Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.08 So here’s an irony. I found the beginning of my ‘IG meds’ just before work ate my life. Of course, I have no memory of this really… distant and dim at best. If I don’t blog and re-read constantly, until I’ve re-read something several times I can’t retain it and barely remember it even reading it. Once I’ve gone over it a few times, I’m able to retain the pattern. I don’t know if that’s state-specific consciousness or what.
About time I got back to my commitment to IG.
Meditations for the day: IG1,
7dec2010 IG1. > I had an open/incomplete med from two days ago. I asked her for a diff setting so I wouldn’t invalidate myself as I hadn’t been able to ‘feel’ anything in that med and felt I was imagining it all. So I got a different setting. I found myself walking down this corridor with no doors but one at the end and the end was just totally open, and at the end I was about 80 feet above a huge warehouse floor. There were men in hardhats all over but one unusually large (like larger than human) man just near underneath, and a gust of wind blew me out and I imagined ‘floating’ so I landed unhurt right in front of him.
I did all the typical stuff with him but it didn’t change him at all. I did get some rushing out of the water and wind but barely. I talked with him,
Read the full article at MedList 7dec2010
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/medlist-7dec2010/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.07 Following on my discipline thoughts…
I made a new schedule and I’m doing multiple meditations per day. Most are not likely to be real exciting on paper and be brief. Hoping I can blog them superfast too.
I can post one post per meditation or just do a daily and include stuff. I think I’ll do a daily compilation, except if anything specific I want to remember especially crops up I’ll put that in a separate post.
My schedule looks like this, with meditative stuff in brackets:
[Prayer], Work, [IG1], Work, [Rounds], Food, Work, [Integration], Lift1, Cleaning, Food, Art/Science, [IG2], [Largers & Body], Ry time, [Structure Focus], [Issues Focus]. It goes from 6:20am to 10:00pm.
This has to flex based in part on work and the kid. But I figure if I just get through each day with an eye to my goals, best as I can, by the end of the day I’ll probably get to most of it and it’ll be alright. Better than not getting anything done at all, which has been the road lately.
Legend: Rounds=Aeon round. IG1/2 means ‘whatever IG wants’ session. Prayer is always the first thing, to God. Integration means an Aeon Sigil: an attempt to get 2+ Aeons to integrate more. The first up is LaeLee with whom I think I have less integration than any of the Aeons. So I will first work with her and Marcan, whom I know are barely integrated at all, and then move around the
Read the full article at The Plan
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/the-plan/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.06 The largest bulk of serious shamanic or occult or even mystic training for the first years isn’t in visualization, prayer, ceremonial magick, or anything like that. It is in discipline.
Depending on the tradition, the details vary, yet in all, the exercises are often mundane. Get up at dawn and do a ritual to the sun. Do it six times a day. An hour of devotion to Jesus, whatever works for someone. Set a specific time and train yourself to be your own alarm and suddenly remember it at that very moment. (You can teach yourself this through self-hypnosis also. I used to be good at it when younger.) Some disciplines call it things like ‘mindfulness’.
Make commitments to yourself through the day that at a given hour and minute you will do thing-X. It can be as stupid as raising your arms and whispering woot! woot! at your ceiling — the point is, you commit to doing something, you pay attention, and you DO IT. Not a couple minutes later when it’s more convenient. Not earlier to get it done. Not doing something else, or something “close enough or good enough,” or just not doing it.
The letter of the law: have the discipline to command yourself. Reality is only ours to command insofar as we recognize that it is us, and so if you cannot control yourself, that’s the end of it.
There’s a reason self-discipline is in the lead. Many reasons. In the beginning, not just because
Read the full article at Discipline Training
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/discipline-training/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.04 I just understood something. Tied into stuff I’ve so often wondered about. It’s hard to articulate though.
I was thinking of the Captain of the Guard. And how could cells possibly have that kind of life.
And I was thinking of Nero. And how could he be smaller than me, he is at least equal so how is it that he is 1/12 of me, in composing me.
And then I thought of being the 4th of 4, and how all the 4′s aspects are equal–we merely perceive through different ‘facets’ of the jewel you might say, but energy wise, we are all, all of that jewel.
It all just clanged together and I went WOW! I have to write this down before I forget!
