Consciously I want to evolve.
My ego resists and I forget.
I blog, re-read, remember.
So I blog for me, mostly.
I have found that:
- → sincere and regular prayer
- → genuinely good intentions
- → present-focus, "interest"
- → extended sense of humor
- → honesty, sharing, healing
- → constant work to discover and release bias in oneself
- →
dogged (to the extreme) effort to pursue awareness and understanding
Leads a person to "interactive insight from the inside." We only grok by going through. Spiritual growth is like all others: you absorb, become aware, and via love (sympathetic rapport and desire to become or absorb) and will (directed intent), that energy becomes part of your singular sense of identity. The 'growth' is in awareness, and with that comes power which is always over Self. Diversity is Legion; Singularity is the I AM. None of this is new or unique. It's simply "unconscious and slow" for most people. I figure I can't help doing it, so I would rather do it well than badly. Darkness is not of the Nothingness. It is not the opposite of light, as it only exists within the realm of light itself. Darkness is just something-ness lacking color. The universe is fundamentally of light, and darkness fails to hold dominance and fails to understand why: its nature precludes it: awareness itself makes all identities children of the light.
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Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.20 I’ve been thinking about my offbeat driving interest in objectifying the Aeons outside of me. It’s really funny how often this comes to mind for me. I’ve been wondering what I could do to represent them on a variety of custom jewelry for example. I have various spontaneous desires to do like ANYTHING that would ‘embody’ them — now there is a funny, kind of literal word — in my reality. It actually crossed my mind that I could make some kind of design in cross-stitch. I don’t even DO cross-stitch nor do I have any real interest in doing this, so that was just hilarious.
I suspect that Nero would say that objectifying desire is one way of interpreting some underlying energy/emotion I am not that clear on. (Great. I don’t even need to question whether his talking to me is my imagination or not anymore, apparently; now I just imagine what he MIGHT say and skip the actual conversation altogether!)
I have repeatedly wondered if there is some way that I could symbolically represent each one, much like how Ithikah has a ‘symbol’ I feel in my body instead of a picture I perceive.
Would it need to be a shape they ‘felt’ was right?
Is there any existing “system of 12″ — given that common number/grouping historically — I could assign them to?
Shapes?
Elements?
Would just initials work?
What about Hot-something since I still can’t quite get the rest of his name? (It starts with an
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.19 After a morning meditation where I met/merged with the Consortium one by one then The Four in the Tower, I thought I’d come talk to PO again.
Me: Um. Are you there?
PO: Of course.
Me: I don’t know what to ask suddenly.
PO: Genuinely wanting to know something is a big part of manifesting the answer.
(I spent the next 10-15 minutes with various pieces of movies running through my head that I re-experienced almost scene by scene. Several from ‘Anna and the King’. No idea why.)
I’m nearly asleep when I see a small hardback book lying on the ground in a picture in my head. I imagine picking it up. It says, ‘For You’ on the faded cover.
Later (spacing out a bit) I open the book. It seems like this part is… news? Oil… something about the Indies… I move on.
“What do I most need to know?” I ask, and then open the book at random. But I can’t read the page.
I see myself dipping my fingers, up to the hand, in a tank of water. I don’t know what this means.
I see an oxygen mask on me and there is some audiovideo clip about the thinness of air and I suddenly realize my asthma is so severe it’s ridiculous and I’ve tuned it out. I’m wheezing in 58-part harmony, with a significant baritone section, it’s scary. I use the inhaler, and the kid comes to show me a picture she drew, and
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.18 Recently I keep finding myself having to drag myself out of negative daydreams or thought patterns. Today, frustrated, I asked myself, “What do I have to DO to STOP this horrible habit?!”
“Just stop,” some part of me advised mildly.
“Oh yeah, easy to SAY,” I griped. “I mean, I feel like I want it, I need it, I really want to focus on something in my mind like that, I want to put energy into it. Honestly it’s like being 80% of the way along in masturbation and then deciding to stop. The energy is ‘driving’ by then and you don’t WANT to stop. If I wasn’t daydreaming, what else could I be doing?”
I had a flash of visuals arrive, along with some shapes (suggesting Ithikah in there somewhere), and something scrolling, and everything was an example of “what else it could be.” Basically — I have an entire, rich “inner landscape” of Aeons, aspects, Archetypes, IG, the Four, various Teks, outer guides, private Oracle, but I’m the one bitching about how if some juvenile power-trip daydream weren’t in my head, well my poor head would just be empty and lacking anything else to do.
