I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

Structural Fatigue

Today I turn 45 years old. I will probably never wrap my head around that. I woke up and thanked God for my life. For my role in this Amazing Game. Every time I wake up here, it seems so real!

Last night I was too tired to do anything for meditation. The kid’s homework went late.

But night before last, I really had intended to do some meditation. I had it all planned. I am utterly dedicated to this, and IG and Nero have both emphasized that “consistency” is a huge thing for me. I want to be self-determining, and disciplined. But sometimes it just doesn’t work out. And sometimes it probably needs a short sanity break.

Sunday night, I was talking on the phone to my best fried about this symptom I’d been having for some time. It had gotten so bad by that night, that I could barely bring myself to function.

It’s exhaustion. But not physical. And not mental. Is reminiscent of–yet also NOT– emotional. Utter fatigue to a degree that is difficult to put a label on. It is so profound and impactive that it makes one feel unable to do anything at all.

I had this during my Bewilderness phase, so I recognize it — but it’s been what, 15 years. I wrote in BW about it:

It occurs to me that this is why most people evolve more ‘slowly’. The shock to the system of realizing certain things suddenly is almost more

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Structural Fatigue

Archmed: Most Needed Relationship

I tried to make it out for a minute, and then I lost my patience and said, “Oh for goddsakes! Give me REAL light!” and I created a giant high powered flashlight about a foot in diameter and shone it on whatever he was pointing at — which was way closer and larger than I’d realized.

“Holy crap!” I squeaked and jumped back about two feet.

It was a… creature, but it was standing so still it was like a statue. It was humanoid but about 10 feet tall and about 1.5x as wide, proportionally, as we would be. It was super muscular, male. His head was large and slightly squarish. I really have no words to describe him, as I’ve never seen a creature like him, and although I did have a ‘degree’ of visual it wasn’t 100% eyes-visual, more the sense-translated-to-visual (which most things are internally). He was a sort of bronze-ish color all over. He didn’t seem to have any hair, or I didn’t notice it.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: Most Needed Relationship

Archmed: Denied Energies

Having failed to escape the meditation by ‘absence or replacement’, my brain decided my body was just way too sleepy to do any of this. I was literally passing out despite being wide awake previously, this isn’t at all unusual of course — in really hard meds I will literally pass out the instant I hit something problematic, or did until I recently got my brain to agree to kick me out into a memory instead, so I could ‘find myself’ and then come back.

I fought it. It fought back. I fought harder. It fought back harder. Then — astonishing some other half of myself — I literally slapped myself, hard! — three times, yelling out loud, wake up! wake up! wake up! with each, as if the ‘three’ part mattered.

I felt “fiercely determined” and I stomped the ‘resistance’ into suppression and continued.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: Denied Energies

Better Ideas

I don’t really know if my session with IG the other day has had some specific effect on me. But there are a few significant differences I’m perceiving that make me think that somehow, all her gold-light ‘writing into me’ is having some side effects.

Not the least of which was 24 hours of the oddest all-over neck ache I think I’ve ever had, from my head to my upper back, in every direction, so it’s not just like when you sleep on something wrong. That’s usually just the neck and usually more more in one direction/side than another. I wouldn’t consider it related to her except for the timing, and the odd feel of it, and except that she spent the majority of her time on my head and neck.

When I sat down to meditate this evening I was intending to do the 9 of Disks. I don’t think Bo and I even got near it frankly so it’s still on the to-do list. But the minute I got comfortable, I felt there were more important things. I had no idea what, but I felt if I just started writing they would pour out.

I got my notebook and pen and asked what those things were and they arrived fairly intuitively.

There were five meditations to do before continuing the standards:

There are ‘energies’ I am not allowing myself to consciously recognize and address. I want to work on what IG considers my most powerful and/or problematic points

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Better Ideas

The Moth

Yes I know this picture is blurry. I told him, “Stay still! This is for posterity, you know!” but he ignored me.

Although I eventually did free him, he is injured and cannot fly. Or walk for that matter. I think he is a ‘Luna’ moth: green color, very large, and has a ‘tail’ on each hind wing.

According to google adults don’t eat. I don’t know how long they live. Or whether we have a male or female. We put it in a roomy, real smooth box. Tomorrow we will give it a few tiny twigs and leaves but I think really, it is just a matter of time before it expires, poor baby.


[Edited later: it expired. I integrated its energy, at least I think so.]

Hangin’ with Bolehren

I was going to do the 9 of Disks and asked her what we should do about that. Should I un-merge? What if she didn’t have the degree of… absorption I did or something, would that limit the result? What if it was something she wasn’t ready for? What if…? She felt that I should consider this much like I consider the healing question. IF someone is ‘with me’ at the time I am to do a certain energy work, then just assume that is how it is to be, for both sides, and c’est la vie.

So we were doing the meditation together. Before IG had given us anything, I started giggling. I swear it felt like we were kids in a sleepover trying to be still and quiet because it’s bedtime, and stifling giggles so mom doesn’t get annoyed.

As we worked through the stuff from IG, I kept having all these bizarre spontaneous memories. Stuff I have not thought of probably since the time they happened, really really old stuff. Like what someone said to me one day when I was 18, or a situation from many years ago. Now, although I do get anything from energy via memory to occasional wandering, this was different.