I think body cells are NOT tiny lifeforms with all their energy limited to the size of a cell. Yes they’re tiny. Yes they’re lifeforms. But consciousness-wise… well, I’ve been trying to understand all of this in linear space and time. And that’s just not how it works. I’ve thought like, it’s a cell, or a liver, or a leg, so it is precisely that much of me, it’s 2.7 ounces worth of consciousness! haha, or if there are 12 aeons that compose me, they are each exactly 1/12 of my energy, or whatever.
They would be if separate. Not when part of me, though.
But I see now that when part of our body, cells, organs, bones, etc. are part of US,
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.03 I woke up early this morning and remembered what I’d been dreaming.
A man I liked, a handsome man, was my friend, and we were going to do something. He had two other friends also, a married man and woman. They were both overweight, the man huge. We were happy for our plans and we set off.
Another man who looked exactly like him, his identical twin, suddenly showed up. This man was much more extroverted than he was, talkative and outgoing. The brother joined us in our plans. But then when we were about to leave, we couldn’t find our friend. His brother was there insisting that we not look for him and that we just leave. I had the clear feeling that his twin had sabotaged him somehow and wasn’t a good guy.
We were reluctant to leave without our friend, and worried about why he wasn’t there. The woman made some bizarre comment about the baby and I realized she must be pregnant. She’d been too fat for me to tell frankly.
His brother then came back with a boat, insisting that instead of swimming which we had planned, we should ride with him, as we would get there faster. I arranged for the woman to sit in the center backseat, and the man and I to sit on opposite sides of the back of the boat (with our feet in the backseat), to distribute weight. We reluctantly left, the small boat affected by the load of
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I can’t believe I forgot to blog this. Actually it’s probably a sign, things that affect me the most I sometimes ‘deny’ until I’ve conveniently forgotten them. This qualifies as one of the weirder things in my recent life, although it’s not that big a deal.
I mentioned that since meeting the Largers, my sex drive tripled. At least. At this rate I’m going to single-handedly keep Panasonic in business. I mean seriously, for several days straight, it was pretty much insane. All day. Like nothing really quenched it for more than an hour or two. Damn, if only I were beautiful I could at least be making a profit off this. (Just kidding.)
Anyway, so the other day (weekend) I woke up as if something had woke me up ‘from the inside’. And I felt really… odd. Great. But… different. I realized — just about the time I realized that Pazyryk was “with me” rather strongly — that what I felt was overwhelmed with sexual energy.
Now this might not seem unusual, waking up being such a nice time and all, but it wasn’t like that. It was as if every single cell in my body was feeling sexually aroused. It was frustrating, because aside from that one O So Special part of the body, you really can’t get sensitive pleasure as feedback to any other place! My elbows and some general cells an inch down were as interested as probably my liver was, or whatever. But I was
Read the full article at Waking Up to Pazyryk
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/waking-up-to-pazyryk/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 I attempted to do a med on Nero and my body last night but it just didn’t happen. Then I attempted to do one on why Pazyryk asked me why my legs wouldn’t talk to him, and the sudden perception I had when he said that, that I was standing right on the edge of this giant rounded canyon I was afraid of falling into so I stepped back quickly. I didn’t really get that done either, but did pray about it for a bit, I just spaced out in the middle of that is all. This morning I attempted to continue that, though I don’t feel I got anywhere.
Then I talked with IG. I realized for a moment, that the more aware I get, the more I will realize that letting IG drive these efforts is always the ideal meditation decision. I told her I saw this, but that I like the happy delusion that I have some clue WTF is going on which I only get when I say what I want to work on.
I considered asking her to drive a brief med before work, and then thought with some inner whining, but I never have ‘tangibility’ with her meds. Then I ‘remembered’ a zillion meds she has driven that have been the most perceptual/tangible meds I’ve done, and realized that just because SOME of them, I don’t do so well with–probably because it’s stuff I really need and I don’t yet relate well to it–I’ve
Read the full article at IG med Dec01
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/ig-med-dec01/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.12.01 When updating tags/categories, I found this draft from December 1, 2010. Thought I’d publish it.
After the Senior introduced me to the consortium for the first time, once I was finally able to work with a couple of them just a little, I had a session with Nero and Inner Guide, inside the Tower with The Four.
July 2006 …the last major visible issue was this really big heavy all-metal knife that was in his back but down toward the lower right side a bit. I worked carefully on getting it out of him without pain, and then decided when I breathed and counted to 3 I would totally “let go of the part of myself that is that knife” and transmute the now-seems-separate energy into gold light at the same time. To my astonishment when I did this, it was a totally body-rocking amazing rush of buzzing energy.
