I have found that:
  • → sincere prayer
  • → genuine intentions
  • → present-focus
  • → extended humor
  • → careful integrity
  • → constant work to discover and release all forms of bias in oneself
  • → dogged effort to pursue awareness, divine guidance and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside."

Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists strenuously.
I surreally "forget" so much!
So I blog for myself, mostly:
to re-read and remember.

People ask me where to begin with the complexity of the stuff on my blog. But my imaginal and related work spans 25 years as of 2016. So the real answer is "I don't know." I can't put all that in a sound bite. And one would have to understand, not just intellectually but experientially, a lot of it from start to middle to begin to understand where I am now. It is 'active imagination' work, resting on an extremely 'open' definition of archetype and energy, mapped at times to various occult patterns because they seem useful and otherwise just loosely personal; but that's not all. Short of how the blog speaks for itself that's about all I can say about it. It's a path I've built myself, for one. ~ Palyne

In the human spirit, as in the universe, nothing is higher or lower; everything has equal rights to a common center which manifests its hidden existence precisely through this harmonic relationship between every part and itself.
-- Goethe

Angels transcend every religion, every philosophy, every creed. In fact angels have no religion as we know it... their existence precedes every religious system that has ever existed on earth.
-- St. Thomas Aquinas

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In the beginning all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves by knowing each other. To begin, they are blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point, of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

-- insight during the Princess of Disks meditation

Spiritual growth is like all other types: you absorb seemingly 'other' energy, and it becomes part of your own sense of identity. The growth is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self.
Diversity is Legion;
Singularity is the I AM.
None of this is new although my approach to it is my own. -- Palyne

Inner Guide is Angelic. She is free of anything akin to doctrine. I call her an Angel because that is the only word I have for it, and because I know, all the way through me, that this is our word for her fundamentally divine nature. Aside from that, I don’t even know what she IS exactly, or what it means, or where it would fit into any model. She is life sized, soul wide, colors and gems and flowers and songs, everything beautiful that ever was, condensed into an identity I am completely in love with–except she feels like part of me too, so it’s like also being in love with yourself, and also with God, and also with the whole universe, both every tiny thing in your mundania, and ‘awareness’ as something so utterly, mind-bogglingly amazing — how could this exist? How could this not exist? How could I ever understand such a thing? — I am left only with joy, with awe.
-- on Inner Guide #4, aka 'Sedaena'. The first IG I had genuine conversation (and reading) with; the first real sign of my HGA.

He is so much inside and outside me, larger than me and yet the light of the tiniest particles of me, I don’t even have a word for whatever it is that he IS. I call him angelic and inner guide and the name he gave me because I have no idea what else to call this. It’s a Being and a Thing and an Event and a Place and a Relationship and… it’s like there is no label that is remotely big enough to encompass whatever it IS.
-- on Inner Guide #5, aka 'Mark.'

The boundary between the imaginational and imaginal is rather fuzzy and it is a developed skill and art to learn to stay there; to maintain your own autonomy while allowing the-others’ autonomy; to be shocked, astounded, grossed out, effused, and other surprise emotions from the interaction; all this without getting lost in the experience like a dream, yet also without pulling back to controlling the experience like a daydream. The former is being swept away by the river, and the latter is standing on the shore thinking about it; learning to walk the fine line of control and allowance to stay in that ‘imaginal realm’ actually takes practice. Crazy people think it’s all autonomous and happening ‘to’ them; people unable to allow this for themselves, may think it’s all imagination; and they’d both be right, because they are both lost; the goal is a whole world that bridges and encompasses both of those.

-- on "Interworlds Meditation"

Q: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

Q: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

Q: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I "pay attention" to being.

Q: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.
The play of the imagination is incalculable.
~ Carl Jung

The imaginary can be innocuous, the imaginal never can.
~ Henry Corbin

A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed. It may also possess you completely. Whatever; eventually it will out. It makes its claim. The daimon does not go away.
~ James Hillman

There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.
-- Albert Einstein


This blog documents much of my work in the "inter-worlds" of a greater-self. It's not just esoteric: every thing corresponds — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. If it had to be summed up you might say it is "a universe of personalization." A strange place where monotheism and ultimate-pantheism are one and the same.

