I have never felt so clueless and out of my depth as I did in a recent meditation with Inner Guide. She was the greatest, of course, as always. But I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do. Following on the recent insight about my belief systems drastically scaling down our potential together, I relaxed and told her I wanted to do “whatever she wanted”. Which I did assume at the least was not whatever we were doing before (mostly, archetype meditations). I worked on various visualizations and concept of relaxing and opening and letting go, and prayed to a small pantheon of deities for help in the matter.

I find that the less I know what to expect, the more my mind tries desperately to work out some rational expectation, or a scale model of probability options. Kind of explains why doubleblind remote viewing can be such a bother, working to accept impressions but working to not let the mind ‘build anything’ out of it, any expectations or assumptions. Which it does, no matter what. The mind hates those kinds of voids. Altered states often help simply because the lizard-brain seems to be more relaxed. Of course then you’re too stupid to even ask about the obvious. You spend half the time working against your mind’s desire to leap into assumption while trying to work with your mind ‘allowing and accepting’ even the most subtle and nebulous of impressions while trying to be open to emotional, aesthetic, symbolic, abstracted, physiological, psychological, visual, audio, kinesthetic, or ‘other’ information, and then get that through the left brain and write down the translation. I don’t know why I love RV since in rare moments of rational candor I have to admit it must be masochism. Still, if it were easy, everybody would do it, as the saying goes…

So I sat here ‘working on being open’ and waiting for Inner Guide to… I didn’t know what. Do something? Say something? Show me something? My mind wandered a couple times and I brought it home. Relaaaaaaaaaax.

Then she opened this door above the ground opening into it, that led into some tomb it appeared, the door tilted a little like some bomb shelters but a bit larger, you could see it was maybe 8 feet by 4 feet and about 6 feet deep, and literally threw me in it and slammed the door above me and it was dark.

OK … so that was not what I expected, for sure.

I recalled the stories of secret ancient mystics and being ‘buried alive’ in crypts for days. I thought I should lie down, but then I remembered the dirt on the ground and thought, ewww, dirty and bugs maybe. Instantly the whole thing was immaculate and covered with clean white (I felt) satin and pillows no less. I didn’t do that, IG did. I love autonomous stuff. So I laid down and made myself comfortable. Of course this only led to about the same position I was in two minutes before: now what?

I wondered if we might do something akin to the dreamlings. Superfast entire reality experiences that literally manifest like a bubble out of nothingness, go on for a bit interactively, and then unmanifest like a bubble shrinking into nothing again. I had the ‘impression’ I think from her that those only work within some contexts; that when I’m doing archetype work and encounter something with a lot of energy I have to deal with, it’s almost like there are a lot of… you could almost say ‘harmonics’ in the energetic relationship issues and the dreamlings help deal with the chaos of the little pieces and outliers all over the place. But it required a whole lot of energy and at that moment just lying there in the dark that wasn’t the situation.

I did another relaxation series and prayers about being open.

***

Into my mind flashed a dynamic visual, very clear, of a large house with many windows and water was pouring from the whole thing. It had been filled with it as if that were the way it was supposed to be but it leaked terribly out all the windows. I ‘sensed’ this meant something: that this was symbolic of my body, and my energy level, and my health, and an indicator that it wasn’t that my body created not enough energy (as I feel) but more that in various ways, I was ‘losing’ it in a big way. The visual and concept vanished. I felt alone with my thoughts suddenly, as if I hadn’t been alone a moment before. And what does that mean, I wondered? I felt the windows pouring out the water had a meaning; it wasn’t pouring out everywhere, only from there. I had the feeling the windows were specific parts of me and that was the issue.

I laid there in the dark. Warm merge-shivers began sliding up my brain stem. I have no idea why from below my neck to lower inside of head is the most active place for me energetically but so far it seems to be. I let it happen, happily, it feels so nice. My attention was on my neck, or rather, on the part of the spine that the crown chakra once told me it was part of — it extends down to the top edge of the heart’s range — and then suddenly another strong visual came, and briefly I saw as if a medical diagram of a spinal column from the side, but then a close up, with a turning in visual perspective, of this large dark circular opening. I clearly had the impression this was saying: “This is a really big powerful ‘intake’ area you and your world pour energy into.” It seemed to be really literally at the bottom, slightly back, of my neck.