After about the 8th thing, I realized that in a weird way they all had a certain thing in common. A genre, you might say. They all related to my relationship with another person(s). Most were things I didn’t feel had gone well in some fashion. I realized that as this is what Bolehren’s energy relates to, at least in part as I was previously told, that this was like her being ‘sparked’ by the work we were doing, as opposed to me. Well, yes it is me, but you might say, the sector of me that overlaps with and/or is composed of her.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Hangin’ with Bolehren

Serving I.G.

I was going to do an archmed last night. Earlier, I’d done the focus on chakras I mentioned a couple posts ago, and I was feeling good.

Maybe my heart chakra was getting jiggy with me, because in a suffusion of affection, I realized that the thing I most wanted to work through, in the whole world, was “whatever is best for Inner Guide.” My beautiful angelic guide. Whatever makes me best able to be good for her, give her the most fun and growth and every possible good thing. I felt such love for her.

And yes, my common reaction to that was present: what if I love her too much and that means she has to leave me and move on, as other IG’s have done when we apparently reached a point like that?

But this time, finally, I cared more for her than for me apparently, because I was willing to bring that on as long as it was what was best for her, even though I felt such breathless grief at the mere thought.

Then I called Senior and the Queen and asked them to please translate that into a request appropriate for her reality and asked her to use their translation as my official request.

I don’t know what I expected but I thought it’d be an archetype or environ of some kind. Instead, she put the heel of her hand on my forehead, and then wrapped her fingers up so the tips were on

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Serving I.G.

The Evolution of the Prole

I don’t know how I am supposed to be evolving when reality keeps pissing me off so thoroughly.

Today I’m told if I can’t present an already-filed 2009 federal tax return they’re canceling my kid’s health insurance and all the funds I’ve paid into it are lost. Why? Because they want me to “prove” she is my kid. A birth certificate is not enough. So if I have not already filed taxes for my own reasons, my 13 year old can’t go to the doctor or dentist or optometrist for the next YEAR. Which ironically, we’ve actually been planning all three for over a year now, and this Fall/Winter was to be the time of pursuing that. I will call them tomorrow and see if there is some other kind of documentation I can provide, but what the heck IS there for a 14 year old aside from a birth certificate?

I was so pissed off for awhile I thought my god, I’m like bathing my whole body in nasty biochemical, this can’t be healthy for any part of me.

I keep telling myself, just “let reality be.” Let it be! Watch it with interest. Let it flow through you. Assume the best. Know it will work out ok. Know there may be reasons this is a mere side-effect for, that this happens and it’s all for the best. BREATHE!

Maybe Type-A people just aren’t designed to ever become enlightened. Whatever that is.

Reminds me, I’d blogged this: I had

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at The Evolution of the Prole

Tarot Eight 8 of Disks (Prudence)

Thoth Tarot Eight of Disks (Prudence)

A man sat at the end of the table, writing something. He was alone in the room. I went to behind him and looked at what he was doing. It looked like an old fashioned ledger, in writing I could barely read. It occurred to me this was not an ordinary archmed; he hadn’t even noticed me. I felt a sense of humor and ‘relaxed’ difficult to describe.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Tarot Eight 8 of Disks (Prudence)

Daily Tidbits of Time and Psi

I had a long sweet talk with my chakras. I told them how much I loved them, and needed them, and wanted us to be intimate, and wanted us to enrich each other, and wanted the energy of each to help the others. I spent time just working to breathe more love and life into them. I spent extra time with my crown chakra, who really suffered, although all of them did, for so many years, with the heavy thick wet darkness I could feel over my crown, and the chronic helpless rage of my life. I felt so in love with them, so in love with myself, with the parts of me that were them, by the time I was through. I hope it has some good effect. And then —

Beneath my normal vision, I was standing in a room of brown and gold. I realized it, then decided to pay attention to it, and I shifted my attention and focused “through the part of me that was there” is one way to put it.

I was in a room square but just a bit rectangular, I’m guessing maybe 25′ feet diameter. The ceiling was really high, like 3x what would be normal. The light in it was so gold, so beautiful.

The overwhelming color was many shades of brown and some tan, and I looked at shelves of books all around, a brown dominance of their spine colors, that reached all the way to the 30 foot

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Daily Tidbits of Time and Psi

Lines of Power

So I brought up, first, the ‘bad guy’. I asked him why he did that to us, and he said that my behavior forced that. As if I had misbehaved. A little more conversation made it clear that he felt intensely threatened by the ‘assimilation of energy and identity’ that I’ve been doing for a long time now, and these were fairly major components that I had not yet absorbed yet, so he was making sure that could not happen.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Lines of Power

Pieces of 8

I continue to not get to the 8 of Disks meditation.

In line with my groovy sense of mellow lately though, I no longer care very much. :-)

Starting to feel now, that what matters is that I am consistently meditating, touching base with some part of me. That what needs to happen can, then. That there is a larger pattern of growth that will occur somewhat naturally. As if my intellectual obsession with various topics, tarot, etc. for meditation is fine, but that it is not appropriate for me to make this the “only” meditation I am doing.

That there are other things that IG will naturally address, needs to. That there are things based on my meditations that need to be addressed as well.

That every day is a series of flux, of the changes and impressions and energies of the day before, the day after that hasn’t happened yet, the experiences of both. As if I am a ‘moving point of present’ that is as much created from the near future as from the near past.

I have this sense as if… as if some part of my brain, very subtly, is starting to pick up the x-ray impression of “a larger pattern.” And it seems like all my logic about my life, about my meditation, about everything really, has been completely oblivious to this larger pattern. It has influenced me hugely, sometimes been the driving force or direction, but I always thought it was my whim,

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Pieces of 8