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My recent experience, and my surprise at the Tarot, the Aeons, the Four, turning out to be more literal a cosmology than I had previously grokked, has got me thinking about history, and how humans have interpreted things. … I guess I just feel like I don’t want to follow someone else’s paint-by-number plan. I have enough issues with letting go of structures and expectations so IG can work with me in a larger way. Read the full article at Mythology 
So, because I want to demonstrate my dedication to intuitive knowledge and guidance (in the hopes it will bring me more), I am doing this as my very next meditation. I got all ready and promptly passed out. No denial here… I stood at the top and asked ‘the world’ around me at large, Where can I find the energy of the Queen of Wands? to be told, On the Throne, of course! I rejected this initially. It’s an archetype, it’s cosmology, whatever that energy is, it isn’t what is shown on the card, or maybe it is in some fashion, but archmeds are seldom literal. Almost never in fact, with ‘almost’ thrown in. Then I thought, Maybe I am in the tarot world, like a couple previous meds, in which case, of course she is the Queen here. And then I thought, or someone inside me thought I am not sure which, Why have a validation-argument about it? You asked, you got an answer, you’re supposed to go with it. Why do this if you won’t let it happen? Is the problem that it seems ‘predictable’? Had it been something bizarre and offbeat, would that have made it ok? … Her left shoulder, from the neck to down the side, seemed to have some kind of problem. Something that seemed like it had a big partial wing, plus a big stick or sword or both, stuck out, and something I could only call ‘chaos’. I had the sense that the various stuff I perceived was reflecting the four major suits of the tarot and the four major elements at the same time. I gently laid her on a table of light and then I felt from inside me, I wasn’t sure if it was a reminder or a memory, separate the primary from the relationship, and I remembered the meditation on ‘my worst enemy’ where I learned about that. So I focused for a moment on feeling these things separate inside me and in my perception, and then I looked down at her, and could see the ‘light being’ versus the ‘everything else’. The solar body, someone said inside me, I think the 3rd. Read the full article at Tarot Queen of Wands I redesigned the blog. Reading stuff on black was killing me. And I was sick of the top graphic. And I wanted something more geared to all the stuff I’ve been doing the last nine months. So I believe it’s been suggested I meditate on two things recently. One, came as an instruction: Do a filter-search for the archetype of all the sleep that you’ve missed. Humorously, despite that I have used standard archetype meditation work to address all kinds of obscure and abstracted personal things over the years, I would never have thought of making that an archetype, or that one even could. Well hang on, I know one could, but what I’m not clear on is whether there would be any point to it. Separately, I heard myself say, in a rather altered state of mind during a meditation, that I really wanted the Queen of Wands. It reminded me a little of how I felt when the Four expanded the palisade to a whole castle in my inner space years ago, and asked me what I wanted, and I heard myself pleading for them to bring the 3rd to me, that I loved and missed him so, and it was as if some deeper or larger part of me was talking, not the me that wears my name. It felt like a me that is hard to explain but I associate with that ‘perspective’ of me. That seems like an indicator I should meditate on that. Terrifying. Read the full article at Misc. Chatting 
… but aside from that I also felt that there had to be some positive angle on it somewhere. So I googled. Found a whole bunch of pages telling me there is no positive angle on it anywhere, haha. But I find it difficult to believe that dividing the entire universe into a mere 78 cards–which surely puts a fairly massive amount of energy in each category–would leave anything with that small a conglomerate and focus. So far, every “sense” of a card I have gotten has been very deep, particularly since I started this series just recently. As if there is actually a much larger spectrum of reality and … profundity?… that each covers, than our neat little organized charts of tarot lists or astrology references cover. It has greatly increased my respect for the Tarot on many levels. … I felt fed up. I said, You know what? I don’t need to dirk around about begging to integrate some tiny piece of you. You are ALREADY in me and I am ALREADY in you and we are both distributed throughout this local universe! We are already one! So I’m just going to be AWARE of that and make it so! And I imagined that I spanned a huge conglomerate of stars, and some of it (the tarot energy-identity) was everywhere just like some of everything was everywhere, and I “accepted the awareness of that unto me.” And then I got the rushing of merge. So … apparently that worked. … I felt, through much of this, that I was having a hard time with ‘belief systems’ bizarrely enough, with suspension of disbelief, with allowing. I don’t know why, that seems silly. The realization that there is really no way for anything to BE separate from me — I can merely resist awareness of this, but that is not changing the fundamental nature of things — seems like an important shift in my thinking. Read the full article at Tarot Five 5 of Disks (Worry) I found this in draft mode from 12/31/2009. I thought I would go ahead and post it. I was thinking about something at