“But the — the chakra, it puts energy out,” I said in confusion. “Not takes it in.” The visual vanished, and shape-based concepts (a bit like Taan’s communications now that I think about it) took over. I can only provide the translation. Something like:

No. You {as in me as an entity, an ‘interface/outlet in this frequency-focus’ you might say) affect the health of the being {as in the chakraic system, but the chakras as individual beings, in specific, and in this case the neck-one in particular} much the way that your food intake affects the health of your body.

I got the understanding — geometrically, and don’t ask me how complex internal dynamic geometry translates to concepts and then words, but it does apparently — that a great deal of our … let’s say energy-body and metaphysical health, has to do with what we ‘feed it’ and that area of the body (and others) was a major doorway. I got that our body’s intake of vision, sound, smell, taste, and actual food/water intake, are all right around a small area and that has a certain meaning of sorts. That these areas are major “intakes” energetically, too, not just in the ways we know of physically. The throat area is *huge* in this regard, by far the most powerful “intake point”, although it fuzzed-out a little to the mid-head and the mid-chest. Like air, I guess. If air carries chi which is energy, then… well I guess that makes some sense, now that I think about it.

I got that the whole body is actually a sort of crude physical ‘model-analogy’ for how the energy body works in some respects. I got that the energy we pull in, moves (mostly downward and out, but a little up too) throughout the body, just like the molecules from food and air do. Nothing was unaffected. There was no way that you could say, take in a a given energy, or experience, and think that it didn’t matter, or that it only mattered to that little part of you.

I had the feeling this directly applied to like, the music and movies we expose ourselves to, the conversations we have. That we think it doesn’t matter that we dwell on the dark side and watch half a season of X-files on netflix or whatever. It does matter. Everything matters. It’s just that we’re too oblivious to see/feel how it matters, and too numb and inured to be sensitive. I know when I am in a highly intuitive mode, I can ‘feel’ classical music inside my body as if it is dancing geometries of colored light. And I can feel rock music assaulting me. Not that this keeps me from listening to rock more than classical most the time mind you.

***

I felt it applied more strongly to the food we ingest, not just in terms of whatever health effects, but because it is an *energy*. I had this overlay concept, where for example, the reason for say, not eating something bad for you wasn’t because of the long list of health things. It was because the relationship our body has with it mirrors the energetic relationship we have with it. So let’s say that I decide to eat, oh I dunno, a cherry danish. The fructose slams into the liver that fights like crazy to make all that into triglycerides at the speed of light and store them in adipose cells. The gluten molecules slip into areas supposed to be offlimits and act like free radicals and embed themselves nastily in things and worse, let a bunch of bystanders in too, and inflammation starts to kick up all over. All the chemical crap that goes into them hits the kidneys in particular, working to process the toxins. The blood glucose rockets, the pancreas kicks in and sends out hormones to get that back in line pronto. Meanwhile an already chronically low-level dehydrated body has had to ‘borrow’ money from systems that don’t even have enough let alone extra, to send to the stomach etc. to ‘deal with’ the digestion.

Now remove for a moment all the medical-moralizing and just look at this as a ‘dynamic’. Essentially, we willingly went and knocked on the door of the local name-your-ethnic mafia, and said, “Hey, how you doing? I was thinking some of your guys could come beat up on my brother, and a few others could go throw bricks through the window where I work, and you might as well increase the crime rate my local law enforcement has to struggle to get under control, and feel welcome to pollute the nearby river while you’re at it. Oh yeah, and while I’m here, here’s my paycheck plus another grand I don’t own but borrowed from somewhere.” Energetically, this is an analogy. The issue is that a given thing if harmful to the body has the same kind of effect on the energy-body. It’s just not as obvious to us. But somehow I’m using all these words and not making the right point. The point isn’t any detail of the effects. The point is that what we intake “unto” us is a relationship. Sometimes, things not so good are ok anyway. Sometimes, things normally considered good are not so ok. The body knows, if we can hear it.

