I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.

-- on Inner Guide #4, 2012. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

A Talk With the Oracle

I had been watching “universe” videos on youtube before I fell asleep — they give me eye strain and knock me out, but they’re lovely. Actually prior to that I was watching the first episode of “The Event” on hulu.com but about halfway through I thought, you know, this suspense, where is my focus? I felt like at that moment, my focus needed to be on something more positive and more personal. I could finish watching that later. So I shifted to ‘the power of 10′ on youtube and it turns out there have been other videos made with the same name that are not the same as the original video that did that, but they are all kinda cool. Then I watched some galaxy vids and a hubble universe vid and passed out.

Happily, though. I felt peaceful and it was very nice. This morning I found a couple of pics I would love to get in framed photo or poster form. check these out! I was looking, in specific, for pictures of our galaxy and solar system. These are the faves I found:






I had the first lucid dream I’ve had in a long time last night. Although this was nightly–and easily intentional if I chose–as a child, it got suddenly rare around age 18 when I realized it wasn’t normal for everyone else, and has gotten more rare as I have aged.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at A Talk With the Oracle

Anger is a Wound

I forgot to add that in a post recently, as something I was told. With this came the understanding that most energies can manifest in different forms: as nouns or verbs, you might say. They can be an object or a ‘thing’, e.g. a broken leg, or an event or an ‘experience’, e.g. a car accident.

Anger is a wound, I was told specifically; it is the same energy, just not as solidified and longer-manifested.


I’ve had such a negative cycle the last few days. As if I acquired some real cynic energy.

It started when I was reading this post about the Mantis. I might add that having met them repeatedly back in the Bewilderness days, I haven’t the slightest questioning of their reality. I was delighted to see that post which gave me a different perspective on what I had assumed was PK but might actually just be a sound tech instead. Never thought of that.

Well I got to thinking about these creatures later on and I got very negative about it. They’ve been nothing but good to me at least in what I remember, so why I got so negative I’m not sure. I was thinking about the state of our world, and thinking that if they’re management responsible for this big freaking mess we call consensus reality, then their intentions for my species are seriously in question. Maybe we make better harmless cows if we’re busy trying to kill each other, and

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Anger is a Wound

Archmed: New Understandings

What I’m getting to is that it is, in this philosophy, impossible for any given thing NOT to be a great deal ‘more’ than the form that our eyes and fingers perceive. When I saw the overly tall people creating the sphinx at a dream-level once, I didn’t understand how spirit could be found in something made of stone. And the Four asked me, if it can be in a being of bone, why not in one of stone? And I felt that bone and stone were a lot alike at that moment, and that my assumptions about what spirit could be part of were incredibly limited.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Archmed: New Understandings

Growth and Happiness

My best friend says he thinks spiritual seeking and meditating ought to make a person more peaceful or something. That seems reasonable and right to me.

In some respects I feel vastly more grounded, more solid in areas I can only call honor and integrity and recognition for all life, closer to God and ‘divinity’, and other things I don’t even have words for.

On the other hand, I feel pretty regularly like all that I know, all that I am, has just had its ass kicked and its fallen to pieces and I have to reassemble myself again. This has a ‘stress’ response.

And an increase ‘resistance’ response to every other change, even of-mind, no matter how small. Then I feel better but I do more meditating and then it starts over again.

Stress = others perceiving you as unhappy. You are not relaxed, not happy go lucky, not as easy to laughter, not as patient or tolerant.

So they wanna know, if you’re doing all this work on yourself, why don’t you seem happy instead of stressed?

I don’t know. I don’t know how to merge my actual experience, with the idea that personal growth should make us all happier.

I’m tempted to think that Jungian explorers, shamans and the like, on the “personal individuation” path, might have as much constant shattering of identity for larger rebuilds, etc. as anything. It’s not quite the same as sitting around meditating on nothingness.


I’ve known a couple people when

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Growth and Happiness

Body of Stars

Which brings me to the rather obvious question:

What the hell are Venus and Mars doing in my ankles? Were they invited? Is that the only place they are? (I get inside me: “No. All the solar system energy is found throughout your body, in differing combinations.”)

Am I going to find Jupiter in my hips or the Sun in my eyes? (“The Sun in your eyes: actually, yes.”)

What about asteroids and distant stars, are they in me somewhere too? (“Yes. Everything. The universes composes you the way your Aeons compose you.”)

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Body of Stars

Identity as a Canvas

I had a ‘sponsored realization’ as I call them, during one of those tiny ‘conversational’ events lately, one of the incredibly rapid interactions that I tend to realize just after they’ve finished. I don’t remember the details, only the end result in concept.

I wonder if this also applies to all of reality as we know it, but I find the idea so disturbing I will assume not.

It does sort of relate to the subjective reality idea, but far too literally I think!

It related to what is really going on when I communicate with a Larger, an Aeon, the Four, whatever. It’s not… it’s not what I think it is, or how I have thought of it. It is wholly subjective. Wait, let me articulate it better.

Let us say that me and Nero are having a conversation, doesn’t matter about what. Then maybe we did a breathing exercise together. That essentially is just an ‘energetic event’ in objective terms.

In other words, to him, we did not have that conversation. But that energy, that attention, that relationship, that interaction, that energy, it is part of something that is part of both of us, that we share, although we each experience it our own way.

Now in his life, it might result in him having a conversation with me, at some other time, but a completely different one. It might merely blend into his dreams or his life in some other way.