More recently (last year or two) I had this note, from a talk with Nero:
And what do you work with me on again? (I felt myself ‘resisting’ and ‘blocking’ in the lower right of my torso. I can’t explain how/why I felt it there but I knew I wouldn’t be able to “hear” him if he told me. I felt as if he ‘changed tactics’ upon us mutually realizing this.)
I just recently realized how odd that is, that twice, years apart and forgotten, I have specifically seen some ‘issue’ related to him and that specific portion of my body.
Read the full article at Nero in My Body
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/nero-in-my-body/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.29 I intended to do a different meditation. I was talking to IG about Nero and why I thought there was some connection between him and the lower right torso area of my body. I wondered aloud if it’s possible that my body is literally ‘composed of’ my Aeons somehow, as much as my reality might be. Perhaps not so simply as a leg or liver, probably some hideously complex thing of lipids and enzymes and hormones and acids so they are all present in every square inch…
But something about turning my attention to my body must have set me off. From seemingly out of nowhere, I started sobbing helplessly to her about my body and its bizarre ‘survival’ element of staying about the same huge size regardless of what I eat or don’t.
It doesn’t matter to me that this is actually normal. That the best experts in the country support that this is the way it is and people should just accept it and try to be as healthy as they can. That there is no science that says how to fix it. That all the feel-good just-eat-less crap has zero relationship to the severely torqued metabolic processes of anybody who is already huge. It doesn’t matter that allegedly it happens or it doesn’t (losing weight past the 160# I lost already) and nobody knows why.
I’m not dealing with objective reality here, I’m dealing with subjective reality, and the idea that we can modify our reality via
Read the full article at The Why of Fat
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/the-why-of-fat/
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.29 
You’ve had my energy ‘open’ as you call it, for a long time, he told me. We’ve worked through a good deal. I realize he’s right. I began to meditate on this more than once and didn’t. It throws me, that you’re just a guy, I say. I’m getting to understand that tarot are each a truly massive, amazing quantity of energy and perspective. To see you as the archetype just a young man in blue jeans is kind of brain crunching.
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.28 I feel as if most of two months ‘off’ meditating is something I really needed. Like I was ‘overtraining’, spiritually. The arrival of the Largers in me really kicked my ass. I feel so much better now. Like I am ready for a new cycle.
I think I actually dreamed I blogged something that I didn’t, very recently, since I find no trace of it. By the time I realized I had not ‘really’ blogged it, it was too late and I’d forgotten it. That’s kinda funny.
As I was told to simply give them names, I have named the three Largers. Dominon (dahm’-ee-non), Pazyryk (Pa-zsur’-ik), and Rahleon (rah-lee’-on). The first one’s name sounds a little like what I’d come up with originally that I got laughed at for, sort of. And to me has some of the big/dominating element. The second is the name of an ancient people that the aspect of him I see, seems like he could be from. And the third is just a made up word, for the sun and a lion, which is a little of how I perceive him.
My sex drive has pretty much tripled from the time of their arrival. I thought it was some weird phase that would pass but it’s been a couple of months and it hasn’t yet. It’s almost shocking. And since I’m single it’s a little bit frustrating of course. My physical energy in general is slightly higher as well, though not so much that I
Posted by Palyne on 2010.11.11 I’ve been meaning to meditate on bugs–never mind why, it was suggested to me internally–for quite a long time now. I keep putting it off. In fact it’s hard to think of anything I seem to have more resistance to (aside from a horrible Knight of Wands med long ago).
I understand that bugs symbolically (and literally, at the energetic level) represent the things we repress, deny, avoid, and reject. I have run into them en masse enough in previous meditations to get that they are kind of like unintegrated energy at the granular level. None of this intellectual understanding helps me deal with it any better.
I get constant reminders. I mean really obvious things. I can be in an area with no visible bugs and one will literally scurry right up to me and LOOK at me. I am not making this up. This has happened enough times that I have given up calling it coincidence. And then I ignore it, and something else occurs.
I lay down in bed, look up and there is a spider literally hovering a few feet above my head. I was supposed to do the med the other day, and I refused to do it, went out to feed the cats, and found an unusually giant male black widow spider floating in their water dish. Not like I’m saying any of these things on their own are a big deal right, but in 10+ years living here it’s a first for each
Read the full article at Jungian Quickies
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/jungian-quickies/
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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