Damn it I am still not getting it! I can’t make the point, it is TRYING to get out of me. Let me try again. As an analogy say you have person X and they are kind of a jerk and they don’t much like you and, when you’re not looking, they often do you harm, either literally or figuratively, physically or socially. This is their nature, and that is your relationship. Now, say you have the situation where you could invite this person to become a part of … your private club or something, or your extended family, or a guest at some function important to you. You could, if you wanted, rationalize that the various “issues” that person acts out against you, are nullified by the situation, in other words they wouldn’t have the opportunity and hence you are ‘safe’ from them. But the issue is not whether or not they can do a specific thing to harm you. The issue is your *relationship* with that energy, as well as its innate character. The right answer is that you would not bring in person X, no way no how. Because fundamentally, their nature and their relationship with you is of wrong-intent; if they are competitive to you or merely abrasive to you even without intent, that energy isn’t going anywhere, and it will find a way to manifest in *any* situation, one way or another.

You cannot escape the nature of a thing; nor the relationship of you and that thing. And sometimes relationships are hard wired; outside of novels like Dune we can’t drink fatal fast poisons and be ok just because we meditated on that. Well our body has a certain nature. And the nature of other things is their own, and the body has a certain relationship with those. I sense we can actually improve this, literally lesson our body’s reaction to some things for example. But still, we exclude personX because they are “not a nice person” — because our energies are not suited and theirs is damaging to ours.

In other words it is PERSONAL. This is something we take very im-personally. To us, food is an inanimate object. Like the car and the couch, it isn’t personalized. But to the body and energy body, it IS personal. Very much so.

All those food descriptions above. It’s like taking on a small entity that breaks into Legion of gremlins inside you. You don’t eat better only because of the food; but because energetically you are constantly dealing with the gremlins. It affects resources for dealing with everything else. It’s a slow aggravating drain system-wide, psychically not just physically.

***

Then there was a sort of “digression-sideways” into a more personalized example. I got that my tendency to seriously overuse my mind and my eyes in computer stuff, is not something that doesn’t matter. It’s not something that only affects my eyes, like I’ve assumed. It puts a burden on the entire system. There was a subtle thread in there that again reminded me that we were talking, with chakras, about Beings. Thought of in that light, that your physical stuff is affecting your metaphysical stuff, and that your physical energy intake/output is affecting the chakra of that area, then it becomes almost an issue of… well, of being inconsiderate at best although this is the wrong word. There is no… no ‘should’ or ‘guilt’ involved here but our language is designed with that baggage. It’s like leaning hard on a friend or employee to step up during a deadline crisis. The problem is, the crisis never ends, the thanks and time off never comes, and eventually fatigue — and ‘attention drifting’ — sets in on their part. This is my own bad analogy but it’s the best I can do here. I understood the point was that I am over-taxing (and under-appreciating) myself and that it would be good for my entire body and energy symbiotes, as I might as well call chakras, if I were to take a day or most of it off once in awhile, and go do something very different, and stay away from the computer/eyes stuff.

I had the sense that this energy intake, and flow-through, was a cycle, like tides. And if you wanted to improve your overall energy health you had to keep at it consistently for awhile, because it’s like each cycle ‘slightly’ improves the state of things, and it takes awhile to gradually clean things up. I guess that makes sense, if we could at a whim affect ourselves as ‘completely and powerfully’ as we want, on bad days we’d have off’d ourselves long ago.

The whole shapes-discussion/environment disappeared. I was sitting up now (as I was sitting on my bed) in the dark tomb again.

***

A creature appeared in front of me. It was mostly-sitting.. sort of. It was… ok I don’t know what the heck it was. It was about 3.5 feet tall. It had no hair. It had long fingers with pointy nails. It was medium-tone skin-colored and had large eyes. It sat about four feet in front of me and looked at me. I looked at it. We just sat there looking at each other. I could feel a sort of fear inside me. Like a very mild panic, labeled ‘much resistance’, that I was trying to pretend didn’t exist.