work. Allegedly (…according to others) I have a ‘strong positive reputation’ with a few other business groups due to my previous work with a certain product line. And yet I was feeling like that was almost unfair, because I did in my opinion poorly at something else since then. I thought, maybe it’s a matter of everybody expecting their imperfections to catch up with them. But then I thought, no, it’s more than that. I mean, the good stuff was true. No problem. The assumption was that the bad stuff elsewhere “should” matter. Why, I asked myself, should it matter? Since when does the universe itself have some moral obligation to be ever on the lookout for your smallest flaw, lurking around every moment of laziness or apathy you may display, so that it can pounce on you, taking away your admittedly good things, harming someone’s image of you who sees only good? Who says that every blurred line and fracture in the edges of the picture-of-me “should” be expected to be hunted for, dug out, and used to harm me in other ways or contexts? It occurred to me that not only have I internalized some of the negative voices from my childhood, but a great deal of how I have unthinkingly assumed on reality, my expectations I guess, treat “the universe” as if it IS Read the full article at Inherent Enemies I found this in draft mode from 12/23/2009. Thought I would publish it even though it just makes me sound like a retard. draft was: I have repeatedly been encountering something in both dream and meditative not-sleep states and instantly forgetting it. Geez it bugs me when that happens. It means that I am not ok with it. Usually the first thing that helps me start getting enough brain-handle on something is to give it a label or name. Even if it’s not accurate, it still puts it in the logical-mind category, which ties into some kind of existing belief system or at least association. It’s a foothold, of sorts. I never remember these moments except when I am abruptly realizing I have just ‘forgotten something’ which is the same thing I have forgotten repeatedly. I’ve been spontaneously thinking more about nature devas lately for some reason. Maybe it relates. Because early this morning, for just an instant, I realized the thing I was observing, with some level of my mind, was the thing I’ve forgotten innumerable times, and just before my brain “closed down and shut it out”, someone in my head yelled, SPRITES! – as their label. That’s what they are, the things I keep perceiving and closing down. I mean they yelled it at me quickly like to make sure I heard it! Now I know why I had the odd niggling Deja Vu recently during that movie Avatar in 3D. (You MUST go see that — Read the full article at Sprites Good grief. I haven’t been able to sleep for hours. I almost get there. But the minute I let go and am blissfully in sleep, some kind of “information” will pop into me so strongly that it wakes me up again. I have felt this related to the 4 of Disks meditation, but also to the official apology-fest I had (later, after I was done blogging) with ACKRCK and what might be BUSM his feminine aspect, but I might have distorted that name (– er, name? acronym? or…?) info coming through. The problem is the moment it did I had a memory flash, at work I had this product that was the same acronym except a different letter at the end instead of an M, and then I instantly felt some part of my brain must have made it all up, and then I instantly rejected it. Sigh. It came back, not the same info but the nagging-reminder of my doing that, later. You know for some reason I would have expected ‘her’ name to be… more similar to his since she is part of him. Also I notice I have now ‘rejected her’ – twice. On realizing that, it occurred to me that perhaps the reason there seems gender involved is because she is more the receiving side and he the projective or something. The Narrator once told me that I have serious issues with receiving, with allowing myself vulnerability, to the degree that this trait has caused my Read the full article at Cards Don’t Sleep 
I was suddenly reminded of ACKRCK and his feminine, as if they were ‘there’, and my closed-eyes were filled with that cobalt blue that the ajna chakra gives you. I felt affectionate about them. …. A bit later, I decided there was just way too darn much sound in my head. Noise but without any specific, for the most part. There was a very mild chaos in my head. There is overstimulation in that part of the body, someone inside of me responded, and I felt this was an analogy to a previous explanation about this happening with the forehead chakra except this was the throat chakra. … I dreamed like crazy. Totally related to all this. I don’t remember most of them. I do remember the last part though. I had been attacked. Not severely, just a little, but I think it was my chakras, that were explaining to me what had just occurred. I think the throat and forehead chakras. The word ‘Archon’ was actually used! I’ve only seen that ref’d in those gnostic things, apparently that’s like the dark side, or something like that, I’m not clear on it, and frankly not interested at all so haven’t bothered to learn more. There was this sense that it had only affected me a little, that it had been able to ‘get in’ to a part of me before getting kicked out. The part in question was just down from my ears, all the way across, the upper throat and glands area, and I could feel that it had been ‘impacted’ and that were it more severe, I would have woken up ill in that area. … I went back into med with IG and asked for this as an archetype as a person and he and I talked for a bit. We traded energy, but I got no merge. I hugged him tightly and felt love, but got no merge. Then I felt