my duty to take care of it now, and rock the baby.
I considered that the artwork had specifically had ‘the fool’ in it. Just like that line right up front in the session. I wasn’t sure what that meant if anything but it seemed like a sign. So I asked for my Sun archetype, and an actual archetype of the card in question as a person, and ‘the fool’ archetype, and I had us stand close together, and imagined the ‘rain of love’ pouring down on us. This seemed quite brilliant at the time, but nothing seemed to come of this.
Then I was suddenly very sleepy. I realized that I could agree to sleep or I could pass out, so I should just agree. It doesn’t surprise me at this point that some things work out better when my conscious mind is mostly out of the way. So I put a pillow behind me and leaned back and relaxed.
I dreamed like crazy. Totally related to all this. I don’t remember most of them. I do remember the last part though.
I had been attacked. Not severely, just a little, but I think it was my chakras, that were explaining to me what had just occurred. I think the throat and forehead chakras. The word ‘Archon’ was actually used! I’ve only seen that ref’d in those gnostic things, apparently that’s like the dark side, or something like that, I’m not clear on it, and frankly not interested at all so haven’t bothered to learn more.
There was this sense that it had only affected me a little, that it had been able to ‘get in’ to a part of me before getting kicked out. The part in question was just down from my ears, all the way across, the upper throat and glands area, and I could feel that it had been ‘impacted’ and that were it more severe, I would have woken up ill in that area.
That seemed disturbing a little bit later, to me. When I wake up sick once in a great while, does this imply that it’s a side effect of psychic attack? Not to be picky, but maybe it’s just a virus, you know? Then I thought of how Seth said people don’t catch germs, they catch ideas, and how I realize that thought forms manifest, so a germ IS an idea just like everything else is. Then I thought of how they say the body always has tons of stuff in it but we just don’t manifest it for whatever reason. Why do we, when we do? Then I thought about “Cosmology” and then I thought about energy bodies and human bodies and then I wondered: how can it be separated? How can I think I need to take my vitamins but not think I need to spend a little time focusing-with my chakra to clean and strengthen it?
As an ‘overlay’ data at the same time, part of it, I understood that this is what I had brought on myself by pushing out the half of ACKRCK that, coincidentally, had an ‘interface’ area with my physical body right at that point. As if my rejection of her had created this sort of… opening, or vulnerability, in my energy body. As if my greater integration with the four made me… brighter in some way, more likely to get attention. I thought of some of the ‘attention’ I got in the 90s when I was with them a lot and that was a little concerning. I don’t want that kind of attention again and if I must have it I want to be a lot better able to deal with it than I was then.
I dislike anything negative. I know that is a major bias to the point of denial and irrational reasoning. I am totally against the whole dark side light side polarities thing, that was the part I disliked most about Casteneda’s work even as a teen when I read most of it. I just don’t get into that little war, to me it seems like a distracting game, just some metaphysical version of celebrity drama. I don’t feel any serious worry and I don’t feel threatened and even feeling the slight shock and confusion and then explanation about what was going on during the dream — which I might add, seemed like it was happening in a world where I knew I was dreaming but it was completely irrelevant and this part with the chakras was real — doesn’t really upset me. I feel calm, thankfully, and unworried. But it does seem like a ‘reminder’ that my chronic putting-off working with the chakras is something I need to resolve.
Anyway. So I woke up for awhile. I went back into med with IG and asked for this as an archetype as a person and he and I talked for a bit. We traded energy, but I got no merge. I hugged him tightly and felt love, but got no merge. Then I felt playful and irreverent, and I said to him, “How about we just become part of each other and then ‘dance’ through the stars?” And I imagined us laughing and flinging-out through the universe and got a major rush THEN, and we did that for awhile, and then I was done.
I was sitting quietly when done and started falling asleep when the word RUACH awakened me as if it were ‘spoken through me’, my whole body. Not the audible sound — hard to describe, but the ‘understanding of it as that-thing’ of that word was an inherent part of it. I don’t even know what that is but I think it is some standard word in the occult, I know I’ve heard of it. Hang on… ok, google tells me it is ‘wind’ or ‘spirit’ and is also used, sometimes in conjunction with another word, to refer to the holy spirit.
Who knows. Anyway, tomorrow is the kid’s first day of high school, which is also the first day of public school as she’s been in homeschool the last 2 years, plus it’s my first day back at work from vacation, and I have a lot to do and it’s like 12:30am so I better go.
P
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