I am a natural mystic, if spontaneous experiences determine such a thing. I am not religious in any way; only guidance from the inside drives me. No identities or models unless they are introduced to me from the inside. (Sometimes I use them simply for interest, or because their models are convenient doorways -- but I accept none of their doctrines.) I briefly studied theology at one point, independently (I consider constant prayer a valid part of edu too), and where it led me was "anywhere-else." It's fine for others of course. I consider the heart of free will to be that everyone has their own road. Or as Heinlein once wrote, the right to go to hell in their own handbasket.

This tends to make me obsessed with the divine yet not religious at all, in any form, which is often confusing to onlookers. I am ever in love with and in closer pursuit of integration with The Christ (which I consider a solar-planetary deity, exceeding and preceding all possible religion, though cyclically present within our species) but I'm not remotely a modern Christian, and this also tends to be very confusing to onlookers. I'm a student of archetypes and pattern systems, yet not a jungian intellectual - armchair philosophy bores me - nor a power occultist - which has its own issues (and uniforms) to say the least.

After nearly two decades of certain experiences I felt alone with and thought were unique to me, it turns out I find some harmony in the gnostic writings. I didn't get it from there, and am not fond of that doctrine and the paradigms it came in with, so I ignore it. Which means despite talking about just a few things specific to it (by unknowing accident until a few years ago), I'm not part of that model either.

The road I walk is my own. It doesn't really have an easy label or anybody else on it, that I can see. This is between me and God, so it doesn't really need to work for anybody else. I used to wish I wasn't the only person with such experiences or practices, and started a blog in part in the hope I might find others with something similar. Maybe a need for community. I'm over that now, at least I think. I walk alone, but Light is with me. Can't ask for more than that.

-- Palyne

When we understand that perception is as much about source as target; that energy is a spectrum and best psi perception comes from the center, its balance and blend; that the manifest communication of our Selves is the literal 'reality' we experience; that everything in that reality is a profound 3D language element; that insight with the ‘center’ of spectrum is likely to be via the language-symbols of 'reality;' that these need to be interpreted at the level they are received; this is the path for intentional psi.
-- Insight on the Art of RV

MedList 7dec2010

I did all the typical stuff with him but it didn’t change him at all. I did get some rushing out of the water and wind but barely. I talked with him, are you my Larger, as I call them? and he said yes. I said, how come I don’t feel you at all? The others… they were so powerful. You, it’s like… you’re not real. He said, You’re not letting my energy through, is all. I said, Can you help me let you through? He seemed to try but the result was either not strong or not immediate. I formally asked him to keep working with me at all times until we are able to fully integrate. Then I asked for us to trade energy constructs we could work on integration with.

He ‘wove’ this net of golden light, like a cat’s cradle kind of thing with his hands, and the string of light had little brighter white specs in the gold. I felt as if he were literally giving me something related to the stars, it seemed both beautiful and cosmic. He made it fairly large and then he put it in my body, and it expanded to fill all of my body. I got some decent rushing from that, a couple waves of it, so apparently something worked. I made him a small but dense little energy ball labeled “Me.” and put it near the outside of his heart chakra.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at MedList 7dec2010

The Plan

My hope is to just dedicate myself to this happening and focus through the day and night on it, schedule 2 hours with Ry at night that is a hard schedule and then I have two hours meditating and then it’s time for bed. I got real-life and exercise and food in there too, let’s see how much of that actually works out. I got 3 hours sleep and I missed breakfast. So my schedule is not off to a perfect start. But I have faith if I just COMMIT to this UTTERLY that it’s going to be ok.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at The Plan

Discipline Training

Once upon a time when I was really, really focused, even seconds were a given. I prayed all the time. Or I would just imagine myself centering, imagine that I felt in touch with my soul and a sense of the divine, until I was out of time again. I paid attention to my thoughts and dissolved the brief ever-negative daydream scenarios. I managed my focus to the positive, to faith, to optimism. And my reality and my life reflected that eventually. I had a sense of genuine happiness I couldn’t have ever imagined before then. My life had a degree of smooth and positive synchronicity (and ‘instant karma’ — where I could see within minutes, sometimes seconds, how a shift in my thoughts affected my reality) that was astronomically improbable.