It occurred to me that in daydreams, that is one way humans have learned to intentionally focus, shape thoughtforms, and put emotion into them. So when we have some energy to pour into ourselves, we tend to use it in that model. It’s just that many of us apparently have dark habits with
Read the full article at Temptation
http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/temptation/
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.16 I’ve been sick with asthma, allergies, cold symptoms, for over six weeks. Longest I have ever been sick in my life. Mind you it’s not bad for most of that, it’s just annoying and saps my energy to do much of anything. The problem is that off and on, I’ve been eating terribly. Pizza will give me asthma for days. Bread and pasta will give me major asthma for 1-2 days. Junk food (fast food, packaged food) with gluten will make it even worse. The less energy I have the less I feel like cooking and cleaning, so this becomes a sort of downward spiral.
Because my eating the last couple weeks has been terrible–all of those things–by last night I had realized that even my Albuterol inhaler was failing to clear up my lungs more than about 50%. My breathing sounded frightening, as it has for a long time, but especially because I’d eaten a bunch of pumpernickel bread with fresh garlic cheese spread just earlier. Even with the inhaler it’d be a miracle if I breathed much during sleep (I have such sleep apnea anyway), and by morning my asthma would be bad enough to make me sound like a Darth Vader choir. Again.
Some kind of self-destructive, I am.
**
As far as ‘physical representations’ of the Aeons go, I’ve spent more time on LaeLee than any of the others. Maybe than all of the others.
The problem is, there is a picture, a painting actually, that
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.15 I have taken up ‘observing my focus’ for the last several days. I’ve done this before, and I am noticing the same things now that I have in those times.
* My god. Do I spend THAT much time daydreaming, even while doing other things?
* Must daydreams always involve some element of power, control, violence, ego or other negative? (Even the positives are couched in negative situations.)
* Why does my biochemistry crave the daydream elements like a drug?
* Is there no end to the amount of totally retarded crap that runs through my head that has no purpose whatsoever, like some mental flotsam from immediate experience?
* Why does spontaneous experience (e.g. while driving down the road) invariably present some negative situational daydream?
* Why is it so difficult to maintain ‘awareness’ so these thought processes can be observed and altered more often and sooner?
So when I realize I have a thought process which is, shall we say, “unproductive”, I imagine the energy of it splitting, so any ‘manifestation-level’ energy pulls off then is super-granulated and cleansed, then it is free to be used elsewhere. Then I imagine that I (via Will) cleanse and upgrade and brighten the energy composing all the rest of it. And then it’s ok to re-absorb it, via my solar plexus.
The problem with ‘awareness’ is that if I ‘get aware’ spontaneously about 20 times, I usually have to do the whole release, cleanse, upgrade process 19-20 times. In
Posted by Palyne on 2009.11.14 I’ve been watching the show Stargate SG-1 with the kid, via hulu.com (Its Name Be Praised, thanks to free sci-fi). So that means when I sleep, and before and after, and now-and-then, some % of my brain operating independently in multitasking is actually thinking about the plotlines, the philosophy, and so forth. That’s normal for me. That’s one reason I never let a dilemma in a show go unresolved, like not watching the end (or not finishing a book) — because my brain will spend days or longer attempting to work out the ‘why’ in every level of altered state. It’s the Virgo-troubleshooter version of ‘nature abhors a vaccuum’ — my mind cannot abide a problem unsolved, apparently.
Getting to the point:
Once it was clear that neither IG nor the tower would be introducing me to any further ‘Aeons’ for the Consortium, leaving me with 12 (I thought it might end up with 16 but I guess not), I rearranged them into a circle that I perceive as ‘around me’ or like a ring. They had a say in this; I don’t know why the arrangement is like it is, and Nero suggested it didn’t have super deep/important meaning–but that it does have some.
I keep that image on my desktop and sometimes I notice trivial stuff about it. Like that Ithikah and Hot Amanakhaton are at the top and bottom, or front and back depending on how you look at it, and I can’t
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Reality = Physiology = Psychology = Spirituality = Cosmology = Geometry = Number = Sound = Form There is no difference.  Posts  Comments Identity is an arbitrary collection of consciousness assigned a title. My work is not just study; it's prayer, it's mental techniques, it's life habits. It's not just about inner worlds; discipline and physical environment matter. It's not just spiritual; my body and world is part of it. It's not just esoteric; everything corresponds integrally — the mundane, the arcane, the divine. It's not just an '-ology'; my own identity, body, reality, psyche is key to it all. The only tenets of truth I hold are based on personal experience.This effort has spanned my life, but not until ~1994 did it become intentional, not 'til late '00s did it become fairly 'serious'. I've gone through many models and philosophies over time, but now I've none except what experience teach me. I am ever the student, but I've reached a point of "fluency" and "internal guidance" where I don't care about labels or other peoples' paradigms.
CATEGORIES on this blog are extensive and nested. Most everything that matters or repeats much has a category.
The TAGS are just minor notes of reference trivia. They are usually a rare experience, or an observation about something I read.
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