I asked IG if he was ok. Yes. “What do I do with it?” I asked. You’ll have to work that out on your own, she said. Oh great, I rolled my eyes to myself. She hardly ever talks and when she does, it’s to tell me she won’t help!

“Are you here to … to … work with me on something?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes,” it says. And I heard that plainly — well, the in your head sort of pseudo-hearing — but then I felt all the walls inside me slam into place. Much like my outer guides of a dozen years ago, I could see his mouth moving, but couldn’t ‘hear’ a sound. “Hang on,” I told him apologetically. “Let me work on this.” I did some prayer, and some visualization, some intentional relaxing, to be open to whatever he wanted to say to me.

“…your difficulty with accepting things new or different,” I suddenly heard as he finished, as if it was my problem I hadn’t heard the first 80% of that, not his, and he hadn’t stopped for me. I studied the impression of him a bit. He wasn’t angelic. He wasn’t part of me. He wasn’t bad, either. He just ‘was’. Much like other people except maybe moreso. He didn’t owe me anything. He didn’t have any particular ‘reason’ that I knew of to be kind to me. Perhaps he had agreed with IG to talk to me, is all.

I recalled that this message about my resistance had just visited not long ago, and tried to remember where or when. I think I blogged it. Nothing but a vague concept-memory remains in me. My reaction to the creature sitting with me was enough evidence that this was a valid point. I mean if you can’t even perceive a seemingly harmless, at least nonthreatening, small friendly creature, who is doing nothing to you, without feeling your gut tighten and your defenses slam up, well …. no point in arguing my resistance.

I got distracted and forgot he existed for some time. Then suddenly, like a minor intrusion, I “saw” him again, right there in front of me, right where he’d been before. Wow I had really tuned him out. After another half a minute of attempting to communicate with him, I spaced out again. When suddenly, a bit later, he ‘appeared’ in front of me, I understood that he had not GONE anywhere. It’s like hypnotically-suggested blindness. I just didn’t SEE. This happened several times. Then he said, “Let’s go.”

He held out his hand. I put my hand in his and allowed myself to truly relax and ‘allow’ whatever.

***

And we were in a city. A big metropolis. The sun was setting gold in the distance and the buildings were a beautiful wash of the spectrum of browns and blues and creams and more. It looked like a really well done HDR photograph, except live in person. (I wondered if that meant that my attention was more fully focused ‘there’. This reality can seem more dull and pale and fuzzy, vs. more amazingly clear and vivid and rich, too.)

“Wow. I — well I didn’t expect a city,” I said. I don’t know why, and I had the feeling this was definitely not my world, though very like it in some respects, but for some reason I guess if you meet a freaky creature you don’t expect them to take you to Chicago or whatever, if you see what I mean. So much for the cosmic, heh. I saw that there were people around us, not many but some. We were standing on a pathway through lawn that seemed to go on a long way each direction. Trees were all around, a street was not far away, and behind us was something like parkland. “There are people here!” I exclaimed to him. “What — should I DO something?” “Interact with them,” he suggested, and then stepped back as if to observe me.

A woman was jogging. Somehow her movement seemed more fluid, more graceful, her body more lithe, and every visual and other sense more… I don’t know, more clean, more pure, just better than my normal experience. “Hello!” I said as she neared me, and smiled. She smiled and said, “Do you have the time?” I realized a wristwatch had just appeared on me and I looked at it and said, “A few minutes after seven,” smiling again, and she thanked me and ran past. I did a double-take as she passed me, and turned to watch her go, bewildered. It was like there was her body, ok, and then there was the back of her body, and the ‘interface’ between body and whatever else was a little bit… chaotic in a way hard to describe, and then there was this whole, like… you could say energy field. But it wasn’t like, all nice and neat and smooth, some matrix of light as we think of such things. It was like a whole variety of… of ‘stuff’, of various forms and kinks and patterns and more, all blended and were sort of “streaming out of the back of her,” from her head to her feet. I could tell there must be some third eye chakra going on with me because there was a quality that I only get with that, which is that even though I am only ‘seeing’ something, I innately ‘know and feel’ qualities that aren’t visual at all, like shapes and density and texture and more.