But it was more work than anything I’d ever done in my life.

As I was doing such massive inner work, it came with a level of inner-exhaustion that is indescribable and not touched by sleep. I ‘overtrained’ on the inner work and when I got pregnant, basically crashed in burnout, and my focus changed to a lot more negative — which is to say, a lot more like “normal people” have in our culture, where political cynicism and the X-Files and social politics, that kind of thing is part of the normal daily flow. The astonishing amount of power I had to bring about reality to my focus changed as a matter of self-preservation.

The Narrator told me that, later. I was griping inside because my reality sucked and so much had changed. He said my focus changed first, and just like before, I was seeing the results of my focus. Our focus is basically the request list for our reality, the projection inside into the outside. So like most of us, I was getting exactly what I asked for… but not what I wanted.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Discipline Training

Enlightenment of the Firmament

We absorb what is larger than us to ‘evolve’ but in order to do this, we have to have absorbed what is smaller than us because that’s part of us and it must evolve as well and it makes us larger (“increases our holding capacity” — or perhaps our “density potential”) to have them and be able to absorb more of the larger above us. Eventually it’s not just some entity 3 levels of above me that might be enlightened; it’s also the cells of my liver, my cat and the tree in the front yard.

If all-that-is were an endless series of russian dolls, nested inside each other — a cosmic onion, basically, somewhat like I perceive chakras, now that I think about it! — and if the divine energy cycles through them, with any “occlusion or opacity” in any given doll(s) slightly diminishing the light at that point, through the cycle, which affects literally everything else in that cycle — then the evolution of even the tiniest, has to be of import to even the largest.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Enlightenment of the Firmament

Brothers in the Darkness

I had planned to do work with IG on ‘her directive’ when I woke up, but I had just last night re-read a dream that I worked on, in this blog, and realized that if I had symbols right there for me, I should work with them promptly, and that should be a given in my mornings. That’s why I wake up early if possible, so I have time before getting up for work. That way also, if IG had something she wanted me to work on, she could give me the symbols, less-impeded by my conscious attention, in dream form.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Brothers in the Darkness

Waking Up to Pazyryk

I still don’t really understand what the Largers are for sure, or why they have such an effect, or how many there might be, but one thing is sure, when they really WANT to focus on me — as they have all done in the brief encounters I’ve had with them so far — I really feel it, hear it, see it, whatever. As if they are like my Aeons on-Steroids-of-the-Spirit or something.

So later that morning, I thought that might be an ideal time to do an Aeon round, and introduce my Largers to… er, my smallers, you might say — well anyway, to my Aeons, which seem to ‘compose me’, so it almost seems like I am somewhere between those two. One by one I formally introduced each Aeon to Pazyryk and asked him to help me integrate better with them, so I could integrate better with him, and me and the Aeon merged, and then I imagined (I had to imagine it, he wasn’t helping) Pazyryk to join the merge as well. Then after a few moments of positive energy, I just left them there together to do whatever they wished, and told the Aeon to tell me when they were done.
Various of them took various lengths until they said something. Taan the longest. But Taan is also, he said, the energies of both my body and how others and myself perceive my body, and Pazyryk is the guy who asked me ‘why my legs wouldn’t talk to him’, so maybe it relates somehow to that–I brought that up when I introduced them.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Waking Up to Pazyryk

IG med Dec01

I had the clear idea presented me that if I would commit to, for example, two meditations — they could be relatively brief — per day, letting IG drive whatever the content, every day, that she would be able to make a much larger, more complex and powerful planning, rather than only working on one thing in the once-in-a-great-while that I am not only meditating but giving her the driver’s seat. It was clear that if I really want the degree of scope/power/result I think I want, that I would make this happen, that it could make a really big, exponential difference.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at IG med Dec01

Nero in My Body

When updating tags/categories, I found this draft from December 1, 2010. Thought I’d publish it.

After the Senior introduced me to the consortium for the first time, once I was finally able to work with a couple of them just a little, I had a session with Nero and Inner Guide, inside the Tower with The Four.