playful and irreverent, and I said to him, “How about we just become part of each other and then ‘dance’ through the stars?” And I imagined us laughing and flinging-out through the universe and got a major rush THEN, and we did that for awhile, and then I was done. I was sitting quietly when done and started falling asleep when the word RUACH awakened me as if it were ‘spoken through me’, my whole body. Not the audible sound — hard to describe, but the ‘understanding of it as that-thing’ of that word was an inherent part of it. I don’t even know what that is but I think it is some standard word in the occult, I know I’ve heard of it. Hang on… ok, google tells me it is ‘wind’ or ‘spirit’ and is also used, sometimes in conjunction with another word, to refer to the holy spirit. Read the full article at Tarot Four 4 of Disks “Power” I finally got off my butt and at least made the ABOUT page for this blog. Sheesh!! http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/about/ Trying to summarize my entire history and person that led up to this, and what it’s about, wasn’t easy. I also made one for figures (tables, diagrams, sketches or miscellany). http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/figures/ I’m working on figuring out how to write the code to dump the posts for the site into a sort-by-column table, as a better Archives page. I still have all the other pages to do, but I gotta go get a life for awhile. P Rereading the blog recently. That means remembering things I have completely forgotten as if they never happened (every single time I read it. The SAME things, repeatedly). I was working with the Aeons doing focus meds. I got to two (of twelve). Then I forgot. I was working with each Aeon doing at least something, uncompleted. Then I forgot. I realized the blog design isn’t even finished. And I’m here all the time! But I forgot. Then I realized the ‘pages’ listed at the top of the blog? I never put any content in them. Yes, it’s true, the topmost, main 9 links on my website lead to BLANK PAGES. Oh, except one with the blog boilerplate sentence. … I forgot. For godssakes! Then I remembered that not only had I totally insulted ACKRCK and his feminine-half by refusing to blog our last discussion– actually, ANY of a few of them– but I had promised to come back to them and of course, never did. I forgot. I have dozens of meditations that specifically need more work and I told the archetype we would work together again. But I forgot. The only thing I can hold onto is what I write down. This doesn’t keep it in my head, so I reread regularly and am always astounded and thinking, “Hey wait, that thing seems important / useful / good advice, and I forgot! Don’t forget that again.” Of course I do. *** I think I need to treat this like Read the full article at Making Space As far as I know, I’m the only person to talk about Aeons as identities, and the way that I have. Except that Apocryphon stuff I linked to previously and that was nearly 2000 years ago. And doesn’t make sense for this unless you use the “it’s secret code about metaphysical evolution, not Jesus” approach of the other link I referenced. This has made my left-brain and ego feel… lonely and insecure and more than a little probably-you’re-just-crazy. I think my Aeons, in a somewhat shallower form, are what Steinbrecher was calling “House Guides”. He told everyone to stay the hell away from them because they weren’t Inner Guide, as if there could only be one Deity and if it wasn’t gonna be Jesus it was gonna be Inner Guide apparently — I feel he kind of came up with his own path that he unfortunately made a bit into a doctrine. He dissed Seth/Jane Roberts at length in his book about this. As if she ever said Seth was IG. As if he needed to be. As if he wasn’t invaluable as he was. As if IG is the only possible source of anything that might be of value. Probably some Steinbrecher fan is going to come along and beat me up for this, or some Gnostic fan of the Aeons that has been lurking in the binary, but oh well. As promised in a previous post… here is ‘how I got here from there’: 1. Steinbrecher called Seth, Read the full article at Mapping my 12 Aeons to the 12 Astrological Houses, an experiment The universe is MOCKING me. Yes, it is laughing that, “Oh you thought you were soooo smart,” smarmy laugh. For 15 years I ignored Steinbrecher’s advice and ignored Tarot. Because it’s just “not my thing!” And just recently I got dumped into it headfirst and now am torn between astounded near-worship of all these pie-slices-of-universe-energy I thought were just cards, and exasperation that this is a frakkin lot of meditation for someone who’s lucky to do it weekly except once or twice a year. I also pointedly avoided his focus with Astrology. It is not my thing! I did a few planets. Sure, they were cool. Big deal. But today all these wandering scout-ants roving about my brain apparently had the same idea at the same time and they each brought their idea-luggage and sat down and had a convention. And before I knew it, my whole perspective on Astrology and its relationship to the work I do had changed as radically as Tarot recently did. I thought they were both just “someone’s models” and I’ve avoided divinatory arts all my life (remote viewing is a weird anomaly for me). And my focus is really on development of self, without any particular model aside from very loosely — barely at all now — the Jungian style, Inner Guide model, active visualization approach. OK let me go back just a little so I can explain how it all ran together in my head. I was reviewing the old gnostic page I Read the full article at Astrology, Aeons, and Steinbrecher’s Lament |
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