The relationship is real, the energy

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Identity as a Canvas

Patch Pain

The corp I work for does software updates and for small ones we call it ‘patching’. Sometimes there are side effects. Like exposing issues we didn’t see till then. Patch pain keeps us scrambling. I think maybe this same dynamic happens on other levels too.

The ‘Largers’ as I’m calling them (for lack of any more intelligent term to describe them) are like a soul patch, I think. I’ve asked them what the hell is going on with me since I met them. They tell me that if you even slightly increase the amount of overall energy you’re actively connected with, it intensifies everything. As if that is an answer, I thought … then after awhile I decided it was.

This reminds me of a comment I read, something about how when the light of the divine shines through a person, it highlights all patterns… not just the good ones.

I have just been weird for days. I’m sleeping more than seems humanly possible, and outside work that’s almost all I do. I’ve had so much inflammation it’s crazy, body-wide, and I did a lot of trying to figure out what food was causing this but there really wasn’t anything that should have that effect, and certainly not to that degree. And while many of these symptoms are not too unusual for fluctuating hormones or food intake, it just feels different (and isn’t that time).

My body feels completely weird in various ways I have never felt before. Too many

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Patch Pain

MMoRPG Goes Cosmic

I was watching people at this one point of time and space. As if … I think “Akashic Record” is the only term for this, as it was so much more than just visual or conceptual. There were a bazillion options but I had already streamlined everything down to what was, in general, one line of probability you might say. Like if you imagine that any event has a zillion probabilities inherent in its rollout, I had chosen or got it down to, in general, a very small set, and so using those as the parameters for what filtered into the view, I was watching the overall time period, and location area, and identity group — I mean the people who were part of all this.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at MMoRPG Goes Cosmic

Stuff I thought others might like

I’m way behind on links I wanted to look at. Here’s about 10% of what I went through, which I thought were cool and friends of mine might really like some of this.

OK this is amazing. Animal photos — from inside the womb…

This could have an interesting effect on remote viewing accuracy

Tell me photography has not come a long way. This is astounding (and not even the highest-rez, this is downsampled for flash).

Speaking of photos, there are some really fab ones linked to from this page, scroll down for thumbnails and links

I saw this reference: “…Max Tegmark’s recent conjecture that our universe is not just described by math, it IS mathematics.” Yeah. Well I basically said that on my metaphysical blog already, but famous mathematicians did not quote me on it.

LD got an iPhone4 and was astounded that googlemaps literally showed him the part of his house he was standing in. This video made me laugh out loud and think of him.

Tell me this doesn’t look like a pot going to a full boil. It makes you wonder if in other dimensions, “the opening of a walmart or sam’s club” literally be only a ‘bubble of energy’ for a moment.

This is a weirdness that to me, is similar, though in ‘space not time’

Speaking of patterns that make you go “hmmm”

I really dislike

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Stuff I thought others might like

Learning to Pray and to Be

My prayers about dealing with the sense of ‘internal exhaustion’ apparently went well. I felt vastly better the next day, and over the next few, it seemed to just heal more and more.

Maybe not coincidentally, for a few days I haven’t really been able to DO anything metaphysically. I wanted to. I got so frustrated at the weird sense of “can’t get there from here” that I was having when I began anything, that I made a list on paper, and I made a point to work on something several times a day, and at the end of every day, I had accomplished… close to zero.

It wasn’t that I was avoiding it although there was some sense of that, but not the normal kind. It was as if that whole part of me was closed off with an “under construction: coming soon to a soul near you” sign or something. Can’t say I remember ever having that feeling before.

But this morning it seemed to be open for business again, better than ever. While still half asleep, my first real thoughts of the day were: Dear God… thank you for my life. Thank you for this amazing game. And I talked to the light-being that wears my body like a suit, as I see it in other people, and I talked with Inner Guide.

Then I talked with a Tek and promptly did a health meditation. They are generally ‘cleansing visualizations’ except they tend to be pretty gross,

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Learning to Pray and to Be

Higher Selves… so much for angels

When I once perceived ‘via’ IG in tiny part briefly, I got very clearly that she is “of the Angelic realm”. And while I have no idea what her relationship is with me in terms of some boring Urantia- or Talmud- style heirarchy of X begat Y, it seemed reasonable to me that maybe she is my higher self in some fashion. And maybe she is, who knows.

But then again… maybe that is WAY higher. Or of some different nature.

After this morning’s meditation, I’m thinking that maybe some… ‘more complex’ selves come through just as normally as the… um, ‘composing’ selves of Aeons do.

If the Consortium composes me and they are Aeons, what would I call those whom I am part of the composition of, in turn? I have no idea.

I remembered my recent 2 meditations with finding and restoring Nero. I remembered this lovely framed poster I got from my best friend for my birthday, one of Michael Parkes’s beautiful art works, which I’d never seen large enough or close enough to realize that at the edge is a contained waterfall, similar to the symbolism from those meds.

I recalled that during a med, I had the sudden realization: I am the Aeon to my higher selves, and they are trying to reach me, as I am trying to reach Nero. Or something that translated to that.


I had the feeling that the big guy-creature I recently was introduced to by IG, MondnoM (that

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Higher Selves… so much for angels

Genesis via Teen

So I’m talking to the kid and we’re snuggled in my bed next to each other.

“It’s like Genesis,” I say, explaining a point. “It says, ‘In the beginning was the word. And the word was God, and the word was with God.’ See, this is ‘duality': if something is WITH you, it must be separate from you.”

She thinks about this for a long minute and then says,

“So which word was it?”