I was distracted by a man who was walking a little past me diagonally, behind me on the grass. I turned to him as he neared me. “Do you know the way to ___?” he said, which was clear when he said it but I can’t remember now. I shrugged and put out my palms helplessly. “I’m so sorry!” I said. “I don’t.” I smiled as big as I could. He smiled back, and kept walking, and I turned to watch him. He, too, had the same kind of thing. All kinds of “energy stuff” “hanging out of him” in the back. Very colorful and chaotic. His seemed almost like bright colorful super thin cotton scarves all sort of wadded up chaotically together and all that ‘falling from the back of’ his head, except like an energy that felt like that. How energy feels like thin soft dry cotton I don’t know. This is my brain on geometry. He had various ‘stuff’ all down the back of him actually.

I turned to the creature. “Why show me this?” I asked curiously. “Is it — ohhhhhh. Do WE have that kind of thing TOO and we just don’t know it?!” I sensed that yes, this IS the whole point. Why he couldn’t just tell me I don’t know, but once I’d seen it in other people I totally ‘got it’. “I wonder what’s in MY back?” I said musing-like to myself, and then in a flash, I saw myself from where he stood, a little behind and to the side of me. “Good GOD!” I yelped in surprise and some horror. There were colors but there was a lot of yucky colors and specifically, there was like a dozen actual hatchets — yes, I mean the smallish old fashioned tool! — buried in me. In the back of the head, neck, shoulders, upper back. As if someone had been throwing a lot of really negative energy my way and it had been hitting me, and I sensed “we are far more vulnerable at the back than front — another analogy to the body” — and I had this overlay of the saying “bury the hatchet” except in this case it was being buried IN ME, which I guess is one way that an enemy can deal with that LOL. I also had the sense this was relatively recent, as if the ‘wounds’ were fresh. None of them went super deeply — but deeply enough.

“TEK!” I bellowed (it always makes me laugh at myself, as if intended-volume has any effect inside your head) and he appeared. “Look at this!” I wailed, and he flashed a medical table for me and I climbed up on it and laid on my stomach. I had the feeling it had been far too long since I’d done work with him and he (like IG, like the Senior) has told me SO PLAINLY that consistency, doing this more often is SO critical… as if I listen. I forced myself to relax and just tuned into whatever he was doing, as he gradually removed all of them from me and then healed the wounds, and then put a sort of protective field around all those areas. “We could send them back to someone… with momentum,” I grinned wickedly at him, but I knew the instant I thought it that HE knew this was wrong, and unless I want a whole ‘nuther archmed on “my worst enemy” I will stay away from that kind of focus. So, almost a bit sadly, I just allowed him to dissolve and improve the energy and then sent it to super deep in the earth below to deal with it.

(I did get, as part of that, the individual of the hatchet-energy I might add, but merely laughed-scoffed that a) he’s that ineffective and b) likely too stupid to have any idea what he’s doing anyway, likely more a subconscious thing, and c) then I was happy to realize that I really don’t have any bad energy in response, aside from the mental attitude, no emotion, nothing strong. I just don’t really care. It’s like mosquitos or something, that is their nature, so you just don’t take it personally, you just move on. So I moved on.)

After awhile I realized I had totally spaced out again, and abruptly realized the creature was still sitting in front of me. I realized that the only reason I had not ‘tuned out’ even more often or more completely, the only reason I was not literally unconscious, was BECAUSE he was so “present” with me — not like an archetype, more like an actual “entity” as our people would call them.

And I’d like to tell you what else happened but I don’t remember any of it. Not a single thing. I recall thinking I should blog that but that’s the extent of my memory alas. I hope to go back to IG shortly here, and regularly from now on, and we’ll see how things go. I thought that maybe she was first attempting to deal with some more mundane and physical things with me, in a way, since a certain degree of health and functionality is probably useful, even needed, for other things. I’m going with the flow, for now.

P