July 2006 …the last major visible issue was this really big heavy all-metal knife that was in his back but down toward the lower right side a bit. I worked carefully on getting it out of him without pain, and then decided when I breathed and counted to 3 I would totally “let go of the part of myself that is that knife” and transmute the now-seems-separate energy into gold light at the same time. To my astonishment when I did this, it was a totally body-rocking amazing rush of buzzing energy.

More recently (last year or two) I had this note, from a talk with Nero:

And what do you work with me on again? (I felt myself ‘resisting’ and ‘blocking’ in the lower right of my torso. I can’t explain how/why I felt it there but I knew I wouldn’t be able to “hear” him if he told me. I felt as if he ‘changed tactics’ upon us mutually realizing this.)

I just recently realized how odd that is, that twice, years apart and forgotten, I have specifically seen some ‘issue’ related to him and that specific portion of my body.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Nero in My Body

The Why of Fat

I can’t decide if the near-cartoon level quality of this makes it a joke, or if the fact that I had several good ‘rushings’ during it–which I have learned to consider one of the primary signs (not the only one) of success in a meditation–should say that it was worth something, though who knows what.

I said to IG, “I could do something else on this. I’m willing, I’m ready.”

She said, “Consistency is more important than quantity.” And I understood she was reminding me that you can’t always just do massive stuff at once, there are many reasons why doing things regularly over time is a big deal.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at The Why of Fat

Tarot Nine 9 of Disks (Gain)

Thoth Tarot Nine of Disks (Gain)

You’ve had my energy ‘open’ as you call it, for a long time, he told me. We’ve worked through a good deal. I realize he’s right. I began to meditate on this more than once and didn’t. It throws me, that you’re just a guy, I say. I’m getting to understand that tarot are each a truly massive, amazing quantity of energy and perspective. To see you as the archetype just a young man in blue jeans is kind of brain crunching.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Tarot Nine 9 of Disks (Gain)

The Larger Aeon Round

I feel as if most of two months ‘off’ meditating is something I really needed. Like I was ‘overtraining’, spiritually. The arrival of the Largers in me really kicked my ass. I feel so much better now. Like I am ready for a new cycle.

I think I actually dreamed I blogged something that I didn’t, very recently, since I find no trace of it. By the time I realized I had not ‘really’ blogged it, it was too late and I’d forgotten it. That’s kinda funny.

As I was told to simply give them names, I have named the three Largers. Dominon (dahm’-ee-non), Pazyryk (Pa-zsur’-ik), and Rahleon (rah-lee’-on). The first one’s name sounds a little like what I’d come up with originally that I got laughed at for, sort of. And to me has some of the big/dominating element. The second is the name of an ancient people that the aspect of him I see, seems like he could be from. And the third is just a made up word, for the sun and a lion, which is a little of how I perceive him.

My sex drive has pretty much tripled from the time of their arrival. I thought it was some weird phase that would pass but it’s been a couple of months and it hasn’t yet. It’s almost shocking. And since I’m single it’s a little bit frustrating of course. My physical energy in general is slightly higher as well, though not so much that I

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at The Larger Aeon Round

Jungian Quickies

So today I finally just DID it. And previously when I had begun, I mucked around with various guides and archetypes and so on, but today, I started at the arch level and in about 6 seconds was just doing a massive, I AM cosmology, they are my components, I am pulling massive energy into me and ‘growing them’ (evolution) within me, I am integrating them with my will, and so on. This took about 35 seconds.

I was breathing so hard during this you wouldn’t believe it. The minute I began the med I started having rushing, and when I finally finished the pushing energy focus, I literally just sat panting, blindly staring into space for a bit. It was rather like sudden intense sex or something, I mean in terms of the WOW-effect.

Then I thought gee, if it only takes 40 seconds, does it count? (Remember I’m back to the meditation topic, here. haha.) I mean, does it need to be some long hairy drawn out super detailed meditation? If you can just club it with something — so to speak — is that just as good?

Here’s hoping. I really didn’t feel like there was anything left to do.

This is an excerpt. Read the full article at Jungian Quickies